by Dani Rene
“Not always.” I shrug. “Sometimes, it’s more a form of analysis than healing. Not every admission heals the pain that’s held in the soul.”
“That makes my heart hurt,” she tells me.
The sentiment tightens my chest, and once more, I find her inches from me. I lean in, thinking she’s going to step back or slap me, but she doesn’t, so I take a chance and press my lips to hers.
Heat sears me. The way her mouth molds to mine has every inch of my body responding with need. Nea places her hands on my chest, and I think my chance has passed, but she doesn’t push; she pulls me closer. I want nothing more than to climb into her body and get lost in the sweet warmth I’ve fantasized about since she walked into my house.
A soft whimper escapes her mouth, and I steal it with my own. My tongue darts out, wanting to deepen the connection with her, and she allows me by opening herself to my exploration. Our tongues dance and meld, twisting around each other, and I’m drunk off the flavor of her.
When I finally break the kiss, I step back and take her in. Her body is so much smaller than mine, her cheeks are flushed with a rosy hue, and her eyes are wide, glassy, and filled with need. And I know that feeling matches my own.
“I’m . . .” I don’t know what to say to her. Do I apologize for kissing her? Or do I straighten and walk away?
“I wasn’t expecting that.” Her voice is husky, and I can’t help but smile at her. She’s so alluring when her guard is down. She looks so free, allowing whatever she’s feeling to take hold of her.
“Neither was I,” I tell her honestly. And it’s the truth because I was certain she was going to slap me. Come to think of it, even if she did, I would’ve kissed her because it’s her fire that makes me want her even more.
“Was that . . .? I mean, did you mean to do that?”
Her question makes me chuckle. It’s a strange thing to ask someone who’s just kissed you, but there’s a quirkiness to her that makes me grin like a fucking teenager without any responsibilities or heartache.
“Of course I did,” I tell her. “Why wouldn’t I want to kiss you?”
Nea shrugs, then her cheeks darken even more. I love watching her shyness take over, and I take a step toward her. She doesn’t move away, so I cup her face in my hand and swipe my thumb over her cheek— the softness causing my mind to run wild with thoughts of the rest of her silken skin.
I tried to stay away from her, but every time she got to work, I would go to the office just to greet her. Not because I wanted to obey her rules, but because I wanted to see her. To feel inspiration hit me like a fucking wrecking ball to the heart.
“Nea.” Her name falls from my lips as a plea. “You’re the first person to see my art and understand it.” Her eyes are wide, looking up at me like I’m something more to her than just her boss. I can’t deny, there’s definitely tension between us. But I don’t want to take advantage of her and make her think that her job could be on the line if she denied me.
“Your art speaks volumes, just like your eyes,” she tells me earnestly. The rawness of the truth laced on every word. She’s right. “You’re one of the most broken men I’ve ever met.”
“Life breaks us all.”
“But we talk about it. We allow people in.”
“Do you allow people in?” I challenge her, and that’s when she finally steps back. It looks as if I’ve just slapped her with my words, and my chest aches at the thought of me hurting her. “I didn’t mean—”
“I’ll go get ready.” Nea turns and leaves me staring after her. I should follow her and talk to her, apologize, but I’ve never been good at showing emotion. As resignation takes hold of me, I head to my bedroom to get changed. The event will start in an hour, and I’d like to make sure I’m there to greet the who’s who of society in New Orleans. Hopefully, Eli and Kate will be here to break the tension that’s become so apparent between Nea and me.
I’ve fucked it up once again.
Shay would be the one to tell me that I broke everything I touched. Just like I broke her, but she doesn’t realize what she did to me. One thing Nea was right about was that I don’t allow people in. I’ve never been an easy person to be around and, over the years, it’s only become worse.
Shrugging on my suit jacket, I look in the mirror to ensure my tie is straight. The black suit, white shirt, with the deep purple tie, was meant to show Nea that I can be frivolous with color. Even if it’s only in my art or my tie. But she’s angry. She’s probably going to avoid me all night.
