by Amie Denman
“Who?”
Julie leaned back on her elbows and made wide circles in the water with her feet. “Ever since you had Carter, I’ve wondered how you were going to tell him someday about his dad, who he is, where he is, why he hasn’t been around.”
Autumn sucked in a breath and wanted to clap her hands over Carter’s ears even though she knew he was too fascinated with the water to hear them and too young to understand their conversation.
“But now I’m wondering about how the dad is going to feel,” Julie said. “When he finds out.”
Autumn poured her cup into Carter’s and waited out her cousin, afraid to say anything.
“You have the perfect opportunity,” Julie said. “Since we’re on his boat.”
Autumn’s head snapped up and she knew her face betrayed every word she was thinking but afraid to say. Too late, she looked away and tried to control her reaction. She could deny it and lie to her cousin, but there were two things stopping her. For one, she doubted she could pull it off considering the waves of nausea and panic rushing through her and certainly showing all over her face. And the second reason was that she had never directly lied to her family about Carter’s father. She had simply declined to tell them the truth.
“It’s too late to tell him,” Autumn said, her voice so low she wasn’t certain her cousin could hear her.
Julie glanced pointedly at Carter and then gave Autumn a look that suggested she had a lot of things she’d like to say. “Do you think he’s listening?” she asked.
“You could test the theory,” Autumn suggested, hoping for any kind of distraction.
“Let’s see,” Julie said, leaning back on her elbows. “For his second birthday, I think I’ll get Carter a choo-choo train and a pet monkey who enjoys juggling dishes.”
Carter continued to watch the water pour from one cup to another without even a flicker of attention to Julie’s statement.
“And a car. Never too young to learn to drive,” Julie added. “Right, Carter?”
He gave her a brief flicker of interest and returned to the magic of liquid movement.
“It’s never too late to tell someone the truth,” Julie said.
Autumn sighed. “I didn’t tell him or anyone at the time because I thought it would hurt him,” she said, almost glad to have the relief of talking through her rationale. The secret had festered inside her for so long it had taken on a life of its own. What if she had confided in someone, anyone, when she found out she was pregnant? She should have told her mom, her cousins, her best friends, but she had clung to that secret as if it were part of the miracle growing inside her. And she also carried Luke’s secret which she had no right to divulge to anyone.
“Why would it hurt him?”
“Because his wife had been gone only a few months, and when…it…happened, it seemed like a one-time deal, an incident neither of us would ever bring up again. It was poor judgement, rash behavior brought on by grief for him.”
“And for you?”
“Even worse judgement and impulse.”
Julie shook her head. “Those things don’t come out of nowhere. You two have had eyes on each other ever since I was old enough to notice such things.”
“But we couldn’t.”
“Why the hell not?”
Carter, who had not appeared to listen to anything they were saying, repeated the word “hell” in a sing-song trio as he splashed the water. “Hell, hell, hell,” he sang.
Autumn closed her eyes and shook her head. “I should have stayed home.”
“You couldn’t miss your brother’s wedding just because you’ve got bigger secrets than the government. And so what that you couldn’t or wouldn’t tell him then, why not now? Enough time has gone by since his wife’s accident. You owe him the truth now and a chance to catch up on what he’s missed.”
“Now it would hurt him even more because I didn’t tell him from the start. He’ll be upset and hurt that I kept this from him.”
Carter smacked the top of the water with his hands and shrieked with laughter at the sound. Autumn grabbed the cups to keep them from floating away, and then she noticed her brother and Luke inside the dining room. Through the glass windows and doors, Autumn saw the two old friends sit down with drinks. She wondered what they were talking about—probably the wedding, the boat, the vacation, maybe their jobs. Her brother had taken a job with a law firm in Detroit a year ago, and he was already excelling. It would be funny if Luke kept lawyers on his staff and was offering Grady a job right now. Great, she thought. It would tighten the family circle until every secret got squeezed into the open.
If she could just get off the ship with her story and her heart intact, she could go home and continue building a life with Carter. As she watched through the windows into the dining room, Luke leaned forward and smacked Grady on the shoulder in a brotherly gesture and then he topped off his glass. The two men had been like brothers all their lives.
“My feet are getting pickled,” Julie said as she kicked them to airdry above the water and then dried them with one of the thick towels a crew member had discreetly dropped off when they first arrived at the pool. “I’m not going to blow your cover and tell anyone what I know, but I also can’t believe everyone else isn’t seeing the truth for themselves. With everyone together on this ship, I don’t know how much longer you can keep up the lies.”
Her cousin was sweet, but straightforward, and the word “lies” stung Autumn as she lay in bed that night listening to Carter’s quiet breathing and rustling against his blankets.
Chapter Nine
Luke did not sleep well. In fact, the way he kicked the covers and rolled around was practically a crime against the thousand-thread-count sheets and designer duvet chosen by the firm he’d hired to give the Paige Ellen its opulence and style. He loved his stateroom with its thick carpet, rich wood, and expansive windows, but he’d never spent such a lousy night in it.
