by Jane Anthony
“So we’re cool then?”
“Yeah man, we’re cool. Past is past, but you still have your work cut out for you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Convincing me is only half the battle. Now, you have to convince her.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
JILLIAN
Jameson texted me saying he wasn’t going to be able to make it back to work. Considering that horror show slash in his hand, I wasn’t surprised. When the afternoon finished, I closed the shop alone. I was exhausted. It had been a bitch of a day and all I wanted to do was go home, take a hot shower, and go to bed. I felt guilty about not visiting AJ, but I knew he wasn’t going to start crying into his Cream of Wheat because I didn’t show up for once.
A neon pink sticky note stood out against the pitch black of my front door as I approached.
One hundred reasons for me to stay
1. I’m madly, completely, eternally in love with you.
I pulled it off the door and looked down at it. The handwriting was tiny and precise, like the handwriting on so many notes before it. A late summer breeze blew in the air whispering his name into my ear. Jameson.
It said one hundred reasons, but there was only one written on the note. It was confusing and weird. Why would he leave this here? More importantly, when did he leave this here? His car never returned to the lot after it left that morning.
I opened the door and my heart stopped. Three-inch squares of paper in various neon colors lined the walls. They filled the entranceway of my house, snaked around the staircase, and went up the stairs. I stood in the foyer, my mouth dropped open as my gaze darted around the room. With a shaky hand, I reached for the one marked number two.
2. The only place I feel at peace is in your arms
I tucked the bright green square behind the first one and reached for another.
3. My heart never felt whole until you made your home inside it
Again and again, I pulled notes off the wall and stuck them behind the first. Tears streamed down my face as I read the beautiful words scrawled across the brilliant squares of paper.
12. Your delicious cooking has ruined my palette for all other food
24. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had
I followed the notes up the stairs, my heart fluttering in my chest. The outpouring of love and the time it must have taken him to do this overwhelmed me.
47. You rock harder than any girl I’ve ever met
55. Your miniature body fits mine completely when we’re spooning
I neared the top of the stairs and flickering lights illuminated the dark hallway. Tears blurred my vision, but I blinked through them and continued pulling the sticky notes from the wall.
68. (and 69!) You’re a lady on the streets, and a goddess in the sheets
I stepped into the hall; a row of candles shined bright against the dim backdrop and disappeared into my bedroom.
86. My day doesn’t start until I see your beautiful face
99. You’re my past, present, and future.
I pulled number ninety-nine down just before reaching my bedroom door. For the hundredth time, I wiped my face, and then took a deep breath before walking in.
Candles covered every surface of the room. Their shining lights cast dancing shadows up the walls. In the center of the room kneeled the man who, through thick and thin, never stopped loving me. The more I pushed, the harder he held on. He never gave up even when I did.
The twinkling of a hundred lights highlighted his beautiful face as he gazed upon me entering the room. I clutched the stack of love notes in my hand and fell to the floor in front of him plucking the very last yellow sticky from his chest.
100. There is no life without you in it.
“Cutie, I …”
My mouth rushed upon his cutting off whatever he was planning to say. His hands sprang to my back and in my hair as I finally accepted the truth.
We belonged together.
Admitting it to myself was like a weight lifting off my chest. I, Jillian Morello, was utterly in love with Jameson Tate. There was no hiding it. I wanted to shout it into the wind for everyone to hear, to put it on a billboard and have it written in the sky. I wanted to kiss him with everything I had and everything I was.
His mouth pulled from mine and his thumbs padded across my cheeks, drying my tears. “I have so much I need to say. But first we need to talk about this.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. My eyes went wide when I realized it was the receipt from earlier.
“Where did you get this?” I asked in a strained whisper.
He shook his head and took my hands in his. “I understand why you didn’t tell me, cutie, but you need to know we’re in this together. You and me. I promise I’ll be the best dad and, hopefully someday, husband that you guys deserve. If I have to sell my car and buy one of those mini vans or whatever, I’ll do it in a heartbeat.”
The blood ran cold through my veins. The look on his face was so hopeful, almost happy. My face fell and the corners of my mouth turned down. “Jameson. The test was negative.”
Sadness filled his eyes. “I’m sorry, I just assumed …” He trailed off staring at the floor, his smile fading.
“We’re going to have babies someday, Jameson. Just not today.” His eyes sparkled in the candlelight as they lifted to meet mine. I took his face in my hands and pressed my lips against his in a tender kiss, a promise for a future that I know we’ll have together.
JAMESON
Jill and I stayed in bed long after the candles burned out making up for so much lost time. We laid side by side under the covers, our skin fused together so tightly it was hard to tell where her body ended and mine began. A tangled mass of hard and soft that melded together into one singular knot. Our lips brushed together as soft as butterfly wings as I breathed her into my lungs making her part of me forever.
“I love you, Jameson.” Her whisper in the dark reverberated against my mouth and wrapped itself around my heart. My fingers ran through her chocolate hair, and she sighed.
