“What do you mean?”
“I mean, this has happened to me before.”
My brows dipped. “Well, yes, Lora, I’m sure you have been sick before.”
She sighed and got up to grab a washcloth, running it under cool water before she handed it to me. I wiped my face with it as she sat again.
“Kandy, I think we should go to the pharmacy for a pregnancy test.”
My eyes nearly bulged out of my head. “What? Why would I do that?”
Because I think you might be pregnant, Kandy,” she said, laughing hoarsely. “I was expecting once, okay? And I remember that everything smelled like shit, and I could not stop vomiting or feeling dizzy.”
“B-but I can’t be. I—can’t have kids. My doctor said it would be near impossible.”
“Yeah…Cane told me about that.” Her eyes dropped, but I tried to catch them.
“He did?”
“He was drunk when he admitted it. He kind of slipped up.”
“Oh.” I lowered my head.
“It was before Kelly died. That’s why I really asked Jefe for the favor. Because she took something from you that no woman should ever have to live without.” Her eyes locked on mine. “The right to be a mother.”
Her words, although intense, warmed my heart. I loved that Lora cared, but I still hated how Kelly went, even though I hated that woman more than anyone. If I was pregnant, I was pretty sure she was flipping in her grave. “I accepted the situation a long time ago, Lora,” I murmured with a shrug. “Maybe not before Kelly died, but I didn’t need her dead to come to terms with it.”
“Yeah, well, you shouldn’t have had to. You deserve so much, Kandy.” She grunted as she stood again. “If you’re feeling sick, this is a good sign. It means that maybe something’s happening in there and that all hope isn’t lost. Let’s get the test, see what it says. If it’s positive, you’ll have something special to tell Cane tonight.”
“What?” I grabbed her hand before she could walk off. “No, Lora. We can’t tell Cane until I know for sure that I don’t lose it. My doctor said that even if I became pregnant, it could result in a miscarriage.” My vision blurred as I looked her over. “And if I do lose it, I don’t want him to witness it or know about it. I don’t want him to feel like he has to take this on his shoulders after everything he’s been through already.”
She looked me over and I could tell she thought I was wrong for wanting to keep it a secret, but eventually she nodded. “Okay. Fine. I won’t say anything if you don’t want me to.”
I’d kept a secret of hers before. I knew she’d keep mine, too. Of course, it wasn’t right to withhold this kind of information from my own fiancé, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up too soon, or his either. For all I knew, I just had food poisoning or a virus. And even if I was pregnant, I didn’t want him to get excited, only for something terrible to occur.
I looked down at the cushion-cut diamond on my ring finger, remembering what all it stood for the night he’d proposed.
“Everything you go through, I’ll be here for you. As long as you promise to communicate with me, and to not keep me in the dark, we will get through it. No matter what it is,” Cane said, looking me in the eyes as he slid the ring onto my finger. It was a perfect fit. He was still on one knee, giving me his all.
“And the same goes for you,” I murmured, looking from the ring and into his eyes. “As long as you communicate with me, I’ll always be here for you. No secrets. No lies.”
He smiled, leaning up to kiss me on the lips. “You like the ring?” he asked when our lips parted.
I huffed a laugh, holding my hand up and staring at it. “I love it, babe.” I dropped my arms, throwing them around the back of his neck. “I love it so much.”
After so many years of struggling and almost losing everything, he didn’t deserve to be put through another loss. I knew telling him was the wiser thing to do, but for the sake of his peace, I wanted to be sure before I said anything. I couldn’t afford to ruin our happiness again.
Three
CANE
“What do you mean there’s not enough fuel?” I was standing in front of my private jet, focused on my pilot, who was, unfortunately, getting the bitter end of my attitude. All I wanted was to get home, take a shower, and relax. I’d had a long few weeks, working with new clients for new franchises. I needed a damn break.
