by Jane Anthony
“Is this the home of an Anthony Morello Jr.?” He looked down at his little pad as he said my brother’s name.
He’s been arrested. He found Jameson and started a fight, and now he’s in jail. “Yes, he’s my brother. What’s happened, is he okay?”
The cop took the hat off his head and began turning it in his meaty hands. His hair was thinning on top. His face would have been completely unmemorable if not for his piercing blue eyes. “Can I speak with your parents, miss?”
“They are dead, sir. Where is my brother?” The way his eyes turned soft and filled with remorse made me ill. He couldn’t even look at me. Goose bumps covered my skin as I waited to hear what the officer had to say. Panic started to rise in my throat for the second time that day.
“There’s been an accident.”
Chapter Sixteen
JILLIAN
My blood was ice. The house spun. My stomach dropped. The uniformed man on my porch became a blur. Then ... vomit.
“Miss, is there someone I can call?” I sat back on my haunches at the sound of the cop’s question. The roller coaster of today’s emotions culminated with me dry heaving in front of my childhood home, the puddle seeping into the ground in front of me hitting home that this was real and not a horrible dream. There was literally no one he could call. AJ was all I had left in the entire world.
“No. I’m fine now. Take me to him. I’ll go get my stuff.” I wiped my mouth and rose to my feet. My throat burned, and my legs were weak, but it took me no time at all to run inside and grab what I needed before meeting the cop out front on my porch again.
Having never been inside of a cop car before, it was weird. I felt like I’d done something wrong. The ride seemed to take forever, and my nails were slowly being chewed to the quick as the streetlights on the highway rushed past. We pulled up in front of Crestmere Hospital and the cop escorted me into the emergency wing. “Anthony Morello Jr.,” I said to the woman behind the desk. She tapped on her computer and picked up the phone.
“Have a seat. The doctor will be right with you,” she said replacing the receiver on the hook.
The uncontrollable bounce of my knee shook the carpeted floor beneath my feet. My hands wrung in the hem of my shirt and the coppery taste of blood filled my mouth as I bit at my lips with anticipation. If I thought the ride here was long, the wait seemed endless.
A young looking man in blue scrubs walked into the waiting area scanning the room. “Morello?” he said.
I scrambled out of my seat. “I’m Jillian Morello. Where’s AJ? Can I see him?”
The doctor extended his hand, and I shook it. “I’m Dr. Walters. I’ll take you back to see him in just a minute. He was hit by a drunk driver who ran a red light.” The doctor demonstrated the accident by using his hands. “Your brother's car was hit on an angle. The other car careened into him hitting him here, in the backseat. He’s extremely lucky the car didn’t make contact with the driver’s side, but the angle of impact forced his seat forward and pinned him between the seat and the steering wheel. He suffered a dislocated shoulder, two broken ribs, and some moderate head trauma. We are still running tests, but he’s been placed in a medically-induced coma to reduce any swelling of the brain.”
The doctor’s forensic recount of AJ’s accident left me numb. He led me into the emergency room. The strong smell of antiseptic burned my nose and made my eyes tear. Along the long wall, curtained off rooms all contained patients injured in various ways. We walked past several of them before the doctor stopped in front of one.
My brother lay motionless in the bed hooked up to all kinds of wires and tubes, while machines behind him beeped in unison. His head, torso, and right shoulder were wrapped in bandages. AJ’s usually stocky form seemed so helpless and small. The context of our last conversation passed through my mind. I told him to leave me alone, that I couldn’t stand the sight of him.
I told him I hated him.
A lump formed in my throat when I realized how trivial it all seemed right now. I sat in a chair next to his bed and took his big hand in mine. His hands were rough and the skin around his fingernails stained from years of working in the shop. I never noticed before, but he had the same hands our father did.
