by Sandra Marie
He shook his head at her. “So impatient.” He settled his palms against the door on either side of her head, boxing her in. His nose lined up with hers, and he spent a good few seconds teasing the hell out of her. His breath smelled like hot chocolate and whipped cream. The tip of his nose wriggled against hers, and she let out a sigh against his lips, which he seemed to find hilarious, even though she wasn’t amused at all.
Okay, maybe a little.
He pressed a soft kiss to one corner of her mouth, then the other, and her nails dug into her palms, fighting the urge to take his face and pull him in. A buzz that always lay in waiting fired up, igniting her heart and her mind and her soul. He was making her fall, inch by inch, dragging her over the edge, and he’d been doing it their entire relationship. Their wrestling matches, their business venture, every time he asked her to do something stupid she grew ever closer to not just loving him, but falling in love with him.
“Hey,” he whispered against her lips, his words so close they tickled her tongue. “I…”
Sound ceased to exist as his sentence went off into oblivion. Her eyes popped open, her mind finishing that sentence for him.
“I love you,” she blurted, and suddenly it was out there—that one thing she’d never let slip.
The corner of his mouth perked up. “I love you, too.” But no… he was saying it like he always had, like duh, you fool, I got your back. Her eyes pinched shut, and she took another stab at it, this time intentional.
“No, Tommy. I love you.” Oh God. “I… I have for a long time.”
Silence crept over them, and she heard him swallow hard. She was so afraid to open her eyes, to see if she’d ruined things. Her heart pounded through her ears, thumping a wild rhythm that rose the longer he didn’t say a word.
“You can finish talking,” she said with a breathy laugh, hoping it would ease whatever was going through his mind. His hands slipped from the door, cupping her neck. Pain struck his brown gaze, and his forehead fell to hers.
“I don’t want you to go.”
Her heart plummeted, snapping the fuse on her fireworks and dimming the light from inside her. That’s all this night was about, and he was skipping over her admission to wake her up. Suddenly everything felt like a ploy—a twisted manipulation of her heart to get her to stay in Seattle. White hot tears pricked the backs of her eyes, and her teeth clamped down against each other.
“Was that all this was?” she sputtered, pulling her hands from his pockets. “You don’t want me to take that job?”
“Of course I don’t want you to take it.” He backed off and ran a hand through his blond hair, pulling at the askew ends. “I need you here. At Tommy’s Tats. With me.”
A chink of her hope and excitement of the night cracked off and disintegrated. “You’d be fine without me,” she said, her voice cracking with embarrassment. How could she have been so dumb to think he’d fallen for her, too? “There are plenty of artists you could hire, and you’re making enough now to pay someone to do the books.”
A frustrated growl soared through the room, and it took Rae a moment to realize it was him and not the cat. “It’s not about that. I mean, some of it, obviously, but… damn it, I need you.”
“Why?” But in what way did he need her? If things were going to stay at a standstill, then she had to say goodbye, no matter how badly it hurt. She knew that now, especially after tonight, especially after telling him she loved him and him saying absolutely nothing. There was no way for her to move forward in life if he was around, unless he was going to do it with her.
“Why do you need me?” she asked again.
“You kidding me?” His brows pulled together, desperation flickering in his dark eyes. “It’s been you and me forever. You’re the one thing I can count on, the one person I know who’s gonna be here through all the stupid shit I do. Everything will change if you go. I won’t know how to function.”
She longed for those words to be enough, but as sweet as they were, they felt… unfinished. She pursed her lips, hoping for more from him, but he was painfully quiet.
“You don’t want things to change…” she asked, not wanting his answer, dreading that he’d tell her no, that he wanted to remain as they were—Rae and Tommy, the joking buddies who kissed that one time.
“I don’t,” he said. “My life is too chaotic.”
“By choice,” she said, crossing her arms. “It’s chaotic by choice. You’re the adrenaline junkie. Find something constant to keep you grounded if you need it.”
“That’s just it. You’re my constant.”
Her eyes narrowed, and a sharp pang soared under her skin. “You do realize how much pressure that puts on me, right? How unfair it is?”
“To be my friend?”
“To never move forward. I don’t want to be stuck in this stage of life forever. You know that.” She threw her arm out. “A cat won’t change my loneliness. A manipulating date won’t change my view on what I want.”
“Manipulating?” He jerked back, his forehead wrinkled in confusion. “I wasn’t…”
“Maybe not on purpose, but you did this all to keep me here. And that just…” She searched her brain, finding the words he’d said when she first told him about the job and echoing them to him now. “That sucks.”
She dropped her arm, her hand fumbling for the doorknob. “I have to get to sleep,” she muttered, creaking the door open. A shiver ran up her spine from the winter air. “My flight is at nine.”
“I can stay,” he said. “Take you to the airport.”
“I’ll Uber.”
“What about George?”
“I’ll call Frankie. She can watch him.”
“I don’t mind feeding him while you’re gone.” He tucked his hands into his coat pockets, his usual smile turned downward. “Please don’t be mad at me for wanting to keep you here.”
“I’m not.” And she wasn’t. She was mad at herself for getting swept up. She was embarrassed for all the flirting she did tonight, for matching his kisses, for wishing for more. She was tired of disappointment.
