“She scares the hell out of me and calms my soul at the same time. Maybe that’s what love is – a total contradiction that somehow balances.”
- Tammara Webber
13. Lawson
This was it. I glanced at my watch for what felt like the hundredth time.
Quinn had sent Logan and me to the courthouse early. She’d organized a limousine to pick us up from the house and there was another one waiting behind it that would take Quinn, Stella, Reeve and El.
We weren’t having a traditional wedding day, but Q had insisted that El would be walking down a makeshift aisle. Reeve would give her away to me.
I had to admit, the thought of her walking towards me looking so absolutely stunning, because I already knew she’d be breathtaking, was what had me fidgeting and twitching in my seat.
Logan sat next to me and nudged me every few minutes when I started to get too jumpy. I’d shot him about fifty apologetic glances.
I looked down the long corridor again. The doors we had entered through had opened exactly twelve times since I’d sat in this seat. Each time my eyes flashed down there, I searched for her, and each time I’d come up empty. I looked down at my hands and tried to sit still.
C’mon, El.
I needed to touch her, see her... smell her. She calmed me down in a way no one else ever had or ever could.
“You ready, man?”
Was I ready?
I looked back at my best mate, my best man today. “Fuck yeah I am.”
“Good. Up you get then.” He nodded his head in the direction of the door behind me.
I swallowed deeply and slowly turned around. Quinn was carrying Stella, walking slowly towards us. I glanced quickly behind her, but there was no sign of El yet.
I gave Quinn a kiss on the cheek, and Stella one on the forehead as they reached us.
I heard the whoosh of the door opening and everything else fell away.
Holy fuck.
I couldn’t move, I could barely remember how to breathe.
She was so beautiful.
I knew Reeve was walking next to her, leading her down, but I couldn’t acknowledge his presence. It was just me standing there, waiting for the most beautiful woman in the world.
Her eyes sparkled, and she gave me a shy smile.
I felt a huge grin break out on my face.
So beautiful.
I felt Logan’s hand on my shoulder, but I couldn’t look at him either. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to look away from her. The sight of her made me feel nervous. For the first time since I’d proposed to Ellerslie, I was worried that the words wouldn’t come, that nothing I could possibly say would be enough to convey what she meant to me.
I wasn’t sure when they got to be right in front of me, but my hand reached out on its own accord to hold Ellerslie’s. I couldn’t take it anymore; I pulled her against me and lifted her off her feet. She giggled as I swung her around and around. I slid her slowly back down my body so her feet were on the ground once more.
“I’m the luckiest man in the world,” I told her simply before claiming her lips.
“I don’t think this is the part where you’re meant to kiss the bride, cowboy,” she whispered, breathless from our kiss.
I chuckled. “Fuck the rules, remember?”
“Lawson Pierce and Ellerslie Rush?” a voice called from behind me.
“That’s us,” I called back, my eyes still not leaving El’s face.
“You’re up.”
***
All our paperwork checked out, and suddenly it was time to say our vows. I’d kept hold of El’s hands throughout the entire ceremony, and now she gestured for me to let go.
I shook my head. “I didn’t write anything down,” I admitted sheepishly.
Hers eyes widened slightly before an ‘of course you didn’t’ look crept onto her face.
“I knew I wouldn’t need to,” I reassured her.
“Well by all means...” Amusement danced in her blue eyes.
I took a deep breath and looked deep into her eyes.
“Ellerslie Rush, I’m not sure there are words,” I told her honestly. “It struck me earlier, as I watched you walk towards me, that nothing I could say would be enough. Nothing I could say would truly be able to explain the way that I feel for you. The depths of my love for you can’t possibly be measured with words.”
I squeezed her hands gently.
“I wake up in the morning and my very first thought is of you, I miss you when you leave the room, hell, sometimes I miss you if you’re out of my reach. I fall asleep next to you, my mind filled with you, and I couldn’t imagine it any other way.”
I felt El’s hands tremble slightly. I ran my thumb backwards and forwards over the soft skin on the back of her hand.
“My life before you seems like a blur. You taught me what it means to love another person with everything you have – how to truly belong to another. All I hope for this life is to be a good man, a devoted husband and a hell of a father. You came into my life and pierced my heart, and I know I’ll never be the same again.”
I watched a single tear fall down El’s cheek and I let go of one of her hands to gently brush it away. Taking her hand back in mine I smiled at her.
“I love you, El, I think I’ve been in love with you from the first moment we spoke. You keep me in check, you’re smart, you’re witty, you’re kind and you’re generous. And god, you’re beautiful... you are so beautiful, El, I’ve never seen someone look as perfect as you do right now.”
She blushed, and I chuckled.
“Like I said... no words are enough, but I’ve decided it doesn’t matter. I’ve got time, shit, I’ve got forever to show you how much you mean to me and how much love I have for you. You are my present, my future and my forever, Ellerslie.”
I took her ring from my pocket, lifted her hand and slid her simple platinum wedding band on. I lifted her hand to my mouth and placed a soft kiss on her knuckles, signaling that I was finished.
El giggled nervously and swiped at the tears pooling in her eyes. I heard Quinn sniffing somewhere behind me.
