by Juanita Kees
Finishing up, he passed her on her way to the bathroom he’d just vacated. She avoided his eyes as she brushed past him, their bodies touching for a brief, blissful moment. Jaime smiled and reached out his hand to touch her arm.
‘It’s going to be okay,’ he reassured her.
She nodded, but still wouldn’t look at him.
He followed the smell of muffins and coffee. Whatever had happened between them just then would have to be dealt with, but it could wait. There were more important matters to deal with right now, like finding her daughter.
Chapter 7
The three men were seated around the breakfast bar when Peta came out dressed in old denims and a fresh shirt, with a renewed will to fight. They had their heads close together, talking in hushed tones. She heard Paul’s name mentioned.
‘Whatever you’re planning, you’d better let me in on it. What that bastard did last night was the last straw. I’m done playing his games.’ And their plan had better include something that ensured her daughter’s safety. With Paul’s behaviour so erratic, she didn’t want anyone taking chances. She bore her own scars from his volatility.
Peta’s phone rang, interrupting Mark’s response. She’d been expecting it, never doubted for a minute that it would be him. Paul would ring because the narcissist in him needed someone to blame for his actions. All this was her fault. She’d made him do it. Peta breathed deeply before picking it up, tapping the green icon and setting it on speaker phone. She couldn’t afford to make him angry. Not while he had Bella.
‘Hello, Peta.’ The familiar deep voice sent unpleasant shivers down Peta’s spine. ‘I see your boyfriend’s back in town. I really hope I managed to bury at least one shot?’
She resisted the urge to rise to the bait. ‘Let me speak to Bella. I need to know she’s okay.’
‘So that’s a no then? What a pity. Shameful waste of a bullet.’
And this was where she played how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist, the game that dogged her life. One she’d had to become good at or feel the pain, physically and emotionally. She closed her eyes. Kiss up or shut up. Know what you want. Emphasise disappointment. ‘What would people think, Paul? What would they say if they knew you wouldn’t let me see her? Mum will be very disappointed by your behaviour.’
Paul laughed, a cruel and bitter sound. ‘You only have yourself to blame. I told you no cops and who do I see keeping a close watch? No one other than your two pet guard dogs. I bet you’ve got me on speaker phone and they’re listening in as we speak. I hope you’ve got each other’s backs, pigs, because I’ll be looking out for you,’ he taunted, like a child playing a game of tag. Then his voice took on a dangerous, threatening pitch that sent chills down Peta’s spine. God help her, she knew the consequences of that tone. ‘Do you think I’m playing games here? I meant it when I said Bella will die if you don’t cooperate, bitch. I told you to stay out of the public eye, but you disobeyed me. You know what that means, don’t you?’
Peta didn’t need to look at Mark for a cue. She knew this game better than anyone. Kiss up. ‘I know. I’m really sorry,’ she said aloud, ‘What can I do to make it up to you?’
Paul snorted. ‘Too easy, babe. You don’t normally agree that quickly. I used to have to beat it out of you, remember?’
Peta’s nerves stretched to breaking point. There were so many things she wanted to say—to shout at him, to put the blame where it belonged for how their marriage had started and ended. Shut up, don’t bite. ‘Just tell me what you want me to do.’ Know what you want. ‘All I want is my daughter back and you out of my life for good.’
Mark tapped her arm and shook a warning finger at her. Getting too sassy with Paul would make things worse. She shook Mark’s hand away and glared back at him. Just because she knew how to play the game didn’t mean she had to stick to the rules. Reality and the fight to survive had changed that.
Paul’s voice came back low and dangerous. ‘Watch your mouth, Peta. You know from experience that I don’t make idle threats. Go to the old Post Office on Main Street at ten-thirty tonight and leave the goods in the doorway in the side alley. Take your mobile phone with you and wait for my call. Leave the cops at home. Come alone or you’ll never see that bastard’s child again. I could so easily have killed him tonight. I should have. Maybe that would have made you obey.’
