by B. B. Hamel
“Practical,” Mac muses. “I appreciate that.”
“Thanks. I take care of my girls.”
Clara rolls her eyes. “Okay, this joke is super offensive. Moving on.” She grabs my hand, tugs me along behind her.
I grin to myself as she shows me the kitchen, pours two glasses of cheap wine, and leads me back to her bedroom.
“And that’s the tour,” she says. “Pretty standard stuff.”
I nod, looking around her room. “I have to admit, I didn’t know what to expect.”
“Beer bongs and empty bottles?” she asks.
“Basically.”
“We are in college, after all.”
Being in her room is strangely intimate. It hits me all at once as I look at the pictures of her family, at her books, at the decorations she has on her walls.
So far, we’ve only seen each other in more or less neutral spaces, except for when she came to my place. Being in here though, it reminds me just how much Clara is… herself.
That’s a strange way of putting it. Clara has a way of putting on a mask in public, of being a certain kind of person. But in private, she’s very much herself.
And this room is an example of that.
I pick up a yearbook. “High school?” I ask.
She snatches it away. “You’re not ready for that.”
“Probably right.” I sit on the edge of her bed. “Is it strange having me in here?”
“Actually, yes,” she says.
“Why?” I ask.
She hesitates a second. “It’s the age difference,” she says finally.
“Explain.”
She sighs and sits next to me. “So far, we’ve basically existed in your world, you know what I mean? Your house, the lab, public places, stuff like that. But this is my world, and my world is…”
“Different from mine,” I finish for her. “Younger.”
“Much younger.” She looks around. “I guess I wanted to have you here just to see if it would… fit.”
I nod, understanding all at once coming over me. “I get it,” I say softly. “And does it fit?”
“I don’t know.”
I lean closer to her. “All this stuff is just stuff, you know.”
“Is it? I feel like it’s my life.”
I wave my hand. “These are walls, just wood and sheetrock. It’s temporary. Your things, their context, it changes. You’ll see.”
“Still, it’s strange. You’re here and you just don’t fit in with everything else.”
I laugh softly and lean closer. “Do you really want me to fit in with this?”
She doesn’t answer because I don’t give her time. I kiss her slow and deep, letting her think about it for a moment.
When I break away, she takes a breath. “That’s a good point. I wouldn’t want you to fit in with this.”
“Maybe that’s what you like about me. I’m far from anything you’ve known before.”
“Partly,” she admits.
“And maybe you’re ready to leave all this behind.”
“Maybe,” she says again.
I kiss her neck, take her hair. “I’m not rushing you, Clara. I would never do that.”
“I know,” she says, kissing my lips. “There’s still time for all this, right?”
“For being young? Absolutely.”
I kiss her, pushing her back onto her bed. We kiss for a while like that, and I don’t try to push anything else. I just like being with her, kissing her, my body tight against hers.
She’s right that I don’t fit in here. It’s a young room, the room of a young woman, and I’m much older than all this. But that doesn’t mean we can’t find a middle space, somewhere that we both fit.
That’s what I want. I don’t need things my way. I just want her.
After a few more minutes, we break off. “Come on, let’s hang out with Mac,” she says.
“Okay,” I say, standing. “But just so you know, you’re going to have to be punished for that.”
Her eyes go wide. “Punished?”
“You told someone about us without asking me.”
She frowns, looking at the floor. “I know. I’m sorry.”
I step closer, lift her chin up toward me. “It’s okay. I think you’ll enjoy your punishment.”
There’s a little smile on her lips as I kiss her and lead her out of the room, back toward the living room.
We drink more wine, we laugh with Mac, who’s surprisingly funny. After a few hours, I kiss Clara goodnight, and I leave, sneaking out into the night.
As I drive back to my house, I keep thinking one thing, over and over again.
We can be normal. We can have that.
Eventually, we can get past all the things holding us apart, holding us back, and we can be normal.
Semesters end. Teaching jobs end.
We can move forward and have lives together.
If Mac can find out and not lose it, the world can deal with this. And when I’m not her professor anymore, it’ll become much less scandalous.
And anyway, I don’t plan on being a professor forever. Sooner or later, I’ll give it up and move forward with my VR company.
Hopefully I’ll have Clara by my side.
15
Clara
I’m smiling the next morning.
There’s no other way to explain it. I’m smiling because Jason came to my apartment, spent time with my friend, and it felt…
Normal.
Strange, at first, but normal.
Which is what I wanted, and what I was afraid of.
I think part of the magic with Jason is the forbidden taboo nature of it all. I mean, we have to hide, obviously, but he’s also way older than me. He’s totally off limits.
But if we can sit in my living room with my friend and drink wine and make jokes and watch stupid TV, then…. I don’t know.
What does that mean?
We can be normal. Maybe it means we can be normal.
I keep buzzing all around that idea as the next internship day starts. We’re about a week out from the end of the semester now, and the four guys are basically ignoring me these days.
We’ve been working on implementing Howard’s idea. I haven’t been too into it or excited about it, but I’m doing my job anyway. I want to beat the hell out of these guys and I need Jason to see how much better I am than they are.
We go through the different tasks, stitching together the necessary components that’ll build up Howard’s implementation. Once it’s all together, in theory, the whole program should be that much more efficient and easier to create from the bottom up.
