by Juanita Kees
‘Don’t blame your mum. She loves you, Peta, and she only wanted what she thought was best for you. No one knew what Paul was really like. Mark told me about him, even ran a background check on him to make sure he was legitimate, and he came up clean. No records, no misdemeanours, not even a lousy speeding ticket.’
‘You knew about him?’
Jaime shrugged. ‘Mark told me at the hotel in Williams. Let’s face it, we were too young. What we had between us was huge, it could have been so much more, but maybe the timing wasn’t right.’
Peta turned and placed her chin on her arms against the cushion on the sofa. Her soft gaze on his had his blood warming rapidly, the pain in his thigh turning to a dull ache he could ignore if he could only hold her close again.
‘And what about now, Jaime? Is there too much water under the bridge?’
Jaime sighed. Perhaps there was. They were older, wiser and even though she still set his body on fire, his heart needed convincing. ‘I don’t know. I am so confused right now. With seeing you again and finding out about Bella, I just don’t know what I’m feeling.’
‘What I don’t want you to feel is obligation. You don’t owe me anything,’ Peta said, the warning in her voice clear. If he stayed, he had to prove he was there for the right reasons.
‘So you keep telling me.’ He turned his head to look at her, the need to hold her and draw comfort from her growing stronger every minute. ‘Come up here and lie next to me.’ He saw her hesitation as she moved away from the sofa. ‘Just lie next to me, Peta, please. That’s all I’m asking. I think we both need a little human contact.’
‘I’m scared, Jaime,’ she whispered.
‘What are you scared of?’ he whispered back.
‘Of feeling too much.’
There was that brutal honesty again. Jaime tugged her closer. ‘I never meant to hurt you and I promise I’ll try not to do so again. I’m scared too, probably even more so than you.’ He tugged a little harder until she gave in, climbed onto the sofa next to him and lay in the crook of his arm. With her head snuggled into his neck, he inhaled her scent. ‘Bella does change things a little though.’ Jaime felt her stiffen and move to pull away. He tightened his arm around her. ‘Relax, don’t get all defensive now. What I mean is I couldn’t ignore her existence and go away quietly. You know that.’
Peta snuggled down again. ‘I know that. That’s why I swore Mark to secrecy about her existence.’
He hugged her closer. ‘I’d like to be part of her life. Would that be a problem?’ She stiffened against him, so he let his fingers drift along her spine, soothing the tension away until she relaxed again.
‘I can’t have you deciding down the track that it’s all too hard and you leave us.’
The word ‘again’ lay between them like a thorn under his skin. Jaime shook his head. ‘If I make a commitment to her, it will be for life, I promise. If I fail, you can send Harold after me.’
‘You can bet your life on that one.’ She moved her head to look up at him and he met her gaze willingly. ‘Don’t let her down, Jaime.’
‘I won’t. That’s a promise I intend to keep.’
‘It’s a start.’
She smiled and his heart did a belly flop to his stomach. He hadn’t forgotten how sexy that smile was and the magic it could weave in his blood. Their lips were so close. If he moved forward a little, he could touch his mouth to hers. Just a little kiss, just one. His head moved towards hers. She met him halfway.
He feathered his lips across hers, teased her mouth until it parted. She kissed him back and the flame that had lain dormant inside him for so long ignited as she nibbled at his lip. Then his mouth possessed hers, deepening the kiss until he forgot where his soul started and hers ended. His mind screamed for him to stop but her fiery response overrode the warning and he kissed her a little longer until his body ached with the need to possess hers.
He had to stop it now. There were things between them that needed to be fixed and this wasn’t the way to fix them. Not if they wanted forever. Jaime pulled away slowly and placed a finger over the spot his lips had just left.
‘Let’s sleep on it. Tomorrow, things may be a bit clearer.’ He pulled the blanket up over them, curled her into him and kissed her temple. ‘Goodnight, Peta.’
Chapter 17
Peta woke to the smell of frying bacon and eggs and subdued chatter. She stretched her cramped muscles, making a mental note to make it to a bed tonight. Sleeping on a sofa could be very uncomfortable when there were two of you. She listened as Jaime and Bella talked quietly, straining her ears to hear what they were discussing so seriously.
