by Jane Anthony
I turned on my heel and stormed up to my room, slamming my door shut. Something crashed from downstairs right after. AJ was pissed, but so was I. How dare he involve himself in my affairs? It was completely unacceptable. I’d been on some absurd roller coaster of emotions for weeks, and it was because of AJ all along. Why would Jameson listen to him? Why wouldn’t he just tell me my brother was acting like an insane dictator?
The anger had me pacing around my room like a caged animal, wearing a track in the already timeworn hardwood floors. I needed music to drown out the noise in my head. I chose the loudest, raunchiest album I could find, popped it on full volume, and laid on my bed letting it wash over me until I felt calmer. The fan spun lazily overhead, pulling my concentration to the blades instead of thinking about what an incredible butthead my brother was. This bullshit was exhausting. If Jameson wanted me, he’d come to me. Plain and simple.
It was dark out when my eyes popped open. When did I fall asleep? The comforter was tangled around my body like an anaconda, and my hair was slicked to the side of my head with sweat. For a second, I didn't even know what day it was, but everything came rushing back as I regained more consciousness. The stereo had been turned off, so AJ must have come in at some point.
My mouth was dry, and I had to pee. I jumped out of bed and headed for the bathroom, passing AJ’s room on the way out, but he wasn’t inside. It was late. Where was he? I did my business then started down the stairs. The house was dark. AJ wasn't down here either. The light in the fridge was blinding as I tried to grab a water. I winced and looked away, slamming the door shut and welcoming the darkness.
Banging echoed in the distance, and I caught sight of a square of brightness hovering in the pitch black of our backyard.
AJ was playing.
I slid the patio door open to listen better. The cymbals crashed and the snare drum snapped. The steady pounding of the bass drum reverberating in the quiet of night reminded me of a time not too long ago. AJ was upset. He was lashing out on his drum set, burning off whatever aggression he still carried as a result of our fight. I wished I knew what was going on inside that reticent brain of his. He said I didn’t know Jameson as well as I thought. Maybe that was true, but what did he know that I didn’t?
JAMESON
My stomach was in knots pulling up to Morello and Son’s the next morning. I dreaded seeing her and being forced to look at the hurt I’d put on her face. Just like every morning, she was there, setting up the coffee pot for the day. Her long hair was tied into a messy knot at the nape of her neck. Wispy tendrils fell around her shoulders and ears, and her lips sparkled with fresh pink gloss. She smiled brightly when she saw me coming. Relief washed over me. She wasn’t upset anymore. “Hey, you,” I said.
“Hey, yourself,” she replied smartly. Her eyes danced over me briefly as she made her way back to her desk. My initial assumption was wrong. She was still upset, but there was something more to it than that.
AJ crashed through the back door, scowling at Jillian first, then me, before bursting through the shop door slamming it as he went.
This was bad.
“What was that all about?” I asked her.
“Oh, Stalin and I had a discussion regarding the new sex-free office zone last night.” She slapped the spacebar on her keyboard, and the monitor sprang to life. “Seems to be new policy. If he’s not gettin’ any, neither can anyone else.”
I ran my fingers through my hair, scratching my scalp. “I think you lost me, cutie.”
“He told me about the little conversation you guys had. You know, the one where he gave you a job in lieu of getting in my pants, and you agreed? Well, this is Jillian Morello signing off.” With a little salute, she turned back toward her monitor. “I’ll make it real easy for you to keep that pact.”
I was definitely wrong. She was pissed. More than pissed, she was downright hostile.
“Jillian, it’s not what you think.”
She stared straight ahead at her monitor and answered without missing a beat. “Don’t tell me what to think, don’t tell me what I need, just go in the shop and do your job.” I turned my face to the ceiling and blew out an exasperated breath, then turned and walked out of the office.
