by Sarah Murray
I’ve chosen seven destinations to which people can take small portions of my ashes. And if there’s any money left over, perhaps the last portion could be sent to Angels Flight, the California company that turns cremains into firework displays. Of all the death rites I’ve witnessed on my travels, the funeral pyre I watched on that warm night in Bali was the most thrilling. I’ve always loved fireworks, and the service laid on by these innovative pyrotechnicians might be the closest way of creating something with the impact of a Balinese cremation. Meanwhile, in no particular order, here are the places I’ve selected for a portion of my remains:
Number one: the Empire State Building, Manhattan, New York City, United States. The wire mesh fence on the Observation Deck is not too densely woven, so it should be easy enough to reach through and scatter a few grains of ashes. Please make sure that you choose a day when, as Fa put it, “prevailing winds are moderate,” and that you scatter with, and not against, the direction of the breeze (I don’t want to temporarily blind some unsuspecting tourist). And do not drop the Muji pill pot. From such a height, even something that small could give a pedestrian below a nasty bump, or at least a fright.
Number two: Vishwanath Gali, Varanasi, Uttar Pradesh, India. While Hindu cremations are going on beside the river, the place I really want to be is behind the waterfront, where a labyrinth of tiny lanes is stuffed with even tinier shops, cafés, and temples. This is Vishwanath Gali, an ancient bazaar. Color pops out of every corner—fuchsia pinks, mustard yellows, and vibrant lime greens, each hue more brilliant than the next. Here you find glass bangles by the thousand, trays of the city’s famous sweetmeats, rolls of richly brocaded silk, and jars of nuts, candies, aniseed, chilies, and spices. Being in the midst of all these goodies—as well as crowds of women in saris; barefoot sadhus (holy men) in flamboyant robes of orange, gold, and silver; and the occasional cow—is my idea of heaven, so please leave a small portion of me here. While you’re in the bazaar, spare a thought for me as you drink a cup of chai served from a tiny clay cup, which you dash to the ground after use—dust to dust.
Number three: Echo Valley, Sagada, northern Luzon, Philippines. Whoever is drawn to natural beauty, tranquility, fresh mountain air, and the scent of pines should be the one to take a portion of my ashes up here. I’d like them thrown across Echo Valley to join the Igorot ancestors in their craggy limestone resting places. I don’t need a pig slaughtered in my honor but perhaps I can have my name invoked occasionally at local ceremonies and ritual feasts (ask Siegrid about this). Stay a while if you can. I recommend the Saint Joseph Resthouse in the room called “Andrew.” With a bed, a wooden stool, and a wardrobe supplied with three metal clothes hangers, it’s sparsely appointed. But with windows on two sides, it has a glorious view of the mountains and the town below. Try to be there over a weekend to catch the Saturday night buffet at the Log Cabin restaurant, cooked by Chef Akay (a Frenchman whose real name is Philippe).
Number four: Mercado Abastos, Oaxaca, Mexico. I get the same feeling here as I do in the Vishwanath Gali. The smells are different (cilantro, quesadillas, mole sauce, sugar cane, and fresh bread, as well as the ever-present, distinctively Mexican aroma of laundry detergent) but the sense of life and activity are equally intense. The place is immense—you can walk for hours and not come across the same stalls. So there’ll be plenty of places to choose from when it comes to scattering some of my ashes. Look out for the sections for shoes, flowers, woven baskets, and crazy miniature items (although perhaps avoid the food sections—I don’t want to end up in someone’s dinner), but the more people, noise, and piles of goods the better. I’d like part of me left amid the throb and rhythm of the market, in with the mango skins, bits of string, and cigarette butts—the detritus of human energy and motion.
Number five: Karimabad, Hunza Valley, northern Pakistan. I’ve been here several times over the years but my first trip was the most memorable. Arriving in darkness to a full hotel, I took up the manager’s offer of a tent in the garden and, fully dressed, crawled into my sleeping bag, unaware of what surrounded me. Next morning, clambering outside into the dawn light, I felt like I’d died and gone to some sort of heaven. The garden on which my tent was pitched sat on a rocky escarpment overlooking one of the world’s most dramatic landscapes—a valley where the great ranges of the Karakoram, Pamir, Hindu Kush, and Himalayas fight it out in a grand confusion of jagged peaks and gaping ravines. The fiery colors of early fall—deep russets, pale golds, the occasional flash of green—blazed brilliantly against lead gray slopes. The early morning sun worked its alchemy, transforming snowcaps into sparkling diamonds and the river in the valley floor into a snake of pure silver. I hope to get back there someday while I’m still living, but I’d also like a tiny piece of me left there after I’m dead.
