by Kat T. Masen
I laugh beneath him. “Show me what you got, cowboy.”
KATE
My breath hitches as my head falls to the pillow in pure bliss.
I can barely open my eyes, every muscle sore with a delicious ache from a man who has ravaged me nonstop since the moment we stepped foot in my apartment.
“You’ve killed me.” My throat is dry, desperate for water, though I can’t move a single limb. “Am I even alive?”
Noah snickers beside me, running his finger along the side of my breast, causing me to shiver in delight. My eyes are still closed as his lips circle around my nipples, a moan escaping me once again.
“I hate to burst your bubble, but Necrophilia isn’t my thing,” he informs me.
My phone buzzes on the nightstand. Reaching over to the side, I bring it close to me and open one eye to see the number on the screen, sending it straight to voicemail.
“You’re a wanted woman. Your screen is covered in text and email notifications.”
“I know, it’s like they don’t know I’m having the most intense orgasm ever,” I say with resentment. “Selfish bastards.”
I manage to twist on my side, bringing my face toward his chest to feel his skin. He smells so masculine, and despite my earlier complaint of being ravaged, a stir between my legs sends mixed signals. This is insane.
“I wish you didn’t have to leave.”
“I wish I didn’t have to either. But I have work and Jessa,” he mentions while stroking my hair with his fingertips. “Plus, I’m thinking of flying to San Francisco to see Nash next weekend.”
“Have you asked Olivia to move closer to you?”
He continues to play with my hair, letting out a sigh. “I don’t know how to bring it up. Olivia is a reasonable woman, nothing at all like Morgan. I guess I’ve been pre-occupied with a certain somebody who’s lying naked beside me.”
My lips part into a loving smile, then slowly, I kiss his chest wishing things were different.
“Far from me to intrude, but what if you can compromise? If she can move closer, you can help, as can your mom. Some of the smaller carriers only fly on the West Coast. One of our business associates owns a charter company specializing in corporate traveling. Perhaps, a company like that would mean that she could still work but be home each night.”
Noah stares at me avidly, pressing his lips together.
“I’m sorry… it’s your life and—”
“Hey…” he interrupts, lifting my chin, so our eyes meet. “Don’t be sorry. I love your intelligence, your ability to see a situation and find solutions. You’ve always been this headstrong woman, but with the biggest goddamn heart I know. It’s why I love you.”
I fall silent at his words. It isn’t the first time I’ve heard the comments leave his mouth but in a different context. He’s said it as a best friend when there was no romantic interest in me whatsoever. But now, those three words sound entirely different.
“I love you, Kate, and before you say anything in which you don’t have to say anything, I want you to know that this isn’t new to me. I’ve known this fact for a long time, but life panned out differently. So many times throughout my marriage, I wanted to reach out to you, but I couldn’t. So instead, I stalked you online.”
“Noah—”
“Let me finish, please. Morgan and I never truly fit. We weren’t easy together, but I gave our relationship the benefit of the doubt and because others told me marriage wasn’t easy. You have to work hard for it. But I knew deep down inside that both of us were working too hard to save something we never truly had.” He takes a deep breath, then continues, “She was right last week when she called me about the party. She said she never had a chance because it was always you. And there were countless nights when I’d lay there and think about you, about us and what we had. The guilt ate away at me because I felt like I wasn’t giving Morgan a chance because you were on my mind. So, just so you know… this has been a long time coming for me.”
All along, I was jealous of a woman who won Noah’s heart. And last week, when she called me second best, her own insecurities were being projected. The saying stays true, you don’t know what battle someone is fighting behind the scenes.
“But this is new to me,” I confess, swallowing the lump in my throat. “For the longest of time, I’ve buried the memories of us and refused for them to surface. I purposely distanced myself not to see your new life. I built my life to focus on only me because the thought of having my heart broken again was just not going to happen. It’s why I agreed to the arrangement with Dominic. But you did break me, Noah. It’s hard to know that you were falling in love with someone else. And now…”
“And now?”
“I’m scared. I don’t want to lose my best friend, but…” I whisper with bated breath. “I love you.”
Noah crashes his lips on mine, leaving me to gasp. My hands feverishly run through his hair while ignoring my weak limbs as I climb on top and ride him once again. In the throes of passion, we can’t get enough. Our bodies move in sync. My bedsheets are strewn across the floor while he fucks me sideways, on all fours, carrying me to the window as he devours my body against the glass.
I’ve fallen to my knees, taking him all in. Licking every inch of him before we wind up in the shower, and it becomes my turn to be worshipped.
And once we exhaust our physical self, we lay in bed talking all night.
“Do you remember when I flew to Manhattan?” Noah murmurs with his hands in my hair as my head rests on his chest, listening to the sound of his beating heart. “The time you had an emotional breakdown over someone who shall remain nameless?”
“Uh… don’t remind me.”
“I knew then I felt more. Everything with you was always easy. But it’s like there was this line between us, and I kept telling myself I only wanted to cross it because I’m not supposed to. The forbidden line which would’ve changed everything between us.”