‘So what do I call you?’ She heard Bella ask.
She cracked open her eyes to see Jaime smile at his daughter. ‘Whatever you feel comfortable with.’
Bella studied him thoughtfully. ‘I never called Paul "Dad", you know. He never really took that much notice of me. He’s very sick, Uncle Mark says. He doesn’t mean to hurt us. He just can’t help it.’
Jaime nodded. ‘That’s right, and where he is now they’ll be able to help him get better.’
Bella looked up at him with a concerned frown. ‘I won’t have to see him again, will I? I know he didn’t mean to hurt us, but I’m still frightened of him. I wouldn’t like him to hurt my mum again either.’
‘No, sweetheart, you don’t have to see him again if you don’t want to,’ he comforted her.
‘So can I call you Dad then?’ she asked. ‘Because you really are my dad, aren’t you? We learn about those things in school, you know. Abby has a real dad, but Marcy has a step dad. Paul never really felt like a dad because he never did dad stuff with me.’
Peta’s heart ached and she felt a prick of tears behind her eyes. Something so seemingly insignificant amongst everything else that had happened to them had made such a big impact on her baby. She hadn’t given thought to the fact that the older Bella got, the more clearly she’d understand the difference her real father could make in her life. Peta blinked the tears away and blew out an unsteady breath, waiting for Jaime’s response.
‘It would make me very happy and proud if you did call me Dad, but we need to make sure that’s okay with your mum first, okay?’ He hugged Bella’s tiny shoulders gently. ‘We have a lot of catching up to do.’
She nodded thoughtfully, wise beyond her years. ‘Okay. Mum says we have to give you space. She says if you love someone you need to give them the freedom to make up their own mind. But what happens if they make the wrong choice and go away instead?’
Jaime grimaced. ‘Even adults make the wrong decisions sometimes. They think they’re doing what’s best for each other and then learn pretty quickly that they’ve made the wrong choice. Then they try to make it right again.’
‘Did you make a mistake by not marrying my mum? Are you going to fix it now?’ Bella asked him, eyes wide with innocence.
Jaime flushed and stammered. ‘Umm … Bella, you know …’ He ran a hand around the back of his neck. ‘Marriage is … well … It takes two people to decide when to get married and to fix problems they’re having. Your mum and I have a lot we need to sort through together. It’s going to take some time, especially since we haven’t seen each other for so long.’
Peta stifled a grin at seeing Jaime a little rattled. His answer seemed to satisfy Bella though because she gave him a bright smile and changed the subject.
‘When do I get to meet my new nonna? I can speak a little Italian, you know,’ she said proudly.
‘I’m sure it will be very soon, Bella. She’s going to be surprised to have such a clever granddaughter and will be very proud of you.’ Jaime ruffled her hair.
Peta shivered. That was a hurdle they hadn’t yet had time to consider. She prayed that they would accept these new developments with more grace this time around. Confrontations with his parents had seldom gone well, not when they’d held out hope that he would come to his senses and marry a good Italian girl.
Peta
pushed away the blanket and rolled off the sofa to make her way towards the kitchen bench. ‘Good morning,’ she greeted cheerfully, kissing her daughter’s cheek before hugging and tickling her skinny little body. Bella squirmed and giggled. A little unsure of how to greet Jaime, Peta settled onto a chair and grinned up at him. ‘What’s cooking? And should you even be standing on that leg?’
He grinned back at her. ‘On today’s menu we have bacon and eggs. And military boys are built tough. Sleep well?’ His eyes darkened with mischief as a blush crept into her cheeks.
She lowered her eyes, embarrassment sparring for a position with frustration. Being so close to him all night had tested her resolve to keep her distance when all she wanted was to curl into him, skin on skin, and let him ease the years of loneliness. ‘Yeah, okay. How’s the leg feeling?’
‘Sore. Numbed by painkillers, but I needed to move. The sofa was a bit too small,’ he said, his eyes full of meaning as he looked at her. Jaime placed a plate of bacon and eggs on the bench top. ‘Eat up. And you too, young lady,’ he said as he handed Bella her share. ‘You can stack the dishes in the dishwasher while your mum and I shower and dress.’