“AJ, I don’t know if you can hear me. I’m here, and I’m sorry.” I laid my head on his arm and listened to the steady rhythm of the machines, feeling so alone. For all the tragedy I've seen in my life, I'd never had to do it by myself. AJ was always by my side. Now, he was on the other end, and I wasn’t sure if I had the ability to be strong without him. We shared a root. Surely, once he wilted, it wouldn’t be long before I did too.
The doctor let me stay there for a long time just sitting with him, but eventually, the time got late and I was forced to go. I was a zombie just going through the motions. The nurse came in with AJ’s belongings and dropped them in my lap. What do I do now? I was stuck there. I’d come with the police officer and didn’t have any relatives to call to pick me up.
The hard rectangle of AJ's phone knocked against my hand, and I fished it out. There was only one other person who I could think to call. My mind raced trying to come up with anybody else who could possibly come get me. I had a couple of girlfriends, but since school ended, we weren’t all that close anymore. I sighed heavily and pressed send.
JAMESON
I was sitting in my room torturing myself with the disastrous events of the day over and over again. It was late when my phone rang, and I was shocked to see AJ’s number. It made me nervous. My first thought: either something happened to Jillian or he was drunk and calling me to fight.
“AJ, what’s up?” There was nothing on the other end at first, and I assumed he’d butt dialed me or something. A faint weepy sound filtered through the earpiece. “Jill?” The crying escalated, and my heart hammered in my chest. Something was very wrong. “Jill. Where are you? What’s wrong?”
“He promised he was never going to leave me.” She managed to get out between sobs.
“Who did? Where are you? Where’s AJ?” Her voice sounded hollow and her riddle terrified me beyond belief. I threw on my shoes and frantically searched the room for my keys.
“Crestmere Hospital.”
“I’m on my way. Just sit tight and wait for me.” Keys in hand, I ran to my car and jumped in.
I raced to the hospital probably breaking a hundred traffic laws in the process. The car screeched into the lot and I found the first available spot. It was far from the door, so I sprinted to the emergency room exit. My chest burned. The automatic doors opened. I bolted toward the hospital desk. “Morello,” I choked out between gasping breaths.
“Jameson?” I whipped around when I heard her meek voice behind me. Her face was puffy and stained from tears. She was clutching a bag of something in her arms like it was a lifeline. She was a total mess, but the sight of her standing in front of me, not lying in some hospital bed, was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. Her knees buckled when I pulled her against my chest and fresh tears shot out of her eyes.
“I’m here, cutie. I’m right here.” Damp strands of hair stuck to her cheeks and forehead. I smoothed it back, dropping my lips in their place. She collapsed into an empty chair. The bag fell from her arms. “What happened? Talk to me,” I said, kneeling in front of her and taking her freezing hands in mine.
Her soulful eyes were red and drowning in tears. “AJ had an accident in the Firebird.” She hiccupped. “Some fucking drunk driver came out of nowhere and T-boned him in an intersection.”
I wiped her face with the sleeve of my sweatshirt jacket. “Where is he now?”
“He’s in a medically-induced coma.” Her skin was ice cold. I shucked off my jacket and rested it on her shoulders. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t know who else to call.”
She crumpled like a sheet of tissue, and I took her in my arms again. “Don’t apologize. I’m here for you, always. No matter what.
“Come on. I’ll take you home.” She slipped her
arms into the jacket and wiped her face with her cotton-covered hands. I put my arm around her shoulders and steered her toward the door. She walked to the car and dropped lifelessly into the passenger seat.
The ride home was silent. She didn't mess with the radio or say a single word, but she’d stopped crying, so that was progress. When we got to the house, I practically had to carry her inside. She kicked off her shoes and flopped onto her bed like a rag doll. I covered her up and sat next to her on the edge. “Get some sleep,” I said rubbing small circles into her back.
“Please don’t leave yet.” She curled up on her side in the fetal position. Her body looked like a tiny lump in her bed. “Will you lie with me until I fall asleep?” Her voice sounded so small, like she was a million miles away. I switched off the light on the nightstand and laid next to her as she’d asked.
