by Jessie Cooke
“Hey, Lion.” Hawk greeted him as he climbed off the back…like he had a right to be so friendly and casual with him. That was what really pissed Lion off the most, the liberties the old man took.
“What do you want?”
“I was hoping we could talk.”
“We’ve got nothing to talk about.”
“We’ve got a hell of a lot to talk about, a lifetime of things. I know you don’t think I deserve it, and maybe I don’t…but I was hoping you’d give me a chance to explain some things.”
“Why? Why would any of it matter to me now? What I did for Madison was a job, and it’s over. I didn’t do it for you. I didn’t even really do it for her.”
Hawk grimaced, but he nodded and said, “I get that. I’m still grateful as fuck. The thing is, Lion…I’m an old man, and I’m not going to live forever. I’d like to be able to go with the idea that I at least tried to make a few amends…” Lion rarely laughed. The sound of it was almost foreign to his own ears. But Hawk’s statement had struck him as funny…hilarious, even. Grant “Hawk” Benning didn’t give a fuck who liked him or not…he gave less than a fuck, actually and anyone who knew him, knew that. There was something he wanted or needed from Lion…but absolution? Lion thought not.
When Lion quit laughing he said, “Get the fuck out of here, Hawk. We’re finished with each other and we have been for years.” Lion turned toward the house and Hawk said:
“I want to buy Maddie a house in Arizona and send her back out there to work. I know I never should have risked having you bring her all the way out here in the first place…but before I knew all those fuckers were out of the picture, I had to have her with me. I’ve loved having her here, but it’s time for her to go now. This place, the ranch…it’s not for her…”
Lion sighed and turned back toward the old man. “Why are you telling me this? Buy her a house! Move her back to Arizona! I don’t care.”
“Madison won’t leave. At first, she wouldn’t tell me why…shit, she never did tell me. I overheard her talking to Angel and Harley. She says it’s you…”
Lion cocked an eyebrow. He hadn’t laid eyes on Madison in a month…at least not while he was awake. “Me?”
“Yeah,” Hawk said, running a gnarled hand through his greasy hair. “She says she wants to get to know you. She wants to know why you hate me.”
Before he realized what he was doing, Lion reached up and pulled the bun out of his hair and when the masses of it fell down around his face, he tore his fingers through it. As soon as it dawned on him he was emulating the man he hated, he stopped and clenched his fists at his sides. Madison did things to him…deep down inside of his core. But she was Hawk’s daughter and Lion would be celibate the rest of his life before he’d go there, and he sure as hell wasn’t going out of his way to convince her the old man was a good guy. He could get Dax to do that, since for whatever reason, Dax seemed to have forgiven him all his trespasses.
“I get that you’re the kind of indulgent father that wants to give your daughter everything she asks for,” he said, sarcastically. “I mean…all those years on the run, and you still found time to have a relationship with her…” Again, he caught himself. He would rather shoot himself in the head than let Hawk know how much his leaving had hurt. Hating him was easier, and it was what the old man deserved. Lion had even been sure he was over the pain of it for years…then he met Maddie…and he listened to her talk about her dad, and how no matter what, he’d always been there for her. Lion knew he and Hawk didn’t share DNA, but they had shared a hell of a lot more since the day Lion was born…and Hawk had found it easy to simply walk away from a grieving, confused, lonely sixteen-year-old boy. So, fuck him. Lion swallowed the rest of his words and said, “Go the fuck away, Hawk. I don’t care if Madison goes or stays. She’s not my problem.” He turned and walked up the three steps he’d built himself, across the porch that he’d laid every plank into, and into the house…through the door he’d painted red. His Me Maw always said the red doors were to keep the evil spirits out. As Lion closed it behind him and he heard Hawk’s motorcycle fire up and drive away, he felt like it was working.
