by Gaia Octavia
Emit’s mood had soured since last night. I knew he was barely hanging on to hope at this point, but I encouraged him to keep his mind open and not to give in to despair before he had reason to. I don’t know if it helped, but I hoped it did. As the settlement came into view, his jaw tightened. I stayed quiet but put my hand on his shoulder for a moment as we walked.
“We’ve got this, Em,” I said quietly.
He stopped walking.
I stopped a few steps after him, turning to look at him.
“Jade.”
It was all he said for a long time. I could see the words on his tongue, the desperate need to let them loose, but he sighed a deep sigh before walking the few steps to catch up to me. He didn’t say anything as he placed both of his hands on my shoulders and held my gaze. It felt like we stood there forever, but eventually, he took a breath.
“Promise me that we’ll talk later,” he said softly, “really talk.”
I kept looking at him but couldn’t bring myself to answer.
“I can’t have this thing between us, Jade. I can’t have anything between us. We need each other.”
I nodded my head in agreement.
Because he was right.
“So promise me, Jade,” he said again.
I didn’t really know where this was all going, but I knew that I didn’t like where we’d been the last few weeks, so I found myself nodding again.
“Promise,” I answered.
Emit smiled and turned to put his arm around my shoulders. I linked mine over his as well and we continued walking toward the settlement, both of us quiet but still connected and at peace in each other’s embrace.
⸙
We walked around the outside edge of the settlement, passing children playing a game of catch-me, laughing and squealing as their friends ran behind them with their arms outstretched. People here seemed happy enough. Families were busy about their camps while a group of older women sat smiling at the edge of a small field where they watched the children play.
Emit had been quiet since the night before. I knew it was hard for him each time we came to a settlement, only to find his family wasn’t among its people. But I would keep him going until we found them. Though he was struggling not to give up, I knew I wasn’t ever going to let him. Even if part of me was terrified about what finding them would mean for me. I put my hand on his shoulder for just a moment, letting him know that I was still there as we continued along the edges of the camps.
The cacophony of voices and sounds seemed to rise as my stomach gurgled at the mixture of meaty aromas from the cook fires. It was barely noon, but I figured families must be getting the night’s meal started.
“Emit!” A voice called.
Emit froze and my heart stopped as I turned to look in the direction the exclamation had come from.
“Emit!” The voice screamed, closer now.
He turned, and I watched as a slight, yellow-haired girl barreled into Emit at full force, almost knocking him over.
“Sheen?”
Emit looked at me as if checking that he wasn’t hallucinating. I nodded, confirming that I too saw the girl. I remembered Emit mentioning his girlfriend from camp and knew it must be her.
“Oh gods, Emit!”
The girl half-laughed, half-cried his name as she squeezed him so hard, I wondered if Emit’s lungs had enough room to expand and replace the air he’d lost from her second embrace.
Luckily, the girl pulled back a little before she asked, “How?”
Emit still seemed to be in shock but he managed one word as he met my eyes.
“Jade.”
She followed his gaze, only just seeming to realize that I was standing there with them–mute and slightly embarrassed. She opened her mouth to speak to me but I heard a commotion and turned to see a man, woman, and young boy running toward us, knocking things over as they went because their eyes never left Emit’s face. Emit looked too and I saw a tidal wave of relief and joy flood him as his eyes filled with tears.
“Ma,” he whispered.
Emit moved away from the girl as I stepped back to allow room for his family to embrace him. All three of them wrapped their arms around him for a long time. The only sounds around us now were those of joyful tears and murmurs of love. My heart leapt for Emit. The moment he had been waiting years for, the moment he had been terrified was never going to happen, was here.
And he was loved.
I thought about leaving for a while, since he was obviously overcome with emotion and had a lot of catching up to do with his family. But as I began to make my way toward the market we’d passed, I saw Emit’s head pop up over his family and search around until he spotted me. I saw what almost looked like relief in his eyes and was surprised to see him untangle himself from his family’s grasp and jog over to me.
“Jade?” He asked.
I knew what his question meant.
“I wasn’t leaving you, Em. I was just going to give you some time with your family.”
Emit reached out and took my arm.
“You are family, Jade,” he said simply, leading me back to the small group of people who surrounded us as soon as we reached them.
⸙
I sat in his family’s tent, picking at the food his mother had given us. She’d said Emit and I looked too hungry to wait for evening meal and made us each a plate of cold, cooked meat and raw vegetables before handing us each a large tankard of cool, crisp water. Emit had been right; I’d never tasted vegetables as amazing as the ones his mother had picked special for us from her garden. Even if I wasn’t in the mood for them.
I sat a bit off to the side, not feeling comfortable enough to sit at the crowded table with everyone, but hopefully close enough so as not to be rude. I watched Emit as he talked with his family and a group of people from his old camp who I’d been introduced to at some point. His little brother Tad, who had turned nine while Emit was away, had been sitting so close to him that Emit ended up pulling him onto his lap and pressing a kiss to the top of his head as the boy clutched him around his neck.
