by Kat T. Masen
I grab my keys, leaving Morgan in the kitchen, and slam the door behind me.
Inside my car, I roar the engine, speeding to Charlie’s place with my windows wide open and music blaring to drown out Morgan’s threat. When I reach their house, my Bluetooth rings, and I see Kate’s number appear, answering with a blunt hello.
“Noah, I don’t like the way we ended things tonight. I’m sorry I told you, or perhaps not sorry I told you, but sorry I didn’t communicate the actual conversation correctly. But I’m calling just to make sure you’re okay after meeting with Morgan,” she offers, her tone genuine and non-argumentative.
“Sure, I guess,” I respond flatly.
“And? What happened?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose, willing the anger to calm the fuck down. “She’s seeing someone.”
“Oh.” Her voice softens, instantly soothing me. “I understand, Noah. You love her, and now there’s someone else.”
My anger comes back two-fold when I tell her she can’t possibly understand. How can I look at my child and love her with all my being but regret the fact that I chose Morgan over someone who meant so much more to me years ago?
I fucked up. I let go of my best friend, and my stupid heart knows exactly that.
“Well, then enlighten me?” she answers, rudely.
I couldn’t hold back any longer, telling her exactly how I felt and how she consumed my thoughts.
“Noah,” she stutters as the ache spreads through me by the simple gesture of saying my name. “Nothing is going on right now.”
She’s still fucking him. I can hear it every time she hesitates.
“Right now.” I laugh to numb the pain.
“Why are you hell-bent on thinking I’m lying?” she questions angrily.
“Because you hesitate every fucking time!” I slam my fist on the steering wheel, willing this vicious cycle to stop.
“I hesitate because you’re sensitive or, should I say, temperamental when this subject is raised.”
“And have you ever stopped to wonder why?” I beg.
“Don’t do this, Noah,” she whispers, barely audible. “Don’t go ruining what we have.”
“Because you love him? Are you thinking about taking Allegra up on her offer? Be the mistress on the side? Chances are, there’s more than one of you. Why not make it a gangbang? Then he’ll start charging people to come watch.”
“No, Noah. I don’t love him,” she says, calmly and not feeding into my anger. “That’s all you need to know.”
“And that’s supposed to make me feel better? You don’t love him, but you’re still willing to fuck him?”
“I understand you have a lot of things—”
“No, don’t do that,” I yell, berating her for her ability to fuck with my mind. “Don’t try to tell me I don’t feel the way I feel.”
“Noah…” she trails off. “Please don’t say how you feel.”
“And why shouldn’t I?”
“Because if you say how you feel, it’ll all change. Me, you, us…”
The silence falls upon us, and I close my eyes because it’s now or never.
“It should’ve been you, Kate,” I whisper, shaking my head with my eyes closed. “All along, it should have been you.”
Her breathing is loud enough to be heard over the speaker. “You don’t know what you’re asking of me. I need to go.”
“Kate, stop. I’m sorry. I’m angry, okay, but I mean what I said.”
“I heard you, Noah,” she announces, then pausing. “I promise I heard you.”
The call ends abruptly, leaving the line completely dead. I’ve pushed Kate, throwing caution to the wind and giving her all of me, only for her to walk away.
No sentiment in return, no admission.
I give myself ten minutes to compose myself before entering Charlie and Lex’s place to see Eric at the table talking animatedly with Charlie.
“Is everything okay?” Charlie asks, concerned. “You look…”
“Like my asshole after rough penetration,” Eric says bluntly.
“Thank you,” I answer sarcastically, then walk toward the fridge, grabbing a beer. “I’m sure Morgan’s lawyer will be calling you on Monday to seek full custody of Jessa.”
“Jesus Christ, Noah. What happened?”
“Tomorrow,” is all I say. “I really don’t want to talk about this now. Talk about anything else, even Eric’s asshole for all I care.”
Eric pulls his face back in shock until he’s distracted by his phone. “Like seriously, what’s up with the universe?”
“Now, what’s wrong?” Charlie moans.
“It’s weird, just my brother texting me all of a sudden. Well, not all of a sudden but like the past week. He’s nice, and I don’t know… he’s opening up about shit, which is weird as fuck because we never ever talk.”
Charlie glances my way, forcing me to drink more to control my anger toward his brother.
“What do I possibly have that he wants?”
“I don’t know,” Charlie mumbles. “Did I tell you we saw him in Versailles?”
“Yes, after he told me. And check this out, you’ll love this, Noah. He asked me what the situation is between you and Kate? It’s just bizarre.”
Suddenly, my curiosity piques. “What did you tell him?”
“Nothing, really. You used to be friends, maybe you guys fucked in Paris, but no one is telling me anything,” Eric answers with a sarcastic tone.
“We didn’t fuck in Paris, okay?”
“Really?” Charlie raises her brow while leaning back in her chair. “I could’ve sworn—”
“No,” I say firmly. “We aren’t like that. Listen, I need to speak to Lex. Is he around?”
Charlie sighs. “Where do you think he is?”
