My hair was kinkier than Frankie’s, so it took me a while to get most of the sand out of it.
As the water streamed over me, I got the oddest sensation of being watched. I turned away from the showerhead and looked toward the house. I scanned the pool area and then the balconies. I didn’t see anyone at first, but then I saw a bright orange flicker.
Fire.
I watched the flicker dissolve into a glowing orange light. Smoke fizzled up behind the cigarette, and behind the stick was Cane.
He inhaled twice, his eyes trained on me. I had the urge to turn away from him, focus on getting the sand out of my hair and from under my breasts, but instead I took the liberty of washing off in front of him.
His eyes sparked from the illuminated end of his cigarette and the pool lights. He took several drags from it, like his life depended on it, as I ran my hands over my breasts and then under the hem of my bikini top to wash the sand away.
My nipples stiffened beneath my top, my stomach contracting as I stifled a few breaths. The water was getting colder, but it didn’t matter. I felt like a fool doing it, but something told me by the blazing hot look in his eyes that I looked good to him. Very good.
My hand skimmed over my belly and then my pelvis. Cane took another drag from his cigarette before putting it out. I watched him as he watched me. Tendrils of smoke drifted out of his nostrils, wisps of it running through his supple lips.
Then I remembered something.
I was supposed to be upset with him. Despite being upset, I still wanted to please him. Turn him on. See if I could get a rise out of him. Knowing I could still do all those things, even with Kelly around, made me stop before dipping my fingers beneath my bottoms to touch myself.
Cane jerked his head away too and looked over his shoulder. As he did, I noticed Kelly stepping outside to meet up with him. She was dressed in a black, one-piece bathing suit, her hair damp like she’d taken a swim a short while ago. I wondered right away if Cane had watched her swim. If he noticed the water trickling between her breasts, which were bigger than mine, and over her lips as she surfaced.
My heart pounded a little harder. I shut off the shower and picked up my bag, hurrying for the door. I could still feel him watching me.
I had to go through the kitchen and living room to reach the stairs. I wanted to run straight up to our floor without bumping into anyone, but I didn’t make it far. Mom was sitting in the recliner, and she took a peek over the lid of her laptop when I crossed the room.
“Oh, there you are.” She smiled and lowered the screen of her laptop, like she was glad to see me. “How was the beach, sweetie? I see you got a tan.”
I nodded, looking myself over. I saw a bit of un-tanned skin was revealed at my waist, where I’d almost lowered my bottoms for Cane. The rest of my skin was golden brown, bronze almost. “Yeah, I did. It was nice. Me and Frank took a lot of pictures.”
“That’s good. I already told Frankie, but Cane is being nice enough to treat us to dinner tonight. We’re eating out and should be ready to go in an hour or so. Dress nice, but don’t overdo it.” She looked at me over her thin-framed glasses, and for a moment I panicked. I felt exposed, like she knew all of my deepest darkest secrets—my fantasies and lust with Cane. Did she know? Had she found my journals and read them? Did she snoop on my laptop? No, she couldn’t have. She wasn’t that kind of mom. She believed in privacy and confidentiality. “You know what I mean by that, right?” she asked as I met up to the staircase with a rapid heartbeat.
“What do you mean?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.
“Don’t give your dad a heart attack by wearing anything too revealing,” she answered with spunk in her voice, like I should have known the answer all along. Duh, I should have known that. She said it to me all the time.
“Oh, yeah! Right!” I looked around with a tight smile. “Where is Dad anyway?”
“He went out for beer.” She rolled her eyes, and I knew that eye roll. They’d probably talked about the beer, like how it could wait until after we went out, or how he didn’t need to drink too much on the first night. Something along those lines. “He’ll be back soon so hurry and get dressed.”
I nodded, taking the stairs by twos after that. When I reached the second floor, I couldn’t help looking to the right. Cane’s bedroom door was open, and only a few steps away. I wanted to walk by and see what was going on, but I wasn’t strong enough. For all I knew, they could have been making out on the bed. Or worse, he could have been finger-fucking her until she came, just like he did to me. He obviously had some practice at it.