My phone vibrates on the nightstand, and I pick it up to see Eli’s name flashing at me.
“What’s up?” I answer.
“We’re running late. Be there at about seven-thirty,” he tells me. “Can you behave until we arrive?”
I want to tell him that I’ve already kissed her. That I’ve already fucked it up, but I don’t. “You know me, Eli,” I say instead. “I’m always the gentleman.” This causes him to laugh out loud because he knows I’m talking bullshit.
“Yeah, sure. See you soon,” he says before hanging up.
Hopefully, he can help me fix this shit I’ve caused.
Chapter 13
Nea
In the office, I take long, deep breaths. My lips are still tingling from the kiss. The heat of him, the taste of him, is all over me. I feel it right down to my bones. I’ve never had a reaction like that to someone before. Yes, he is hot, he’s gorgeous, but I can see that the pain is holding him back. And I don’t know if I can put myself through that just to feel pleasure for one night. If that’s even what he’s wanting.
The desire from his kiss was apparent. He wants me just like I want him. But is that enough to fight the ghosts that he’s holding onto? Is it enough to fight the demons that so clearly plague him daily?
I can’t even make sense of the paintings. The purple and black, the colors that were so passionately thrown onto the canvas and melded as if two lovers were entwined together. There was something visceral about it.
Sighing, I pull open the zipper to find the dress he bought for me to wear. And when I pull it out, I can’t stop the gasp that tumbles from me. I had seen it earlier, but now that it’s free of its confines, I can’t help but really take it in. The bodice has been embroidered with small diamonds that shimmer when the light catches it.
“This is breathtaking,” I tell myself, wondering if I’d be able to pull off something so elegant. I’m not one of those poised women that seem to be born in dresses like this. I’m a tomboy at best, with jeans and tees being my clothing of choice. This is on the other end of the spectrum.
I quickly change, realizing its late. And when I pull on the undergarment, the silken material caresses my skin. I can’t wear a bra with this, so I take mine off. Thankfully, I don’t really need one since I’m not all that big up top. I can’t help smiling when I finally pull on the sheer material, and the outfit comes together.
In the corner of the office, I notice a full-length mirror that wasn’t there yesterday, and I realize Julian must have put it there for me. Stepping in front of the glass, I take in my figure, hugged by the sleek design. I look like someone else. Taking my hair, I attempt to pin it up into an elegant style with the hairpins I have in my purse. Allowing a few tendrils to hang free, they frame my face. Next, I pick out my small makeup pouch and add some liner along with eyeshadow, which is a deep purple, hoping it won’t look too goth for Julian and his fancy friends.
Lastly, I grab the box he’d brought into the office earlier and open it. Inside are a pair of shimmery silver pumps that don’t have too high a heel, and I feel like running out of here to thank him. I’m not great in heels, so these are perfect. I slip the shoes on and take a final look at myself in the mirror.
Twirling around, I take in every angle as a smile tilts my lips. If he kissed me earlier, perhaps I can impress him tonight. Can I even break through those high walls he has up?
The memory of his words to me hits me right in the c
hest, “Do you allow people in?” He’s right; I’ve closed myself for so long I haven’t had a proper relationship with anyone. My father walked out, my mother died, and all I was left with was heartache. Even though I had guys in college, it wasn’t serious. None of them were because I knew the moment I let someone in, they’d only leave. They’d only walk away just like my dad did.
Talk about daddy issues.
Rolling my eyes, I take a deep breath and open the office door. As I make my way down the hall, I come into the kitchen to find Julian nursing a beer. He looks up the moment I step into the room, and I notice how his dark eyes widen as he drinks me in along with the bubbly alcohol he’s swigging.
“Thank you for the outfit,” I tell him. I’m not sure what to say after what happened outside, and I suddenly feel shy. It’s been a long time since someone has made me feel anything, and yet, even after a week, Julian has made me feel almost every emotion I could think of.