I head toward Lex’s office, eager to leave Eric and his troubles. Noticing the door slightly open, I knock before entering, Lex welcoming me in. Taking a seat in the brown leather chair, my fingers skim the tip of the beer bottle in my hand.
“Rough night?”
“Morgan’s seeing someone else.”
Lex nods his head, resting back in his chair. “I understand. It hurts. Bound to happen, though.”
I bow my head, running my hands through my hair. “That’s the thing. It doesn’t hurt.”
“I see,” Lex simply states. “Does it have something to do with a certain someone in Paris?”
“I don’t know where my head is at,” I tell him openly. “I’m trying to make things right, be a good dad. My kids need me.”
Lex nods. He’s always been a good listener, and I respect his opinion. On the other hand, Haden would be telling me to hit the clubs and get some pussy to get over myself.
“Who am I to judge matters of the heart. Lucky for you, you missed my multiple breakdowns during operation ‘let’s win Charlotte back.’ Kate endured it all. She saw me at my absolute worst, the only person at the time who got through to me. You know what you got to do, so just do it. No more questions.”
“Yeah, Kate’s good like that.” I smile fondly. “The whole different continent thing doesn’t help. I guess, for now, I have to park that situation. It’s not like I can go back anytime soon, and she has a job she can’t exactly leave.”
“You know what you want, don’t let anyone else stop you from getting just that,” he says, wisely.
I nod my head in agreement. Although Lex is married to Charlie, I consider him like an older brother. He just understands me and never judges my poor life decisions.
“Are you really working? Or in here escaping Eric?”
Lex chuckles. “A bit of both. So, have you thought more about the offer?”
For the last two years, I’ve worked on some side projects with Lex. As much as I enjoy working for Lantern Publishing, I’ve outgrown the role as West Coast Operations Manager.
“I have, and it’s a great opportunity.”
“But?”
“No buts. I’m conc
erned about leaving Haden short, especially since we have a massive increase in sales, and demand is outweighing supply right now.”
“Listen, you leave Haden and Lantern Publishing to me. We’ll find someone suitable to replace you. As for you, you’ve peaked in that role. I have trust that you can drive this sector of Lexed. You’ve proven yourself no matter what’s been thrown at you.”
The respect of Lex isn’t something anyone should take for granted. He’s a mogul, a self-made billionaire.
“I’ll get my lawyer on the contract,” I joke.
“Your lawyer helped me draw the contract,” he admits, openly. “If I’m low-balling you, blame her.”
This opportunity is more than just a job offer. It would set me up for life. Although I’m financially comfortable having kept my condo back in Boston and another in downtown LA, my new place in Malibu set me back. The divorce with Morgan isn’t finalized with some loose matters still pending, and it won’t surprise me if she tries to ask for alimony.
“So, is that a yes?”
I extend my hand to shake on it.
“Welcome to the team, Noah.”
Lex pulls out the Macallan as we toast to the news before going over some details. Throwing my head into work is a stress reliever until Charlie walks in and makes herself comfortable on Lex’s lap. Those two don’t bother me as much anymore. I’ve learned to shut out their romantic behavior in my presence as long as clothes remain on and hands are in full view.
“I’m assuming congratulations are in order?” Charlie grins, knowingly.
“It’ll be some challenge.”
“Since when have you ever backed down from a challenge? Remember when we were kids, and I’d set up all these stunts in our backyard like jumping off the tree onto the trampoline? And whoever did it in the quickest time won?”
“I remember,” I scoff, rolling my eyes. “It cost me a fractured wrist.”
“Sorry about that.”
“Thank God I was a kid. Could’ve been detrimental as an adult.”
“Ew, gross.” Charlie drags while cringing. “Anyway, back there, in the kitchen, was that true? About Kate?”
“Why would I lie?”
Charlie eyes me the same time Lex raises his brow.
“Apparently, Dominic is besties with Eric all of sudden and asked about Noah and Kate, specifically if they’ve been intimate,” Charlie tells Lex.
“So basically, he’s asking if you’re fucking because the prick’s jealous?” Lex asserts, keeping his expression blank.
I purse my lips, keeping my mouth shut.
“Why do men have to be so frustrating,” Charlie complains, throwing her hands in the air. “Just say how you feel, get over yourself, and it doesn’t matter whether another man is jealous or not. If it’s you she wants, then that’s all that matters.”
“You’re her best friend, you tell me?”
“When it comes to the subject of you, dear cousin, Kate is a very closed book.”
“It’s not as simple as you make it out to be,” I quickly interject. “For starters, we have a geographical issue.”
“So? Lex lived in London when we reunited.”
“True,” Lex agrees. “I’d have gone anywhere to be with you, no questions asked.”
Charlie pouts, lovingly wrapping her arms around Lex’s neck. “Aw… baby.”
“Okay, you two are making me sick. But seriously, it’s all too complicated right now. I need time to think.”
“Then think, but if I were you, I wouldn’t leave it too long, especially when someone else is desperate to get his hands on her.”
“You just said it doesn’t matter?” I almost shout at Charlie. “If she wants me, that’s all that matters.”
