by Lynn, Sophia
He started to speak, but she shook her head.
“I didn’t mean to say that.”
“Was it true?” he asked, when what he truly wanted to ask was is it still true?
“Oh yes,” she said, as if sharing a fact that he should have known a long time ago. “It was. It was . . . what I felt for you was profound, and even if it was only a girlish infatuation, it went right to the very core of me. I loved you. Please . . . don’t ask me anymore.”
“I won’t.”
He didn’t, but after a moment, he reached over the console toward her, and he took her hand. There was something immensely right in that moment, driving through the thicken spring foliage and holding hands with the woman who seemed to have, all without his noticing, taken his heart.
***
Wentworth Nature Preserve was just as beautiful as she remembered it, and when they got out of the van, there was the traditional flurry of making sure they had all their gear and putting sunblock on the girls and on each other. They walked from the parking lot down a broad paved trail, Mina and Leah in the enormous stroller while Katie insisted on her Aunt Rose carrying her.
“So where are we going with all this?” asked Halil, who was carrying a bag full of food and a tote full of water.
“Right over there,” Myriah pointed, and she had the satisfaction of watching Halil’s eyes open wide.
Hidden from the road by a rocky outcropping was Caine’s Falls, a humble but intensely lovely little waterfall. The water, heavy with the spring melt, threw itself off the cliff some four stories above their heads, falling all the way down to fill an enormous pool cradled between two layered rock walls. The entire effect was magical, especially when you saw the light hitting the water just right, turning it into gems.
The girls clapped their hands with delight, and Myriah turned to them, squatting down.
“All right girls, time to listen up. We’re going to stay up here in the shade for the most part, all right? I know everyone wants to try to play in the water, but it’s still very cold. We’re just here for a picnic and to play in the sand, all right? Food. Playing in the sand. Maybe a nap, okay?”
There was a babble of little baby voices. She wasn’t sure if they fully understood, but she supposed that it would have to do for now.
While Halil got the blankets spread out and the food unpacked, Rose and Myriah fussed with the babies, getting them settled.
“You know,” Rose muttered quietly. “Once the girls drift off again, because they’re going to, I bet, you can take off for some fun time with Halil.”
Myriah stared at her sister, feeling something oddly like shock in her heart. She knew that her little sister was a full-grown woman, but the idea of her saying anything even a little bit suggestive was a little incredible to Myriah.
“Why would I, that is—”
“If you don’t know what to do with a man like that when you get him alone, big sister, do you mind if I try?” asked Rose with a mischievous smile.
“Don’t you dare!” Myriah exclaimed, and then she blushed at how easily she had played straight into Rose’s trap.
“Really? Don’t I dare?”
“Rose . . .”
“No, don’t worry, big sister. There’s a lot going on between the two of you, and right now, all I really want to do is to graduate and to spend some time making things happen for you.”
“Making . . . things happen for me?”
“Yes. Because you’re certainly not making them happen for yourself.”
“Rose, I don’t know what you think is going on . . .”
“Sure. I’m just the dummy who’s studying to get into med school. But what I’m saying is that after we eat, after we get the girls settled, maybe you want to go and to get some time alone with Halil. It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, would it? Even if you don’t want to take my suggestion about what to do with those abs, maybe you could talk and figure some things out?”
Rose’s face softened slightly, and she reached over to squeeze Myriah’s shoulder.
“This hasn’t been the easiest time for you. There’s a lot going on, and I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t think you genuinely wanted to spend the time with Halil. Talk, walk, do something that helps you figure things out. I’ve been a little worried.”
Myriah thought that she was going to cry all over again, and she nodded. She wished it was as easy as it must look from Rose’s perspective. It made sense that Rose wanted her to have a talk with Halil and figure out what she wanted from him.
She wished she knew herself.
***
As she was often wont to do, Myriah had packed too much food. She wasn’t a particularly good cook, but she could do the basics pretty well, and by the end, the three girls had been stuffed full and were drowsily and adorably lolling around on the blanket in the shade. Leah was already drowsing, and Katie and Mina were staring at an early cricket as Rose watched over them carefully.
Myriah was tempted to simply let things continue as they had been going, but then she saw Halil watching her out of the corner of his eye.
It was too early for ticks, but still warm enough that she could wear shorts and a T-shirt. The T-shirt was an old one, cut up to shorten it and nearly paper thin. It was comfortable, but now she remembered how well it fit her, and the glance made her blush a little.
“Halil, Rose said that she would be all right watching the girls for a little while. Would you like to go for a walk? There’s a really short trail that takes us up to the top of the waterfall, if you would like to see it.”
Halil glanced at the sleeping girls, and at Rose who gave him a big grin and a thumbs-up. Myriah could have smacked her forehead over Rose’s lack of subtlety, but in the end, she had very little to talk about given her own best efforts.
“If Rose is sure she won’t be overwhelmed or need a hand?”
“Rose is very sure, and Rose has been looking after her nieces since they were a few hours old,” Rose assured them. “Go ahead. We’re going to be fine down here, I promise.”