“I apologize for the inconvenience, sir,” said Blake, my pilot. “I arrived here two hours before your arrival, like I always do. I spoke to those guys over there, and they told me they’d just used the last of what they had on two other jets.” He pointed to the orange-vested men gathered around a work station. “They said there would be more delivered in a few hours, so as soon as they fill the jet, I can call it in and make a new plan for flight.”
I shoved a hand to my hip and pinched the bridge of my nose with the other hand. “This is unbelievable. They knew my flight was happening, and they didn’t think to order more fuel?”
“I’m sorry, sir. If you’d like, you can wait on board. It shouldn’t be more than a few hours. The Wi-Fi is on, and the flight attendant has drinks ready.”
I pressed my lips. “It’s fine,” I sighed. “It’s not your fault. I’ll wait on board, but keep me updated.”
“Will do, sir.”
I turned away from Blake, going up the stairs to get on the jet. As I boarded, I spotted the flight attendant standing by the mini bar to my right. “Good afternoon, Mr. Cane. Would you like me to make your favorite?”
“No. A little too early for scotch. Thanks, though.”
With a grunt, I sat down, pulling out my laptop and cellphone. I decided to give Kandy another call, but there was no answer. I placed the phone down, frowning. She was acting strange this morning, and it wasn’t like her not to answer my calls, no matter what she was doing. I assumed she was busy. Probably taking a shower or eating—something of that nature. She was going to be starting her senior year in about two weeks, so she could have been preparing for that.
Ever since I’d proposed to her, things had shifted. I could tell she was happy, but even I knew that deep down, more would change for her. Not only that, but she still hadn’t told her parents yet. She wasn’t sure how to break the news to them, especially with Derek. She knew Derek wasn’t keen with having me around, but being engaged and then married meant I wasn’t going anywhere, and he would have to deal with it.
I had no doubts about asking for her hand in marriage. I wanted her around for the rest of my life and didn’t want her getting away from me again.
The time we spent in Belize was refreshing and exciting, not to mention we fucked a lot. I’d even found new trigger spots of hers that made her roll with orgasms. During that trip, I didn’t work at all. I dedicated all of my time to her, and fell even more in love with that girl. I’d bought the ring three months prior to Belize, after all. I carried that velvet box with me, feeling the weight of it in my pocket every single day, waiting for the perfect moment to ask. When it finally came, I went for it, and I had no regrets.
Three hours later, the jet was fueled up, and Blake announced that he was ready for takeoff. I closed my laptop and buckled in, but just as I was about to turn my cellphone off, a number popped up on my screen. I didn’t know who it was, so I ignored it, but they called again. I ignored it once more. Then the same number sent a text message, and when I read over it, I couldn’t believe who it was from.
Mr. Cane, This is Eden St. Claire. It would be wise to answer the phone when your new sponsor calls.
What the hell?
Just when I thought my life was getting easier, a message from her shows up. Now, out of all times. Now, when my life was just starting to turn around. Of course there was a storm coming. We’d had too much bliss, and it was due time, but what in the living fuck could Eden St. Claire want?
Four
KANDY
“This is fucking insane,” I huffed, sitting on the counter. Lora
was standing beside me, reading over the instructions of the pregnancy test.
“It’s really fucking simple, Kandy Jennings. Just pee on the stick.”
“I don’t mean that—I just mean, all of this.” She peered up, and I focused on her eyes. “The doctor told me I had an 85 percent chance of not carrying a child. I don’t want to take this test and be disappointed.”
Her gray eyes shimmered as she studied mine. She then blinked quickly, taking a step back and sighing. “Look, Kandy…I understand why you’re afraid. I would be, too, but you can’t let that fear stop you from dealing with the situation. You’re going to hate me for saying this, but I really think you should tell Cane now. He’d find you the best doctor in town to make sure you don’t lose the baby.”
“If there is a baby,” I corrected, “and even so, that’s my point. Cane has overbearing tendencies. If he knows, he won’t rest until he’s spent every dollar and sought every option possible to make sure this works out.” I ran a hand over my stomach, lowering my gaze. “I don’t want to put him through that.”