After Hawk left, Lion couldn’t seem to calm himself down. He finally got tired of pacing the floors, took a shower, and got on his Harley and drove into town. He usually stayed away from the bars on the Southside, even the ones the Skulls owned and frequented, but that night he stopped at the first one he came to. It was a fairly new bar that Lion heard Dax had bought a piece of. Maybe, if he was lucky, none of the assholes he strove to avoid would be there.
Lion walked into the bar and took a look around before deciding no one was there he knew, and took a seat. In South Boston, especially since he was a Skull and had been for so many years, that was no small trick. Years before he’d taken to doing his grocery shopping late at night or in the early morning hours. He only attended church when Dax specifically asked him to, and when he was looking to pick up a woman, he usually found a bar in the Back Bay. There was a nice little hotel there that always seemed to have a one-night vacancy, and most of the time he woke up alone the next morning and drove home. Occasionally one would spend the night, but that was as far as he ever let it go. He made sure they knew up front that was all he was looking for. He didn’t feel like he was using them anymore than they were him if they agreed to it. Lion had suffered enough abandonment in his life. He wasn’t about to let himself get close to a woman…fall in love with her and wake up one day and she’d be gone.
He took a seat at a small booth near the bathrooms and ordered a beer and nachos. The bar was loud with conversation and laughter and music, and it was just the background he needed to drown out his thoughts. It was bad enough he still had the dreams that had plagued him for two decades…he didn’t want to have to think about any of it while he was awake.
“I’ll be damned, Walt, look who’s here.” Lion was about to take a drink of his beer when he heard the voice. He knew without looking up that it belonged to a guy they called “Luger.” His real name was Lincoln and he’d been one of the scourges of Lion’s existence since grade school. He took a deep breath to steady himself before looking up. Luger was with Walt. Walt was overweight, self-conscious, and as far as anyone could tell, had an IQ that might border on retardation. Lion didn’t have anything against him, though, except that for more than twenty years he’d been following Luger around, kissing his ass. Lion nodded at them and hoped that would be the end of it. But as usual, Luger was in a mood to be an asshole. Lion wondered if he’d forgotten how many times Walt, or one of the other brothers in the club, had to peel him off the floor when Lion finished with him. He’d overcome his rage problems…for the most part…as a kid, but there were some people like Luger who just didn’t understand any fucking thing else. Luger sat down in the booth across from Lion, slid over, and beckoned Walt to do the same. Maybe Walt was the smart one after all…he stayed on his feet.
“I’m not looking for company,” Lion said.
Luger smiled and Lion pictured himself knocking out the other man’s teeth. “Always the loner,” Luger said. “It’s not good for you to be alone all the time. Walt and I were going over to Spirits in a bit.” His smile turned to a leer as he said, “There are a few new club girls working the bar over there. You should go with us, and get yourself a piece, that is…if you’re into girls. I’ve never really been sure.” He looked up at Walt and said, “You ever seen Lion here with a girl, Walt?”
Poor Walt looked like he wanted to cry. He didn’t answer Luger, and Lion suspected that he’d pay for that later. He was supposed to be Luger’s yes man and Lion could see the anger already seething in the other man’s blue eyes. Lion pushed his hair back out of his face, ran his hand through the beard he’d been meaning to cut, and then, in a calm, quiet voice he said, “You two go ahead. I’ve gotta stop by and see both of your mothers on my way home. I don’t think I’ll have time.” Before Lion even finished talking, Luger was on his feet. Walt stood at h
is back, which was a big mistake. The fist that came toward Lion, who hadn’t even stood up, was caught and pushed back. Luger was thrust into his big friend, who wasn’t all that graceful on his feet. The two of them stumbled backward and hit the floor and suddenly every eye in the place was on them. Luger was cussing and as he comically tried to get untangled from Walt and get to his feet, the sound of a shotgun being pumped broke the silence in the rest of the bar.
“You boys want me to call Dax, or are you on your way out?”