I made it up to my room, showered, did my makeup, and got dressed quickly. After helping Frankie with the zipper of her floral dress, we were headed down the two flights of stairs to join everyone.
When we made it to the living room, I spotted Cane standing by the front door with his phone in hand, and Kelly sitting on the loveseat next to Mom, who’d finally gotten rid of her laptop and had changed into a royal blue jumpsuit.
“Oh, girls. Good. You’re ready.” Mom shot to a stand and Kelly gracefully unfolded, smiling at us. “We should get going. Your dad’s waiting outside, and we don’t want to be late for our reservation.”
“Reservation? Sounds fancy already,” Frankie said with a small shimmy of her shoulders.
I reached the door where Cane was still standing. He looked great in his sky-blue button-down shirt and black dress pants. His hair was styled just the same, and even passing by, I could smell his cologne.
He slid his phone into his back pocket, locking eyes with me for a fleeting moment before bouncing them over me.
I didn’t have to look to know he’d given his attention to Kelly.
20
CANE
As long as I don’t look at her, I’ll be fine.
That’s what I kept telling myself, but it was a fucking lie. Why couldn’t I get over this girl? Kelly was on a trip with me, looking beautiful as hell. For dinner, she wore a tight red dress and tall red heels, her hair styled in an elegant updo. She looked amazing, yet I was focused more on the eighteen-year-old wearing the little black dress and sandals instead.
They were polar opposites—Kandy and Kelly. Kelly was sophisticated and neat and classy. Kandy had her classy, neat moments, but she was far from sophisticated. She was reckless, wild. She was everything I shouldn’t have wanted, yet I craved every single inch of her anyway. She didn’t mold her way into society. She was her own person. That reckless spirit of hers was trouble, but it was so familiar to me. She reminded me of myself when I was her age.
Seeing her out by the showers rinsing the sand away surprised the hell out of me. She put on a show—she knew I was watching and that I wouldn’t look away—couldn’t look away. She had me under her spell, and I was certain that if Kelly hadn’t been on that trip with me, she’d have snuck to my room just to suck my cock again right after. I had no doubt whatsoever, and that thought alone made my cock throb and ache.
Dinner was held at a beachfront restaurant. The girls loved it, raving over the view. The sky had transitioned and was tinted with pinks, blues, oranges, and splashes of purple. It was like nothing any of them had ever seen before, so of course, like girls their age do, they took a thousand pictures on their phones until they got the right one. I’d always loved the sunsets in Florida. They always relaxed me.
I did my best to occupy myself with sports talk with Derek, talking about anything and everything in hopes of avoiding a conversation that included Kandy or even Kelly. I got the sense that Kelly knew something was wrong with me. She rubbed my arm or leg too many times and asked if I was okay way too many times to count.
She wanted to get to know me so badly, but if she knew what I was really thinking about, she would have been running the other direction.
“You’re really chugging those beers down, honey,” Mindy said to Derek as he took a hard swig from his fourth beer.
“It’s a good thing I’m not driv
ing then,” Derek laughed, and Mindy looked a little on edge. Her eyes flashed over to meet mine, and I knew that look. Knew it all too well.
See, I wasn’t the only person at that table with secrets. Derek had a lot of them too, and normally he did his best to hide them, but for some reason, he wasn’t that day.
I took Mindy’s looks as my signal to set him straight. “D, how about we go for a little walk, man?” I asked, pushing back in my chair. I focused on Mindy. “If you’ve got room, feel free to order some dessert for yourself and the girls.”
“Oh, Cane. Seriously. You’re being too good to us. Dinner was enough. Thank you, though.”
“Uh—what?” Kandy’s friend exclaimed. I think her name was Frankie. Well, I assumed she was, seeing as Kandy had told me before that she had a best friend. Kandy didn’t exactly introduce us when we showed up at the runway—not that I expected her to. The death stare she gave me was more than enough for me to understand she didn’t want to be fucked with at the moment. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Jennings, but I never, ever deny dessert!”