“Well, you have to tell someone else you trust, Kandy. Someone who can get you an appointment with a good doctor, who will give you good advice and protect that little bean.”
There was only one person who came to mind that I knew wouldn’t judge me but would move heaven and earth if she knew there was a fighting chance for me to have a normal future. My eyes shifted over to my cellphone beside me and I picked it up, exhaling.
“There’s only one person I can think of.”
“Who?” Lora asked.
“My mom.”
“Well, call her! Moms like to help. But first,” she said, ripping the plastic of the pregnancy test open, “piss on the stick so we aren’t jumping to conclusions.”
I jumped off the counter, and she handed it to me. She turned for the door and closed it behind her, and I glared at the stick, as if it were a foreign object I’d never seen or heard of.
Walking to the toilet, I lifted the lid. Deep inside me, I knew something was going on. After I thought about it, I realized I’d had a collection of odd symptoms for a while. I was sluggish, fatigued, and everything smelled horrible. Not to mention my boobs started aching really bad last week, but I thought it was because my period was about to come on.
It was best to get this over with.
I pushed my pants and panties down, then squatted over the toilet. My body resisted the urge to pee, probably sensing the stick and refusing to give it an answer. I closed my eyes and breathed, and finally did what I had to do, capped the end and placed the stick on top of the commode. I flushed and waited.
And waited.
And waited some more.
When I took a peek, I couldn’t believe what I saw. Two pink lines. So bold and absolutely clear.
“Holy fucking shit!” I screamed.
“What?” Lora’s voice was loud, and she pushed the door open, barging into the bathroom. She rushed to my side, but I couldn’t stop staring at the stick, and when she noticed too, she gasped and hugged my shoulders, hopping up and down a little. “Holy fucking shit is right! Bitch, you’re pregnant!”
Five
KANDY
I tried not to freak out as I washed my hands and then grabbed my phone. I needed to call Mom. I didn’t know how to handle this.
“I’ll give you some space. Call me if you need me,” Lora said, walking out the door, but she didn’t get away without me noticing the big grin on her face. She was excited, but I was nervous as hell.
I watched her go and then went to Mom’s name in my contact favorites. Pressing the phone to my ear, the ringing only increased my anticipation, and when she finally answered, I felt my heart drop to my stomach. A part of me kind of wished she hadn’t answered.
“Kandy?” Mom answered.
“Hey, Mom.”
“Hi, baby. How are you doing?” She sounded so calm. I hated that I had news that was definitely going to disturb her peace.
“I’m good. I just wanted to call and say hello…” Hello? Seriously? When did I ever say that? I slapped a hand to my forehead. So stupid.
“Oh, well, hi, sweetie,” she laughed. “Everything okay? You normally don’t call just to say hello.”
“I know. Are you busy right now?”
“Sorta-kinda. I’m in the break room, making a few copies for a coworker of mine. What’s going on?”
I paused, chewing on my bottom lip. “If I tell you something, you promise not to freak out about it?”
“It depends on what it is,” she responded honestly.
“Just…promise that you won’t.”
“Okay.” She sighed. “I promise. Now, what is it?”
“Well, Lora took me to a pharmacy, and we grabbed a pregnancy test—”
“Wait…WHAT?”
“Just listen,” I said, holding up a hand, for all the good it did me. “I took it, and it came out positive, so I think I’m…pregnant.”
She was quiet for a while, and my heart banged in my chest as I waited for her to say something—anything.
“By Cane?” Her voice was way too quiet.
“Yes, Mom. Of course Cane. Who else?”
“Were you not protecting yourself?”
“I didn’t see the point, seeing as I had only a 15% chance of getting pregnant and all.”
“I told you 15% was still a big number, Kandy! It’s always smart to protect yourself, doesn’t matter what the odds are.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Mom, I didn’t call to get scolded, okay? I called because I want you to help me. I haven’t told Cane yet, and I want to make sure I’m okay and that everything else is too, you know?”