“It suits you,” he tells me. “I wasn’t sure if a dress would be right for you, but . . .” His words filter off, his eyes still lingering on me, from my toes to the top of my head.
“But?” I step closer to him, wanting him to open up, to tell me what’s going on in that mind of his. I don’t close the distance between us because even as I stand opposite him with the counter between us, I can feel the need sizzling in the air. It hangs heavily, as if it’s a thick cloud that’s always going to hover just out of reach.
“But you scrub up well.” His gruff tone is the only indication he’s affected by me. By how I look.
“So do you, Mr. Elliot.”
He opens his mouth to say something, but just then the doorbell rings, and I realize it must be the caterer for the event. Instead of waiting for him, I go to open the door, allowing them to set up what they need.
The party is in full swing an hour later. People are mingling, looking at the art, and I haven’t stopped smiling since we opened the doors. I’m holding a glass of champagne when a couple walks up to me.
“You must be the new protégé,” the woman says, holding out her hand. “I’m Kate, and this is Eli. My husband and Julian go way back.”
“Oh, it’s lovely to meet you,” I say, shaking her hand and her husband’s. They look at me for a long moment before I ask Eli, “So, you’ve probably seen his art before?”
“I have, but not often. He’s never enjoyed showing off his talents.” The man is handsome, and Kate is utterly stunning, and I can’t help my appraisal of them. They make a stunning couple.
“That’s shocking,” I tell him. “He has a natural flair for capturing emotion on canvas.” I sip my drink, hoping my words haven’t sounded too forward. Too excited for me to be just his employee.
“He is one of a kind. I’ve seen some incredible talent from Julian, and always told him to put it out there. I’m glad to see he’s listened,” Eli tells me. “And don’t let him upset you in any way. The man is a grumpy asshole when he wants to be.”
“Am I?” Julian’s deep drawl comes from beside us, causing Eli to chuckle. “I thought you said you’d be late,” Julian tells his friend as they shake hands. I take note of how Julian kisses Kate’s knuckles as he lifts her hand to his mouth.
“We were, and then Eli drove like a bat out of hell to get here on time,” she informs Julian with a smile. Eli places his hand on her lower back before he presses a kiss to her cheek.
“She loves when I do that.”
Kate rolls her eyes, causing us all to laugh. The comfortable banter amongst them hits me with a pang. In this moment, I miss Phee. I wish she were here already, beside me, offering me the advice I so clearly need when it comes to my new job, my new life.
“I think we should check out Julian’s paintings,” Kate says. “It’s lovely to meet you. Hopefully, we’ll see you soon?” It’s a question that has me nodding even though I’m not sure they will.
“Yes, I’m sure,” is all I can muster before they leave me with Julian, who’s staring at me. I can feel the burn of his gaze on the side of my face. I don’t know if I should look at him because if I do, I know I’ll be lost in those dark eyes.
Stay professional.
“They seem to like you,” he says when I don’t speak.
“I didn’t know a man like you had friends,” I tell him, but offer a grin to ensure he knows I’m joking. And it works because he guffaws. The sound is like music to my ears. I haven’t heard him laugh before, I mean truly laugh, and the smile on his face makes my heart leap wildly in my chest.
I take him in for a long moment. I was right, the corners of his eyes crinkle when he grins, and it only seems to make him even more handsome than before.
Chapter 14
Julian
I’m just done saying goodbye to Eli and Kate at the end of the night when I head back into the gallery to find Nea tidying the glasses by setting them on the trays.
“You don’t have to do that, Nea, they’ll be back in the morning to collect everything,” I tell her. It’s almost midnight, and I know I should probably drive her home, but instead, I offer, “There is a guest room. I’d prefer you to stay tonight. We’ve both been drinking, and it would be safer.”
“Are you sure?” She turns to regard me, her eyes shining, and I can’t stop myself from closing the distance between us. Everything inside me is calling for me to kiss her, to touch her soft skin, to pull her into my arms. But there’s that sliver of doubt that I’m not meant to do this. That I’ll only hurt her.