Even after she'd fallen asleep, I stayed there holding her tight. I couldn’t bring myself to leave her all alone. Truthfully, I was scared to death. I didn’t want to think about what would happen to Jillian if AJ didn’t recover.
It wasn’t an option.
They needed each other.
Her body thrashed around in the bed. I startled awake, unsure what the hell was going on. I didn’t even remember falling asleep. “Jillian.” She was soaked in sweat and tears. I shook her lightly trying to wake her up. “Jillian, you’re having a bad dream.” Her entire body shook like a leaf, clinging to me for dear life. “It’s okay. I got you.”
Her leg hooked around my waist and her lips danced along my neck. “Hey. Hey,” I said softly. “Just relax, you’re all right.”
“I’m not all right.” She sniffled. “I feel like I’m suffocating. Whenever I close my eyes, he’s all I see. It hurts so badly.”
“I don’t know how to help you, Jill.”
“Just make the pain go away. Even if it’s for just a little while, I need to feel something other than this.” Cold lips devoured mine, salty tears bled into our joined mouths. She was out of her mind with grief. Jillian didn’t want me; she wanted a distraction. There was no affection behind her embrace; it was determined and depressing.
The situation was lose-lose for me. Either I took advantage of her pain and mercy fucked her mindless, or I rejected her when she needed me most. Either way, the result would be the same and I’d end up looking like an asshole.
“Please, Jameson.” She pushed me onto my back, her little body covering mine, biting at my skin and taking what she needed.
It was wrong on so many levels. I should have told her no and put her back to bed, but I just couldn't do it. She needed a temporary release from this tragedy, and I was the only one who could give it to her. I laid back and let her take it out on me as many times as she needed to until sleep finally took her for the night.
Chapter Seventeen
JILLIAN
Jameson and I were still tangled up in each other as the summer sun started to shine through the windows of my room. He gave me what I needed, many times over. I was grateful for the diversion, but the light of morning served as a reminder it was time to be a grown-up and deal with this bad acid trip I called my life.
My gaze dropped to his sleeping face in my bed. What was his motive here? I called him in the night and he ran to me no questions asked. He kissed my tears and whispered sweet words into my ear as he moved inside me. The idea that he could potentially disappear like a thief in the night twisted a knife deep in my gut. I didn't know what I'd do if I woke up and found him gone, but I couldn’t take the risk and put myself in that position. AJ was my first priority now.
I scrawled a note to Jameson on a sheet of scrap paper and left it on the pillow next to him. My big loopy letters were the antithesis of his tiny neat ones.
Thanks for last night. See you around. -J
As quietly as I could, I put myself together and mentally prepared myself to see my brother.
It was early and the hospital was quiet. I got to the reception desk and wondered if it was too early for visiting hours. “Morello,” I said approaching the lady sitting at the desk.
She tapped on her computer and paused as she read the screen. “Anthony?” she said. My skin crawled at the sound of my father’s name. It was my brother’s legal name too, but no one ever used it. I nodded and she handed me a pass with a room number on it.
“Where is this?” I asked taking the pass. She gave me directions to the ICU. I thanked her and walked down the hall of the hospital. He was moved to a room. That had to be a good sign, right?
The nurses’ station in the ICU was empty. I looked around but didn’t see anyone. I found the room by myself and walked in. He looked exactly the same as yesterday and my hopes deflated. I didn’t know why I expected a dramatic change. Just wishful thinking, I guess.
“Hi, AJ. I’m back.” I pushed a dark wave of hair off his forehead as I whispered to him. “Please be okay. I promise I’ll never see him again if you just wake up.” I sat in the seat next to his bed and waited. It was quiet on the floor except for the slight hum and beep of machines and the sound lulled me to sleep.
Rustling in the room made my eyes flutter open. A nurse was checking AJ’s equipment. I stretched trying to relieve the aching pain in my back and neck from the stupid chair. “Hello there,” said the nurse. “Friend or family?”