“Why haven’t you told him?”
“Because I’m worried it could be a false alarm. What if I miscarry? Then what?”
“Have you bled during the past few weeks?”
“No—none. I mean, I had my period a week after Belize, but since then, nothing.” When she asked that, I don’t even know why I didn’t realize my period hadn’t come on last month. Then again, since the stabbing, my periods had become very irregular.
“Well, that’s a good sign. When do you think it might have happened? Conception?”
“It’s hard to say…” My face felt hot. I might be a grownup, and a potential mother, but I did not feel comfortable talking to her about having sex with Cane, my much older fiancé and formerly a close friend of hers.
She lightly cleared her throat. “I can help you, sweetie, but you’ll have to come here. I want to take you to Dr. Bhandari again, see what he can tell us. I’ll call today and schedule an appointment.”
“Okay, that sounds good.”
“I’ll text you and let you know when he’ll have us. I’ll tell him it’s urgent. Anything could happen. In the meantime, don’t move too much. Try to relax.”
“Okay. I’ll try.” I walked toward the window, focusing on the line of trees. “Mom, do me a big favor and don’t tell Dad.”
“Trust me,” she breathed, “I don’t plan on telling him right now, but if there is hope, you’ll have to tell him, Kandy. You can’t hide a whole baby from him.”
“I know.” I dropped my gaze. “There’s also something else you should know about Cane and me…”
“Oh, geez, Kandy! Really? What now?”
“When we went to Belize for our little getaway, he proposed to me…and I said yes.”
“Oh, wow.” She sounded both concerned and excited. I don’t know how that was possible, but her tone couldn’t fool me. She was happy for me, but also unsure about the idea of that. “The proposal must have been beautiful.”
I grinned. “It was.”
“Wasn’t that trip like two months ago?”
“Yes,” I answered feebly.
“And you’re just now telling me?” I could sense the agitation in her voice now. “Kandy, why do you hide stuff like that from me? I’m your mother, sweetie. I deserve to know when my only daughter
has gotten engaged.”
“Yeah, I know, but if I’d told you, you would need to tell Dad, and I didn’t want him to find out so soon. Not until we got closer to the wedding date, at least.”
“And when might this wedding be?”
“Probably after I graduate…but if I am pregnant and nothing bad happens, it’ll have to be when the baby is a few months old.”
“Right.” I heard her inhale deeply before exhaling. “Wow, sweetie, you have so much going on, but it’s a good thing that something can happen for you. I still think you’re too young for a kid, but it makes me happy to know there is a chance. I’ll call you about Dr. Bhandari. I’ll get the soonest date I can.”
“Okay, Mom. Thanks.”
“Of course, baby. Remember what I said. No strenuous stuff and no sex…please,” she begged. “Sex is a trigger, and if you are pregnant and just a few weeks in, that’s the last thing you want to do at such a high risk.”
I nodded like she could see me. “I won’t. I promise.”
“And Kandy?”
“Yes?”
“Don’t hide anything else from me, okay? I’m here for you, and you don’t have to worry about me telling your father anything. I, of all people, know how he is. I know what to tell him and what to keep quiet about.”
I smiled. “Okay. I won’t hide anything else, I swear. Thank you for understanding, Mom.”
“Of course. Love you, honey.”
“Love you too.”
I hung up and pushed my phone into my back pocket. I really hoped Mom could get the soonest appointment possible. Knowing that there was a possibility that I could hold onto this baby meant the world to me. I didn’t want to lose it, so I took her advice to heart and rested for the rest of the day.
I read on my Kindle, watched movies, and sipped on water, because none of the food or smoothies was doing it for me. Everything smelled horrible. The only kind of activity I did was run to the toilet every hour to empty my stomach. Lora came back up several times to check on me and to grin about the idea of becoming an aunt and Cane being a dad. It was adorable, really.
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