“Say it again.”
A gray slice of moonlight peeked through the blinds just enough to see the outline of her face and the fire in her eyes. They smoldered like embers as they adjusted to the dark. Her hand ran over my cheek and down my neck to the center of my chest. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”
My nose nuzzled against her face and my hands found their way down the roller coaster track of her curvy body. “Can we stay like this forever?”
Her melodic giggle fluttered into my ear. “You promised me a conversation.”
“Mmmmmmm,” I whined, but I knew she was right. As much as I wanted to lie there entwined with her, I needed to tell her everything. I owed it to her to come clean about my past. Keeping secrets had caused so much damage, and I didn’t want there to be anything hidden between us anymore.
I forced myself out of her bed and threw on some shorts, leaning back over to drop a kiss on her head. “I’ll make us some food. Come down when you’re ready.”
Down in the kitchen, I pulled out all the ingredients for the only meal I knew how to make. Tiny footsteps padded down the hall toward the kitchen. “I’m a sucker for a grilled cheese sandwich.” She sauntered in wearing my tee shirt and grabbed a water from the fridge.
Joining her at the table, I took a seat across from her setting both plates down. “I saw AJ.” Nervousness flickered across her face at the mention of her brother’s name. “I know how important he is to you, and I never wanted to be a rip in the ties that bind you guys together. You'd never be truly mine if you were forced to choose, and you’d end up resenting me eventually.”
I paused and took a sip from her water bottle before continuing. My sandwich sat untouched in front of me. “He needed to know my feelings for you were real.” I reached across the table and covered her hand with mine. “Everything's out in the open, and he's fine with this.”
Dampness glit
tered in her eyes. “You have no idea how much that means to me.” Her voice hitched in her throat. “How did you do it?”
“I told him the same story I’m about to tell you.” She watched me expectantly as I began to share the sordid web of lies and betrayal for the second time. Her face registered a whirlwind of emotions as she sat quietly and listened. My eyes fell to the table when I was finished. I didn’t want her to see the shame inside them.
“Where did you go?” Her small voice broke the heavy silence, and I lifted my face even with hers.
“All over.” I shrugged. “South mostly. Made it as far as Louisiana before turning back around. I’d hang out in one spot for a little while, work day laborer jobs for enough cash to hit the road, then move on to the next city. Problem was, of all the places I’d been, none of them felt like home to me.”
“Because your home has always been right here.” She moved to the seat next to mine and placed her hand over my heart. “You’re not meant to be a nomad, Jameson. You’re a family man. I've known that since the moment you returned. There isn’t a thing you wouldn’t do for someone you cared about.” Her hand dropped from my chest and her fingers threaded with mine. “Let’s make a pact right now. We will both stop living in our pasts and start concentrating on our future.”
I looked into Jillian’s beautiful face and saw the rest of my life staring back at me. Perhaps fate had a plan for us all along. We needed to taste the bitterness in order to appreciate the sweet. Jillian Morello was more than my sweet. She was my home.
Epilogue
JILLIAN
I sit up in the dark, my shirt drenched in sweat and my hair matted to my head. A grip tightens around my stomach, and I blow out a strong breath. Checking the clock on the table, I watch the time as another fist squeezes around my midsection. My husband lies next to me, sleeping like a log. I exhale a few short breaths as the pain subsides, only to be wracked with another one five minutes later.
“Jameson.”
“Are you seriously hungry again?” He stared at me with sleepy eyes and the cutest bed head I’ve ever seen. I can’t help but smile, until another spasm rips through my middle causing me to whimper.
“No, I think it’s time to go,” I say, trying to remember the breathing exercises I learned in those stupid classes I took.
“Oh shit!” He jumps out of bed and throws on sweats. Even my extreme discomfort doesn’t keep me from watching the fluid way his body moves around the room. He is ready for this. Probably more ready than I am.
He runs to the closet and pulls out the bag I have prepared as another contraction attempts to tear me in half. I double over in agony, and he rushes to my side of the bed. “Breathe, cutie. You can do it,” he coaches me, blowing out in short breaths. I repeat his actions, and we do the technique together. Strong hands rub small circles in my lower back as he calls the hospital to tell them we’re on our way. As I look up at him getting everything together, I can’t help but feel lucky. His unwavering devotion amazes me on a daily basis.
Jameson wraps his arm around my back as I waddle down the stairs. Five years ago, he stood in this very house and promised he’d always be with me. He’s made me so many promises since then, and he’s kept every single one.
A few months after AJ came home from the hospital, Jameson moved into the house permanently. He was always here anyway, so it just made sense. The three of us lived together for the next year. It was one of the happiest times of my life. The two men I loved most under the same roof. One big happy family. When Jameson proposed, AJ felt it was time to go. We told him he was welcome to stay, but he didn’t think it was right for us to start our new life together with him hanging around. Jameson and I bought him out, and he was able to buy a little house on the other side of town.