Luger looked at the burly bartender. He wasn’t a Skull, but he was an old friend of Dax Marshall’s, and there was no doubt in his dark eyes that he’d either shoot the men, or call Dax, or both. Dax had a strict policy about his men fighting and making trouble in town…and as much as it was apparent in Luger’s blue eyes that he wasn’t finished with this fight, his fear of Dax was stronger. He finally managed to get to his feet, and Walt got up too. With one last glare at Lion, he looked at the bartender and said, “We’re leaving.” The entire bar watched silently as the two men made their way to the door. Once they were gone Lion said:
“You want me to go too?”
The bartender chuckled. “Fuck no. I would have loved to watch you kick the shit out of that asshole. But Dax woulda been pissed at me for letting you.”
Lion smiled. “Sorry for the trouble. I’ll finish my food and beer and be on my way.”
“No hurry,” the other man said. As he walked away, the music and conversation started back up in the bar. Lion tried to take another sip of his beer but it was apparent suddenly that he should have stayed the hell at home.
“Lion?” He looked up into the dark eyes of Madison Benning. She’d let her hair go back to brown and it was longer than it had been last time he’d seen her. It framed her heart-shaped face and made her eyes look huge. She was wearing jeans and a simple-looking green cotton blouse with full sleeves and fitted at the waist. On her feet she had Converse tennis shoes. She was way underdressed compared to the other women looking for love in the bar…but to Lion she looked sexy as hell. He opened his mouth and the first thought on his mind…besides how sexy she looked…came out.
“You’ve got to fucking be kidding me.”
4
Madison cocked an eyebrow at him and, proving she was her pushy father’s daughter, she sat down uninvited. Lion took a long drink of his beer while she stared at him. He didn’t know what the fuck she expected him to say. Finally, however, her wide stare wore him down. “What do you want, Madison?”
“I just wanted to talk to you. No one seems to know how to reach you. How does that work…with the club?”
He rolled his eyes and motioned the waitress for another beer. “I’m not sure how that’s your business.”
“Fine, you’re right…it’s not. My dad wants me to go back to Arizona.”
“Okay.”
“I’m not ready to go yet.”
“Again, okay. I’m sorry, but you seem to have mistaken me for someone that gave a shit.”
“Why are you so rude?”
He chuckled. “I was sitting here minding my own damned business and you barged in, uninvited and talking nonsense…and I’m rude?”
She sighed. “Okay, I’ll take part of the blame. I just want to talk to you.”
“Why?”
“Because we have a connection.” The waitress set down Lion’s beer and asked Madison if she wanted anything. Madison ordered a beer too and when the waitress was gone Lion said:
“We barely know each other, and how did you find me anyways? Did you follow me here?”
She frowned. “Of course not. I was over at the drug store and just happened to see you come in. I was actually headed back to the ranch but changed my mind. I thought this might be an opportunity for us to talk.”
“Lucky me.”
She rolled her eyes and said, “Look, we do have a connection, and I’m not talking about the attraction even though I know you can feel that too.”
He was trying to take a drink of his beer, but his laughing made him put it back down. “You think I’m attracted to you?”
“I’ve been a single woman on my own for a long time. I know when a man is attracted to me. For whatever reason, you’re not interested in acting on that, so fine. But we are still connected…through my dad.”
Lion took his drink and then, snorting, put the bottle down and said, “I’m not connected to Hawk, in any way other than the club.”
“I get the feeling there is a lot more to it than that. People around the ranch have been tight-lipped around me, but you hear things when you hang around long enough. What I heard was that it was my dad who insisted you be the one to come and get me. I also heard something about my dad and your mother…”
“Don’t.”
She frowned. “Don’t what?”
“Don’t talk about my mother…and him…in the same breath.”
Madison stared at him again while taking a drink of her own beer. She was…blessedly silent, for a while. Lion hoped she was going to give up whatever she’d had on her mind when she suddenly said, “Why does everyone hate him?”
He shook his head, ran his hand through his scruffy beard, and said, “Ask him.”
