She nodded in acceptance, knowing exactly what I would have done.
“You still haven’t answered my question.”
“I’m getting to it,” I reassured her. “After that, I started up again. I didn’t go out often, but when I did, I was vicious. Something inside of me had snapped. But these guys, they don’t just take a beating lying down and they’re rarely alone, so obviously I’ve taken a few hits. I’ve been stabbed, had bones broken, stitches... but nothing quite like that night.”
Surprising me, Quinn reached out and took my hand. I squeezed it gratefully.
“I had called Max, and like usual, I gave him a name and asked him to call me back with a location. Only this time he sounded weird... off, somehow. I ignored my instincts and when he texted me an address that night, I went straight there.”
“Harrison,” she whispered. She knew this was the part where it all went wrong.
“They ambushed me. I tried to run... Max was there... the name I’d given him was his nephew – his brother’s son. I’ve since found out that feeding his dodgy nephew information was the reason he was thrown from the force in the first place.”
I shook thinking about it. I had been sure I was going to die that night.
“There were so many of them, I never stood a chance. The last thing I remember before I passed out was Max, standing over me. ‘You had a good run, kid.’ – that’s what he said to me, right before the world went dark.”
I sighed and met her eyes.
“I don’t know what happened after that. I don’t know if they thought I was dead. I don’t know who called me an ambulance; I remember nothing after that point.” I looked into her green eyes and squeezed her hand. “Except for you.”
“Me?” She blanched,
I’d never told her this part.
“But we’d never met?”
I shrugged. “I dreamed about you. Your green eyes, your velvet voice. I must have dreamed about you one hundred times in that hospital... and I’ve dreamed of you every night since.”
“But... what? How?”
“I don’t know... but when I finally woke up, and you were there, reading to me, I knew you. Your eyes, your face, your voice... I already knew you.”
“You opened your eyes once.” She smiled a small smile as she told me. “I was reading to you, and you opened your eyes, only for a moment. You looked into my eyes and then you drifted back off to sleep.”
I rubbed my thumbs gently over the back of her hands. She smiled at me and I couldn’t remember ever seeing someone so... captivating.
I saw the exact moment recognition dawned on her. Her muscles tensed and her eyes narrowed at me.
“You’re doing it again,” she stated.
Here it goes.
I shook my head.
“You nearly died, and you still haven’t stopped?” she screamed at me, getting to her feet and pulling her hands from mine. “Is it worth your life?” she spat.
“Quinn, please, just—”
“Don’t. Is that what this is? Are you out for revenge?” She was fuming. Her body was shaking and her face was flushed. “This isn’t the fucking Green Arrow, Harrison. This is your life.”
“Quinn, it’s—”
“Are you trying to get yourself killed for real this time?”
“No!” I screamed at her. “It’s not like that.”
She choked out a sob. “What about me?” she whispered.
“Please... it’s the only thing I can do,” I pleaded with her.
She nodded, tears streaming down her face. “Then this is the only thing I can do.”
I watched her turn and walk out of my life forever.
“There’s more, Quinn,” I whispered into the empty room, long after she’d left. “I can’t stop.” I hung my head in my hands and spoke the words quietly to myself. “I had a client... and I let her down. And the man that had been harassing her, Quinn, do you know what he did?” I whispered to no one.
“He killed her.”
“If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave.”
- Mo Willems
43. Quinn
I could barely see through the tears enough to keep the car on the road. My intention had been to get to Ellerslie, but when I called her she hadn’t picked up.
Instead I found myself sitting in the driveway of Logan’s house.
I didn’t want to be at home right now, but I didn’t know where else to go.
How can he do this to me?
I knew without a doubt now that I loved him. He was it for me. I loved him with everything I had and everything I was.
I slammed my fist down onto the horn and a loud beep sounded out through the darkness.
I could barely breathe, I was crying so hard.
I love him, and he’s gone.
“Is this karma?” I screamed into the empty car. I slammed my fist into the horn, over and over again. “Is this what I deserve?”
I didn’t even hear the door open; it wasn’t until I smelled Logan’s cologne that I realized he was there.
“I’ve got you, shorty,” he told me when I fought roughly against his arms.
I sagged against him, exhausted, and let him lift me from the car and carry me inside the house.
He sat me down carefully on the couch and snagged a blanket from the back. He wrapped it around me and tucked me into his side, rubbing my arm up and down, trying to warm me up.
It was only then that I realized I was drenched.
“I’m wet,” I stated lamely.
“It’s raining, honey.”
“Oh.” It was all I could think to say.
The tears had stopped now, but my body was still wracked with huge, shaking sobs.
“Are you okay?” Logan slid off the couch and crouched in front of me so he could look into my eyes.
I shrugged and my lip quivered.
“Don’t cry. Please don’t cry again,” he said quickly.
I huffed out a laugh. There was nothing that terrified Logan more than a crying woman.
“I’m sorry.”
