by Gaia Octavia
His eyes stayed on me as I continued with my experimental touches. Instead of making me self-conscious, the hunger in his eyes made my dick swell with unabashed lust. The only thought in my entire being was more. I needed more. More of Emit’s body, more of his skin, his taste, his warmth. More of our bodies being pressed together, more of bringing each of us into each other’s body. My hands traveled all over his skin but no matter how much of him I touched, I still needed more. I wanted Emit’s eyes off me. Not because I minded them, but because if he could focus enough to watch me, it meant I wasn’t making him feel as good as I wanted to.
I slowly began to unfasten my shirt, the desperate need to feel our naked skin pressed together making my fingers tremble. We’d both seen each other naked many times during our years together as we swam and bathed but somehow, this felt like the first time I was revealing my body to Emit. I watched his tongue slide out, licking his lower lip in an unconscious gesture that had my balls tightening and my breath rapidly responding.
I wanted to lean over and suck his tongue into my mouth. I wanted to make love to that pink, fleshy muscle that had carried Emit’s beautiful words of love to me just minutes before. Still, I hesitated before opening my shirt, suddenly self-conscious about my marred skin. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t seen it many times, but he’d never seen it during a moment of passion. Would he only see my past as he looked at me? Would my body disgust him?
“So beautiful, Jade,” he breathed, “you’re perfect.” He nodded his head almost imperceptibly, letting me know that he was indeed eager to see me.
He had known exactly what I was thinking and in a few short words, had pushed the fear completely out of my head. I wanted to cry. How could Emit be so damn perfect? I leaned over and kissed him, taking my time to savor his lips as I thanked him without words. I loved this man. I may not have said it back to him, but I told him in that kiss.
Sitting back up, I opened my shirt, revealing my chest and abdomen, but I left it on to continue enjoying the stark contrast of our state of undress. I slid my hips down his body a bit before leaning over, pressing our chests together, skin to skin. It took me a moment before I did anything else except close my eyes and let myself feel. As every nerve ending came alive where our bodies met, I heard Emit draw in a shaky breath. I felt his racing, thudding heart tap against my skin.
Had I done that to him?
The thought sent a jolt straight to my cock as I lifted my head, licking the side of his neck where it met his shoulder. Hissing the moment my tongue touched his skin, Emit let out a soft, reverent whimper. The salty tang of his skin was like a drug, filling my mind with visions of all the things I wanted to do to his body to bring him pleasure, of all the places I wanted to taste him. Emit whispered my name, turning his head to allow me better access to his neck.
I playfully nipped the top of his shoulder, feeling his cock jump as he cried out, which caused a warm flutter to start building in my belly. I continued my exploration, allowing my tongue to travel the crease of where his armpit and chest joined, licking my way over his pectoral muscle to the tiny bud that was already raised. His nipple was a darker tone than his skin and such a taught, little temptation. I breathed a hot breath over it before giving it a hard, long lick as if I were an animal lapping water. Emit’s breath sucked in and by the sound of his hiss, I knew that it had been through clenched teeth.
“Gods!” He growled, his head falling back and his eyes rolling into his head as his lids closed around them.
Yes. This was how I wanted Emit.
I licked his nipple once again before taking it in my mouth and swirling my tongue around the raised nub, a moan escaping my own mouth before moving to his other nipple and giving it the same treatment as Emit sucked another breath in through his teeth. My desperate need for more ratcheted at the feeling of having just that tiny piece of him in my body. There was only one thought in my head, but it was there, filling my mind a thousand different ways.
More. More. More.
I needed all of him.
“Fuck, Jade,” he cursed.
Which set my hips grinding a rhythmic dance all on their own, brushing our hardened cocks together through my clothes as my body moved, my tongue continuing to travel down his belly and sides. Finally, I made it to the crease of muscle that ran down along his hip and toward his groin. The one I had been trying so hard, but failing, not to stare at for over a year.
Sliding my body down, I began tracing the line with my hungry tongue, pausing to suck on the spot nearest his hip as he whimpered and moaned my name–the spot quite near his groin soon receiving the same amount of worship. As his cock twitched and his whimpers increased, they soon evolved into incoherent pleas. When I heard Emit begging for the very same thing that I was desperate to give and take, I found myself smiling a wicked grin.
“More. Please.”
His voice had been desperate, almost pained, but I found myself unwilling to give what we both so desperately wanted because I had found myself in the tiny forest of wiry hair that I’d often dreamt of exploring. This was what needed my time and attention, and neither of us would be getting anything further until I was finished giving it just that.
I ran my fingers through it before taking his cock in my hand, gently holding it pressed out of my way. Emit bit back a curse as I leaned to taste him there, rather than turn my attention to his begging cock. My lips were the first to greet his skin, his wiry hairs tickling my nose as I inhaled his musky scent. My tongue was next, blazing a trail through his tiny little forest before I closed my mouth to his skin and sucked.
His stomach drew in as he gasped, seeming to lose his control for a moment as he bucked into my hand.