Number Seven: Fa’s Hill, North Poorton, West Dorset, England. It wasn’t intentional, but the grassy slope on which we scattered my father’s ashes has acquired his name, at least among friends and family. “I drove past Fa’s Hill the other day,” Sam will say. I’d like someone to leave a tiny portion of me there, partly to join my father but also so I can show the glorious countryside in which I was raised to someone who’s never been there before. Drive around a little while you’re in the area. Highlights include the spectacular coastline and pebble beaches, the magnificent Iron Age hill fort at Eggardon, and one of my favorite churches, the Church of Saint Mary the Virgin, Powerstock, with its early Norman chancel arch and charming Victorian floral paintings on the nave walls.
I may add to this list as I continue my travels. And the places themselves may change with time. But as I go through these locations and consider what it is I love about them, I’m wondering if this was how Fa felt as he put together his instructions for us, inserting the picture of the church and explaining why that piece of beautiful Dorset landscape was the spot he’d chosen.
The emphasis of my scheme is slightly different from Fa’s, however. I’m certainly happy that tiny pieces of me will end up in some of my favorite places. But it’s more than that. What really excites me is the idea that my ashes might be a reason for others to embark on adventures of their own. And who knows where they might lead? This thought allows me to look beyond my own mortality, which is important. When it comes to death, my rationalist philosophy leads only to extinction, and that’s not something I’m willing to contemplate.
Of course, I won’t be around to enjoy the trip or take in the view. But imagining others getting something out of my death—even if it’s just the chance to drink chai from a clay cup in India or to gaze across the Hunza Valley—gives me a kind of seat at the table. I get to be a small part of my post-mortal future. In this, I join the ranks of philanthropists, medical researchers, teachers, sports coaches, parents, and others who hope that they can provide a springboard for the creativity and productivity of those following them. It’s the idea that, even though the power supply has been switched off, we may still be able to generate a few sparks of electricity. That’s what I call living on.
Acknowledgments
Many friends, strangers, and colleagues have advised, supported, and encouraged me in writing this book, giving me generous portions of their patience, time, and expertise, as well as their personal stories. I’d particularly like to thank Jennifer Senior, Cait Murphy, Melissa Milgrom, Charis Gresser, Jon Zeitlin, Bob Still, Babak Goodarzi, Janet DeNeefe, the Iran Heritage Foundation, and, of course, my mother, Sam.
Others have helped me on my travels, guided me around their countries, and welcomed me into their communities. Many thanks to Maryam Mohamadi, Kawther el Obeid, Abena and Anthony Appiah, Nicola Chilton, Prhativi Dyah, Marsha Dubrow, Lucy Jackson, Siegrid Bangyay, Villia Jefremovas, Fernando Zobel de Ayala, and Jessica Koth.
I also want to thank my editor, Charlie Spicer, and his colleague Yaniv Soha at St. Martin’s Press, as well as David Kuhn, my agent, and Billy Kingsland. And finally, I might never have completed this book without the calm, the quiet, and the compa
ny of the diverse creative individuals I found at Yaddo, the artists’ colony in Saratoga Springs.
Select Bibliography
GENERAL READING
Ariès, Philippe. The Hour of Our Death. Translated by Helen Weaver. 2nd ed. New York: Vintage, 2008.
Ashenburg, Katherine. The Mourner’s Dance: What We Do When People Die. New York: North Point Press, 2003.
Barnes, Julian. Nothing to Be Frightened Of. New York: Vintage, 2009.
Cullen, Lisa Takeuchi. Remember Me: A Lively Tour of the New American Way of Death. New York: HarperBusiness, 2006.
Harris, Mark Donald. Grave Matters. New York: Scribner, 2007.
King, Melanie. The Dying Game: A Curious History of Death. Oxford: Oneworld, 2008.
Lynch, Thomas. The Undertaking: Life Studies from the Dismal Trade. New York: Penguin Putnam, 1997.
May, Todd. Death. Stocksfield, UK: Acumen, 2009.
McKenzie, Kenneth, and Todd Harra. Mortuary Confidential: Undertakers Spill the Dirt. New York: Citadel, 2010.
Metcalf, Peter, and Richard Huntington. Celebrations of Death: The Anthropology of Mortuary Ritual. New York: Cambridge University Press, 1991.