It was the conversation with his lifelong best friend Grady. The talk that centered initially on the wedding, the cruise, and how their jobs were going had then shifted to the personal. When was Luke going to get back in the saddle and find someone? Grady had meant it nicely and probably thought Luke was still too grieved over Vanessa’s loss. There was only one person he’d openly confessed his true feelings to. He’d told Autumn that night she’d brought him dinner, but Luke was pretty sure she’d kept it to herself.
When talk had turned to Autumn who was visible through the glass windows playing with her son, Grady’s expression had clouded. “I’d like to take a swing at the bastard who got her pregnant and hurt her so much that she wants nothing to do with him and won’t even mention his name. My sister deserves far better than a one-night stand.”
Luke couldn’t disagree even though he was guilty of having a one-night stand with her—a fact that he was sure would earn him at least one black eye and a few stitches if Grady ever suspected.
And so, in his bed with its smooth sheets and its deep comfortable mattress, Luke had lain in the dark, eyes open, wondering if and how he could take his friend’s advice. Get back in the saddle. Sure. There had only been one woman since Vanessa died, but he couldn’t tell Grady that fact. And he didn’t know how he was going to continue to resist Autumn for the next four days of the cruise.
Temptation was both sweet and explosive, he thought, walking on the refreshing deck the next morning. He tried talking himself into joining a club or having a social life again, anything to keep his mind occupied and fill his evenings with something other than working on his laptop. He paced his private deck, and then went down to the main deck, hoping to bump into someone to take his mind off his worries.
However, as he came around a corner he found Autumn looking at the sea. She held her son on her hip and had her cheek pressed against his. Luke wished he could hold her close and press his cheek to hers.
“You still owe me a game of pool,” he said in a cheerful tone that didn’t match the dar
k night he’d just endured.
Autumn turned and smiled. “I thought you were avoiding me.”
“Why would I do that?” Luke could think of a very good reason, especially in the shadow of last night’s conversation with Grady.
“Because you’re afraid of losing,” she said. “I should warn you that I haven’t lost my touch.”
He was quite sure he didn’t want to think very hard about Autumn’s touch or remember too closely that night she’d spent in his bed. It was already a hot morning on deck and he didn’t want her to see him sweat.
“Perhaps I’ve been playing on a nationally-ranked travelling team for the past two years, leaving a trail of broken pool sticks in my wake across Europe.”
She frowned and cocked her head. “You haven’t,” she said, her words mostly a statement with only a question mixed in. The hint of question reminded him that they had been completely out of touch—had there been a Christmas or birthday card?—since that night. How different their lives had been. She had become a mother and what did he have to show for his time? More inventions, patents, a new factory…all important to the men and women who worked for him, but what would his legacy be?
“I’m almost afraid you’re serious,” she said, “judging from the expression on your face. I hope you didn’t destroy the hopes of future champions.”
He laughed. “I thought you said you weren’t gullible anymore?”
Autumn swatted his arm behind her son’s back where he couldn’t see the move.
Luke rubbed his arm dramatically and grinned at Autumn. “I’ve only played a few times, all of them on this boat, and only with business associates I either wanted to intimidate by defeating or flatter by losing. No one with your cutthroat talent and skill.”
“I’m flattered.”
“We have hours until lunch,” Luke said, moving close enough to her that Carter reached out and grabbed one of the buttons on his polo shirt.
Autumn laughed. “Be careful, he likes to pull on things. Hair is a favorite right now, but he’ll tug on anything he can get a grip on. He’s very determined.”
“I admire that quality,” Luke said, taking the boy’s tiny hand in his and giving it a ceremonial shake as if they had just conducted a business deal. The small fingers curled around one of his for a moment, and then the child reached for his buttons again. “May I?” Luke asked Autumn as he held out both hands to Carter.
Autumn gave him a skeptical look. “I don’t know, he doesn’t usually go to strangers.” But even as she said the words, her son held out his arms to Luke. “Okay, maybe being on this boat has loosened his inhibitions.”
“It has that effect,” Luke said, wondering if being at sea might mean a second chance for him and Autumn and loosen their inhibitions, no matter how impossible a future between them would be.
He took the boy and held him securely while Carter’s tiny fingers toyed with the buttons on Luke’s shirt. Luke noticed that Autumn’s face was varying shades of pink and red, and he wondered if she was upset about handing over her closely guarded baby to someone or if perhaps the heat was getting to her.
He felt warmth, too, but it was a different kind. Holding the baby close to him, his small trusting body pressed close, made Luke wonder what it would be like to be a father. He hadn’t known his own dad, and the closest he had come was Bill Benedict who was this child’s grandfather. Would this boy ever know his real dad, and was that man so cold-hearted he was willing to miss out on a chance to hold, love, and shape his own son?
“Let’s go inside,” he said, his voice gruff with sudden emotion unleashed by Carter’s soft skin and sweet baby smell.
When they entered the air-conditioned lounge with the massive billiard table in the corner, Autumn pulled some toys from her bag. “You can put him down on the carpet and he’ll probably play with these blocks long enough for one of us to sink the eight ball.”
“I’m not planning to make any mistakes, so this could take a while,” Luke said. Autumn stood close to him as they both watched the boy pick up a red block and try to connect it with a yellow one. He could smell her scent of mint and flowers, at once fresh and seductive. He wanted to slip an arm around her and hold her close. What would she do? Would she relax against him and even raise her lips to graze a kiss along his jawline?