He talked about the giant croc we saw, leaving out the part about what we’d been doing quite near it, of course, and of how he had learned to trap and track and navigate. His eyes would meet mine every now and then and he would smile. I would return the smile and go back to pretending to eat my food.
My stomach was in knots, but I figured if I continued picking at the food, it would seem like I was too busy eating to talk. It was a stupid idea, but I hadn’t had a better one. Other than running out of the tent. I caught Emit’s mother staring at me every now and then and felt my cheeks flush as she smiled and pretended that we’d just happened to meet each other’s eyes. I had no idea what she was thinking about me and it made me nervous as hell.
When Emit began to tell them about how I’d saved him from the raider camp and everyone turned to look at me, I couldn’t take it anymore and cleared my throat as I stood, accidentally dumping the plate of food I had on my lap onto the ground.
“I, oh,” I said, squatting down as I scrambled to pick up the food, “I’m sorry. This was delicious,” I said stupidly, placing the plate filled with the now-ruined food at the end of the table. “I just. I have to go…somewhere. For a bit. I’ll be back soon,” I said, feeling like a fool.
It took everything in me not to run as I made my way out of the tent.
“Jade!” Emit called as he left the tent and jogged up behind me, “I’m sorry.”
I stopped when he put his hand on my arm and tried to force a smile.
“Really, it’s no problem, Em. I just need a breather. There are…a lot of people in there.”
I placed my hand on his to remove it from my arm. I knew I was running out of time and had to get away.
“Really,” I said again, “go spend time with your family and I’ll be back a bit later.”
“Promise?” He whispered.
His question and his tone surprised me, but I had no t
ime to think about it, so I said, “Promise,” and squeezed his hand before turning to go.
Emit’s hand didn’t let go of mine, so I turned back again to tell him that I just needed some space. As I did, Emit stepped into me and his lips pressed against mine. I didn’t even have time to gasp or even register what was happening before they were gone, and he let go of me.
“You’d better be,” he said softly before turning and jogging back into the tent where his family waited for him.
I stupidly looked around for a moment. I didn’t care if anyone had seen us, I just needed to check that the same world that was there just a moment ago, still was. I took off, running toward the edge of the settlement and didn’t stop until I was well enough into the woods and behind a large rock. As soon as I got there, I vomited–the colors of the vegetables looking garish against the dark earth. I kicked some dirt over them before collapsing against the rock and giving in to the shuddering sobs that had threatened to overtake me back in the tent.
When Emit’s parents had turned to me with looks of gratitude, their deep love for Emit plainly evident on their faces, I’d felt the loss of my family like a stab to my chest. For a moment, I had pictured the faces of my parents. As if I’d been able to come home to them. My little sister on my lap, refusing to let go of me. It was something I’d never allowed myself to think about before and had been too much for me to take. I continued sobbing, rocking back and forth as I held myself, trying to give myself the comfort that I needed from my family more than life itself.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
⸙
EMIT
Returning to my family’s tent, I told everyone the story of how Jade had saved me from the camp, from predators, from berries, and from becoming hopeless during our years of searching for them. I told them about how he’d promised me that he would find them and how he’d never stopped looking–or reminding me that I couldn’t give up. But I didn’t tell them anything about his background or how long he’d been at that camp.
I knew it wasn’t my story to tell.
Everyone from our old camp was thoroughly impressed, asking me to pass on their well-wishes to Jade and welcoming me home once again before leaving me alone with my family. All four of us hugged again, this time laughing instead of crying. Well, Ma was doing both, and then I began helping them clean up. I grabbed the plate Jade had been eating from, noticing that while he’d seemed to be eating the entire time–he hadn’t touched the meat, and more than half of the vegetables still remained on the plate. I scraped the food into the compost outside, glancing around for Jade before returning to the tent.
There had been something in his eyes when he’d left the tent that’d made me run after him. I couldn’t stop remembering his promise to me–that he wouldn’t leave me until we found my family–and I was terrified he was going to disappear. I was still worried about whatever was going on with him, knowing that this was a big change for the both of us and that he must be thinking of his own family. I hadn’t even thought about that before I’d heard Sheena screaming my name. I was so focused on finding my family that I hadn’t even talked to Jade about how it was going to affect him if I did or about what he would do after.
I hadn’t planned on kissing Jade. Especially just outside my family’s tent as other people in the settlement milled about. It wasn’t that I was worried others had seen us, but I hadn’t asked him if he would be. I hadn’t even asked him if he’d wanted to kiss me. My stomach did a nervous twist as I worried if I had done something I could never take back. Something that would throw our friendship even more off-kilter.
“Emit?”
“Yeah, Ma?”
I looked at her, smiling and trying to focus on whatever it was she had just been saying.
“Will Jade be back?”
“Yeah,” I replied, “yeah. He said he’d be back later.”
“Does he–” she began, before starting over, “do you prefer your own tent tonight? Would that make Jade more comfortable? I know of one we can use.”
