My thoughts are indeed filthy.
“I do, sir. I need to be clean.”
“Good boy,” he says with a roguish smile. He offers me a hand. “Let’s get you started on the right path.”
He pulls me up and I stare down at the hole.
“It calls to me, sir,” I tell him, frowning.
“You need muscles on you, boy. You were damn near skin and bones when you arrived. If you have completed your lessons and done your chores, you may continue to exercise here.”
I beam up at him. “Really?”
“Really.”
“Thank you, Uncle Charles.” He doesn’t chide me for not calling him sir or the fact that I’m hugging him, ruining his clothes. My uncle pats my back and kisses the top of my head.
“Good boys receive rewards. Remember that, son.”
Son?
My heart hurts inside my chest. This is all I ever wanted.
“I won’t disappoint you,” I vow.
“I believe you.”
“You will come out once I deem you are clean,” Uncle Charles says as he lifts a black lid to the basement floor.
I peer into the square to see an impeccably painted white room. Bright. Stark. Perfect. I inhale the scent of lingering ammonia. Someone has recently cleaned it.
“Will I fit?” I ask, furrowing my brows.
“You will.”
“What will I do?”
“Think. Pure thoughts, of course.”
“Sounds boring.”
He chuckles and pats my head. “In you go.”
I start to step inside, but he tugs on my shirt. I turn my head up to frown at him. “I showered like you asked.”
“Good boy. I want you to go in naked as the day you were born.”
A shudder ripples through me, but he’s smiling, so I smile too. “Yes, sir.”
His eyes scrutinize every freckle and every hair as I undress. “You are a man, I see.”
I have the urge to cover my dick, but I feel like that would make him unhappy. “I am, sir. A good man.”
“With time, you’ll be a great father and husband, too.” He swats my ass. “In you go, boy. Keep your hands away from your penis.”
“What if I have to piss?”
“We don’t speak crudely in this house, boy.”
“Sorry, sir.”
“You use a bucket. I’ll bring one.” He clutches my shoulder and squeezes affectionately like a father would do to a son. “You’re going to think about stroking your penis because that feels good.” He leans in, his hot breath tickling my face and making my dick twitch. “But you’re there to be punished, not to pleasure yourself. Understood?”
“Yes, sir,” I croak.
“Good boy.”
My dick twitches again.
Another swat to my ass sends me down into the white room. It’s warm and cozy. I have to fold myself into the small space. It makes me wonder how Kristopher fits in here. The door shuts quietly, and I’m left alone.
Panic.
I wait for it to swell up inside me.
To make me feel trapped.
Instead, warmth spreads out over me. My dick stands at attention. The urge to touch it is strong, but Uncle Charles said no. I try to think of something other than my predicament.
Karen.
I think of her nipples.
No.
That makes it worse.
I think of the hole.
Growing and growing and growing.
Will I dig to the center of the earth?
Will I dig my way straight to hell?
My body relaxes and my dick goes limp. I curl into a fetal position. I notice a missed fleck of something in the white room. Something red. A single dot. Blood. I fixate on it and obsess over it.
Stare and stare and stare.
I like it here.
At my uncle’s. With my cousins. In this white room.
My heart is warm and peace saturates in my bones. I’m safe and loved and cared for. They feed me and look after me. Uncle Charles teaches me fatherly lessons.
This is home.
I’ll be back, Mom.
For now, though, I must do this.
I’m learning how to be a man.
* * *
Kristopher
He’s not crying.
That’s the first thing I notice when Luke walks into the living room after his shower. He spent all afternoon in the white room, and yet his eyes are not red. The guy is smiling.
Why?
“Someone looks nice and cleansed,” Pa says, beaming with pride. Pa rarely looks at us that way, so his smile unnerves me.
“I feel much better.” Luke grins and then nods at me. “When does Maude arrive?”
“Any moment,” Pa answers. He looks at his watch and lets out a huff of frustration. “Linda! What’s taking so long?”