“He’s a patient boy, and he loves to build things. Luckily for us, that’s a new set of blocks so there’s a certain shine to them that will keep him busy.”
Luke walked over to the corner and took a stick from the rack. He handed it to Autumn, letting his fingers brush over hers as she took it from him. She smiled at him, but her face was half in shadow. The traditional stained-glass light hanging over the pool table was like those found in billiard halls and bars all across the country, and it lent an informality to the room. It also cast a glow over half of Autumn’s face as she leaned one graceful hip against the table and regarded Luke as if he were her prey.
He would be happy to be ensnared by her, but he had a feeling she was going to make him earn every move.
“Break?” he asked.
“Of course,” she said. “Since I’m your guest.”
He racked the balls tightly in their black triangle and stepped back from the table. Autumn chalked her stick and flashed him a grin before she leaned over the table and took careful aim. Luke knew he should be paying attention to the game, but his eyes were trained on her sweet behind as she leaned forward. He wanted to put a hand on each curvy cheek and hold her against him while he kissed…
A loud smack caught his attention, and he glanced at the table in time to see the balls flying. Two striped ones dashed into pockets and Autumn smiled with satisfaction. “Looks like I have stripes,” she said. She stepped back and took a quick look at her son who was out of range of any flying pool balls and happily arranging stacks of blocks on the carpet. “Good luck,” she said.
Luke took two laps around the table, trying to decide which angle of attack would benefit him the most. Corner shot? Ricochet? He tried to focus on strategy, but then a flowery scent would waft to his senses and he would forget he gave a damn about winning the game.
“You’re stalling,” Autumn said. “Want my advice?”
Luke laughed. “Would it be actual advice or would you be trying to throw me off my game?”
“There are easier ways of doing that,” she said.
Luke stilled, his heart and mind racing with all the things about Autumn that would quickly and fatally distract him from his game. Her long soft beautiful hair. Her eyes. Her smile. Her hands that could toss a ball in a game of catch but had also tantalized him. He closed his eyes, remembering her fingers entwined in his hair, moving down his body, taking and giving so much pleasure they forgot they were old friends, almost siblings. But not siblings. Not at all.
“Are you okay?” she asked. “This concentration is killing you. You should just throw caution to the wind and take a shot.”
He laid his stick on the table. “That’s exactly what I was thinking.”
Autumn didn’t reply, but she also laid her stick across the table. Her hand trembled until he put his over it. They were almost nose to nose, both of them leaning one hip against the table. Luke was glad for the solid surface in a room that felt as if it were filled with shifting sand. One tiny move would have their lips touching.
“Tell me to back away if you want to,” he said, his voice low.
“I don’t want to,” she whispered.
Although the table blocked their view of Carter, Luke could hear the boy quietly babbling as he played with the blocks and clicked them together. Without waiting any longer, he kissed Autumn. Her lips were soft and sweet under his for the first few seconds, but then her kiss took on an urgency that seemed to express pent up need and desire. He remembered the same experience from that night they’d been together. It had rained, he remembered the steady downpour outside creating the background noise for their lovemaking.
Wrapping his a
rms around Autumn, Luke steered her closer to the corner where the light was dimmer and they wouldn’t be seen by anyone walking past. He threaded his fingers through her hair, breathed in her scent, and reveled in the small noises of satisfaction she made as he touched his tongue to hers and they danced. His hands moved down her back and she melted against him, making him wish they were a whole lot closer to his private cabin where they could—
A shriek interrupted them and they broke apart. Autumn realized what was going on before Luke did, and she disentangled herself and rushed over to Carter. A dozen thoughts rushed through Luke’s head before he realized it had been a happy shriek from the boy followed by laughter as he waved two colorful blocks in the air. Autumn scooped up her son and held him close, not looking at Luke.
“Everything okay?” Luke asked.
Autumn nodded, still not looking at him. She pointed to the blocks in Carter’s hands and said “blue” and “red” very distinctly, obviously hoping he would repeat the words.
Guilt replaced the rush of fear and surprise in Luke’s gut. No matter how much he loved the feel of Autumn’s skin and body under his fingers, did he have the right to take her away from her son? But what about her? Just because she had a child doesn’t mean she can’t have a life—and she had been just as willing a participant in the kiss. He had no doubt of that.
“Should we try to finish our game of pool?” he asked, hoping to bring Autumn back to the delicious place they’d been just a moment before.
She looked up and gave him a tentative smile. “Maybe later? I think I’ll take this little guy for a walk on the deck. Birds?” she asked her son. “Biiirds,” she repeated.
“Bah,” Carter said.
Luke laughed. “I think he’s getting close.”
Autumn gave him a genuine smile then. “I swear he only repeats the things I don’t want him to.”
“He has a difficult streak just like his mother?”
Autumn drilled him with a stare, but she didn’t look angry. She looked puzzled as if something had just flashed across her mind that made her wonder about it. Was she thinking of the boy’s father, whoever he was, and what traits Carter had inherited from him?