“Jade, please,” he begged, “I can’t–”
I didn’t allow him to finish his sentence. Something inside of me had been growing and forcing all of my thoughts and fears out of my head, one by one, until all that was left was a hungry need to taste every inch of this man. To make him cry out until he fell apart under me, coming as he desperately called my name. I pushed his thighs farther apart, licking up the crease where his thigh met his groin, causing him to gasp once more before bringing his cock back to its center, not far from my lips.
For a while, I just held there, marveling at it, my eyes drinking in every inch. My lips parted, my hot breaths pouring over his sensitive head. His cock wasn’t as long as mine was, but his length was still impressive, and it definitely had more girth. His soft, yet rigid flesh seemed to pulse under my hand as I gripped his flesh-colored shaft. A thick, purple vein ran the length of it from his base to his darkened, almost purple crown–begging my tongue to trace it while the heat of color surrounding his slit made my mouth water.
“Jade, you don’t have to–” his voice was a pleading whisper, as if those words were the last thing he wanted to be saying.
“Shh,” I interrupted, not wanting him to break the spell.
“But–”
Once again, I didn’t let Emit get any further. He didn’t seem to be learning his lesson, but I certainly didn’t mind teaching it. Licking a slick bead of precum from the tip of his cock before dipping my tongue into his slit, searching for more, I effectively ended the conversation.
“Jade!”
His entire body convulsed underneath me as the taste of him exploded on my tongue.
He tasted sweet and slick and my tongue instantly set about searching for more, savoring the taste that was all his own. Focusing on the head of his cock, my hand still wrapped around his thick length, I began making love to his crown as if it were his beautiful lips–licking and sucking in between my kisses and even playfully, but carefully, teething along the top of his smooth head to milk more of his fluid into my mouth.
“Fuck. Gods. Oh, gods. I can’t!”
He began to panic.
“Jade, no. I’m gonna come!”
Hearing those words from him made something inside of me catch fire and I forced the entire length of his co
ck into my mouth as far as it would go without gagging me, using my hand to stroke the rest of him from his base. My rhythm was unforgiving as I felt Emit struggling underneath me, trying to wriggle away. I held on and continued ruthlessly sucking him, hollowing my cheeks, and carefully swallowing around his cock as I relaxed through my urge to gag.
It wasn’t nearly enough. I needed more of Emit, more of his thick, hard cock connecting us, making us one. I took all of him inside of me, burying my nose in his thatch of hair, reveling in his scent, and massaging his cock with my throat.
“Gods, Jade! Please!” Emit screamed just as a hot jet of liquid bathed the back of my throat.
I greedily swallowed it down, milking him for more with my tongue and my mouth as he rode his waves of pleasure. Emit’s sobs of relief rushed through me, providing a heady balm for every wound in my soul.
It wasn’t until the last of Emit’s shuddering moans left his body that I finally released his cock, straightening back up as I knelt between his legs and reached inside my pants. Taking my own throbbing cock in hand, I raised his leg with my other one until the pit of his knee was in front of me. I licked and sucked at the tender flesh as he continued to cry out, actual tears beginning to roll down his cheeks.
“Give me your other leg,” I ordered, placing the one I’d been devouring over my shoulder.
Emit did.
His legs were still shaking from his climax as I began tasting him behind the knee of his other leg, my hand deftly working my cock as I licked the backside of his thigh before placing that leg over my shoulder as well. Stroking myself in an unforgiving rhythm, I leaned over Emit’s torso, bending his legs against his chest.
His lips were wet and swollen from kissing, his eyes soft but still full of need. I bent toward him and claimed his mouth, letting him taste himself and my own urgent need. As my mouth slashed over his, I felt his control break and he took over the kiss with such a fervent desire, it threatened to overtake his ability to remain still. I felt all the things in his kiss that he hadn’t been able to say yet. His need, his love, his desire, and gratitude, were plainly evident in each stroke and caress of his tongue.
My head was swimming with sensations and emotions as Emit plunged his tongue deep within me, my climax slamming into me without warning. I tried pulling back to shout as my balls suddenly drew up and I was ravaged by an unforgiving crash of pleasure that threatened to tear me apart from the inside.
Emit’s mouth followed mine and he swallowed my shouts as I came, saying his name over and over until I collapsed onto his chest, both of us heaving dramatic gulps of air. Pressing my face to his chest as my body rose and fell in time with his breaths, I whispered the words that I’d longed to say to him every night for the past two years.
“Hold me, Em. Please,” I murmured, “just hold me.”
His arms immediately came up around me and he pressed his lips to the top of my head as I continued laying on top of him.
“I love you, Jade,” he said.
I found myself grinning, enveloped in pure bliss as we both fought to catch our breaths, inhaling the scent of each other’s cum and sweat. After a while, when I knew Emit had fallen asleep, I let my tears flow, rolling down my face and onto his chest as his steady breaths ushered me toward my own sleepy heaven.
As I closed my eyes, I thought about how lucky I was to have found this amazing man who was willing to give me time to see if I could heal–and to love me even if I never could. My last thought as I drifted off was that for the first time in over a decade, I was falling asleep with a smile on my face and a warm, soft peace within my heart.