Linda walks in with Karen trailing in behind her. I crane my neck to look at my sister. She’s wearing her nicest dress. The white one that cinches at the waist and gives her an almost womanly figure. Tonight, her long blond hair has been pulled into a neat bun on top of her head, making her neck seem elongated and elegant. I think about the women at church who wear pretty necklaces. Karen’s throat would look nice decorated in pearls.
“Now,” Pa says, his voice growing stern. “You all will behave. Especially you, Linda.”
She nods, but her head remains bowed. “Yes, sir.”
“Luke,” he grunts. “Be a perfect gentleman. No crude words. Understood?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Karen.” Pa walks up to her and runs his knuckle down her cheek. His hand drops to her creamy throat and he brushes his hand over her skin, making her shiver. “You’re a good girl.”
I can’t help but fist my hand. I don’t like the way he’s touching her. She’s his daughter and it feels…inappropriate. It’s difficult to keep the fire out of my eyes, so I affix my stare lower. At her chest. Her nipples are peaked and poking through the fabric. My penis twitches.
Not now.
Luke must sense my growing horror because he clutches my shoulder. “You okay?”
I nod sharply.
He leans in. “Think about chores.”
Our eyes meet for the briefest of moments and it’s then I realize he sees my predicament. I’m thankful he’s trying to help. I imagine chopping wood and sweating so much I think I might be sick. It’s distracting.
The doorbell rings and Pa leaves to answer it.
“Better?” Luke murmurs.
“Yes. How do you…” I trail off.
“Not obsess over it?” he asks, his eyes darkening.
“Exactly.”
“Don’t think of things you can’t control,” he says. “Trust me. There was a time when I felt…out of control. But if I didn’t think about it, it would go away. Same goes for a boner. You can’t control it, so you just have to not think about it.”
That makes sense.
“Thanks.” I give him a nod before turning my attention on the door where Pa is standing.
Karen watches us with unguarded interest. She and Linda are just far enough away they don’t catch what we’re saying.
“Everyone,” Pa booms as he ushers Maude and her mother inside, “say hello to Maude and Mrs. Stevens.”
Mrs. Stevens glances our way before smiling at Karen. “Maude has been looking forward to coming to hang out with you, sweetie.”
Karen’s brow furrows in confusion, but before she can utter a word, Pa speaks.
“Karen is a shy girl. Thank you for letting Maude come over. I feel like they’ll be the best of friends.” He awards both Maude and her mother with a bright smile. “Would you care to stay for supper, Annette?”
Mrs. Stevens shakes her head. “No, Paul and I thought we’d catch a movie just the two of us for once.” She playfully tugs on Maude’s red ponytail. “Stay out of trouble while we’re gone, missy.”
“Everyone will behave,” Pa assures Mrs. Stevens.
“We’ll take good care of her.”
As Mrs. Stevens leaves, I shoot Karen a questioning look. Why didn’t Pa mention our courting? It’s as though he wants to keep it from Maude’s mother.
“Boys, stay right here. I’m going to show Maude around with the girls,” Pa says, giving Luke and I both a stern look.
We nod as they all walk away. My eyes are on Karen’s retreating form. Why did she wear her pretty white dress today? It’s only once they’re gone that I realize I don’t remember the color Maude is wearing.
“A ginger?” Luke says with a snort. “You really must have pissed your dad off to hook you up with that.”
His words are gibberish. “What?”
“Your girl. Maude. Her hair is fire engine red!” He snorts. “I bet she has a fire crotch too.”
“What color was her dress?” I ask, ignoring his bizarre words.
“Who the hell knows. It was short, though. Like if she bends over, she might get pregnant.”
I gape at him. “What are you rambling about?”
“I’m just saying, she wore that tight dress that shows off her big tits all for you. Her dress is short as hell. If she bends over, you’re going to see her pussy. Five bucks she’s not wearing underwear.”
“Why didn’t Pa tell her mother I was going to court her?”
Before he can answer, Pa comes back into the room. His features are impassive, but his hazel eyes gleam with something I can’t put my finger on. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say it was sinister. Pa is a good man, though, so it must be something else.
