The lake was not too far away, but the idea of taking her time to enjoy the stroll once she was some distance from the house sent her moving a bit more swiftly than she first planned and, after rounding the corner of a grove of trees, Elizabeth slowed as she sucked in a deep breath. It was perfectly wretched how Kitty had behaved and even more embarrassing that Mr Bingley’s friend, Mr Darcy, happened to overhear her mother’s exorbitant boasting about the promising potential Mr Bingley had, and the wealth of prosperity having him for a son-in-law might bring her. How could she be so careless? Elizabeth thought.
It was fortunate that Mr Bingley did not seem to care for such matters, as opposed to his obviously prejudice friend. Elizabeth could not imagine how it was that he found Mr Darcy to be comparable to herself. Never in her life would she ever behave with such callousness toward another person. Elizabeth considered herself to be more accepting and tolerant of others; often placing the happiness of her sisters far above her own. That was evidence of the kind-hearted nature she truly possessed, and though it were true that she was a bit headstrong, she could never imagine how else to present herself but with full honesty. Even so, she knew how to walk upon the borders of tact, understanding that one’s reputation once marred could never be restored.
She sighed as she continued her stroll, twisting around the curvature of trees in the grove as her eyes flashed out over the silvery water of the lake. She had adored coming to this place as a girl, often waiting the moment when her father would encourage her to accompany him to fish, or simply watch the sun as it set across the water. Her eyes flickered fr0m the scene as she searched out a proper place to sit and reflect upon recent events. The fact that Mr Bingley had felt compelled to introduce her to Mr Darcy still did not make much sense to her and the only thing she could reason as to why he would insist they get to know one another had to be Mr Bingley’s interest in her sister, Jane. Elizabeth’s only fear was that Mr Darcy would be in search of someone who would complement his connections and situation in life; as if the woman he chose to marry needed to fit a perfect set of mannerisms, education and breeding. How Mr Bingley could see her as any of those things was impossible to see. Neither she nor any of her sister’s fit that description and there was not a single thing Elizabeth could do to change how her life had played out.
Oh, how she longed for the days when all she had to worry about was when her father would finally call her to accompany him to the very place she now stood in. Admittedly, Elizabeth most enjoyed her strolls near the lake because of the fond memories she and her father had created along its banks. Today, those memories were shoved aside for other thoughts.
There was something all too upsetting about the way Mr Darcy had regarded her family, and Elizabeth simply could not shake her mind of it. So deeply had he offended her, that Elizabeth wondered how it was even possible for him to peer upon himself in the looking mirror after what he had said to her. To think that he felt entitled to speak so boldly to her after only meeting her at one single ball was perfectly repulsive. She wondered if those of his class were somehow permitted with excuses for their reprehensible behavior simply because of their fortunes. This only served to anger Elizabeth even more so as she considered why Mr Bingley felt she could be swayed to consider Mr Darcy as a potential suitor, though she knew her mother would be overjoyed should she hear of such a development. This too, only caused more rage to boil from within Elizabeth’s soul as she considered how her mother only cared for her daughters entering into the bonds of marriage if such would indicate Mrs Bennet might benefit from it. It was entirely repulsive, and she knew that the candid way her mother had spoken had been the prime reason why Mr Darcy felt they were below him, and Mr Bingley.
The sound of her boot heels falling upon the fallen leaves below her was the only audible thing Elizabeth could hear as she came to a stop, her eyes fanning back out over the water curiously. She tilted her head as a grey shadow flew overhead, and watched in silence as a bird came to rest just a few feet from her, within the clearing she and her father had so often occupied.
“What a beautiful creature,” Elizabeth remarked, recalling how she and her father would search out different water fowl as often as they could when visiting the lake together. She lowered herself to sit upon a fallen log as she watched the bird frolicking along the water’s edge as it searched out worms within the bank. She sighed, feeling a moment’s reprieve from all the expectations her mother had set for not only her, but all of her sisters.