Peta looked at Mark, eyes wide. He gestured for her to stay calm. Her gaze flicked to Jaime and she knew he’d picked up on Paul’s words. That bastard’s child. Anger pulled his lips tight and the lines in his cheeks deepened. The furrow on his brow told her he’d heard, processed and understood Paul’s insinuation. Jaime stood and took a step closer before Mark waved him back.
Peta spoke again, more calmly this time. ‘I’ll give you what you want. Please, just don’t hurt Bella. For God’s sake, Paul, she’s an innocent child. Your fight is with me.’
Paul snorted. ‘You don’t get it, do you, bitch? You would if you thought about it hard enough. I looked after you and your daughter while you hankered for him. For years I played second fiddle to a lousy memory while I boosted your career and fed you. Yet you couldn’t even help me out when I was in trouble.’
And then she broke the most important rule of the game—don’t—and argued back. ‘The trouble was of your own making, Paul. I wasn’t about to let you gamble away my daughter’s inheritance, or waste it on bloody drugs,’ Peta yelled, slapping off Mark’s warning hand and pushing him away.
‘Just be there with the parcel. And the evidence better all be there or you’ll never see your daughter alive again.’
Anger, despair and fear raced through her chased by frustration, as she stabbed at the red icon to end the call. Oh dear God, what had she done? Years of playing the game and she’d let her emotions rule. When would she learn? If he hurt Bella now, it would be her fault.
Harold wrapped her in a bear hug and held her until she’d calmed down. ‘You’ve got to stop having a go at him, love. It won’t help making him angrier,’ he said.
She sobbed into his shirt. ‘I know. I didn’t mean to. I just want this nightmare over. If he hurts her, I swear to God when I find him—’
‘We will find her, Peta. We’ll play back that call through the analysing app and see what we can pick up in background noise. Anything that helps us pinpoint his position.’
She had to believe they would. Peta nodded, hugging Harold tightly before handing him her phone. She moved away and took the mug of coffee Jaime held out to her, couldn’t meet his eyes because she knew she’d see anger there too. Mark was right. She should have told him about Bella earlier. He didn’t deserve to find out this way.
Mark picked up his keys. ‘We’ll take this down to the station and play it back to the guys. They might recognise something we don’t. You two need to talk. Just so you know, Jaime, I’m only leaving her in your care because I know you have the training for it to keep her safe.’
‘Stay away from the doors and windows,’ added Harold with a pat to Jaime’s shoulder. ‘Take it easy, Caruso.’
Peta pulled her lips tight. Easy wasn’t the word she’d use for the emotions he’d be feeling right now. God knows, she’d felt them all when she’d found out about her baby—shock, anger, regret, dread and finally an uneasy acceptance filled with concern for the future. And then when Bella was born, an overwhelming love for the tiny little life she’d held in her arms and commitment to giving her the best of everything she could. She’d failed—completely.
As the door closed behind Mark and Harold, she wiped the tears away with the back of her hand and let anger replace them. If she stayed angry—at herself, at Jaime, at Paul—she’d stay fighting for her daughter’s return because giving up and crawling into a hole of despair wasn’t a choice.
Peta pushed past Jaime to the kitchen, her arm brushing his as she passed. He stood silent, as solid as the granite face of Wave Rock without the curve to its back, and equally as cold.
At the sink, she let the water
run hot, added the dishwashing liquid. Going through the motions. It’s all she seemed to do these days. She piled the dishes into the water, determined to keep her hands busy as her mind churned and her desperation grew. She scrubbed vigorously at the plates, slamming them onto the rack to dry.
Jaime remained unmovable in the centre of the room. She felt his eyes on her back as she fought her inner battle and silently dared him to challenge her on what he’d heard. Instead he stood watching her, his own anger simmering. He’d want answers, ones she wasn’t ready to give but was forced to because she hadn’t had the good sense to take Bella and run.
‘Damn you, Jaime Caruso! Why did you have to show up again?’ She turned with an angry growl and threw the wet sponge at him as hard as she could, satisfied as a wet spot bloomed squarely in the middle of his chest.