Halil nodded, thanking Rose, and then he glanced at Myriah. “Shall we?”
The trail was a narrow one, taking lazy zigzags up the rock to the top. Myriah wondered if the trail had been less tough when she was a kid or if having three little girls had made her more tired than she was. More than once, Halil gave her a hand up a steep portion of the trail, and she leaned into his strength. Even so, by the time they gained the top of Caine’s Falls, she was red and slightly out of breath. She rolled onto the ground, staring up at the perfect blue sky, and she was only vaguely aware of Halil coming to sit beside her.
“It’s gorgeous up here,” he said with a quiet awe that made her smile.
“It is. Rose and I were brought here as kids, so of course we’re fond of it, but it really is gorgeous. I wanted to share it with the girls. And I wanted to share it with you.”
Halil looked touched, and he reached down to touch her cheek gently. She happened to turn her head at the same time, and instead of her cheek, he found her lips. Almost by instinct, Myriah parted her lips, her pink tongue tip darting out to taste Halil’s skin. The taste of him, so unexpected and perfect, made her purr, and Halil groaned.
“Do you have any idea what you are doing to me, Myriah?” he asked, and Myriah leaned up on her elbow, feeling her body start to prickle with the electricity that he could produce so quickly. That time in the penthouse had only sharpened her appetite, and right now, she felt as keen as a whetted knife.
“No,” she said softly. She felt as if her eyes were too bright, her skin too sensitive. “Tell me what it is I am doing to you.”
Halil’s eyes locked on hers, and she thought all over again of the space between the stars. She could fall forever into this man and never find an end to him, and for some reason, it made her feel safe. For a moment, she thought that Halil wasn’t going to answer her, and then he smiled.
“It’s complicated, but then I suppose
that it has always been complicated when it comes to you. I look at you, and there are so many things that I want to do to you, and with you, so many things that I want to make you feel, but that’s far from the end of it. Sex . . . well, maybe that’s where it all began, but the truth of the matter is that it hasn’t been just sex for a long time, if it was ever that.”
“Should I be offended by that?” Myriah said teasingly, and he threw his arm over her belly, bringing her a little closer to him.
“Never. I look at you and I see all the history between us, and I see you with your pretty little hands wrapped around my heart. You’re tangled up inside me, and so much so that you feel like a part of me that I only found again after so much time missing.”
Myriah’s breath caught in her throat, because whatever she had expected, she had not expected this. This made her feel as if she were falling through space, and this time, there was no way to see the bottom. Perhaps she would tumble forever.
“I look at you, and I want you,” Halil said finally. “Whatever that means, whatever that includes, I want all of you, and as time goes on, I’m afraid that I can’t accept any less.”
“Then don’t, Myriah found herself saying, looking straight into his eyes. “Don’t stop.”
Even with her consent, Halil moved slowly, reaching out to run gentle, almost worshipful, fingertip touch over her face. Even this light touch sent butterflies through her stomach, sparks of fire shooting down to her toes. She reached for Halil as well, but he gently pushed her hands down.
“No. Let me touch you. Let me make you feel good.”
“You always make me feel good,” she murmured, and he smiled.
“I know that hasn’t always been true in the past,” he said. “I hope I can make it true in the future. Close your eyes.”
She wanted to look at him, but when she closed her eyes, it made her feel even more deeply inside her own skin. She could feel the soft grass underneath her, she could hear the sweet roar of the water, and she could exult in the way Halil was touching her, sweet and kind as the late spring breeze.
She felt him tough her gently over her clothes and then under them. She felt him run his mouth along the shell of her ear and down the most sensitive skin of her throat. It was just on the edge of too much when he nibbled at the base of her throat, but she even liked that, the effort that it took to lie still and to simply receive the pleasure he was offering her.
When he tugged down the soft elastic of her collar and pulled her breasts out from the shallow cups of her bra, Myriah almost opened her eyes. She had a vision of how she must look, lying on top of the peak, her hair spread around her head in a halo and her pale breasts bared to the light, but then she felt Halil coming over her, sheltering her with his body as he bent his head to her breasts. She whimpered a little when she felt his tongue slide over her curves. Did he notice that they were bigger than when he had first met her, or that there were stretch marks there when there were never any before? If he did, he obviously didn’t care, and she blindly brought her hands down to tangle in his hair as his mouth became even more intimate with her curves. When he brushed his teeth over her nipples, she could feel how taut and tight they were, how very much she needed his touch, and that was before he started to slide a hand up her thigh.
“Halil . . .”
“Yes?”
“I want you,” she sighed. “I think I’ve wanted you from the moment I laid eyes on you. I didn’t have the words, and things are so very different now, but none of it matters. I just . . . want you and need you so very much.”
His hands stilled on her. She almost wished that she could open her eyes to see how he had taken that, but then he started to move again, his mouth a little more savage, his touch a little more demanding. She loved his gentleness, she loved the fact that he had in within himself to be so very sweet with her, but she loved this too. She loved being able to feel his desire, and with whispered words, she told him how very much she loved his touch.