AJ was in the process of doing a brake job on a Jeep Cherokee. Now, I was mad. It was one thing for him to voice his concerns to me but quite another to tell them to her. “AJ!” I stormed over to him letting the door slam behind me. He glanced at me as I approached, and then turned back to his work. “What the fuck dude? What did you say to her last night?”
He stopped working on the car long enough to answer the question. “Only what needed to be said. Don’t worry, I didn’t tell her about your last girlfriend.”
Grasping his bicep, I jerked him around to face me. “Don’t you ever bring that up again,” I said evenly. “You don’t know shit about what really happened back then. I made you a promise, and I kept it. I never laid a hand on your sister. You fix this thing with Jillian now.”
AJ wasn’t intimidated in the least, regardless of the height difference between us. He was a tough dude, and I could tell he wasn’t going to back down.
“You about done with your rant, Tate? I got work to do.” He turned back toward the Jeep the minute I released my grip. I had no idea what happened when I went home yesterday, but today went from bad to worse in lightning speed.
AJ and I worked side by side in silence the rest of the day. Lunchtime came and went, and Jillian never showed her face in the shop once. It was clear this mess wasn’t going away as soon as I’d hoped. I felt like ever since I showed up there was nothing but friction. By the end of the day, I was actually exhausted from the tense quiet.
“You want me back tomorrow or what?” I peered at AJ from across the garage waiting for him to tell me to go take a hike.
He lifted his trucker hat by the brim, smoothing his hair back with the opposite hand before replacing it back on his head. “Yeah, man. Come back tomorrow. It’s all good.” Relieved I still had a job, I tilted my chin in his direction and walked out the bay doors.
Jillian was waiting for me in the parking lot. The gentle wind picked up the loose strands of hair and blew them around her face. She leaned against my license plate, elbows resting on the trunk as the sun behind her created an angelic effect around her body. “You lost?” I said.
She cocked her head as I approached, the tiny diamond stud in her nose catching the light just right. “I think we need to talk,” she said, crossing her arms over her ample chest pushing her tits up to the neckline of her shirt. I wondered if she did it on purpose just to screw with me.
“What about?” A piece of hair blew across her mouth and stuck to her lips. I reached out and rescued it from its lip-gloss prison, sticking it behind her ear, but she recoiled at my touch like it burned her.
“About this, Jameson.” She rubbed her cheek on her shoulder, as if wiping me off her. “If you and I can’t … If we can’t be together, you need to stop all this.” The desperate look in her eyes was hard to face.
“Stop all what, Jillian?” I linked my thumbs into the pockets of my jeans to keep from touching her again as I waited for her to explain.
Her arms dropped to her sides in huff. She pursed her lips and her eyes fell to the ground before starting again. “Are we friends, Jameson?”
“Of course, we’re friends, cutie. You know that.” I lowered my head slightly to try to catch her eyes with mine. She found my gaze, locking on it and blinking her long lashes at me.
“AJ is your friend too, right?”
I raised an eyebrow unsure of where she was going with this. “Yeah, sure.”
“Do you hug AJ? Run your fingers through his hair? Hold his hand, make dirty innuendos… all those little things you do with me?” Her voice was thick, sorrowful. She pinned me in place with her dark gaze and waited for me to answer.
A lump formed in my throat, and I swallowed hard. I finally understood what it was she was trying to
say. “No, Jillian. I don’t.”
She took a deep breath, and her eyes began to sparkle in the late day sun. She was holding it back, but she wanted to cry. “Then this needs to stop. You need to treat me like you would AJ. Like you would any other friend. You’re just ... not being fair.” A tear rolled down her cheek then another. I wanted so desperately to wipe them away. To hold her and kiss her until those gorgeous lips were swollen, but that was the exact opposite of what she needed from me. She was asking me to leave her alone. She was accepting our situation and trying to make it right.
I stayed there with my hands in my pockets, unsure of what I could possibly say to the beautiful heartbroken girl in front of me. She wiped her face and straightened her shoulders. “That’s all I need to say.” Then she walked away and disappeared behind the building, leaving me standing there freezing in the hot July sun.