And didn’t that raise a whole new scenario in her head of steamy water and soapy bodies sharing a shower stall. Peta held her breath and concentrated on Bella’s response instead, expecting some resistance from her daughter who hated kitchen duties. To her surprise Bella said meekly, ‘Sure, Dad, no problem.’
Peta looked at Jaime and raised her eyebrows. He shrugged. Bella looked at them curiously.
‘Are you going to shower together?’ she asked innocently. ‘Because, you know, my friend Sandy’s parents do. She told me they take a very long time in the shower, but it saves water.’
Peta choked on the coffee she’d just taken a sip of and coughed. Jaime laughed awkwardly, but the heated look he turned on Peta suggested he wouldn’t be against the idea.
‘Banish the thought.’ Damn him for reading her mind. ‘And we’ll have to wrap that bandage in plastic wrap to stop it getting wet.’
He cleared his throat and scratched his head, adorably uncomfortable in the spot his daughter had put him on. ‘No, Bella. I think it’s safe to say we don’t have to save water here. I’m sure your mum would like the bathroom to herself. Eat up now, Bell, there’s a good girl.’
He bent across and tapped her little nose, such a sweet, fatherly thing to do that it hurt Peta’s heart. Every day they spent together meant Bella would grow closer to Jaime, become more reliant on his presence and when the time came for him to leave, Peta would be left to pick up the pieces again. And this time it wouldn’t only be her heart that would be broken.
Pushing her plate away, her appetite gone, she said, ‘Should I try and ring Mark for an update?’
Jaime shrugged. ‘I’m sure they’ll let us know as soon as there are any new developments. Mark did say it could take time to make the arrests, maybe even a little longer than expected. We don’t want to compromise our location by ringing in either. These days there are trackers in mobile phone satellites everywhere. It wouldn’t take them long to find us if they really wanted to.’
Peta sighed. ‘I just want it over and done with so we can all move on from this awful nightmare.’
Jaime placed his hand over hers and squeezed her fingers. ‘I know. Closure,’ he said. ‘I think we all need it. We need to talk about us, Peta.’
They couldn’t delay it any longer, not when the past lay between them and their daughter’s future. ‘I know,’ she said. ‘We’ll talk about it tonight.’
‘Tonight,’ he agreed. ‘Would you like to use the bathroom first? I’ll help Bella clear away.’
Peta nodded and slipped off the chair. The time had come to lay the ghosts to rest. She should be happy about that. Instead, a hollow feeling settled in her stomach as she made her way to the bathroom, because the outcome still appeared bleak.
All through the morning, as she and Bella did a little weeding in the garden and Jaime rested his leg on a chair in the sun, Peta’s thoughts churned over what had happened between her and Jaime. She tried to make sense of her mother’s actions that sent him away, of his responses before he left and Mark’s role in getting them back together again.
By late afternoon, her nerves were at breaking point and every look he sent her way made her want to run into his arms and beg him not to leave them again. Not when she’d fallen in love with him all over again. Not when she’d never stopped loving him, she just loved him differently to the way she had before.
The innocence of that youthful love was gone, but the foundation it had grown from remained, and she wanted to learn more about Jaime, the man he’d become rather than the man he’d been. Later they’d talk, unravel the tangled mess between them, find a solution to the challenges they faced. Peta wasn’t sure what scared her the most. If he stayed or if he left.
Preparing the evening meal challenged her dexterity with him sitting across from her shirtless after a shower, his body contoured by muscle she wanted to feel under her palms, the tattoo of a bird in flight etched across his heart she wanted to trace with her fingertips. The grey that pain had etched into his features yesterday was gone, chased away by painkillers, the healing process, fresh air and sunshine. In its place, that devastating smile that turned her legs to jelly and her mind to mush. How could she ever have believed she’d get over him?
Night fell with inevitable darkness that matched her mood by the time Bella was tucked up in bed, the dishes were washed and packed away, and Jaime patted the seat next to him on the sofa. The moment she hadn’t wanted to happen ever, yet ached to get over with now, had arrived. Either way, she’d be picking up the broken pieces of her heart.