Nuland, Sherwin. How We Die: Reflections on Life’s Final Chapter. New York: Vintage, 1995.
Parkes, Colin Murray, Pittu Laungani, and Bill Young. Death and Bereavement across Cultures. London: Routledge, 1997.
Quigley, Christine. The Corpse: A History. Jefferson, NC: McFarland, 1996.
Roach, Mary. Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers. New York: Norton, 2004.
Waugh, Evelyn. The Loved One: An Anglo-American Tragedy. London: Penguin Classics, 2000.
1. THE LAMENT
Alexiou, Margaret. “Tradition and Change in Antiquity.” In The Ritual Lament in Greek Tradition: Interdisciplinary Approaches. Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield, 2002.
Canetti, Elias. Crowds and Power. New York: Viking Press, 1962.
Danforth, Loring M. The Death Rituals of Rural Greece, photography by Alexander Tsiaras. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 1982.
Darwin, Charles. The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals (1872). New York and London: D. Appleton, 1916.
Feld, Steven. Sound and Sentiment: Birds, Weeping, Poetics and Song in Kaluli Expression. Philadelphia: University of Pennsylvania Press, 1990.
Gorer, Geoffrey. “The Pornography of Death.” In Encounters: An Anthology from the First Ten Years of Encounter Magazine. New York: Basic Books, 1963.
Holst-Warhaft, Gail. Dangerous Voices: Women’s Laments and Greek Literature. New York: Routledge, 1992.
Jalland, Pat. Death in the Victorian Family. New York: Oxford University Press, 1996.
Kübler-Ross, Elisabeth. On Death and Dying (1969). New York: Scribner Classics, 1997.
Liao, Yiwu. The Corpse Walker: Real-Life Stories, China from the Bottom Up. New York: Pantheon Books, 2008.
Lutz, Tom. Crying: The Natural and Cultural History of Tears. New York: W. W. Norton & Company, 2001.
Lysaght, Patricia. “Caoineadh os Cionn Coirp: The Lament for the Dead in Ireland.” Folklore 108 (1997).
Merridale, Catherine Night of Stone: Death and Memory in Russia. London, Granta, 2000.
O’Connell, Eileen. “The Lament for Arthur O’Leary.” In The Ireland Anthology. Edited by Seán Dunne. New York: St. Martin’s Griffin/Thomas Dunne Books, 1957.
Ó Tuama, Seán. Repossessions: Selected Essays on the Irish Literary Heritage. Cork, Ireland: Cork University Press, 1995.
Patton, Kimberley Christine, and John Stratton Hawley, eds. Holy Tears: Weeping in the Religious Imagination. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 2005.
Perry, Hosea L. “Mourning and Funeral Customs of African Americans.” In Ethnic Variations in Dying, Death and Grief: Diversity in Universality. Edited by D. P. Irish, K. E. Lundquist, and V. J. Nelson. Washington D.C.: Taylor & Francis, 1993.
Radcliffe-Brown, Alfred. The Andaman Islanders. Illinois: Free Press, 1948.
Rottenberg, Jonathan, Lauren M. Bylsma, and Ad J. J. M. Vingerhoets. “Is Crying Beneficial?” Current Directions in Psychological Science 17, no. 6 (December 2008).
Shirley, Evelyn Philip. “Extracts from the Journal of Thomas Dineley, Esquire, giving some account of his visit to Ireland in the reign of Charles II.” In The Journal of the Kilkenney and South-East of Ireland, Archaeological Society II. Dublin: University Press, 1859.
2. BEAUTIFUL FIRE
Connor, Linda H. “The Action of the Body on Society: Washing a Corpse in Bali.” Journal of the Royal Anthropological Institute 1, no. 3 (1995).
Covarrubias, Miguel. Island of Bali (1937). London: KPI Limited, 1986.
“The Cremation of Mrs. Pitman.” New York Times, February 14, 1878.
Davies, Douglas James, and Lewis H. Mates. Encyclopedia of Cremation. Burlington, VT: Ashgate, 2005.
Eassie, William. “The Economy of Cremation.” In Transactions of the Sanitary Institute of Great Britain. London: Sanitary Institute of Great Britain, 1886–87.
Geertz, Hildred, and Clifford Geertz. Kinship in Bali. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1978.
Michner, Joerg. “Crematorium to Help Heat Homes in Swedish Town.” Daily Telegraph, December 20, 2008.