“Yes, I’m sure.” Even as I say it, I’m not sure I’m talking about the glasses anymore, or even her staying over. There’s an underlying confession that’s sitting on my lips, just waiting for her to say yes, to give me the green light and tell me she feels something between us as well.
“Thank you,” she whispers, her lips curling into a gentle smile, shy, yet her eyes hold fire that has me moving forward, wanting to be burned in her flames.
“Julian.”
“I can’t help it,” I tell her honestly. “I don’t know why I want to kiss you.” It’s the god’s honest truth because I can’t explain what this girl is doing to me. She’s sunshine and light, but she dresses like nighttime and darkness. She’s a walking paradox, and I want more of her.
“Did you ask me to stay because you wanted to have sex with me?” A glint of defiance shimmers in her eyes. She crosses her arms, which brush against my chest, sending electric sparks shooting through me. The music is still playing, offering a dark soundtrack to the desire currently coursing through me. The melodic sounds chasing away the fear that’s held me captive for so long.
“I asked you to stay because I don’t want you going home alone.”
“I can safely take a cab,” she offers, gesturing with her chin to the door, but I shake my head. I don’t want her to leave.
“Not tonight,” I inform her.
She looks at me for a long while. I can see her mind whirling with responses she can offer me. But I hope to all that’s holy she doesn’t say no. Taking a step back, I offer Nea some space, but I don’t turn my gaze away from her.
“Okay,” she finally says. “But, I need something else to wear.” She gestures to her clothes, making me laugh. She’s still draped in the expensive purple ensemble, and I wish she didn’t have to take it off because she looks exquisite.
“I have some sweatpants and a T-shirt that should fit,” I tell her. She nods, and I hold out my hand to her. Silently, Nea slips her palm in mine, causing something inside me to click. Something almost relaxing. I have been on edge for years. Since Shay left, I’ve only focused on drinking myself into oblivion and getting lost in the fact that I don’t have a fucking clue if I’ll ever paint again. But with Nea here, everything feels different.
“Thank you,” she says again, and it’s starting to feel like our ritual. Her thanking me, and me wanting nothing more than to kiss her. To feel her mouth against mine, molding and submitting.
“You don’t have to keep thank
ing me,” I say as we make our way down the hall toward the guest bedroom. I push open the door and show her inside. “You’re my employee, someone I need to keep safe.” I know it’s a lie. She’s captured my attention so much more than any employee ever should.
“I’ve been taught to be polite, and saying thank you is the polite thing to do.” This is what she tells me as she moves through the bedroom, allowing her fingertips to trail over the curtains, the bed linen, even the smooth wood of the vanity.
“Well, you’ve already thanked me for a lot. You have no need to keep doing it,” I tell her adamantly, causing her to turn to regard me with those arresting eyes. “I’ll get the clothes so you can get changed. There is an attached bathroom if you’d like to freshen up. I can leave the items on the bed for you.”
I nod before shutting the door behind me, leaving her in the room. For a moment, I lean against the cool wood, hoping it will calm the storm raging within me, but it’s no use. I sigh, making my way to my bedroom to grab the sweats and tee for her. Just the thought of her draped in my clothes has my body aching. But I tamp it down and grab the items.
When I return to her, she’s not in the room, but I notice the bathroom door is shut, and I hear the shower. Setting the clothing on the bed, I leave, heading straight for the living room and the whiskey bottle awaiting me. My body is tense, my shoulders tight with the awareness of her presence.
I haven’t been alone with a woman in this house since Shay, and the thought of Nea sleeping only a couple of doors down from me has me on edge. I sip my drink, opening the patio doors to clear the air in the house. Being such an old building, I find that at times it feels claustrophobic, but perhaps it has something to do with the dark-haired beauty.
I settle on the bench overlooking the vast gardens. With my mind not entirely here, I don’t hear Nea coming out since she’s barefoot. Feeling her presence is what has me turning my head, and my breath gets caught in my throat.