The nurse didn’t seem like she was much older than AJ. She was blond and perky and her scrubs had puppies all over them. “Family. I’m his sister.”
“Well, I’m the day nurse. My name is Beth.” She pointed to a chalkboard on the far wall with her name and shift times written on it. “If there is anything you need, just ring the station.”
I was well versed in hospital customs. Ringing the station took a night and a day to get anyone in here; it was easier to take care of everything myself. I'd taken care of AJ for years; there was no reason to stop now. “Thanks, Beth. Is there someone I can talk to who can give me an update on his condition?”
Beth looked at her watch. “Dr. Rumson should be coming by in about an hour. She’ll be able to answer any questions you have.”
“Okay, thanks. I’m going to get out of your hair and grab something from the coffee shop downstairs.” I rubbed my eyes and walked out of the room. The waiting game was the worst part of all of this. Our mom clung hopelessly to life for weeks, and there was nothing for us to do but sit and watch.
If only I had a machine that I could use to go back to Saturday afternoon and start over. I would tell Jameson to leave my house and go back to work and none of this would have ever happened.
The thought stopped me in my tracks. The shop. I was so beyond worried about AJ that I hadn’t even considered what was going to happen with it now. Fixing cars was so far out of my area of expertise it was laughable. The only option was to close the place down until further notice. It would result in an absurd loss of money, money we desperately needed now to cover our portion of the medical bills, but I had no other choice.
The deep rumble of my name echoed through the lobby as I neared the coffee shop. Shit. I turned around and Jameson was jogging in my direction. He pulled my crumpled note from his pocket. “You wanna explain this shit to me?” His voice was calm and low, but the anger shone through his dark green eyes.
I shrugged. “What’s to explain? You helped me out last night, I said thank you, and now your job is done. I don’t need you to be here anymore. I’m fine.”
His eyes narrowed. “You’re unbelievable, you know that? Yesterday you were all over me, and today, you treat me like I’m a disease. After everything that’s happened between us, you’re going to push me out of your life now? For what? A mistake I made five years ago?”
I pinched the bridge of my nose with frustration. “I don’t have the time or energy for this right now. What do you want me to say? It was fun. We both got it out of our system and it’s time to move on. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to my brother.” I tried to walk past him, but he stepped in my way.
/> “You wanna feed me that line again? Fine. But I’m not going anywhere.”
I rolled my eyes. “What can I do to get you to leave right -” His mouth dropped to mine with a force that almost knocked me over. My traitorous body responded, pressing against him as my hands found their way into the silkiness of his hair. After everything that happened in the last day, I still wanted him, but it was time to start making decisions with my head instead of my heart. I chose the latter once, and look where it got me.
Savoring the moment one last time, I sucked his lips into my mouth, committing his taste, his smell, and everything I loved about kissing him to memory before backing up for good. “Good-bye, Jameson.”
I walked into the cafeteria and ordered myself a coffee and a bagel, pretending not to notice Jameson loitering out in front of it. When I returned to AJ's room, he followed. He didn’t say anything to me, just stayed a few steps behind and sat in a chair just outside his door.
Settling into the chair cross-legged next to AJ, I sipped my coffee. “Don’t worry about the shop, dude,” I said to his lifeless body. “I’m going to go in tomorrow morning and make a few calls, reschedule appointments. Everything is going to be fine there. I can hold down the fort. You just concentrate on getting better.” I didn’t know if he could hear me, but I remembered reading somewhere that it was recommended that people speak and act just like they can. Besides, me blabbing on and AJ staying quiet was pretty commonplace for us.
“The Firebird is wrecked, but I’m sure you know that. It’s cool, though, because I know a great mechanic. As soon as he wakes up …” I trailed off finding it difficult to speak. My throat felt like it was going to close up. I didn’t want him to hear me crying. He needed to think everything was fine, so he could concentrate on getting better instead of worrying about me. The rapid-fire blinking of my eyelids cleared away the wetness, and I took another swig of my coffee.