“You write part time for Hallmark or something?” she whispered, reliving an old joke of ours.
Our small group all laughed at her.
I chuckled deep in my belly. She was nervous – I could tell.
“It’s okay, pretty girl. I’ll love whatever you say.”
She let go of one of my hands and reached behind me to take a sheet of paper and my ring from Quinn.
Breaking tradition, she took my hand and slid my wedding band onto my finger. I smiled at it there, the feel of it heavy and welcome.
“I may not have had a dress ready, or shoes, or anything really,” she admitted with a smile. “But I do have this.” She indicated to the sheet of paper in her hands.
“This, is the best I could do to explain how you’ve changed my life, and how much I love you, Lawson.”
I nodded at her to go on. She locked her eyes on mine and I shivered under her gaze, I knew she was looking right into the very centre of me.
“Lawson Pierce, you are the one thing I never expected, the one thing I never accounted for in my life. I thought, after living for twenty-seven years that I had a pretty good idea of what it meant to love and be loved in return.”
The hand holding her paper shook gently, but she went on.
“But I know now that I had no clue. I had no idea what it was to experience true, pure love. Love like yours. You’ve shown me that. You love me without limitation, without fear, and without judgment. And not only that, you’ve taught me how to love you back the same way. I no longer hold fear in my heart. I know there isn’t a single thing in this world that you wouldn’t do for me if I asked you, and just that knowledge is enough for me.”
My chest started to feel tight as I listened to her speak.
She knows... she knows she’s my everything.
“What I wanted to tell you, Lawson, is that
I know the way you love me, I see it in everything you do and everything you say... and I need you to know that I love you back just as much. No more – even though we joke.” She smiled. “And no less. You are my equal, my love... my life. I know what my life is like without you in it, and I also know that it is not a life I’ll ever live again.”
She stepped towards me and let the sheet of paper fall to the floor. I wrapped my arms around her waist and her arms instinctively draped loosely around my neck.
“I love you, Lawson. I love you now, I’ll love you tomorrow, and I’ll love you every day after that.”
I didn’t know if she was finished, and I didn’t care. I claimed her mouth with urgency and passion. I kissed her with everything I had, pouring my heart and soul into the moment.
We broke apart at the clearing of a voice. “Well, I guess there is no need to prompt you to kiss the bride.”
I chuckled lightly, my forehead resting against El’s.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife,” he said, humor in his voice.
“Husband and wife, huh, pretty girl?” My heart soared at the use of the word.
She’s my wife.
“You’re stuck with me forever now, cowboy,” El teased.
I’d never been happier about anything in my entire life.
***
We spent the entire night tangled up in one another.
We made love in a way I’d never experienced. It was as though the knowledge we were tied to each other in such a permanent way had sparked an even deeper level of intensity I hadn’t known was possible.
El had been so ready, so eager to have me inside her that we hadn’t even got her wedding shoes off. I’d looked her up and down afterwards and I couldn’t remember seeing anything sexier in my life. There she was, completely naked, just a pair of silver high heels on. The sight alone had been enough to get me hard again. I don’t know what had come over me, but she had me wanting more, even when I was so tired I could barely lift my head from the pillow.
She eventually fell asleep first, the sheet wrapped loosely around her beautiful body. I hadn’t wanted to disturb her, so I left her that way, draping the covers gently over her and tucking myself in beside her.
I drifted off quickly, her moans still a vivid echo in my ears and her scent thick on my skin.
“Forever is a long, long time, but I wouldn’t mind spending it by your side. Tell me, every day, I get to wake up to that smile. I wouldn’t mind it at all.”
- Author unknown
14. Ellerslie
I smiled as I stopped at the fridge and ran my finger over the photo stuck up with a heavy, black magnet.
It was Lawson and I, on our wedding day. He was holding me in his arms, my feet off the ground, our eyes were focused on each other, the blissful look on my face was mirrored on his. It was a perfect moment – captured on Quinn’s cell phone.
I’d just told him he was stuck with me forever, and the look on his face had told me it was something he was more than okay with.
I couldn’t believe it had been two months already. We had Stella’s things all throughout the house, her room was finally set up just how I wanted it and we’d made space on the walls for some of the artwork from Michael and Cassandra’s apartment. We were settled.
Stella entering our lives had been challenging. It was a delicate balancing act between home and work life, and I often found myself thinking that the slightest mishap would totally throw everything out. It hadn’t happened yet though, and I knew that despite everything, we were doing pretty well. Lawson and I both had cut down our hours, leaving Quinn and Logan with more responsibility that they were happy to have. Logan had even agreed to become Lawson’s business partner and had bought fifty percent of the company just last week.
I straightened the wedding photo. It had been warmer then. I looked outside at the rainy, cold day, and sighed. It would be Christmas soon. I couldn’t wait to spend the day with Stella. Having a child in the house made Christmas exciting and magical again. We’d even gone and picked out a giant, live Christmas tree earlier in the week.