But she could never be mad at him, and that was what was really upsetting.
He slid past her, and she leaned against the doorframe to watch him get to his car, just like she always did. Probably just like she always would.
His footsteps came to a halt halfway down the walk. “I didn’t ruin the night, did I?”
“A little,” she admitted. Her love was just out there, with no resolution, no reaction, and that was humiliating and undeserved. After how long they’d been friends, she deserved so much more than that.
“I’m sorry.” His mouth twitched up at the corner. “If it’s any consolation, it was the best damn night of my life.”
“Don’t say it unless you mean it.”
His eyes bore into hers, and he retraced his steps, marching up to her door. He held her cheeks like he did when he truly meant something. Even though Rae wanted a change, she could see why keeping the good things was so appealing.
“Best night,” he said. He held her eyes until she relented, believing that he was genuine. His lips pressed against her forehead, lingering for a moment. She watched him walk from her, stuffing his hands into his coat pockets as he went.
Tommy closed up the tattoo shop for the day, rescheduling all his clients for the following week. He hadn’t slept a wink, and he’d hung out with a pretty grumpy George most of the day, keying into Rae’s place after he knew she was gone.
Well, a part of him had hoped that she hadn’t hopped on that plane, but her suitcase and peach scent was long gone when he arrived.
He spent a good portion of the day trying to convince George that his spot on the couch was the better one, but every time he moved him, the cat slunk his way back onto Rae’s cushion. The thing was covered front to back with white, grayish fur, and even if he did convince the guy to switch places, the cushion was most likely newly contoured to cat butt.
Around four in th
e afternoon, he left the grumpy cat and headed over to the Taylors. If anyone would understand how he felt about Rae moving, it was her family.
He checked his phone after pulling into their driveway, frowning at the lack of messages. He was too chicken shit to text her, afraid she might think he was only trying to distract her from the interview. Had the night only been about keeping her around? He hadn’t thought that until she’d admitted that she loved him, and he knew he didn’t give her the answer she wanted to hear. But how could he tell her how he felt if he didn’t even know?
He entered the garage code and ducked under the door as it opened. It was rare that he used the front door—the garage led to the kitchen, and he’d bet a thousand bucks Lydia was in there, preparing food, reading a recipe, or packing up leftovers.
He smacked the auto garage door button to shut it and entered the warm, bread-scented house. The door was anything but quiet, squealing as it announced his entrance.
“Who is it this time?” Rae’s mom asked from the kitchen, peeking up from an open recipe book. Her motherly smile greeted him.
“Just me.” He closed the door and took a spot across the bar from her. He swiveled in the seat, unzipping his coat and throwing it over the back of the chair.
“You hungry?” she asked, straightening from her cook book. “I’ve got some leftover shrimp scampi from last night.”
“I’m good.”
“Or I have some meatloaf,” she said, ignoring him and opening the fridge. “Chicken salad, homemade pizza… It’s got that yummy meat sauce you like. Or I’ve got rolls coming out of the oven here in a bit. I can make you a sandwich.”
“Really, I’m okay, Lydia.”
She shut the fridge and opened the freezer. “I can pop in a burrito for you. Or some chicken strips, fries… There’s a few muffins I froze since I bought way too many last trip to Costco. It’ll only take a few minutes to defrost…”
He shook his head, suppressing a grin. “I just ate.” He smacked his stomach for good measure. “So I’m good.”
“I’ll just put out this veggie tray if you wanna pick at it.”
The veggie tray turned out to be a plate of veggies with three different dips, crackers and cheese and salami, and a cup of strawberries and fruit dip. Even though Tommy wasn’t hungry, he vegged, crunching down on a carrot as Lydia opened the oven door, checking on the rolls.
“How was your night with Rae?” she asked. “You finally tell her that you’re head over heels?”
A hollow chuckle came out around his food. Someone had said that, but it hadn’t been him. “Not exactly.”
Her blue eyes swung to him, widening at his answer. Usually he’d make a joke or deny the claims, but he couldn’t this time.
“Um…” she stuttered, easing the oven shut. “What did you tell her?”
“To stay.” He took a sip from the water she’d set out for him. “Her interview was today.”
Lydia nodded. “Oh that’s right.” She whipped the hand towel off the oven handle and refolded it. “Have you talked to her today? See how it’s going?”
“Nope.” He crunched another ranch-drenched carrot. “Our last conversation wasn’t exactly amicable on the subject.”
“You afraid to lose her?” she asked, leaning against the other side of the bar.
“Of course.”
“You told her that?”
“Kind of.” He lifted a shoulder, furrowing his brow. “I told her I needed her.”
“What’d she say?”
It wasn’t what she’d said, it was the look in her eyes when she’d said it. He could see her heart breaking, but didn’t she want to be needed? Or was that not enough for her?
He wiped his mouth, swallowing his food, his appetite disappearing completely.
“She said it was unfair.”
A wrinkle pulled at Lydia’s eyebrow, and he shook his head, scratching at his hair. Rae wanted things to change, but things were great the way they were.