CHAPTER THIRTY
⸙
EMIT
My eyes jerked open at the sound of my name. My first instinct was to get myself up and over to Jade’s mat, but I realized he was already in my arms, his head lying on my chest.
“Emit,” he moaned. “Please. No.”
I tightened my hold on him, but his words sent a chill of fear through my heart. I had never been the subject of Jade’s nightmares before, or at least he hadn’t ever said my name during one.
“Please,” Jade cried louder. “No, Emit. No!”
“Jade,” I said calmly, though my insides were rolling.
“Stop!” Jade yelled, pushing off my chest and sitting up.
He was panting and staring around the tent as if trying to remember where he was. He looked down at me and I could see his mind clearing and the memory of our night together returning.
“Fuck,” he said, his breaths coming in ragged gasps as he slid off me and sat to my side.
“Are you okay?”
Jade was shaking and I watched his hands cradle his face as he hunched in on himself.
“No,” he said miserably, before quietly sobbing, “I can’t, Em. I can’t–”
It was rare that Jade wasn’t able to pull himself together after a nightmare, at least on the outside, so I knew that whatever he had dreamt had been horrible. For the first time since I had known him, I was afraid to touch him. Before, I would stop myself because I was worried it would startle him or make him uncomfortable. Now, I was afraid that if I touched him, he would fall apart. He looked so fragile, so lost.
“Was I–” I paused a moment, swallowing the lump in my throat before I was able to continue. “Was I hurting you?”
Jade’s head lifted from his hands and looked at me, his brow furrowed.
“What?”
“Your nightmare,” I clarified, sitting up as well, “you were telling me to stop. You were saying no.”
Jade’s eyes filled with a depth of pain that I had never seen before, not even when he’d told me about his past.
“No, Em,” he said softly, bringing his hands up to cup my face. “No.”
I looked at him, afraid that he was just telling me what I wanted to hear. I was terrified that my physical desire for him had caused something inside of him to start fearing me, but I could hear the desperation in his voice willing me to believe him, and it made me do just that. I still didn’t understand what had happened but instead of peppering him with questions, I slowly took him back in my arms and laid us down, his head resting in the crook of my neck.
“You can talk to me,” I told him, “you can tell me if I’m doing something wrong. If you need me to be doing anything I’m not.”
His voice was small, almost child-like when he whispered, “I was hurting you.”
I tightened my hold on him and kissed the top of his head.
“You would never hurt me.”
“In my dream, I was. I was hurting you. And I liked it.”
Fuck the rules.
I gently pulled his face up to mine so I could erase his tears, my tongue tracing their moist trail up his cheek until it reached the corner of his eye, before doing the same to his other. I could taste the salt of his pain and I imagined that as I took his tears inside of me, I took his pain as well.
“Em,” he began, but I didn’t let him finish.
I brushed my lips against his, asking his permission. I felt him stiffen slightly before feeling his body relax as he drew his mouth to mine. I wanted to thank all the gods for allowing me to find this beautiful creature, this gentle soul. I knew nothing I could say would make him believe me when I told him that he would never hurt me, so I poured every word, every fiber of my conviction into my kiss.
Neither of us searched the others mouth out with our tongue. Instead, we slowly moved together, worshipping each other’s lips, and breathing deeply into each other’s mouths. Everything that was carnal and raw about our explorations before we had fallen asleep was now tender and unhurried. We held each other, savoring every moment of contact, and drawing out the pauses between our kisses to memorize each other’s faces with our eyes and our fingers, our soft pants mixing and mingling, our lips never straying farther than a hair’s width apart.
I could taste Jade’s love. I could smell his desire. I could feel his soul. I knew that I hadn’t erased his
doubts and fears about trying to be with someone, with me, after everything he had gone through. I knew nothing but patience and time would ease his fear of becoming like the men who had tortured him or of losing someone he loved again, of being vulnerable enough to be able to be hurt by someone once more. But time was something that I had. I could give him time.
I could give him every moment of the rest of my life.
Eventually, our kisses became so languid, so sleepy, that we stopped moving our lips all together and just laid in each other’s arms. Hands holding the other’s face, mouths pressed together, we both slipped back into the arms of sleep as our mouths and hearts remained connected.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
⸙
JADE
I couldn’t believe how late I’d slept or that I hadn’t woken whenever Emit had gotten up. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d slept so well after a nightmare either. Already, the sun was almost at midpoint in the sky as I made my way to the tent where Emit’s family lived, ready to find him and tell him that I was going to try my best to heal from my past and learn to love him just as he deserved.
The sound of Emit’s voice made me hesitate at the flap of canvas that served as the entrance–its soft timbre always made my heart skip and my pulse quicken. I loved his voice more than any other sound in the world. More than the call of the calliopes, more than the patter of evening rain, more than the wind’s caress of the trees.
I could see Emit through the parting of the canvas, talking quietly with the young girl he’d been seeing before the raiders took him. I thought back to the moment she’d first seen him when we’d arrived. She’d instantly run to him, throwing her arms around him and squeezing him hard enough to force the air from his lungs, laughing and crying all at once.