One of the things that concerned Elizabeth most was the fear that Mr Bingley did not truly wish to advance into an engagement with her sister, and how that might affect Jane after he grew tired of her. Worse yet, how would her mother behave if Mr Bingley had no intention of making Jane his wife? She hated how their feelings were completely disregarded when it came to the matter of marriage. It was as if her parents felt obligated to marry them off to the most eligible and wealthiest bachelors lest they feel they had failed in providing their daughters a prosperous future.
Elizabeth did not want to enter into a marriage of simple convenience. No, she desired for something much more tangible and binding. She believed that love could be found within a happy matrimony, and this was all she could imagine accepting should she ever finally marry. Jane, however, seemed to be of the same thinking as their mother, feeling that she could find a happy marriage with someone wealthy enough to provide her comfort and safety. What if Mr Bingley simply enjoyed flirting with her, and had other smitten young women awaiting him in other towns? Such a thing would completely devastate Jane, who was clearly already falling for Mr Bingley.
Elizabeth scoffed as she continued to watch the bird, becoming lost in her own thoughts and the memory of the ball at Netherfield. She had hoped it would all be left behind them, but when Mr Bingley had arrived at Longbourn that afternoon she had to admit she was very surprised. Perhaps, she was simply being too anxious about it all; realizing that no matter what she advised her sister, Jane would ultimately make her own choices, and there was not a thing that Elizabeth could do about it. Still, she wanted nothing more than to see all of her sisters happy, and in marriages that would bring them both prosperity, and bliss. Surely, that was not too much to ask?
Suddenly, the bird lifted, flying into the clouds as Elizabeth watched it in silence. If only life were as simple for her as it were for the bird that soared freely above her, quickly disappearing from sight as it went about its way. So deeply did Elizabeth wish for the same independence. She sighed as she thought quietly, if only I were a bird.
Chapter Five
Mrs. Bennet moved across the parlor with a perplexed expression. “Where is Lizzy?” she asked as her eyes flashed across the room and found her second eldest absent.
Kitty; Elizabeth and Jane’s younger sister; perked her head up and turned to glance back at her mother with a slight shrug. “I am not sure, mother. I have not seen her all morning. Was she not spending time with Jane in her quarters earlier?” Kitty asked.
Mrs. Bennet perked a brow and pursed her lips. “Yes, for a bit of the morning, but Mr Bingley has just come to call upon Jane. As we speak, they are on a stroll through the gardens, but Lizzy seems to have completely vanished; again,” Mrs Bennet remarked.
Kitty blinked back at her as she listened. “Mr. Bingley came to call upon Jane?” she asked excitedly, nearly leaping from the couch as she came to understand her mother’s words.
Mrs. Bennet grinned slightly and nodded as her youngest daughter came bounding toward her. She parted her arms widely and pulled her into her embrace as she inhaled her scent; a pastime that Mrs Bennet had often enjoyed with the rearing of all of her girls.
“Yes, as I just said, they are enjoying an afternoon stroll just now,” Mrs Bennet remarked.
“Well, it seems maybe our fortune shall change after all, mother. If Mr Bingley has called upon Jane so soon after the ball, he must certainly find her appealing. She is, after all, so graceful and beautiful,” Kitty mutte
red.
“Indeed, I always knew that it would be my beloved Jane who would succeed in finding the best and most suitable husband,” Mrs Bennet remarked. “Now, we must only worry about that disappearing sister of yours, Lizzy!” she huffed.
“Perhaps, she went on another of her infamous strolls near the lake, Mother. She seems to run to the embankment as often as possible these days,” Kitty replied. She had observed how her elder sister often tore her jacket from its hook, carrying it off with her bonnet as she skipped away from Longbourn, as if the place made her feel a constant sense of melancholy that Kitty could never quite understand. She enjoyed spending her days in the library and parlor content with just having a comfortable place to lounge throughout the day. Kitty never truly had much interest in securing a rich husband being quite a bit younger than both Jane and Lizzy, and only wishing to see her two sisters be happy with whatever engagement they chose to pursue. She knew, however, that Mr Bingley’s interest in Jane was certain to keep her parents cared for well into their elder ages. Nevertheless, Kitty recognized that her sister, Lizzy, could not shake the notion that it resembled auctioning all of them off to the highest and wealthiest bidder. She recalled a conversation she and Lizzy had shared just the day before as her thoughts shifted;
“Lizzy?” Kitty called out as she peeked her head into the library.