“I didn’t tell Annette because we live in a fast world these days. It’s not like it was when I was a boy or how I’m raising my children. If I’d been upfront about our gentlemanly intent, Annette wouldn’t have brought her here.” Pa steps forward and clutches my shoulder firmly. “Spend some time alone with Maude. Luke will make sure you keep your purity by going with the two of you, but do as your heart leads you, Kristopher. If she asks for a kiss, then you kiss her.”
My mouth hangs open. “W-What? You want me to k-kiss her? She’s not my wife yet.”
“But she will be,” Pa assures me. “If you don’t let your interest be known, she might get confused and end up with a different boy. A man must stake his claim. Leave his mark. Give off his scent, much like an animal would.”
All I can think about is the way I marked Karen in her thin, white gown. Soaked it with my seed. My penis thickens, making me groan.
“Men have urges,” Pa explains to us. “And when courting your future wife, you are allowed to give in to those urges. Don’t disappoint me, boy.”
“I won’t,” I assure him.
Pa walks back toward the kitchen where the girls are talking, leaving me and Luke. Luke leans in to whisper to me.
“Your dad just gave you permission to get your dick sucked.”
My face burns hot. “What do you mean?”
He makes a crude show of sucking on his middle finger. I think about how good it felt to tug on my cock. Then, later, when I rutted against my sister. Imagining a hot, wet mouth sucking on me has my penis straining against my slacks. I’m horrified that Pa might see, so I fold my hands in front of me, covering my sin.
“I’m not into gingers, but if you wanted me to take one for the team, I would. Just send freckly Maude my way. I’ll teach you how dick sucking is supposed to go.” His brown eyes gleam with deviance. “You can watch.”
His words are all wrong, but they make my skin burn with heat. My penis throbs as though it wants to see her do this to him. That can’t be right because she’s supposed to be my wife. Shouldn’t I have possessive thoughts about her?
“Are you a demon?” I ask him. “The things you speak of are evil.”
He simply laughs.
Pa is friendly like he is in church. Maude is quite taken with his charm. It irritates me that she keeps batting her lashes and laughing at everything he says, but she hardly looks my way. I keep trying to speak up and talk to her. I really do. I just don’t know what to say to her. When I get tired of vying for her attention, I turn and hold Karen’s stare instead. We’re sitting so close I could reach over and touch her if I wanted. Her blue eyes are soft as she regards me with sympathy. She knows how much I want a wife and Pa is keeping her from me.
My gaze drifts to Karen’s chest. Her breasts are much smaller than Maude’s that are practically spilling from her green dress. I’m more transfixed by what Karen has hidden than what Maude is freely showing everyone, including Pa and Luke. Karen catches me staring. Her creamy throat blooms crimson. I trail my stare back up the side of her neck to her plump lips. She licks them, making them glisten. I imagine Karen’s lips on me, sucking. Just like Luke described. My penis hardens in an instant, but it’s okay because we’re sitting at the table. No one can see.
Karen does.
Her attention is drawn to my lap. The napkin draped there does nothing to hide my penis as it fights to get free. Her breath hitches, but no one hears over Maude’s loud mouth. I cringe as my future wife rambles on about Lord knows what. I casually cover my hardness with my palm. Karen reaches over and pats my hand, leaving it there for a moment. Her touch electrifies me. She squeezes my hand, her fingers accidentally brushing over the hard, aching part of me. A hiss rushes past my lips, but gets swallowed by Maude’s loud laughter at something Pa says. Karen’s eyes narrow, realizing what she’s done.
Rather than pulling away, she does it again.
My sac is heavy with the need to release. If she keeps teasing me with her wicked fingers, she’ll have yet another stain to clean. I’m about to excuse myself to the bathroom when Pa clears his throat. My spine stiffens and Karen jerks her hand back. We both look over at Pa with guilt radiating from us, but thankfully he didn’t see. Luke, though, darts his gaze back and forth between us like that of a predator trying to decide which piece of meat to snack on first.