‘Look,’ said Jaime, tugging on Peta’s hand, threading his fingers through hers until she sat next to him, ‘No matter how much I think it over, I come back to the same conclusion. Seeing you again, experiencing what you’ve been through … I want to make it up to you.’
‘You don’t owe us anything. If you want to do this because you feel you need to, that’s the wrong reason to renew what we had.’ She couldn’t swallow past the lump in her throat, the sadness that weighed heavily in her chest.
His thumb drew circles against her pulse, sending spikes of pleasure through her bloodstream, melting the lump a little. ‘I don’t want what we had, sweetheart. I want what we could have. We’re different people now to who we were back then. Older, wiser. We both know what we want now. I want to marry you. I want us to live together, raise our daughter as a family. The truth is, I have never loved anyone else but you.’
Her heart wanted to believe it was true, but her mind churned over the past, the obstacles and ghosts that still lurked at the edges of this reunion. ‘What will your parents say? I can’t see that their dreams for you will have changed. I was never their first choice for you, never will be.’
‘Maybe not, but it’s what I want for us. What I hope you want too. When we get back to town, we can go and see them together. Introduce them to their grandchild. They’ll be stoked with her, Peta. She’s a smart kid and a credit to your parenting skills.’ He placed her hand on his good thigh, untangled his fingers from hers, put his arm around her shoulders and drew her against him until her head rested against his shoulder.
Peta sighed and snuggled into his embrace, the doubts still churning in her head but the warmth of his body taking the chill out of them. ‘Are you sure, Jaime? Really, really sure that this is what you want? I can’t bear to go through it all again. I’ve never stopped loving you and would give up everything I have to be with you so that we can be a family. But, down the track, if this isn’t what you want and it doesn’t work out … I don’t want you doing this for Bella’s sake.’ The thought of losing him again had her stomach in knots.
‘Let’s be a family. It’s what we need to be. What we should have been,’ Jaime said, clasping her chin in his hand and turning her face up to his.
She met his lips h
alfway, his kiss so tender and sweet it made her eyes sting with tears. ‘A compromise,’ she said, a breath away from his tantalising mouth.
He raised an eyebrow. ‘A compromise?’
Peta nodded. ‘We’ll take this one step at a time.’
‘Deal,’ said Jaime, his mouth a whisper above hers. ‘Can we seal the deal? Because I really need to kiss you again.’
And more than anything in the world, she needed to taste his lips on hers, the promise they held, the future they showed. ‘Deal,’ said Peta, drawing his head down to hers and closing the distance.
Jaime kissed her, his hands leading a trail of magic along her legs, the warm feel of his skin against hers sending shivers through her, driving a desperate need to have him naked next to her. Nothing had changed. The thought of them together, side by side, skin on skin, it was all she needed to be whole again.
Those hands, so warm and strong, worked their way up her thighs leaving a trail of need in their wake. His palm cupped her bottom, stroked the skin as he eased her down until they lay side by side. Bodies aligned, every curve of his pressed against hers, she felt him, hard and wanting. Her hands worked their way through his hair and back down around to cup his face, slightly rough from a day’s growth of beard. Every touch of his skin against her palms made her hungry for more of him. Ten years was too long. Too long not to have him with her every night, not to feel the press of his body against hers, not to have him fill every inch of her body with the love and passion that had come so easily to them so long ago.
Was it too soon to say the words? Would it shatter the magic that had only just begun to blossom again? Would they come back to haunt her again? For a lifetime this time? ‘I love you, Jaime Caruso,’ she whispered, arching as his hand stroked across her belly. She ran her hands across his shoulders and down his muscled back, rediscovering every dip and rise, pressing him even closer until she felt she could crawl into him and stay there in the haven of his arms forever.
‘I love you, baby. Always have, always will,’ he whispered back. His clever fingers worked the buttons of her shirt loose, his breath hitching in his throat and releasing on a sigh when it parted to reveal she hadn’t bothered with a bra. ‘Beautiful,’ he whispered and wasted no time showing her how much he adored her breasts.