Elizabeth lifted her head and glanced back at her with a light grin. “Good morning, sister,” Elizabeth began. “How are you this morning?”
“Oh, I could not be happier than I feel today. I absolutely loved going to the ball and cannot wait to attend another!” Kitty remarked.
“Well, I am glad to hear that both you, and Jane, enjoyed yourselves. I, however, would prefer to never attend another ball in my life, if at all possible,” Elizabeth muttered.
“Oh, no, but why? I did notice you chose not to dance for most the evening. In fact, I do not think I saw you dance once,” Kitty realized.
“Yes, that is because I find the whole thing to be fraudulent and utterly boring. It is just an elaborate attempt to find excuses for parading young women around so that the wealthiest and highest stationed bidders can find their ideal wife. It is perfectly atrocious to me, Kitty, how mothers behave as if it is an auction,” Elizabeth explained.
“I have never seen it that way. In fact, I think that the break in the monotony is refreshing. Is there nothing that you take joy in anymore, Lizzy?” Kitty asked her with a solemn tone.
“Yes, there are a ton of things I enjoy. I love to read and walk alongside the lake’s edge. I enjoy my own solitude, and the companionship of my own mind. Is that so strange?” Elizabeth asked.
“I find it incredibly sorrowful, Lizzy. I fear that perhaps Mother and Father are right; you are going to have great difficulty to finding a proper husband,” Kitty murmured.
“Perhaps, that is true, Kitty, but I do not wish to bind myself to any person who I do not feel affection for. I feel it would be much worse a sin should I simply agree to wed whomever finds interest in me. I wish for my future husband to interest me also. I wish for more than a marriage of convenience. If I am never to find such a thing, I think it would be much better to become a spinster,” Elizabeth remarked.
“I do not foresee you becoming a spinster, dear sister. You are far too witty, bright, and beautiful to do so,” Kitty muttered.
“Kitty?” Mrs Bennet’s voice broke through her thoughts, and Kitty shook her head slightly as she looked back at her mother.
“Yes, mother?” she asked with bright eyes.
“You seem to have been daydreaming. I have been trying to speak with you for the past few minutes,” Mrs Bennet remarked.
Kitty’s lips twisted into a smile. “Do not worry, mother. I will go in search of Lizzy. I am certain I know where she is,” Kitty muttered.
Mrs. Bennet gave a nod. “Very well. When you do, please tell her I have an immediate need to speak with her,” Mrs Bennet said.
***
Elizabeth’s breath seemed to linger in the air as she watched the lake aimlessly. She could not be certain how much time had passed, but she imagined that Jane and Mr Bingley would be returning back to the main house by now, as the air seemed to dip into a chilling temperature. Goosebumps arose upon Elizabeth’s skin as she shook away the cold.
Elizabeth perked her head and turned toward the sound of crunching leaves behind her. “Hello?” she asked curiously.
Kitty suddenly peeked her head out from behind a nearby tree, and smiled briefly at her elder sister. “Hello, Lizzy,” Kitty said.
Elizabeth tilted her head as a confused expression overtook her visage. “What are you doing out here, Kitty? And with barely a coat and no bonnet?” Elizabeth asked.
“Oh, my coat is fine, sister, and why wear a bonnet when I only came to find you?”
Elizabeth scoffed and arose from the log, smoothing her skirt slightly as she stood. “I was only trying to clear my mind. It seems so many things are changing so quickly in our lives. Soon enough, it may be only you and I who remain at Longbourn with Mother and Father,” Elizabeth muttered.