“Karen and Linda can clean up,” Pa tells Maude. “Why don’t you and the boys take a walk? It’s nice out.”
Maude’s face falls as she realizes she’s being dismissed. She probably hoped Pa would choose her as a wife rather than me. He’s bigger and stronger and older. It irritates me that she’s clearly smitten over my father.
Some wife.
Deciding I need to step up and take control, I scoot back in my chair, letting it scrape loudly. I stand, not caring that my boner is still there, and nod at Maude.
“Come, lovely. Let me show you the stars.”
She cringes, but Pa nods at her to obey. Luke stifles a laugh. As soon as Maude is near, I take her hand in mine. Her hand is clammy and sweaty, not soft and warm like Karen’s. It makes me want to ask her to wash her hands before we go. Instead, I walk her out the back door with Luke on our heels. As soon as we’re outside, she jerks her hand out of mine.
I try not to let her action wound me. Luke, sensing my upset, steps up to my defense. It makes me like him a thousand times more.
“You don’t have to be a bitch, Red.”
Maude stops walking to glower at him. “What?”
“You came here for him, did you not?”
She glances my way and then shrugs. “I guess.”
“You let your mom think it was because you wanted to be friends with Karen, but we all know you don’t get along with girls well, do you?”
Maude gapes at him. “Karen’s odd. Not my first choice in a friend.”
Her words make me flinch.
Luke smiles at her. “So you came to try and hook up with Kristopher. But now that you’re here, you’d rather bone his dad.”
“What?” she hisses. “Gross. I’m eighteen and he’s like forty.”
“Admit that you came here for Kristopher,” Luke urges. “Tell him you were hoping the two of you would make out. And since you’re a slut, you were hoping he’d fuck you too.”
I can’t even be bothered by his crude words because I’m angry at her for treating me like an afterthought when I’m su
pposed to be her everything. Will she treat our children the same way one day if something more interesting comes along?
Karen would never do such a thing to her husband.
“I’m not a slut,” she hisses. “I just like to have fun.”
“Does the carpet match the drapes, fun slut?” Luke taunts.
“Fuck you,” she bites out.
I grab her throat, without thinking of the consequences, and yank her to me. “You’re to be my wife and yet you speak of fornicating with my cousin?” My anger ripples from me in waves. “Apologize to him for being crude.”
Her eyes are wide as she nods. “S-Sorry.”
I release her neck. “Good girl.” When I reach for her hand, she doesn’t pull away this time. I guide her into the woods to a swing Pa and I made one summer. “Let’s sit.”
“Is there room for me?” Luke teases.
“Go dig your hole,” I grumble.
He laughs and sits on a stump. “Nah. I gotta make sure she doesn’t steal your virginity.”
Ignoring him, I sit down on the swing and pull her onto my lap. She doesn’t argue. Maybe she’s already understanding how things will be when we’re married. Linda never argues when Pa forces affection on her. Absently, I stroke my fingers through her ponytail and sadly realize her hair isn’t soft or long like Karen’s. My action soothes her, though, because she relaxes against me.
“I thought you were a dorky prude,” Maude admits. “But I guess I was wrong. There’s nothing prude about your dick that’s poking me.”
Luke laughs again. “You’re not getting his dick tonight, Red, so stop trying.”
“Make him go away so we can make out,” she tells me, turning and straddling my lap. “He’s annoying me.”
My eyes flutter closed when she rubs her body against mine in a way that makes me want to spill my seed. Her hands roam up my shoulders to my neck and then to my cheeks. I open my eyes to stare at her up close as she brings her face near mine. She has a lot of freckles. So many. Karen’s face is smooth and pure and unmarred. Truth be told, I prefer Karen’s face over Maude’s. But Maude is to be my wife.
I pucker my lips, waiting for the kiss. She brushes her lips over mine and then rocks her hips in a way that makes me gasp. The vile woman sticks her tongue in my mouth!
Cognati: An Inferno World Novel Page 5