“What the hell is going on, Q? You’re a mess. I’ve never seen you like this. Should I get Lawson? Ellerslie?”
I didn’t know what it was, maybe the concern in his eyes, or maybe it was just the fact that I’d known him my whole life, and I knew I could trust him. I never intended to tell him, but I opened my mouth and the words spewed out. I told him everything I knew about Harrison the vigilante.
***
“Does he know how god damn stupid this is? I mean damn.” He paced backwards and forwards in front of me.
Logan had heard the whole story and he was shocked, to say the least. He’d called Ellerslie for me, who was on her way over, and then he’d made me a cup of tea.
The shaking had stopped, but now I felt like I weighed a thousand pounds. I was shattered, emotionally and physically.
“I don’t think he can see past those victims in the court room.”
We sat in silence. The enormity of the situation weighing down on us both.
“He killed a man, Logan,” I whispered, terrified to hear my own voice saying those words out loud.
“Do you think he can live with that?” he asked.
I shrugged. “Am I a terrible person for hoping that he can?” I replied quietly. I avoided his gaze and stared into my tea.
Logan was quiet for a long time.
When I finally looked up, he was staring at me.
“So you really love him.” He didn’t say it like a question; he was purely stating a fact.
I thought hard about it before I spoke. Things were a lot harder to take back once you said them out loud.
“I think...” I replied quietly. “I think I’ve never loved anything as much as I love that man.” I swirled my cup and watched the liquid forming a whirl pool.
Logan sighed.
“But it’s not enough, is it?” I looked at him as though he might actually have the answers. “How can tha
t not be enough?” A single tear ran down my cheek and I swiped it away angrily.
“Oh, Q.” He sighed, sitting next to me and wrapping an arm around my shoulder. “Love like that, from a woman like you? It should be enough.”
I sniffed and rested my head on his shoulder.
“I think it will be enough,” he told me softly. “More than enough,” he amended. “I think it’ll be everything. Just give him some time.”
I shook my head. “He won’t be back, Logan. You didn’t see him. He can’t give it up.”
He rubbed my back slowly.
“The worst part is, I know why he’s doing it. I know he just wants to make things right, because seeing those guys walk free, it makes him feel powerless.
“It doesn’t make it right.”
“No,” I agreed. “His intentions are noble, but his execution is all wrong.”
“He’ll be back, Q.”
I wasn’t so sure.
***
I stared up at the canopy above my bed. Light snores floated up into the still room from next to me.
El had arrived before I’d even made it off the couch, bringing with her a fresh wave of tears.
She was mind blown.
She’d sat, wide-eyed and listened to me choke out the story, Logan filling in when I couldn’t get the words out.
“Reeve is going to kill him,” she’d said. “He’s literally going to commit murder over this.”
I’d cried in her arms when I couldn’t talk anymore. El was my rock, she took it like a champion, insisting she stay the night with me and making me eat some of the soup she’d brought over with her.
I’d known I was in trouble then – the food swirled in my stomach and made me feel so sick I’d thrown it all back up. I was slim enough already; if I couldn’t keep food down, I’d fade into nothing.
“Don’t give up on him yet.”
El’s voice startled me back to the present. I hadn’t noticed that she’d woken.
“I’ve seen the way that man stares at you when you aren’t looking, Quinn. He’s in deep. He’ll be back.”
“What if he never comes back to me El? What happens then?”
The silence stretched between us.
“I don’t know,” she admitted quietly. “You just have to believe that you’re exactly where you’re meant to be. I think you were meant to see him in that ICU... you were meant to meet. You two are supposed to love each other and I know that it’s hard, but sometimes it’s the best things that take the most work.”
I rolled over and looked at her, her blonde hair splayed all over the show.
“It’s not like that for you and Lawson though.”
She shook her head and smiled softly. “No, it’s not. Loving him is the easiest thing in the world for me.” Her smile faded. “But I like to think I was due some good karma. Maybe the universe throws in an easy one every now and then, you know?”
She was right – if anyone was owed an effortless love, it was the two of them.
“It hasn’t all been easy. Taking Stella in, totally unprepared, finalizing the adoption. It hasn’t been easy, it’s been unbelievably hard at times, but it’s without a doubt the best thing we’ve ever done.”
She was right.
“What if I don’t get him back, El? I’m scared.”
“He’ll come to his senses.”
“Maybe,” I agreed. “If he doesn’t do something stupid and get himself killed first...”
Ellerslie had no answer for that.
44. Harrison
June
Quinn
Quinn
Quinn
Quinn
Every slap of my shoes against the pavement screamed her name like a mantra.
I can do this, Skippy... I’ll be better.
I pushed my pace even faster.
Quinn
Quinn
Quinn
Quinn
“It’s OK if you fall down and lose your spark. Just make sure that when you get back up, you rise as the whole damn fire.”
- Colette Werden
45. Quinn
July
I half woke to a whole lot of noise downstairs.
“What the fuck is wrong with that man?”