Prothero, Stephen. Purified by Fire: A History of Cremation in America. Berkeley: University of California Press, 2001.
Thompson, Sir Henry. Cremation: The Treatment of the Body after Death. London: Cremation Society of England, 1884.
Wagner, Frits A. Indonesia: The Art of an Island Group. New York: McGraw-Hill Book Company, 1959.
Resources
The Cremation Association of North America
www.cremationassociation.org
The International Cemetery, Cremation and Funeral Association
www.iccfa.com
3. STARTLING STILLNESS
Acton, Harold Mario Mitchell. More Memoirs of an Aesthete. London: Methuen, 1970.
Barnes, Carl Lewis. The Art and Science of Embalming: Descriptive and Operative. Washington D.C., 1896.
Bradbury, Mary. Representations of Death: A Social Psychological Perspective. New York: Routledge, 1999.
Carlson, Lisa. Caring for the Dead: Your Final Act of Love. Hinesburg, VT: Upper Access, 1997.
Cockburn, Eve, and Theodore Allen Reyman. Mummies, Disease & Ancient Cultures. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1998.
Faust, Drew Gilpin. This Republic of Suffering. New York: Knopf, 2008.
Goolsby, Denise. “Funeral Homes Undertake Change.” The Desert Sun, March 25, 2006.
Gore, Catherine Grace Frances. The Royal Favourite, Routledge. London: Warne & Routledge, 1862.
Jalland, Pat. Death in the Victorian Family. New York: Oxford University Press, 1996.
Kelly, David. “The Mummy Returns: Utah Partners Hope to Revive Ancient Funeral Practice.” Los Angeles Times, July 14, 2003.
Kemp, Elyria, and Steven W. Kopp. “The Death Care Industry: A Review of Regulatory and Consumer Issues.” Journal of Consumer Affairs 41, no. 1 (2007).
Kübler-Ross, Elisabeth. Questions and Answers on Death and Dying. New York: Scribner, 1997.
Laderman, Gary. Rest in Peace: A Cultural History of Death and the Funeral Home in Twentieth-Century America. New York: Oxford University Press, 2003.
Langman, James. “Magical Mummies of the Atacama.” Americas 53, no. 3 (2001).
Mayer, Robert C. Embalming: History, Theory, and Practice. 4th ed. New York: McGraw-Hill Medical, 2005.
Meskell, Lynn. Object Worlds in Ancient Egypt: Material Biographies Past and Present. New York: Berg, 2004.
Mims, Cedric A. When We Die: The Science, Culture, and Rituals of Death. New York: St. Martin’s Griffin, 2000.
Mitford, Jessica. The American Way of Death. London: Hutchinson & Co, 1963.
______. The American Way of Death Revisited. New York: Vintage Books, 2000.
Pringle, Heather. The Mummy Congress: Science, Obsession, and the Everlasting Dead. New York: Theia, 2001.
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Psychiatry and Social Science Review 4 (1970).
Quigley, Christine. Modern Mummies: The Preservation of the Human Body in the Twentieth Century. Jefferson, NC: McFarlane, 1998.
Steele, Donald W. The Value of Viewing the Body. The Dodge Company Web site.
Willis, Nathaniel Parker. Pencillings by the Way: Written During Some Years of Residence and Travel in France, Italy, Greece, Asia Minor, Turkey and England. New York: Morris and Willis, 1844.
Resources
The American Society of Embalmers
www.amsocembalmers.org
The National Association of Funeral Directors
www.nfda.org
4. INSIDE THE BOX
Allen, Dan Sumner. “The Mason Coffins: Metallic Burial Cases in the Central South.” South Central Historical Archaeology Conference, Jackson, MI, Middle Tennessee State University, 2002.
Bondeson, Jan. Buried Alive: The Terrifying History of Our Most Primal Fear. New York: Norton, 2002.
Burns, Vivian. “Travel to Heaven: Fantasy Coffins.” African Arts 7, no. 2 (1974).
Colman, Penny. Corpses, Coffins, and Crypts: A History of Burial. New York: Henry Holt and Co., 1997.
Cooney, Eleanor. “Funeral Chic: Colorful Coffins Convey the Deceased’s Interests, Profession.” San Francisco Chronicle, October 30, 2002.
Cressy, David. Birth, Marriage, and Death: Ritual, Religion, and the Life-Cycle in Tudor and Stuart England. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1999.
Errington, Sarah. “Burial Sights.” Geographical, September 1, 2000.