“Yeah, it’s probably wise not to listen to me,” Charlie ponders while creasing her brows. “Eric makes daiquiris with way too much rum. I couldn’t even walk straight to this room.”
“So basically, your advice is fruitless? Nice one. Listen, I’m going to head home.”
“Why don’t you crash here? You shouldn’t be alone,” Charlie offers.
“I’d rather be alone than in a house where you’re drunk, probably ready to maul your husband. It’s been nice knowing you.”
I wave goodbye, leaving the room as Charlie giggles, knowing I made the right decision. The two of them are so annoying yet deep inside, they remind me a lot of Kate and me.
On the ride back home, I think about calling Kate but know we both need time to process. I have to get my act together, and pushing her could be detrimental. She’s my best friend, someone I know very well. Right now, she’s trying to ignore everything I said because she hates relinquishing control. She’s the female Lex, which is why she holds such a powerful position, and nobody messes with her.
But I also know she’s incredibly lonely in Paris, despite her reluctance to admit it. And anything romantic is a trigger for her. She’s been scarred multiple times, and when it comes to matters of the heart, the wall she’s purposely built around her will stand tall, ready for any attack.
I don’t want her to lose again. Not now, not ever.
Because as much as I beg myself not to admit it, throwing the thought into a dungeon with no key or chance of escape, I’m falling in love with her.
Again.
Or maybe, I never stopped loving her.
KATE
If you stare at the ceiling long enough, your imagination can visualize anything.
I see a beach, waves crashing against the shore with a beautiful sunset setting on the horizon. Then a sprawling countryside, lusciously green, accompanied by the sounds of crickets and other insects basking in the sunlight.
Then my mind switches to chaos—a circle full of animals, loud noises, claps, and cheering with boisterous music and the roar of a lion. More bright colors, fire, complete and utter nonsense.
I haven’t slept.
Turning to my side with my head resting on my hands, the sun begins to rise outside my bedroom window, and just like that, morning is upon us.
My phone call to Noah last night was more than just a phone call to make sure he was okay. It changed everything between us.
Or maybe, just maybe, I’ve been blind to see it wasn’t just that phone call. It has been a series of events leading to that moment.
I hung up out of fear, pushing him away because I don’t know how to handle my emotions. The lack of control in my life is something I struggle with. I’ve never had to factor in anyone else besides myself, and I know myself pretty well. Therefore, life has become somewhat easy to navigate through.
But then he said it should’ve been me.
I tried to picture it, the two of us together four years ago. No matter how I twisted it in my mind, it didn’t fit. We were the best of friends, but being lovers is something I can’t envision. The more I dwell on it, the more I believe he was just hurting, and me being back in his life confused his feelings.
I fell asleep to the sound of traffic, only to wake up a few hours later to the obnoxious toot of a horn. I’ve missed my Saturday yoga class and bypassed my early-morning stroll to the café for coffee and breakfast. Everything is out of whack, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t get him out of my mind.
Spending my Saturday inside the office was my only ticket out of this mess. With my head buried in a forecasting spreadsheet after firing off a dozen emails warning my workers to get their shit together and stop making errors, the sound of my phone startles me.
“Working on a Saturday?” Lex greets, sounding relaxed. “The model employee.”
“I needed to clear my head.”
“I see,” he simply says. “I’ve read your emails, quite the aggressive tone today, Miss Hamilton. Is everything okay?”
Although Lex is technically my boss, our friendship is what makes our union strong. I respect his opinion, given his ability to remove emotion from a situation and think rationally.
“Lex, can I ask you something?”
> “You know you can ask me anything.”
“It’s about Noah.”
“I figured as much.”
“Wait, you did?”
“If I’m brutally honest, yes.”
I fall silent, unsure how to ask the question on the tip of my tongue. “How much do you know?”
“I know enough.”
“Oh…”
“Is that your question?”
I wanted to ask more, but all of a sudden, involving Lex seems inappropriate. I don’t want to muddle their bro code nor come off like some needy woman.
“Do you want my perspective?” he asks, then continues, “Though you make not like it.”
“You know I’ve always respected your opinion.”
“Noah is different around you. Life has been injected back into him. He’s done it tough the last few years, and last weekend proved what was missing in his life.”
“What’s that?”
“You.”
The simple word holds so much weight, the weight tugging me in all different directions and causing my inability to sleep or function as a normal human being.
“Lex, it’s not that simple.”
“Do you know what the problem is? You’re always in control of your life. And now you are powerless. I understand exactly how that feels. But good things can come from us letting go.”
“Everything in my life will change…” I trail off, closing my eyes to gather my thoughts. “It just wouldn’t work. He has his life, and I have mine.”
“Take it from me, overthinking is the devil’s playground. There are some things in life where natural progression is inevitable, and falling in love with someone is one of those things.”
“I never said I was falling in love with Noah,” I defend openly.
“You didn’t have to, Kate. I’m a keen observer. It’s why I’m a billionaire.”
I laugh softly. “I forgot about that.”
“Why don’t you fly out next weekend for Amelia’s birthday? I insist you stay with us. Make it a week so you can catch up with Charlotte and the girls. Javier can cover the office while you’re gone.”