Chapter Ten
JILLIAN
The hollow feeling was heavy on my chest. I trudged around the house afraid that if I moved too fast, the shattered remains of my heart would rattle around and cut my other organs. The anger dissipated somewhere around lunchtime, and I knew what I had to do to fix it and make everyone happy. I gave him the out he was looking for, the one AJ expected, and the one that left a little piece of my soul clinging to that Mustang in the parking lot.
We were never really together, but knowing we never will be was more painful than I expected. My chest ached with the resolve that I would only ever be his friend. That I might someday have to live through seeing him with another girl, one who he felt would suit him better.
I moved around the kitchen like a zombie preparing dinner for AJ’s arrival home. I never brought him lunch today, and I knew he would be starving. This was my peace offering. He’ll forget and I’ll forgive, and we’ll continue our lives like we always have. It was just the way it went.
With the timer on the oven set, I retreated to my room. It had barely changed since I was a girl, and I suddenly hated everything about it. The French provincial-style furniture I’ve had since childhood was a hand-me-down from my mom. The gold paint on the edges was all worn away and the bottoms of the drawers had since been replaced due to decay. I’d lined the walls with various posters when I was an early teen, rebelling against the juvenile room I’d been saddled with, and they remained there to this day. The only real change were the blankets on the full-size bed. Once white with yellow daisies, I’d replaced the comforter for one that was a simple black and gray. The room was a mishmash of things I’ve collected throughout the years, an odd contrast between youth and adult, an exact parallel to me. While I was a woman in many ways, I was still a child in so many others.
The front door opened and closed downstairs, and AJ’s heavy boots hit the floor on the mat in the foyer. The stairs creaked under his weight as he ascended, most likely seeking out a shower like every day. “Jill?” I rolled over on my bed and saw him filling up my doorway. He was still in his coveralls and a black mark was on his forehead from where he probably touched it after changing someone’s oil. “You all right?”
Sitting up to greet my brother, I pulled my knees to my chest. He looked tired, and I wondered what time he’d come in from the garage last night. “Yeah, AJ, I’m fine. Just sleepy. It’s been a long day. Dinner’s in the oven.”
“Okay. Just making sure.” He stayed leaned against my doorway, his gaze flitting around the room.
“Is there something else?”
His wandering stare landed on me at my question. He was reading my face, trying to gauge whether or not I was still angry with him. “No, just checking in. I’m going to take a shower. I’ll see you downstairs.” He backed up and walked away, and I heard the shower start up down the hall. I rubbed my face and jumped off my bed, resigning myself to move past all of it.
The old adage was true. Be careful what you wished for, you just might get it. I told him to leave me alone, and he listened. I barely saw Jameson all week. He waited in his car until AJ was here then headed straight for the bay doors instead of coming in through the office as usual. I missed our morning routine, but it was for the best.
Saturday morning, I dragged myself into the office. Saturdays were our busiest day, and I was looking forward to a lazy Sunday. I pulled the keyboard tray out to start my work and found an envelope with my name scrawled across the front. The tiny cursive letters looked meticulously written, almost like a font on the computer. It wasn’t AJ’s chicken scratch handwriting. I tore open the flap and pulled out the flier inside.
Free Concert in the Park! Wild Side, NJ’s Premier Motley Crue Tribute Band.
Saturday, July 11.
I turned the flier over and the same perfect cursive was on the back.
I know it’s not the real Crue, but it should be fun nonetheless. Surely, it’s OK for two friends to hang out sometimes.
A smile crept across my face betraying the warning in my head that this was a bad idea. My heart pounded in my chest. It was the first time I’d felt anything since our conversation last Monday morning.
I was still smiling like a buffoon when AJ came in the back door. He stopped at the percolator to pour himself a cup of coffee before starting his day. “What’s gotten you so happy?”