“I wouldn’t have let you, anyway.” I sigh, watching my fingers caress his perfectly sculpted chest. “You were confused. And I loved what we had, this unbreakable friendship, or at least, that’s what I thought at the time. I’ve never had anyone like you in my life. Eric doesn’t count.”
“I heard, from Charlie, about your altercation. Have you spoken to him since?”
I shake my head, keeping quiet for a moment. “The thing is, Eric was right. I hid my affair with Dominic because I was ashamed and had everything to lose. And it was never a competition between you and him. I never felt safe with Dominic, he was just there as someone to help me forget.”
Beneath me, Noah’s body stiffens. It’s a sore subject to discuss, especially now that I know how Noah feels about me. My fingers glide across his chest, tracing his skin with a touch rather than words. Moments later, I feel him relax, his chest rising and falling at his usual pace.
“I loathe the man,” he lowers his voice.
“I know. It’s over now, Noah. It’s just you and me.”
His lips find my forehead, a gentle kiss washing away this momentary tension.
“The night I saw you in Versailles, you have no idea how much I needed to see you.”
“I had no clue about what you were going through,” I say openly. “But I could see it broke you.”
“It did. Can I ask you something?”
“Hmm, anything, Noah.”
“Have you…” he clears his throat, his body tensing again. “Have you fucked him since that night?”
I shake my head instantly, reassuring him and not hesitating like he always claimed I had done. “I didn’t, I couldn’t. Everything always led back to you no matter how hard I tried to fight it. I had no idea what it meant, but it all makes sense now.”
The breath he’s been holding in releases. Noah has always had a jealous streak. Typical male, of course. In many ways, he reminds me of a younger Lex when Charlie was engaged to Julian.
“The night at the ball, you were so drunk. D
o you remember asking me to fuck you?” he teases, a small chuckle escaping him.
“What? I asked that?” I question, surprised. “I asked you to fuck me?”
“I believe your exact words were, ‘Noah, you’ve always wanted to fuck me. Let’s do it, tonight, here.”
“I wanted to fuck you at the actual ball?” Laughter escapes my lips. “I don’t remember that at all.”
“I could have, you had your hands all over me, but it wouldn’t have been right. It would’ve been a Band-Aid on what we were both trying to navigate through at the time. I wanted it to be right… like tonight.”
Raising my eyes to meet his, I stare into his beautiful face. “C’était la première fois parfait.”
His hazel eyes flicker, the way they always do when locked in with my own.
“It was a perfect first time. And it has to be. It’s you,” he whispers. “You can wait a whole lifetime to feel the touch of the woman you love but every minute is worth the wait the second she’s finally yours.”
I release the breath I’ve been holding in, letting his emotions wash over me like a warm summer’s breeze. “Someone should write a book about us.”
“They should. I’d be the perfect book boyfriend.”
A small laugh follows. “You know what a book boyfriend is?”
“Unfortunately, yes.”
Our laughs echo in the room as Noah quotes romantic lines from books he has read. All the more surprising me on how knowledgeable he is in that area.
It’s the perfect first date I could’ve asked for, but it has to come to an end like everything in life.
My eyes spring open after falling asleep sometime after dawn. I turn to see my phone, noting it’s almost midday. Shit.
I scramble up, my head spinning as I clutch my forehead, willing it to stop. Noah exits the bathroom, dressed in a pair of jeans and a buttoned shirt. I pull the sheet toward my chest, covering my breasts and wishing he didn’t have to leave. He may be in the room, but I ache for him, missing his touch. The way his lips create a frenzy within me. The way my heart beats erratically when his eyes fall upon me. We have no plan, nothing to promise our next reunion. The thought leaves me helpless, a part of me I can no longer control because now I have to factor in someone else. And not just someone else, a man who has other commitments that will always be more important than me—his children.
“I liked it better when you were naked,” I tell him, watching him tie his shoes, trying to clear my mind from negative thoughts.
“Hmm, I know, but wouldn’t that be awkward on the plane?”
“For you, maybe, but not for the women scoping out your junk.”
“Did you just say junk?”
“Enormous penis,” I pronounce clearly. “Is that more articulate for you?”
Noah shakes his head, a grin playing on his beautiful lips. “You’re crazy.”
“Are you sure I can’t take you to the airport?”
Noah sits on the edge of the bed. “If you do, I’ll never leave.”
I bow my head, this crappy emotion making me want to cry or something. My stomach is twisted in knots, my fingers aimlessly turning the sheets to distract where this is going.
“Hey, listen to me.” Noah cups my chin, raising my eyes to meet his. “I love you. We’ll fly to see each other when we can. Please just believe in me. That’s all I ask.”
I kiss his lips gently, enjoying this moment because it may be our last for a while. It isn’t fair to project my own selfish emotions onto him. I know he’s torn, so I choose to smile to reassure him we’ll be okay.
“I believe in us, okay? I love you. Now go home and FaceTime me when you get back.”
Taking one more look at me, he leans in as our lips meet again before he rests his forehead on mine and takes a breath. Planting a kiss on my forehead, he finally pulls back to leave the room and my apartment.
I fall back into bed, clutching the sheets as if my life depends on it. Everything has changed, my entire world has flipped upside down. As I stare at the ceiling like I’ve done a million times before, I eventually fall back to sleep dreaming about Noah.
