by Dayna Quince
She gasped. He was close enough to hear it that time. “I’ve never ravished a woman,” he said. “I’ve never had to. I have never mistreated a woman in my life, and I never will, not only because I’m a gentleman. Though my soul is tarnished, I still have one, and I could never bring myself to hurt you or any other woman. But not only that, my dear Nicolette, women come to me and ask for ravishing. But I do not oblige them all.”
She scoffed and rolled her eyes, tossing her dark hair. He wanted to wrap those dark tendrils around his hand.
“Women come to me and beg for my touch—”
“Enough.”
“It’s never enough—at least, that’s what they tell me,” he finished.
“If I take out my knife again, will it convince you to stop?”
He chuckled, amused by her ferocity. “What am I doing?”
He knew exactly what he was doing. But he wanted a response from her. He wanted her to speak to him and be at ease with him. He truly meant her no harm.
“You know exactly what you’re doing. You’re trying to charm me. Most likely you’re trying to seduce me, and I’ll not be seduced by the likes of you.”
“Well, if I’m being honest, it did cross my mind, but I’m reminded again of the duke’s ability to rip my arms off. I assure you I know how to restrain myself. I’m not some mindless lecher. I don’t intend to marry, so for self-preservation I shall behave. But I do enjoy a bit of flirting, don’t you?”
Her eyes narrowed on him. “Why did you come here if you don’t intend to marry?”
“When my brother and I received our invitation, there was nothing in it about nine beautiful women who needed husbands. We were invited for relaxation, hunting, riding, belching, drinking, ultimately things we like to do when not in the presence of women such as yourself.”
“My sisters suspected as much,” she said. She looked down, dragging her foot softly through the sand. Theo felt as if he’d just insulted her somehow.
“Did I offend you? My apologies if I have. I did not mean to.”
“It’s not that. No gentlemen wanted to come here to marry, not willingly, at least.”
“How stupid they are,” he replied. “The lot of them.”
She smirked. “But not you?”
“Not I. Any woman would be a fool to marry me. I’m only good for two things.” He winked. “One of those being chats late at night, on beaches, the other being…”
She lifted her chin and dared him to finish the sentence. Oh, how he wished to, but there were certain lines one did not cross with innocent women.
“So, what do you plan to do with this beautiful voice of yours if not share it with the world?” he asked.
She shook her head. “I don’t know. I need to marry above all else.”
“There are nine of you. Someone else could marry, and you can go on to have a fabulous career as a soprano, travel the world, have diamonds and gold rained down on you from adoring fans.”
“As someone’s mistress, you mean?”
“I didn’t imply that, but that’s certainly your choice.”
“It would be an insult to my family. I wouldn’t be able to see them if I did such a thing.”
“My apologies, I meant no offense. For a moment, I forgot just how innocence the lot of you were.”
She scoffed and tossed her head. “Don’t patronize me. You use the word innocent to imply I don’t know any better. That I live in a small world when it is much bigger than I could possibly understand. But the truth is, if that makes me innocent then so are you.”
Theo chuckled. “I haven’t been innocent since I was a babe.”
“But you live in a bubble of privilege, and you have no knowledge or understanding of what it is like for a woman in my position. You talk as though I could just leave my family, who rely on me to help them survive and pursue a career as a professional singer without consequence. You don’t know me. You don’t know anything about me, what I may want for my life.”
Theo supposed he had a conscience because he felt the sting of shame.
“Again, my apologies. It was only an idea, a terrible idea at that.”
“Yes, it was.”
Chapter 10
She stared back at the path that led up to the castle and away from him. Typically, women wanted to be in his company, Theo mused. He’d never dealt with one who did not. He was a second son, true, but currently the heir and only brother to the Earl of Densmore. An enviable position to most. He wasn’t one to feel foolish, and yet he did, suggesting an innocent woman throw away her respectability for a dream she probably didn’t have want to have or aspire to, as though she were as careless and reckless as he.
“You’re right, of course, between the two of us. I’m an idiot. So, what do you want? Marriage? Children? A little corner of your own in England to raise a family and never let the world hear that soul-stirring voice of yours? It seems quite a shame.”
“Does it? Should I alter my entire life based on the opinion of one man?”
“But you will, if he’s to be your husband.”
She folded her arms. “But that won’t be you, so why should you care?”
He clenched his teeth as a spark of jealousy singed his nerves. No doubt some feckless lout would be her husband. It shouldn’t bother him at all.
“I surrender,” he said. “You do what you want, and I will do the same.” He stepped back, not taking his gaze from her. He sat in the sand and folded his arms behind his head. He leaned back against a boulder and looked up at the stars. Even though his attention never moved from there, he was acutely aware of her every breath.
“What are you doing?”
“I may sleep here for the night. There are too many ghosts in the castle. I can’t sleep with all the whispering, the judgment, those damn confining stone walls so cold and rough to the touch. Castles all carry the same musty smell. No matter how vigorously they’re scrubbed. As if the stone is decaying, and I’m breathing in the dust of its bones.”