Jameson walks me to my side of the car and sits me inside as if I’m made of blown glass. “All in?” I smile at him as he closes my door and jogs to his side. He reaches over me and attaches the seat belt around my enormous stomach. “Gotta protect my precious cargo,” he says kissing my hand as we pull out of the driveway.
When we first found out I was pregnant, he wanted to sell the Mustang, but I refused. That car was what brought us together, and I wanted to keep it. Besides, Jameson loves his car almost as much as he loves me. In the end, we compromised and sold the truck instead. We bought a cheap little SUV. It’s nothing fancy, but it runs good and there’s plenty of room for all our crap.
“Remember, find a focal point.” He glances over at me and puts his hand in mine. I nod and squeeze his hand tightly while trying to breathe through the pain. I focus on the sign in the rearview mirror — Morello and Tate Restoration. The contraction subsides, and I loosen my grip.
After the wedding, AJ drew up paperwork to officially change the name of the business. I was hesitant at first, we’d been Morello and Son’s for over two decades, but he insisted the shop was just as much mine as it was his, and my name belonged on the sign as well. In addition to that, if Jameson hadn’t stepped in to keep the place going after AJ almost killed himself, we wouldn’t even have a business anymore. He worked hard for it and he deserved it. We both did.
At the hospital, they hook me up to the heart rate monitor and IV as I wait for the anesthesiologist to come in with my epidural. Jameson’s hand rests on my swollen belly as it clenches again and my hand crushes down on his bicep. “Damn, baby, watch the guns!” he jokes as the throbbing hurt recedes.
“Okay, next time I’ll just grab you by the balls.” He laughs and pops some music on his phone. He’s been compiling a set list of kickass metal tunes to keep me pumped for this. ‘Music to push by’ he’s been calling it. God, my husband is such a dork. It helps, though, and I’m able to focus on the wailing guitar riffs instead of the cramps. When the epidural finally kicks in, I relax back in the bed and spend the last hours together with him just the two of us.
After the shop had been given a much-needed upgrade, we started making changes in the house to make it our own. I lived there for far too long surrounded by the ghosts of my loved ones, and it was time to move on. With the baby coming, we both decided it was time to move into the master bedroom.
Living in my parents' room was weird. I’d been taking business classes at the local university, and Jameson thought he’d surprise me by giving the room a fresh coat of paint while I was gone. The color was awful, and he ended up painting the entire thing a second time. That man is a friggin’ saint, I swear.
The guttural noises that fly out of my mouth as I’m pushing out our son are like nothing I could recreate in a million years if I tried. This childbirth shit is no joke. He bursts out seven pounds of screaming pinkness that fill my heart so full, it damn near bursts from my chest and flies around the room. I cradle our son in my arms and look at his wondrous little face before looking up at Jameson. His eyes are ringed red with glistening tears as he stares lovingly down at us both. “I didn’t think it was possible, Jill.”
“What do you mean?”
“I didn’t think I could possibly love you more than I already did. Then you gave me this.” His fingertips stroke the soft tuft of hair on our baby’s head and he kisses my temple. “I have you, I have him, and now, I have everything.”
Playlist
Judas Priest – “Exciter”
Megadeth – “Symphony of Destruction”
Megadeth – “Sweating Bullets”
Megadeth – “A Tout le Monde”
Megadeth – “Peace Sells (But Who’s Buying?)”
Spinal Tap – “Bitch School”
Motley Crue – “Wild Side”
Metallica – “Kill ‘em All”
Type O’ Negative – “Summer Breeze”
Dio – “Rainbow in the Dark”
Anthrax – “Aftershock”
Iron Maiden – “Run To the Hills”
Rush – “Overture/The Temples of Syrinx”
Van Halen – “Hot for Teacher”
Pantera – “W
alk”
Chasing Casey
Off Limits Collection
Book Two
For…
…everyone who has supported me on my journey so far.
…all those who read my first book and loved it enough to ask for more.
…my brother and his constant antics and laughter.
…my husband for allowing me to live out my dream.
…anyone who has had the courage to follow their heart.
Thank you.
Prologue
AJ
“Your tie is crooked.”
My sister sets down the small bouquet of daisies she’s holding to adjust the tie she’s making me wear. I feel like a dumbass getting dressed up for an empty church, but it’s important to Jillian so, by default, it’s important to me, too.
“Remind me again why you and Jameson didn’t just do this shit at the courthouse.”
She finishes my tie and steps back, cocking her head as she inspects her handiwork.
“Because. Mom and Dad were Catholic. They’d have wanted it this way.”
Jillian has this insane notion that our parents are watching over us from somewhere better, some place beyond the clouds or whatever. It’s fairy tale shit, but it makes her feel good, so I just go with it. I know the truth, though. I walked along the edge, and I can tell you firsthand; there isn’t anything on the other side. Nothing good anyway.