The man who has finally won my heart—completely.
KATE
I spent the remainder of the weekend trying to do anything to keep my hands busy and mind off the fact that Paris feels like the loneliest city in the world.
I’ve cleaned my entire apartment, gone shopping and to a library, drank a bottle of wine and ate a whole box of pastries, none of which left me satisfied.
With an early flight booked to London on Monday morning, I pack my suitcase and prepare my presentation. It will be good to go back home, if only for three days. I plan to catch up with my parents for dinner with the limited spare time I have.
Noah FaceTimed me when he got back home. Jessa was staying at his place for the night, so she sat beside him when we chatted, interrupting to show me this weird doll with googly eyes. Seeing the two of them together, the resemblance is uncanny. He looks happy, his eyes bright when we speak. Due to the time difference, we ended our call, and I promised to call him when I get back from London.
I’ve done what I have trained myself to do for the longest of times, bury my head in work to try and forget about the distance between Noah and myself. The trip to London went by quickly, a catch-up with my parents the highlight of my journey. I chose to keep my private life exactly that—private. My mother is an opinionated woman, and I came close to spilling the beans when she mentioned an old neighbor of ours is now single. The same guy I’d lost my virginity to many moons ago.
Milan was uneventful, all work and no play. The days became a hazy blur, passing by quickly until night fell. Noah called or texted me every day, but we were never in sync with his schedule as busy as mine.
Three weeks pass before we manage to be in our beds at the same time.
It’s after midnight for me and dinner time for him. He’s child-free, and thank God because the video call is what we both need.
“I miss you,” I tell him, trying to control my breathing from a very intense self-induced orgasm.
“You have no idea,” he responds, laying perfectly naked in his bed. “Just give it time.”
I want to be honest, ask exactly how time would change things between us. The hard, cold reality is that I’m in Paris, and he’s in LA. Time won’t change that.
“Okay,” I mumble as a yawn escapes me. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
We hang up the phone as I fall asleep to the sound of sirens outside on the street.
Weekends are always the hardest. There’s only so much I can do to occupy myself. I attend every social event just to get out of the apartment, but the craving to be in Noah’s arms never leaves me.
Upon returning one night, tipsy from a gallery exhibit that handed out free champagne, I decide I need perspective.
“Hey, Charlie.”
“Uh-oh… you sound awful. Are you sick, wait… you’re pregnant!”
“No, I’ve had a few drinks,” I assure her, a slight hiccup escaping me. “Charlie, how am I going to do this?”
Over the last few weeks, I’ve kept mine and Noah’s relationship on the down-low. It’s all still new, and I want to make sure I know how I feel before involving others. But tonight, I shed light on the whole situation leaving out the part about any lovemaking since Charlie is Noah’s cousin.
“Kate, you’re the strongest, most loving woman I know. I know that one day when you fall in love with a man, your heart will be all his,” she tells me with a smile evident in her voice. “Dominic was an infatuation, that bad habit hard to break, but he wasn’t the one to love you the way you deserve. You love Noah, and his children are his world. I believe in you, and I believe you’ll make a fantastic stepmother. I’ve seen you with my girls, and they adore you.”
“But I’m here, Charlie. Am I supposed to give up my whole life for a man?”
“You’ll do what your heart feels is right. When Lex and I first g
ot back together, I also thought the same. He was in London, and I in Manhattan. And look at us now? We’re in LA. Wherever the two of you are, it doesn’t matter. Love always prevails.”
Love always prevails.
What do I know about love? I’m an amateur.
Yes, I’ve said the words, but the fact that I am not running into his arms and giving up my world, does that count for anything?
“He’s going stir crazy, just so you know.”
“He is?” Selfish of me to feel this way, but this news somehow makes me feel better.
“Are you kidding me? The guy is crazy in love with you. You try to talk to him, and he’s spaced out. He even came over the other day and agreed to watch Romeo and Juliet with Amelia and me.”
“The one with Leonardo DiCaprio?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Oh.” I sigh, followed by a laugh. “How tragic.”
“So, as I was saying, don’t think you’re alone in feeling this way.”
We speak about his kids, work, and life during our calls but never really delve into our relationship since neither of us has answers.
“It’ll work out, I promise,” Charlie reminds me. “You’ll just have that moment when it all falls into place.”
***
I spent a few days working from Mr. Auvray’s chateau. Being in Champagne brought back the nostalgia of not long ago when Noah and I spent the night chatting under the stars. Everything reminds me of him—the rustle of the trees as we walked beside them, the taste of the champagne we drank so eagerly together.
I miss him terribly, and it’s true, distance does make the heart grow fonder.
A team from our company joins me, going through the changes and capital improvements on the actual property. We eat delicious food, drink copious amounts of champagne, and tell stories while soaking up the picturesque countryside.
There’s little spare time to do anything on our own, but I manage to get away for a few hours, borrowing one of the Chateau’s bicycles and ride along the pebbled path admiring the scenery. I snap photographs, sending them to Noah until I brake suddenly, distracted by a chateau not too far from the Auvray’s.