“I did. He just laughs like he thinks it’s funny. The guys on the ranch treat him with respect, I guess…but it’s obvious that no one likes him. I don’t know a lot about his past, he wouldn’t ever share much with me. You’ve been here your entire life…”
“And I’m not sharing anything with you, either. You want a history lesson on your old man, ask him. I’m not getting involved in this shit.”
“Fine. Why do you hate him? That’s about you, surely you can answer that.”
He downed half of his beer before saying, “I could, if I wanted to. Still not your business. Now if you’ll excuse me…” He stood up and dropped a fifty-dollar bill on the table. Madison didn’t move but those damned big, brown eyes were still on his face.
“You’re afraid.”
Lion laughed out loud at that. He wasn’t “afraid” of anything, and he’d spent his life proving that. “Go home, Madison. You’re way out of your element here.” He left her there, but he had the feeling those eyes were on him until he got out the door. He took a big, deep breath of the fresh night air and cursed himself again for leaving home at all. People…he just couldn’t fucking stand them.
Lion knew he was dreaming…but he couldn’t wake himself up. Strangely, he knew it wasn’t 1997 any longer. He wasn’t sixteen and Hawk wasn’t the young man sitting across from him at the table in the back of the little diner. But still, he couldn’t escape the memories he knew were about to come pouring out.
“I have to go away, Lion.” That was how Hawk started the conversation. Lion hadn’t worried when Hawk hadn’t called or come by the past week. He’d gotten over that when he was a kid, when he figured out that Hawk would always, eventually come back. Lion could tell by looking at Hawk that he hadn’t slept, probably in days. His eyes were shot through with blood and his usually scraggly long hair looked much worse than usual. His skin even had a yellowish, sallow look to it.
“Are you okay? You’re not sick, are you?” Hawk’s always alert and intense dark eyes were even more active than usual. They were darting back and forth to the front door of the little diner even though when they’d walked in, Hawk had told the waitress to turn the closed sign and lock the door.
“I’m not sick,” Hawk said. “Not physically. I’m sick about what I have to do…but I don’t have any choice.”
For ten years, Hawk had been Lion’s rock. While Lion took care of his grandmother, Hawk took care of him. When he was too young to go on his own, Hawk took him to the gym and let him take out all the anger he kept bottled up inside on the bags. When he couldn’t stand the teasing and finally went ballistic on one of the hateful bullies who talked shit about his Me Maw or him, Hawk cleaned up the mess and always somehow kept him from getting kicked out of school, even after Princi
ple English retired and moved away. When Lion was fourteen and he finally got arrested for beating the shit out of the wrong kid, Hawk was the one there to bail him out and stood beside him in court, and took him to every single one of his community service appointments when the judge finally suspended his sentence and gave him probation. Even though none of them ever talked about it, Lion also knew his Me Maw didn’t make enough money on her “consultations” to pay the bills. She sold things from her garden too, and sometimes people would buy her crystals, or “potions,” but still, Lion knew that Hawk had to be giving her money all those years. In other words, he was the closest thing Lion had ever had, or would ever have, to a father, so even as bad as Hawk looked and as ominous as he sounded, Lion still wanted to believe that he was just going away to take care of business…and he’d be back.
“Okay,” Lion said, nervously adding, “When will you be back?”
Hawk looked like he might be sick and it took him a long time to answer. Before he did, Lion already knew the answer wasn’t going to be what he wanted to hear. “I won’t,” he said. “I won’t be able to come back here, Lion. I’m sorry.”
Lion frowned. This had to be some kind of mistake, or joke. Hawk wouldn’t just leave him…would he? “I don’t understand. Where are you going?”
Hawk stared at a spot on the wall over Lion’s shoulder for a long time. That was even unlike him. He was one of the most honest, direct people Lion had ever met. He truly believed Hawk had never lied to him…until that moment. What Hawk said next made him want to believe he was the biggest liar in town.
“You’re going to hear some things about me. People are going to say I betrayed Doc, and the club. What I want you to know is that anything I did, was because I had no choice. I love Doc, and I love you and Kate and the fucking club. But I can’t stay.”