Peta turned back to the sink and stared at the bubbles. Maybe living with a narcissist had made her into one because God damn it, she needed someone else to blame. None of this would have happened if Jaime hadn’t walked out on her all those years ago. Even as she thought it, she knew she was wrong, but the anger and despair wouldn’t stop growing. The whole situation had spiralled out of control so quickly, and she had no way to stop it.
Chapter 8
Jaime stared at the foam dripping down the front of his shirt and transferred his gaze to the tense stretch of Peta’s shoulders. His own anger had morphed into disbelief. He had a child. Bella was his daughter. And he might never get to see her alive.
He’d seen horror unfold when war intervened and tore children from their parents’ arms. He’d lived through the despair of death and separation. He’d never wanted to live through it again, not when it involved his own family. One he didn’t know he had. But being angry with Peta wouldn’t solve anything. If only she’d told him about the baby.
He bent and picked up the sponge from the puddle on the floor, walked across to the sink, reached around her and dropped it back into the water with the splash.
Peta pulled out the drain plug and shook the water from it. ‘You picked a bloody good time to come back, didn’t you? What really happened all those years ago? And don’t you dare feed me all that rubbish about giving me my space and letting me grow up. There was something or someone behind your decision, wasn’t there?’ She turned to face him squarely, her body taut with anger. ‘I loved you, damn it.’
Fine, so they’d deal with the past first. Jaime’s hands itched to reach for her tense shoulders, pull her into his arms and hold her tightly against him. Because when he did it made explanations easier, gave him the anchor he needed. But holding her would be a mistake.
He took a small step away from her and leaned a hip against the counter top. In this frame of mind she was more likely to fight him if he tried, and he’d prefer she came into his arms willingly, like she had earlier when the lightest touch of her lips to his made him remember how good it had been. Why had she kept this secret from him? Why hadn’t she come to him when she was in trouble? He pressed his lips together. He hadn’t exactly made it easy for her leaving the way he had.
He picked up a cloth from its resting place, contemplated drying the dishes and then tossed it impatiently back onto the rack. They could wait. What he’d heard coming out of Paul Price’s mouth couldn’t. And there was no point delaying the truth any longer. He watched as she struggled to gain composure and force the anger to drain away.
‘Let’s sit down and I’ll try to explain.’ He gestured towards the chairs at the kitchen bench. ‘I came to do some explaining last night, but things got a little out of hand.’ Jaime grimaced as she followed him and settled onto a chair.
He reached for her hand, a little surprised when she didn’t resist or pull away. Maybe she needed an anchor too. He rubbed her long fingers with his, loving the soft feel of them. Remembering how they’d felt against his skin all those years ago. She had a right to know the truth. Just as he deserved the same from her.
‘My parents were putting pressure on me to end it with you. Dad had it in his head that Maria Ferraro would make the perfect marriage partner for me. She was older, more settled, groomed to be an executive’s wife and ready to be imported from Italy on the offer of a wedding ring.’ His lips pulled tight. ‘Not my idea of the perfect relationship. You, on the other hand, were so innocent, so full of energy and dreams. If I tied you down then, I would have stomped all over that, Peta.’
‘You at least could have talked to me about it instead of deciding my future for me.’
He winced. Hindsight had always been a brilliant teacher. He’d ignored the fact that Peta was wise beyond her years, even back then. ‘I had a reputation for being disastrous at long term relationships. Until I met you.’ When he’d been tempted to believe he could do commitment after all. ‘I didn’t want to hurt you, Peta. Even I knew serious relationships that started so young could create bitter voids between two people down the track. I didn’t want that to happen to us. My mother was convinced you were too young and too impressionable to make a choice. Dad wanted me to concentrate on learning to run the business. Having a young wife would be a distraction. They didn’t think you could handle the pressure or the amount of time I’d spend away from home on business.’
Peta frowned. ‘And you didn’t think you could discuss this with me?’
‘You were nineteen. You were so young.’