Kandy giggled.
Mindy laughed. “Well, what would you like, Frankie?”
“The chocolate-caramel cheesecake will do.” Frankie looked at me, batted her eyelashes, and put on a bright, wide smile. “I’ll eat every bite, Mr. Cane. I promise.”
I bobbed my head with a smirk and followed Derek to the gate that was only a few steps away. He was quiet for a few seconds. He knew what this was about. All three of us knew—Derek, myself, and Mindy.
“She’s overreacting,” he said before we could make it down the second set of stairs.
“After seeing you have four beers in less than an hour, I wouldn’t call that overreacting. I’d call that being careful.”
“Nah.” Derek sighed and stopped, focused on the ocean. I looked with him, watching the tide come in, the waves crashing to shore. The water was darker beneath the multi-colored sky. Perfection. “I’m years past what I was, Cane. You know I am.”
“You are, but as your best friend, I have to be honest with you.” I put my focus on him again, taking a step back. “Ever since the shooting, you’ve been drinking more. Mindy has mentioned it to me a few times because she’s worried. At first she was understanding. She felt you needed a drink or two after you recovered, just to feel like yourself again, but you went from buying a pack of beer once or twice a month, to buying one every other day, D. You’re spiraling. You need to talk to someone.”
“What?” he snapped. “I’m talking to you, ain’t I?” He gave me a serious glare, his throat bobbing. He was revealing his defensive side. I knew all about that side, too. It was rooted deep—the part of him that wasn’t proper or well-spoken. His Georgia accent only showed when he was angry, agitated, or fed up. “I don’t need a fucking shrink, man. I’m good.”
“You’re not good. You’re drinking to escape. Plus there’s nothing wrong with seeing a shrink.” I peered over my shoulder. Kelly had taken Mindy to the bar for drinks. Kandy and Frankie were showing each other their phones, most likely gossiping. “Look at your girls, D. They count on you. This vacation isn’t just about you. It’s your chance to heal and bond—to forget about that shit and live a little with your family, you know?”
Derek scoffed. “I don’t expect you to understand, Cane. You’re the fucking CEO of a million-dollar company—”
“A company I built from the ground up,” I added, cocking a brow. “A company that I sacrificed everything for.”
“I know. Shit, I know. I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just…being a cop is rough,” he continued. “I love my job, I truly do. Since I was a boy, I always knew I wanted to be a good guy. The kind that helped people and saved them, you know? I mean, we’re supposed to be the good guys—the ones the world is supposed to trust. But most of us get such a bad rep now because of a few fuck-ups who are way too trigger-happy.” He stopped talking for a moment, giving me a sideways glance. “Fuck, I can’t believe I’m about to tell you this. I haven’t even told Mindy about it,” he mumbled.
“Told her what?”
“Why that guy really shot me that night.”
“Why did he?”
“Because I was black.” Derek scratched at the scar on his neck, as if he could still feel the pain, remember the burn of its graze as it passed by. “The guy was high as hell. I don’t know what he was on—probably meth or some shit. His daughter was on the front lawn when I arrived, and she had bruises all over her body and blood was between her legs. She wasn’t breathing, so I tried to help her—give her CPR or something. Her dad was yelling at me the whole time and kept telling me to back off, that he didn’t want me on his property. Calling me a boy, shit like that. I couldn’t keep an eye on the girl and him, and that’s probably where I fucked up. I should have been watching him. Before I knew it, he’d pulled a gun on me. Told me he’d be damned if he let a nigger put his mouth on his daughter—that he’d rather her die than be tainted by someone like me.”
“Damn, D. Shit—I’m so sorry, man.” I didn’t even know what to say to that. Fuck, what could I possibly say?
“I ran toward the car, but he got my neck. My thigh. But the bullet wounds aren’t what hurt the most. It was his words. They brought back memories, for sure,” he said through a painful laugh. “Really bad ones.” He scratched his head.