I’d been shocked when we got it home, and Lawson announced that it was the first tree he’d ever purchased for himself. I’d made it my mission right then and there to make this the best Christmas any of us had ever had. Stella was going to be spoiled rotten. Not only by us, but by everyone. Quinn, Logan, Reeve and Lisa, and our parents too. I’d joked to Lawson that we might need to do an extension to the house to make space for all the gifts she’d be getting.
Lawson, of course, had taken me almost seriously, and had begun working on the most amazing and extravagant outdoor playhouse I had ever seen. The thing was huge; it was a mini version of our home, although single story, and it even had its own wraparound porch and real glass windows.
Stella was nearly eight months old, and although she was now crawling around at one hundred miles an hour, she was far too young to be using a playhouse. I’d pointed that out to Lawson, but I think he was having too much fun with it to stop now. Even Logan had been coming over to help him build it in the weekends.
Big kids.
“Mamamama,” Stella’s babbling came from the doorway. I watched in amusement as she scuttled on her hands and knees across the wooden flooring towards me. “Mamamama,” she screeched more loudly.
I bent down and scooped her up, blowing a raspberry on her cheek as I did. Stella mimicked me, blowing out and sending spit flying everywhere. I grimaced as I wiped the drops from my face.
Lovely...
I heard Lawson’s deep laugh. “You asked for that one, baby.”
I tapped Stella on the nose before smiling at him. “I guess I did, huh?”
I popped Stella in her highchair, grabbed a yoghurt from the fridge and set it on the tray in front of her. I didn’t bother with a spoon – Stella liked to use them as missiles, and she preferred to eat with her hands anyway.
I was never sure how they knew, but within thirty seconds of Stella being given food, both dogs appeared in the kitchen. They’d quickly learned that if they sat close enough, she would throw them food. She thought it was utterly hilarious to chuck them her dinner rather than eat it herself.
I’d learned, with parenting, some things just weren’t worth worrying about, and now I just laughed along with her most of the time.
“Mamamama!” Stella yelled at the top of her voice.
Sippy cup...
I snagged the handle of her cup from the bench and placed that on her tray too. She clapped her yoghurt-covered hands together and sent large drops of it in the direction of the dogs.
I caught Lawson’s smirk out the corner of my eye. He was always intrigued by the way I always seemed to know what Stella wanted.
“She’s babbling so much now,” Lawson commented as he sat down on the seat next to Stella.
I smiled. She was growing up so quickly. I thought back to the first time she babbled ‘Mama’ at me. I’d held back my freak-out long enough to acknowledge her achievement, and then I’d left the room in tears.
Lawson had given me some time. He’d put Stella down for a nap and then found me hiding in our bedroom.
“What’s bothering you, pretty girl?” he’d asked with his arms already open for me.
I’d gotten myself together by that point, but the question had a new wave of tears starting.
“I just feel like a fraud,” I’d choked out between sobs.
“What?” Lawson had asked, clearly dismayed.
“I’m not her real mom. She’s calling me Mama, and I’m not...” I sobbed loudly. “I just feel so guilty that it’s me and not her real mom.”
“Hey.” Lawson pulled me into his arms. “You are her real mom. You do everything for that little girl, and I know how much you love her. That’s what a mom is. What happened isn’t your fault, El. You’re just doing what’s best for Stella. And what’s best for her now, is you. It’s us.”
I’d looked up at him through tear-soaked e
yelashes and known he was right. Michael and Cassandra weren’t here. That couldn’t be changed, and it was all up to us now.
Stella snapped me back to the present by doing another loud raspberry and spraying yoghurt all over the newspaper Lawson was trying to read. That was our usual routine, I made the coffee, and Lawson read the paper aloud to me, picking out articles he thought I would like – I didn’t care all that much what he read, I just liked the sound of his voice.
Lawson breathed out deeply as he looked at his messy paper. “You really have to stop doing that with her, El.” I could hear the amusement in his voice, and I knew he was trying not to laugh.
I looked over at him and exploded into laughter. He had yoghurt all through his hair.
“What?”
“Nothing.” I giggled. “I’m just glad you haven’t showered yet.”
“Stella,” he groaned as he ran his hand through his filthy hair.
Stella gave him a toothy grin and shoved her hand back into her yoghurt pot. She had three teeth now, and we’d been given an insight into some of the hard yards of parenting a baby – Stella Pierce did not do teething well.
“Go shower, cowboy, I’ve got this ratbag under control.”
He raised his eyebrows in disbelief. “Yeah... it really looks like it,” he teased as he rose from his chair.
I couldn’t help but stare at the way his muscles bunched and relaxed as he pushed up and moved away from the table.
He really needs to wear a shirt...
He smirked at me on his way past, he knew me well enough to know exactly what was going through my head.
I sighed as he moved out of my line of sight, his swagger all sexy and alpha male.
“C’mon, Stella, lets clean you up little lady.”
***
“What color scheme are you having again?” Quinn asked, her head hidden behind one of the wedding magazines she was reading.
We’ve been over this...
“I need a color scheme?” I feigned confusion. I was messing with her – I’d picked it out weeks ago when I’d seen just how serious Quinn was about this wedding reception.
Love like Yours Series (Box Set #1-4) Page 43