‘Too young to know what I wanted? How dare you claim to know what I wanted or needed.’ Anger coloured her cheeks and those beautiful eyes that haunted his dreams flashed green fire. ‘I don’t remember being too young for you to take me to bed.’
Bitterness twisted through her words making him flinch. ‘I wanted to marry you, Peta, but not right away. Dad wanted me to take on the shareholder portfolio. I would be away off-shore more than I would be home. How could I ask a nineteen-year-old with her whole future ahead of her to wait for me while I travelled around the world, while my parents planned my wedding to someone else behind my back? So I decided to give you your freedom. And then I took mine because I couldn’t face having you so close and not being able to reach for you.’
‘So you joined the military? Put yourself in the middle of a war you may never have survived?’
‘I had something tangible to fight for—a cause, freedom and limited free time to think about what could have been. Even when I was granted leave, I stayed because I had nothing to come back for. By the time I came to terms with what I really wanted, I was in too deep to leave and you were all over the front page of magazines and newspapers, happily married with a successful career.’ He looked down at their hands. ‘I’m sorry, Peta. I honestly thought it was for the best. I loved you too much to let you tie yourself down to someone who couldn’t commit. I had to learn to do that first.’
‘And you committed yourself to a war you didn’t have to fight to prove that?’ Peta raised her hand to his face, her palm warm against his skin. ‘I loved you, Jaime. What about what I wanted, what I felt? You didn’t even ask me. You just went ahead and decided for both of us.’
‘Arrogance, stupidity—name it, I lived it. Then I closed my heart and mind and fought a war because thinking of you happy with someone else drove me insane. Knowing you weren’t breaks my heart.’
‘Maybe you were right. Maybe I was too young.’ Peta sighed as she dropped her hand away. ‘I hated you for a long time after you left. My life was just beginning to have meaning and then you dropped out of it. So did the bottom of my world. I was ill when I met Paul. He helped me at a time when I needed support and promised me a career to keep me occupied. He came through for me. When Bella was born, I had someone to love again. That was probably the beginning of Paul’s problems. I put so much time and love into Bella that at times I forgot he existed. And now Bella’s gone,’ she said, her voice sad, the words quivering on her tongue.
Jaime lifted her off the chair and held her close, his heart aching for Peta and the daughter he had yet to meet. He had so much lost time to make up
for. ‘We will find her. I promise.’
‘You made promises in the past and couldn’t keep them. Why should I believe it will be any different this time?’ she asked, her voice muffled against his shoulder.
‘Because I mean it. Trust me again. I know that’s a lot to ask right now, but please trust me. Do you believe in second chances?’ he asked, lifting her face to his.
She looked up at him, her lips so tempting just below his. All he needed to do to taste them was inch closer.
‘I do, but I can only cope with one thing at a time. Let me find my daughter first.’
Jaime kissed the top of her head instead. ‘Agreed,’ he answered and lifted her back onto the chair, ignoring the demands of his body. ‘Why didn’t you tell me about Bella?’
How much would she tell him and would it be the truth? There was no mistaking the meaning behind the words Paul Price had tossed into the ring or the vindictiveness behind them. It must have driven the man nuts to know he was raising another man’s child when he was so clearly obsessed with Peta.
‘How soon after I left did you find out?’ he prompted, when she remained silent.
Peta avoided his gaze as he let it skim over face. ‘About six weeks later.’
‘That last night down by the river.’ He’d been desperate and torn, and totally irresponsible in protecting her because all that had consumed his mind was that he’d have to leave her.
‘Yes.’ She picked up her handbag on the bench top and pulled a well-worn photograph from her purse, taken when Bella was a toddler. ‘I have no regrets about that.’
Jaime studied the photo. Dark brown curls danced around a cherub face, big green eyes twinkled as the little girl posed for the picture. If he’d needed proof, it was there in his hands. The Caruso genes were strong, but her eyes were exactly like her mum’s.
‘She’s beautiful.’ He tried and failed to keep the regret out of his voice. He’d missed so much of her life. Her first steps, her first day at school, her first Christmas.