Lydia flopped the hand towel on the countertop and took a deep breath. “Thomas… I’m gonna ask you something, and don’t you dare lie to me.”
“Not in the mood for time-out corner today.”
“Why did you take care of Rae for Valentine’s Day?”
Surprised by her question, he leaned back. “She’s my best friend.”
Lydia tilted her head to the side, reminding him so much of Rae. “I thought you didn’t want time-out corner.”
“I’m not lying,” he said with a grin.
“But you’re not telling me the whole truth, either.” She picked up a strawberry, dipped it, then pointed it at him. “What was it that made you drop everything for my baby?” She took a bite of the strawberry, then shoved it to the side of her cheek. “It wasn’t to keep her from interviewing in Vegas, because you planned this all for her before you knew about it.”
“Tell her that.”
“Why didn’t you?” shot back at him. “Why didn’t you tell her the real reason you don’t want her leaving?”
“I did.”
She let out a frustrated sigh that was halfway a growl. “You didn’t. Thomas, it’s the same reason you had for planning a romantic date for her when her last date was so painful. It’s the same reason you had when you offered to go into business with her when she had nowhere to go. It’s the same reason you gave her a cat when she admitted she was lonely. It’s why you gave up alcohol when the last time you got drunk, you nearly lost her. It’s why you spend every free minute you have with her, why you trust her to tattoo you, why you feel so comfortable walking into our home, why you need her.” The corner of her mouth twitched, her frustration softening. “You see what I’m getting at here?”
Uh… no. He’d already told her she was his best friend. She was his soulmate, so to speak. Life was better with her in it, and he wanted to make sure her life was just as good with him around.
Seeing her in pain caused him pain. Seeing her happy made him happy. They were two sides of the same coin. All those things… the business, going sober, giving her George, offering an epic Valentine’s Day… He cared for her, wanted her happy, wanted to chase away everything that disappointed her or fell short of her expectations.
Just the thought of her smile had his lip lifting at the corner. She had an infectious grin, a ridiculous laugh, those sparkling eyes. She was fun, exciting, an adventure and a constant.
Something stirred inside him, swirling like a volcano about to erupt. The urge to kiss her last night hadn’t been driven by desperation to keep her near him. It was her joy, her body so close to his, how she looked in the snow and moonlight.
He snagged his pinky between his thumb and forefinger, remembering the feel of her pinky wrapped around his. Thousands of touches from other women hadn’t come close to that.
Like a flash of lightning, memories flickered through his mind of all the years, all the nights, all the adventures they’d spent together. Her smile, her tears, her mad face, the roll of her eyes… All of her was so crisp in his head, and the volcano burst inside him.
The garage door screeched open, and he jolted, his wide eyes meeting Lydia’s.
“Holy shit.”
Rae had told him she loved him, and he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t realize that every time he’d said he loved her, that he was in love with her. But he was. Damn, he was so in love with her that it felt like a hammer to his gut when she was away. He wanted her next to him right then so he could tell her he was an idiot for not seeing it sooner.
“TomTom said the shit word!” Nova shouted from the open door, grinning up Jen, proud of being the world’s biggest tattle tale.
Lydia laughed and pointed a finger toward the corner. “You know the rules.”
He headed to the corner in a daze, still reeling from this gobsmacking revelation. He loved her. Loved Rae. Needed her, wanted her, loved her.
Not only loved her… loved her back. For some reason, she loved his dumbass.
“
What’s his deal?” Jen asked, picking through the food.
“He just found out he’s in love with Raelynn.”
“Ha!” Jen said around whatever she’d just put in her mouth. “It’s about time.”
A small hand tugged at his shirt, and he blinked, his gaze falling to a curious Nova.
“Are you gonna kiss Auntie Rae Rae?”
His mouth curved at the corner. “Is that okay with you?”
She tapped her chin with a cute little finger, her pink nail polish chipped and purple marker staining her knuckles. “I guess. But if you hurt her feelings, then you get time-out corner…” Her voice dropped to an ominous whisper. “Forever.”
Silent laughter rocked his shoulders, and he tickled her neck. She squealed and jumped away from him, giggling.
“You can’t get me,” she chanted. “You said bad words.”.
He turned to Lydia. “Is my time up yet?”
“I don’t know… What’re you going to do as soon as I let you out?”
“First, I will give you a giant hug for the much needed wake up call… and the food of course.”
“I knew you were hungry.”
“Second, I’m going to tickle that little tattletale.”
“If you catch me!” Nova screamed from the living room.
“And last…” he continued. “Wait as patiently as I can for the right moment to tell Rae that I’m completely in love with her.”
A grin curled on Lydia’s face, her laugh lines prominent around her mouth and eyes. Her gaze cut to Jen foraging at the bar.
“What do you say, warden?”
“Oh please,” Jen said, looking at Tommy. “Please go after my sister. It’s been a very long decade of watching you two be so obvious.”
Excitement swooped through him, and he crossed the kitchen and swept Lydia into his arms, giving her a whopper of a kiss on the cheek. She let out a surprised yelp when he picked her off her feet and swung her around. As soon as he dropped his hold, her face was piercing red, and she swatted at his shoulder with a laugh.