I knew all about the memories. Derek was abused as a child. His mom married a man who was, inexplicably, a bigot. Derek’s birth father was black and had died when he was two. I’d seen pictures of his mom, and she was a beautiful biracial woman, but her skin was fair and many shades lighter than Derek’s.
His stepfather was white, and didn’t bother hiding his distaste for his black stepson. That word he’d just used? His stepfather would call him that repeatedly. He would tell him he owned him, and that he would never amount to anything in his life.
His mother knew nothing of it. She loved the man, and Derek wanted her to be happy. Unfortunately, she died when he was sixteen. She was a pretty wealthy woman, a jewelry store owner, but nothing was left for Derek when she passed away. His stepfather took everything and didn’t look back, which put Derek in an orphanage for four months until he got in touch with his father’s brother and moved in with him. Derek hadn’t heard from his stepdad since.
“Fuck, I’m sorry about that. I really am. Like you said, the man was high. And luckily back-up came, right?” I asked. “He’s locked up. He can’t spread that hate around and poison the good people.”
“His daughter died, Cane. If I’d been on my toes and reacted the right way, she’d probably still be alive, you know? It would have been wrong cause he hadn’t touched me yet, but I could have arrested him or something while I helped her. I could have done anything, man.”
“You can’t blame yourself for that, D. You were shot, man. You said yourself that you should have been watching him. You can’t carry that guilt around. It’ll eat you alive.” I blew a breath. After hearing that, I needed a fucking cigarette. Hell, even a hard drink. I grabbed his shoulder. “Look, when we get back to the house, I’ll pour you a shot of my favorite bourbon. Just one, though.”
He laughed, but it was painful and forced, and his eyes were still sad and distant. “Two, and I’ll call it a night.”
“All right, two. But promise you won’t go crazy with the drinking. We’re on vacation, so I get it. But Mindy’s worried about you. You’ll have to tell her what’s going on with you eventually, D. She’s your wife. She deserves to know what’s going on inside your head more than anyone.”
“You’re right,” he sighed. “You’re right. I’ll tell her eventually. I just don’t want her overreacting or pushing for the guy to get brought up on hate crime charges in addition to everything else. It makes me look weak.”
I laughed, and then clapped his shoulder, catching his eyes. “You’re good, though, right?”
“Yeah,” he said, shrugging lightly. “I’m good.” He put his focus on the ocean again. “Thi
s was what I needed. To get away from it all. To not have to be Officer Jennings, but just a husband, a father, and a friend. Not only that, but I’m a lucky man. I can still work. I recovered well and wasn’t trapped behind a desk or on disability.”
“That’s right.” I dropped my hand and watched the rippling water with him. I couldn’t ignore the twitch of pain in my chest, though. My best friend was going through something, and I had been too worried about having his daughter wrapped up around me to notice.
What the fuck was wrong with me? It was clear he needed me. I had to be there for him, like he was there for me all those years ago.
I glanced over my shoulder and found Kandy’s eyes. She was standing now. She’d just finished taking a picture with Frankie in front of the sunset. She turned to look at us, and her smile fizzled, but still lingered at the corners of her mouth when her eyes swung over to lock with mine.
It killed me to do it, but I pulled away, and made a promise to myself to pull my shit together. Not just for Derek’s sake, but for Kandy’s, too.
21
CANE
“What was the whole walk with Derek about?” Kelly was lying flat on her back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling fan.
She’d had a few martinis with Mindy at the restaurant and planned on drinking a little more with her by the pool after they changed clothes and got comfortable. I could tell she was wiped out and was only doing it to get closer to Mindy. Kelly always tried too hard to please everyone, even if it meant stepping out of her comfort zone.
I unfastened my cufflinks, and then unbuttoned the first two buttons of my shirt. “Nothing important,” I mumbled.
“Really? Nothing important? ‘Cause it seems to me that Derek has a little trouble with alcohol. Mindy said he’s hard to handle when he drinks, which leads me to believe either he can’t handle his liquor or he’s got a drinking problem.”
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