Kitty grinned as she nodded. “Yes, I know. I am so very excited about the possibility of Jane becoming engaged. Especially, if she is blessed to land Mr Bingley of all gentlemen,” Kitty remarked.
Elizabeth sighed and shook her head. Again, my family is insistent on ensuring the perfect engagement, imagining it will be the answer to all of our lives’ problems.
“Indeed, but since Mr Bingley has yet to ask her, we cannot go making expectations. Such things may truly break Jane’s heart. I only hope she is wise enough not to lift her hopes too highly. Men like Mr Bingley have more than enough choices when it comes to whom they shall choose to wed,” Elizabeth muttered.
“Perhaps, that is true,” Kitty said.
“Have you come to collect me for a purpose, sister? Or are we to stand here discussing Mr Bingley and Jane’s engagement while we catch our death from the chill of the air?” Elizabeth asked.
Kitty shrugged slightly, and stepped past her sister to peer out over the greying waves of the water. “You know something, Lizzy?” Kitty asked with her back turned toward her sister.
“What is it, Kitty?” Elizabeth asked, her eyes following along with her sister’s gaze as she too looked over the water.
“Perhaps, you should find someone who is a mariner,” she stated matter-of-factly. “Since you seem to thoroughly enjoy the water, it would only make sense to become a Captain’s wife, then you would be quite capable of being near the things that give you the most peace,” she murmured.
Elizabeth smiled gently, and with a curt nod as she considered her sister’s words. As strange as it was, there was an obvious flicker of genius within Kitty’s mind, but Elizabeth did not desire simple comfort from her marriage. What she desired most of all was love.
“Perhaps,” Elizabeth remarked.
Kitty spun around suddenly, a few loose tendrils of her hair seeming to dance with the wind as a gust blew through the trees. Elizabeth shivered slightly and immediately began to shake her head, “This simply will not do for you, dear sister. We should return to Longbourn before this storm picks up any further,” she warned.
“Lizzy?” Kitty asked as she sauntered toward Elizabeth. “How do you suppose one knows when they have fallen in love?” she asked curiously.
Elizabeth quirked a brow, curious to understand that very notion herself. She found herself speechless for the first time in quite a while; a rare situation.
“I do not know that I can answer that question, Kitty. It would seem to me that, perhaps, Jane would be the best one to ask,” Elizabeth stated as she found herself walking ahead of Kitty, her feet crunching the loose leaves beneath her feet as she made way back to the path.
“Perhaps, but do you think it is possible for one to fall in love with merely one meeting?” Kitty pressed on.
Elizabeth sucked in a breath. This was going to be one of those long treks back to the ho
use where her younger sister asked her a string of endless questions, most of which Elizabeth herself had no way of answering due to her own lack of knowledge.
“Kitty,” Elizabeth began, as she whirled about to face her younger sister. “When you fall in love, I am positive you will know it before any other could. Because when you fall in love, it will be your own heart that sings of the joy our beloved sister Jane’s eyes fill with every moment Mr Bingley’s name is mentioned. Fear not, my beautiful sister, for I am certain when love ensnares you there will be no doubt in your mind, or heart,” Elizabeth said calmly.
If only I too could come to believe such things, Elizabeth thought as she peered back at her sister. Kitty’s cheeks had already begun to flush with a bright crimson that made Elizabeth wonder whether it was due to the changing weather, or the flattering advice she had just bestowed upon her. In either case, Elizabeth felt an instant compelling urge to make haste with returning home.
“Oh, Lizzy, sometimes you are the wisest person I know,” Kitty remarked with a smile.
Elizabeth nodded, and pulled her sister closer to her as she embraced her tightly. “Perhaps, and now my wisdom is urging me to get you inside of doors in haste. Are you feeling all right?” she asked as she looked over her sister.
“Of course, I feel perfectly fine,” Kitty remarked as she broke free from her sister’s embrace. “Lizzy, what is it that makes you hold such disdain for Mr Darcy?” she asked her curiously.
Dearest, Loveliest Elizabeth Page 4