In a matter of minutes, her underwear had been tugged down to her knees, and she was more exposed to the sun than she ever had been. The risk of it, the idea of being so exposed with only Halil to look after her, was almost dizzying, His fingers sought and found her, opening her up with a mixture of savagery and care that made her cry out.
At any moment, Myriah expected Halil to lose the rest of his control and come over her, to pin her to the ground and claim what they both now knew was his. Instead, his fingers worked her with a skill born of innate knowledge and a deep familiarity with her body, and Myriah felt as if she was overflowing with sensation. She was a thread stretched too tight, she was a cup on the verge of overflowing, and then she spilled.
Her eyes flew open when her body boomed with feeling, her hands coming down to grip at Halil’s arm. Her eyes were full of the gray sky over her, and then Halil was there, covering her body with his, kissing her, murmuring Arabic words in her ear that she didn’t understand with her mind, though in her heart, she thought perhaps she understood.
I want you. I need you. I love you . . .
She drank in Halil’s kiss as though it was the purest water, wrapping her arms around him. She could feel the tension stitched through his body, feel his hard cock pressed against her hip. She wanted him with every fiber of her being, and now she was beginning to realize that this longing could live together with her caring for her daughters, their daughters. This was a part of her as much as being a mother was, and no, he would never hurt any of them, never, ever . . .
She felt the heavy drops of cold rain.
“Wait, what . . .”
She and Halil sat up as the large drops came splashing down around them. The rain was frigid, and Myriah hastily arranged her clothes more appropriately.
“Do you think it’s going to clear up?” asked Halil dubiously, and she shook her head.
“Nope, I think that this is shaping up into a good old-fashioned rainstorm. We need to get down the mountain.” She hesitated. “I, um, I’m sorry we didn’t get to—”
Halil grinned at her.
“If you don’t think that I enjoyed what we did together, I have taught you nothing. Come on. We need to get back down to Rose and the girls.”
The way down was easier than the way up, and they made the journey hand in hand. Something had changed between them again, though she could not have said what it was, and Halil’s presence by her side made her feel as if everything was going to be all right. There was still so much that they needed to say, so much that they needed to do, but at some point, it would be all right because they were who they were.
The rain was falling steadily when they reached the picnic site, and she could almost feel the panic that radiated through Halil when he saw that it was empty, everything packed away or disposed of as if they had never been there.
“Where are they?” he growled, already reaching for his phone. “We need to call the police, or . . .”
“No,” Myriah said in surprise. “Rose had the keys to the van, didn’t she? She probably got the girls undercover. Come on.”
It was just a short walk to the van, but the entire time, Myriah could feel Halil vibrating with tension, as if at any moment, he might call in a squad of bodyguards to dispatch. She remembered the first night that they had spent together in Ealim and how she had awakened to find guards on the door.
“It’s all right, I promise,” she said, and Halil offered her a tight smile. She could see that nothing was going to make him feel better until he saw the girls, but by the time the van came into sight, she was almost as tense as he was. Worry was catching, and by then the rain was sleeting down so that it was impossible to tell if there was anyone in the van at all.
There’s no way that anything happened to them. None. Rose and I have been coming here since we were little girls, and she’s been watching the girls since they were born. It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine . . .
Despite her thoughts, she joined Halil in his dash across the
parking lot, and to her relief, when they opened the doors of the van, bright music spilled out.
“Welcome back, mountaineers,” said Rose with a slightly smug grin. “Took you long enough.” Rose blinked, tilting her head a little. “Is . . . Is everything okay?”
Myriah nodded, giggling a little.
“Everything’s fine. We just got stuck in the storm, and we got a little stressed out when we couldn’t figure out what had happened to you.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I should have texted or—”
Halil shook his head.
“No. Myriah was right. She knew you would be fine. I should have trusted her instead of running off as if I thought everything was on fire—wait, why are there only two babies?”
Myriah blinked when she realized Halil was right, but then Rose pointed to the foot well of the rearmost seat, where Katie was sleeping as soundly and deeply as a rock.
“She got comfortable and went to sleep back there, and since I didn’t know how long it was going to take you to come down the rise, I thought I would let her keep at it. I’ll get her now.”
In the front seat, Myriah sneaked a peek at Halil, who was just now getting his color back. She hadn’t realized how afraid, how very upset he had been. She remembered how he had been called back to Ealim when his cousin’s baby had been kidnapped, and she flinched a little.
“Are you all right?” she asked, and he managed to find a smile for her.
“I am. Don’t worry about it. I think I’m just about ready to be home and to climb out of these wet clothes.”
Home, Myriah thought with pleasure.
“Yes, that’s a great idea.”
***
It had been such a full day that the girls were unusually drowsy. Even Katie, who was full of get-up-and-go, only made a token protest when Myriah said it was time for baths and bed.
“They’re like little sacks of flour,” Myriah said, fighting the girls into their pajamas, and Halil laughed.
“Precious little bags of flour,” he said, and Myriah couldn’t disagree.
She noticed that he lingered over the little girls that night, standing in the doorway even after they had started to breathe evenly with a calm and exhausted sleep.