I smiled at my mother, thanking the gods that she was as attentive and kind as always. I knew she wanted me to stay with her, but I also knew that Jade wouldn’t be able to handle the close quarters. At the very least, he’d be afraid of having a nightmare in front of everyone.
“I think that’d be great, Ma.” I paused. “Jade’s had a really tough go of it,” I said, knowing it didn’t even begin to explain the amount of pain Jade was in.
“He lost his family.”
She stilled.
“He watched them die,” I added quietly.
I trusted Ma and felt like I needed to give her some kind of idea as to what Jade had faced, but I didn’t go into any details. She shook her head and closed her eyes.
“Well,” she said softly, wiping her hands dry on a strip of cotton hanging over the side of a small table, “I guess that just means he’ll have to settle for being part of ours for now.”
I smiled and fought back the tears that were threatening to fill my eyes.
“Well,” I echoed, clearing my throat, “I was really hoping you would say something like that.”
Ma gave me a quick hug and then started handing me blankets and other items as she gathered them from different spots around the tent.
“Okay,” she smiled, “let’s get the tent set up so it’s all set for when he gets back, shall we?”
It didn’t take us long to get the inside of the tent ready. It was only a few tents over from my family’s tent and while it was a lot smaller, it was plenty big enough for us. Ma and I set up two thick pallets with soft, clean blankets. I put the candles she grabbed in a holder and placed it on a small makeshift table between the two beds.
Ma brought a large bowl of clean water for washing, some pieces of cloth for the same purpose, and a thick patchwork fur in case it got colder than usual during the night. She even brought over some bread wrapped in cloth and a large skin of drinking water.
“You thought of everything, Ma.” I smiled. “Thank you.”
We headed back to the family tent and continued to chat, catching up on things we’d missed while we were apart. It was another couple of hours before I spotted Jade during one of my many trips outside to look for him. No one else would have known by looking at him, but from the exhaustion in his eyes, I could tell that he’d been crying.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey,” I murmured, hoping that the kiss hadn’t made him feel uncomfortable around me.
Jade smiled and my worry eased.
“Be back in a second,” I said, running back to my family’s tent.
I came back out holding a tankard and took his arm in mine before walking away from my family’s tent and toward the well in the center of the settlement. If he’d been crying, he would be thirsty by now.
We were both quiet as I dragged the bucket up from the well before filling the tankard and handing it to Jade. I was glad to see him drink it down in large gulps. Once he’d had enough, I finished it off and replaced the bucket.
“Want to go for a walk?” I asked.
“Okay,” he answered quietly.
I took his arm again and he let me. We walked to the edge of the settlement where it was quiet, and we could take our time. I told him how everyone from my old camp had asked after him before leaving us earlier.
“I think you’re the unofficial hero of every family from my old camp,” I joked.
Jade didn’t smile.
“I’m not, you know,” he said, looking to me. “I’m not a hero.”
“You’re mine, Jade,” I said, aware that my statement had two different meanings–both of which I hoped to soon be true. “Like it or not, you’re my hero.”
Jade stopped walking.
“You can’t just say that, Em,” he said testily, “that doesn’t make it true.”
I didn’t say anything back; I hadn’t said it to argue with him.
“I’m a coward,” Jade said matter-of-factly, “I’ve ne
ver done anything that didn’t serve me as well.”
I closed my eyes, saddened by the way Jade saw himself, but I still said nothing and gently led him by the arm to finish our walk before heading back to the tent.
“Are you hungry?” I asked, watching a look of nausea pass through Jade’s eyes before he closed them.
“No,” he said as he swallowed, “I don’t think I can handle another meal.”
“Me either,” I lied, “let’s go grab our packs from the tent. Ma found us a tent of our own to sleep in.”
Jade eyed me–no doubt suspicious that I had said something to make that happen.
“It’s better than cramming everyone into their tent, so I agreed,” I added.
Jade was either too tired to ask questions, or he believed I wouldn’t tell anyone about his nightmares. Either way, he let me lead him to my family’s tent and waited outside while I went to grab our things. Ma was disappointed we weren’t going to be eating with them, but she seemed to understand. I promised her I would be there for evening meal the next night, intentionally making no such promise for Jade, and kissed everyone goodnight. Ma held me for a long time before she let me go, kissing the top of my head before turning swiftly and dabbing at her eyes with her sleeve.
On the way to our tent, I pointed out where the latrines were for our section of the settlement and tried not to drool at the smell of cooked meats wafting over us from multiple directions. Once we got inside, Jade seemed to relax some, but still seemed a bit on edge. I wanted to talk to him about what had happened before he took off earlier but wasn’t sure how to bring it up or if Jade was too mentally exhausted.
Even if he wasn’t, I knew he would choose not to talk about it if I gave him a choice. Instead of being quiet though, he started talking about every inane thing he could think of. I knew what he was doing, but I let him talk, happy enough to be listening to the sound of his voice.
“There’s a really nice stream not too far into the woods from here,” he continued, “it seems shallow enough to swim in. If it’s not storming tomorrow, I’ll probably check it out. I can go alone though, so you can spend more time with your family.”