“I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been in any other castle, but I do know what you mean. My home is hardly well cared for, but we do try. Sometimes it seems as though it’s held together by candle wax. If one sneezes too forcefully, the walls will come down.”
It surprised him when she moved, coming to sit on the sand beside him and leaning back into the boulder. She folded her hands in her lap and stared out at the water. He studied her profile.
What a lovely girl. With her voice and that face, she could have anything she wanted, but there would be a price, wouldn’t there? There always was. It wasn’t as though she’d find love singing in a theater in London or serenading rich old men in a private exhibition. She could have many lovers.
The thought unsettled him. A slimy feeling filled his stomach like he’d swallowed an eel and it squirmed inside him. The mere idea of her taking lovers, living life as part of the demimonde, did not sit well. He was curious about this feeling. Could it be…jealousy?
He frowned up at the stars, thoroughly ruffled with the way his mind reacted to her.
“Why are you so quiet now? Have you run out of words?”
He snorted. “Hardly. But I find I don’t know how to talk to innocent young women.”
“I find I don’t know how to talk to innocent men of the city.”
He laughed, startling himself. “There you go again, using that word. I told you it cannot be applied to me.”
“But you are innocent of Northumberland and the ways that I live my life, the way the people here live. Are you not?”
“That’s not what innocent means. You’re thinking of ignorance. Innocence implies purity. Children are innocent, puppies and kittens are innocent. You and your sisters are innocent because you haven’t been tainted by men like me.” He glanced at her from the corner of his eye.
She smirked at him. “Tainted…like meat?”
He curled his lip. “You confuse me. Are we speaking the same language or does Northumberland have
different definitions for English words than they do in London?”
“I think words can have different context, if you will. You say you could taint me as if simply being near you could poison me. Are you poison?”
Theo thought about it. Was he poison? He was beginning to believe he ruined everything he touched. Which is why he could never touch this woman or anyone like her. If not a poison, then a disease like the black plague or the fever that had taken both his parents.
“I can tell your thoughts have gone very dark. Did I offend or hurt your feelings?”
“I don’t have feelings. I’m a man of the world, and I was trying to make a very important point to you, but you are distracting me with your songbird voice and incorrect usage of words. Let me think a moment and try to remember what I was warning you about.”
“I would think you would try to warn me away from you,” she said.
And that was true. Of course, he was warning her as he ought to, and yet he didn’t want her to actually leave because he very much enjoyed her company, uncomfortable thoughts and all.
“You should go back,” he said. It was the gentlemanly thing to do to suggest she leave and return to the safety of her room behind a locked door. Protected from men like him who weren’t so maniacal as to break through a door but be tempted by an unlocked one.
Temptation was such a fickle thing.
He hadn’t been tempted earlier, but right now this moment, with the stars, the breeze, the symphony of the ocean, her fair delicate skin. Everything tempted him to do very bad things. They could put a nice dent in the sand together. The wind would carry away the sounds of her cries of ecstasy. His stomach knotted. What was he thinking?
Damn him. He just couldn’t stop, could he? He couldn’t do the right thing even in his own head, the one space he could control. He should get up and leave—no, that wouldn’t be right either. He couldn’t just leave her out here. Who knew what other unscrupulous second sons or ruffians could come upon her?
“Why don’t we go back?” he asked.
“I’m not ready to,” she replied.
He glared at her, but she wasn’t looking at him. She stared out at the ocean, her eyes obsidian orbs with winks of starlight. She took a deep breath.
“You’re right about the castle. It’s suffocating. How can something so monstrous feel so small?”
“It’s the ghosts. It’s packed full of them. Even though they’re invisible, it feels crowded.”
“I don’t believe in ghosts.”
“You think people just stop existing once they’re gone? Both my mother and father died. At first their absence was a big gaping wound in my soul. But then one morning I woke up and it was like they were everywhere around me, reminding me of who they were, who they wanted me to be. The only time I can’t hear them is when I play my violin. The sound seems to drown them out.”
“You play the violin?” she asked, her voice hitched with excitement.
His blood thickened. He wanted to hear her whisper breathlessly just like that in his ear as he moved over her. He clenched his teeth and fought back his lusting demons.
“I think I made that clear. When I said the words, when I play the violin,” he said dryly.
She kicked sand at him, covering the toe of his boot.
“Childish, see? You are an innocent.”
“But according to you, being in your presence has tainted me, so I’m no longer innocent.”
“Well—” He was going to argue, but it was actually true. She was alone with him right now, and that was enough to ruin her reputation, dammit. He’d already done it.
“I’m sensing those dark thoughts again.”
“I compromised you without even trying,” he said, “and I didn’t even enjoy it—I mean, I enjoyed your singing very much, but I’m sure there’s a lot more about you to enjoy than just your voice.”
She leaned away from him. “I beg your pardon?”