I folded up the flier and stuck it back in the envelope where it came from. “Just had a good night’s sleep, I guess.” I got up to pour myself a cup of coffee alongside him. “What’s the plan for tonight?” I asked casually, testing him to see if he already knew about the concert in the park.
He shook his head as he blew on the boiling hot cup of black liquid before taking a tiny sip. He winced as it touched his tongue, and he blew on it a second time. “Nothing fun. Just planning on hanging out at home. Why, what’s up?”
I dumped some cream into my cup and stirred more then I needed to, just to avoid looking at him as I prepared to lie to his face. “Oh, nothing. Thinking about getting together with a friend later. Just making sure it's cool if I used the truck.”
Among the many other things we shared ownership of, one was our dad’s truck. It was a beat-up old green Chevy pickup with well over a hundred thousand miles on it, but it was still kicking and got us where we needed to go. I was frequently the only one who drove it. AJ had his own car, a blue ‘85 Firebird, but I still felt the need to ask every time I took it out just in case. AJ’s car was a pile of crap that he repaired more often than he drove.
“Yeah, sis, have at it. You should get together with your friends more. Who you seeing tonight? Stephanie or Megan?” AJ asked, cupping imaginary breasts in front of him when he said Megan's name. Spoiler alert, her boobs weren't even real.
I shrugged and turned back toward my desk. “Maybe both.” My palms were clammy as I pushed papers around my desk, trying to look busy so he’d go away and not ask any more questions. I never was the best at lying, especially to AJ. When we were kids, he usually was the one who lied for the both of us while I hid behind him, my facial expression giving us away. I should just be a grownup and tell him that Jameson and I were going out together, but I didn’t want to deal with another confrontation. It was just easier not to mention it. After all, it was innocent, right?
Jameson’s car rumbled into the lot as AJ snapped the lid onto his coffee and walked out into the shop. He parked and got out, walking through the bay doors just as he had all week, but this time, he looked in the direction of the office. We locked eyes through the window. I put my finger to my lips hoping he understood my message. AJ wasn't to know we had plans. He winked and turned away, his poker face flawless, walking farther into the shop to start his work for the day.
JAMESON
I tried to stay away from her. I really did. It was five of the longest days of my life. When I saw the flier for the concert in the park, my heart swelled knowing how much Jill would enjoy it. It was a sign. We were meant to be friends. We could do this.
AJ made a quick run to the auto parts store, and I took that opportunity to talk to her. Jillian was
sitting at her desk with a pile of receipts in front of her. She heard me approach and looked up from her work. “Hey, Jame, long time no see.” Her voice was magic. Hearing it after five days was like seeing the ocean for the first time. It relaxed and excited me instantly.
I leaned over the desk so I could see her better. God, she was beautiful. The word friends flashed in the forefront of my mind, and I settled down on the couch instead. “So you in for Wild Side tonight?”
Her smile brightened, and she held up the envelope I’d left for her. “Yeah, I’m in.” She licked her lips and her smile faded a bit. “Listen, would it be cool if we didn’t mention this to AJ? It’s just ... he worries, you know? I don’t want to upset him.”
“Yeah, sure, that’s fine. I mean there isn’t really much to say. Two friends hanging out, right?” I was trying to sound sincere, but hearing it come out of my mouth, I was unconvinced. As painful as it was, I pushed our talk from Monday into my mind. I forced myself to remember the anguish on her face to keep from acting foolish and messing this up. I only had one chance to do this, and I had to do it right.
“So I guess I’ll just meet you there. Sound good?” She looked at me for approval, her big brown eyes breaking down my resolve.
“Sounds great,” I said rising to my feet and returning to the shop.
Later that night, I was sitting in my car at the park waiting for her to arrive. Having hung out with Jill constantly over the past month, I couldn’t figure out why my stomach was twisted up the way it was. A Chevy S-10 pulled into the lot and parked next to me and all my innards jumped for joy. She was here.