Not now.
I groaned and rolled over.
“He’s seriously not come over? Not even called?” The familiar voice screeched.
I heard Logan’s muffled replies, trying to calm her down.
Nope... he’s seriously not even called.
I was too tired to think too much about it. I was exhausted all the time lately, just living took all my energy. Maybe I needed to sleep some more.
Sleep...
I drifted off.
***
The light stunned my eyes as I groaned and rolled over.
“Uh uh.” Her disapproving tone was in full force.
More light streamed into the room.
I knew she’d be seeing the mess that had taken over my bedroom.
“Oh, hell no.”
She threw open a window.
“Nope. No way. This is not happening anymore, Q.”
“Ellerslie cut it out,” I moaned. I pulled a pillow over my head, trying to block her out. She moved around the room, flinging drapes open as she went.
“Jesus, Quinn, it stinks in here.” She pulled the pillow swiftly from my grip. “When was the last time you showered?”
I gave her the finger.
“I’m serious. It stinks. Get your virtually nonexistent ass out of that bed. We’re late.”
I sat bolt upright, making myself dizzy as I did. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Like hell you aren’t,” El said without turning around. She’d moved from opening curtains to picking up dirty clothes off the floor. “If you don’t eat something today, Q, I swear to God, I’m going to stop eating too.”
I sighed and stared at my hands. Even my fingers looked skinnier. “Fine,” I admitted defeat. I knew El was dead serious, there wasn’t a thing she wouldn’t do for me, even if it meant starving herself.
***
“I can’t eat all of that,” I hissed at her as the waiter left the table.
She’d ordered me a large coffee, a chicken sandwich, a bowl of fries and garlic bread.
“You’ll eat it.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “You’re just lucky that Lawson hasn’t seen you like this, Quinn,” El told me quietly.
I nodded. “I know. He’d flip.”
“He’s already so worried about you.”
I looked at my best friend and tried pointlessly not to cry. “I’m worried about me too,” I whispered, the tears falling freely.
“Oh, Q,” El breathed.
She got up from her seat and slid in next to me in the booth. She’d requested a private spot in the back, probably knowing that I was going to lose my shit.
She wrapped her arm around me and pulled me against her body.
I rested my head on her shoulder and let the tears fall.
“I just want him to come back.”
She shook her head. “Not the way he is. You don’t want him like that.”
“I’m starting to think I don’t even care anymore.” I sobbed. “I just want him.”
“I know it feels like that right now, honey. But trust me; if you let him into your life on those terms, you’ll never be truly happy. You’ll resent him.”
The rational part of my brain knew she was right. But the rest of me longed for him. I missed him like nothing I’d ever experienced.
I was desperate to feel his body against mine... to hear his gravelly voice... to just exist in the same space as him. I needed to know that what we had wasn’t just in my head.
I was craving Harrison Hunt something wicked.
“I hate what I’ve become. I’ve turned into one of those desperate women who doesn’t know how to survive without a guy,” I moaned.
“Like hell you have.” Ellerslie shoved my arm. She gave
me a sympathetic smile. “You might not be surviving right now, but he’s not just some guy, Q.”
She was right. Harrison was never just some guy, not to me anyway. He was my forever.
“It’s his birthday today, El. I can’t even say happy birthday to him.”
She looked at me in sympathy.
“What do I do?”
She pushed the bowl of fries toward me. The waiter had set them down on our table before making a hasty retreat.
Nothing clears a room like a woman crying.
“First things first, you need to eat.”
“And then?” I asked her.
“Stop playing ‘It Will Rain’ on repeat. Bruno needs a break.”
“And then?” I asked again.
She tilted her head towards the bowl. I plucked a fry out and popped it in my mouth.
“And then... then you hope like hell that he’s as smart as he seems.”
46. Harrison
August
My heart pounded in my chest as I pushed the door open and approached the counter.
“Can I help you, sir?” A red-headed woman asked me politely.
“I need to see Detective Rodgers please.”
“I’m sorry, he’s not available right now, could I pass on a message to him?”
“Could you please just tell him that I’m here?”
“Sir, he’s a very busy man.”
“I think he’ll want to see me.”
She gave me one of those ‘you’re not that special, but I’ll humor you’ smiles, and picked up the phone.
“Anthony, hi, yes I apologize. I have a Mr....” She raised an eyebrow at me.
“Hunt. Harrison Hunt,” I told her quickly.
“I have a Mr. Harrison Hunt here to see you. I told him you were—”
She was interrupted by the detective. I couldn’t make out his words, but I was willing to bet my left nut that I’d be seeing him shortly.
“Of course.”
She hung up the phone.
I smirked at her. “Let me guess, he found some time?”
Her brows knitted as she frowned at me.
“I wouldn’t look so smug there, Mr. Hunt. They only drop everything for the really bad ones,” she scolded, directing me to take a seat.
Love like Yours Series (Box Set #1-4) Page 63