“You are a lovely young woman with the voice of an angel. You don’t think I’ve already thought of a dozen ways I could seduce you? See, innocent through and through.”
“So, I’m ruined now? I didn’t enjoy it either.”
In his thoughts, he pictured how he could make it more enjoyable. Isn’t that what made it so tempting? He tugged at his cravat, thankful for the cool breeze fanning his cheeks. This conversation was bearing down a dangerous path, something he normally appreciated. Had his conscience at last caught up with him? It only took the threat of persecution to do it.
Imagine that.
He decided not to because he had a suspicion he might see himself hanging from a silk noose while Judge Blackwood stood over him with a smug grin.
He swallowed.
“You’ve gone quiet again.” She tossed a small pebble into his lap. “I came out to sing without being caught. I would guess you came out here to think without being interrupted.”
“And yet here I am. Thoroughly interrupted.”
“Do you want to discuss it? I’m a very good listener. It comes with the territory when you’re one of nine daughters in a small household.”
“A man likes to brood in peace.”
“What do you have to brood about? From my perspective, it seems you’ve got life well in hand.”
“It’s all an act. Never believe what you see, unless you see something awful and then believe it. It’s always the terrible things that are true, the lovely things that are just…facades.”
“Such wise words coming from such an innocent man, and where did you learn this life lesson?”
He turned to her slowly as her sarcasm washed over him like a rogue wave. “Do you mock me? Sarcasm is not at all becoming. Innocent can only mean one thing and one thing only.” He shook his head as he heard himself. “See what you’ve done. You’ve broken me. I’m grammatically handicapped now.”
She giggled. He liked the sound of it, even if it was at his expense.
“I’m going to be very straightforward with you. This isn’t flirting. This isn’t meant to shock you. It’s just honesty. When I say you are innocent, I mean you have not lain with a man. When I say I am not innocent, I mean I have lain with many women, and that is the difference between us.”
“May I ask a question?”
“Certainly.”
“How does your history with other women taint me?”
Did she really not know this? Was she fooling with him?
“Don’t be coy,” he said. “Being alone with me implies I may have lain with you even if you say otherwise. Even if I say otherwise, even if all the ghosts in Selbourne Castle say otherwise, no one would believe that we were alone, and I didn’t compromise you in some way.”
She sighed. “I know, but as it stands no one knows. Just like no one knows that I can sing. Does anyone know you play the violin or is that a secret?” she asked.
“It’s no secret. I’ve filled many drawing rooms with the screech of my strings. If I had a talent like yours, I might say that with pride.”
“You’re not proud of your playing?”
“I’m not proud of anything I do,” he murmured.
“There’s nothing?” she asked.
He considered her words.
He folded his arms and crossed his ankles. He could almost say he was cozy here, sitting against a rock, talking with her. This might be the most innocent evening he’d ever had. No booze, no ribald conversation, just honest discourse with a woman he could not seduce. Perhaps he had some innocence left in him, after all.
“I’m proud of this moment,” he said.
She frowned at him “Proud of what, exactly?”
“Well, to be frank, I have not tried to kiss you.”
She sucked in her breath and angled her face away from him. Was she blushing again? Did she feel that fine tension the same as he, the notion of possibility, the temptation of being here alone together with only the moon and stars to witness their indiscretions? The moon and stars were no company at all. They he
ld many secrets.
“Must you say that? I don’t want to have to leave. Can you behave yourself?”
“This is me behaving myself.”
“Do you find yourself incapable of restraint?”
“Obviously not or you’d be on your back.”
She gasped and folded her arms. “Do I need to unsheathe my knife?”
“Calm down. I don’t seduce every woman I come in contact with. But on a night like this with a beautiful woman like you, I’m simply marveled, astounded even, that I haven’t. I think I’m growing up.”
She cocked her head and narrowed her eyes at him, not in skepticism or malice. She was trying to see inside him. “You’re right, I should go back to the castle,” she said.
“It’s funny how many things we ought to do that we don’t want to. We are free people and yet here we are, committing one of the greatest sins by societal standards by simply being alone together, and I haven’t even touched you. If we were caught, we could sing the truth and they would not believe us.”
“You’d have to marry me,” she murmured.
He got a chill. Maybe it wasn’t so warm here after all. He wiggled his shoulders.
“You could marry my brother,” Theo said. “He is the greater catch and you’d be better off.”
She turned to him. “Why do you think so poorly of yourself?”
“It’s habit, I suppose,” he replied.
“That’s a terrible habit.”
He shrugged. “Why are you so afraid to sing in front of others?”
She pursed her lips together.
“See, it’s not fun to be questioned, to have our inner fragile self poked at. It’s deuced uncomfortable.”
“So it is. We really ought to go back,” she said once more.
“Do you want to?”
“No,” she replied. “I’m not… I don’t want to go back.”
“It would be a greater sin for me to leave you here alone so I have to stay with you.”
“How many sins is that for one night?”
“I usually don’t count them. It gets rather tedious.”