But as we keep chugging away at the different modules, I keep running into these little problems. Small things, at first, just little nitpicky things that have to do with the design.
But once I start on a particularly key section of the code, I start noticing something.
It’s not lining up. Howard wants everything to become more efficient when we’re done, but I’m not seeing that, not at all.
In fact, everything’s slowing down.
“Howard, are you seeing this?” I ask him toward the end of the session. “I just pushed my update for that last module and it’s like… crawling.”
He frowns at his screen. “Yeah, I saw. Probably just network issues.”
“We’re hardwired together. There’s no way.”
“Computers don’t have enough power?” Alan offers.
“Can’t be it. I mean, this is supposed to make it easier to run this stuff on slower, crappier hardware.”
Howard frowns at his keyboard. “It’s just lag,” he says finally. “It’s not the code. I think it’s solid.”
“It’s solid,” Coop says, getting his nose covered in shit in the process.
Alan and Parker both agree and I’m left grinding my teeth.
Network lag makes no sense. If the hardware isn’t keeping up, we’re making this whole thing worse, not better.
> I understand Howard’s general idea, but I never thought it would work. I thought it was too unwieldy, and after we made all those changes in the code, it would be too complicated to run smoothly.
Maybe with a team of like fifty engineers trying to streamline everything, but not with just five of us. Really, just two of us, since Parker, Coop, and Alan are practically useless.
The more we go through this, the more positive I am that it’s the very implementation itself that isn’t working. I’m frustrated by the time Jason dismisses us, and I stay behind to test out a few things.
The guys all slowly filter out, although Howard throws me an annoyed glare. I bet he’d stay and pester me if he didn’t have class during the next block.
I feel Jason come over and look down at my screen once the others are gone. “What is it?” he asks softly.
I glance up at him. “Howard’s wrong.”
I don’t need to say anything more. He sits at the computer next to mine and starts to go through all the code, running the program, testing it the best he can.
And when he’s done, he leans back in his chair. “Shit.”
“I know. I just noticed it today. The others think it’s network lag.”
“Makes no sense. This stuff is all hardwired. And if the hardware isn’t keeping up…” He trails off.
“Defeats the purpose,” I say softly.
“Right. We’re supposed to be more efficient, not less.”
“So what do we do?”
He sighs, shaking his head. “This is fucking annoying, but it’s what happens in this sort of thing.”
“What do you mean?”
“We scrap it, go back to the original plan.”
I stare at him. “Scrap… weeks?”
“Scrap it,” he says, nodding.
“Jason, wait. We can’t do that. There has to be another way. I mean, Howard’s gonna…” I trail off, eyes wide.
I don’t know why I’m defending Howard. I don’t care about him, not really. I care more about this project and all the work I’ve done.
The idea of getting rid of weeks of work drives me insane. I can’t imagine how Howard will feel when he realizes he wasted all of our time.
He’ll flip his shit.
“Look, this is what happens,” Jason says, smiling sadly. “When you’re building something that’s never been done before, you take risks, you go down blind alleys, you make mistakes. Unfortunately, you guys are only working on this temporarily, so for you it’s like… like you never did it.”
“Exactly,” I say softly.
“But you did,” he points out. “You took a good idea and proved that it won’t work. That’s a good thing. It’s not the result we wanted, but we’re after truth. And sometimes, the truth sucks.”
“This truth really sucks.”
“I know,” he says, laughing. “But what else can we do?”
“You’re right.” I lean back in my chair. “Shit.”
“Come here.” He motions for me. I get up and walk over to him, and he pulls me against him.
I kiss him softly as he smiles down at me. “Be honest with me, okay?”
“Okay.”
“How important is this project to you?”
“It’s really important,” I say. “Honestly. I’m invested.”
“Good.” He kisses me again and I feel his hands reach up into my hair. “You know, I said something to you the other day, in your apartment.”
I raise an eyebrow. “What?”
“I said you’d have to be punished. Do you remember that?”
I bite my lip. “I remember.”
He smirks and pulls my hair, tipping my head back. I gasp as he kisses my neck, his hand reaching down to undo the button on my jeans. He unzips my fly, pushing me back, pushing me up against a wall.
“Here?” I gasp, eyes blinking at him.
“Here,” he says, sliding his hand down the front of my jeans. My heart’s beating fast with excitement and desire. It’s sudden, but it’s intense, and I kiss him again, biting his bottom lip.
He grunts, sliding his hand down my panties. I gasp as he teases my pussy, fingers rolling over my clit, sending shivers down my spine.
“Who else… uses this space?” I manage to gasp.
“I don’t know,” he admits. His smirk is delicious, driving me wild. “Want to find out?”
“Shit,” I moan as his fingers slide inside of me. His lips bury mine, and I can’t argue, can’t fight.
Not that I want to.
Pleasure rocks through my body. I writhe against him as he slides his fingers in and out of me, teasing my clit, sliding them inside, pulling them back. His lips feel warm and hard against mine, his tongue against mine. I’m moaning as he kisses me, as his fingers work my pussy.
He turns me around suddenly, tugging my jeans down over my ass. I’m pressed up against the wall and I hear his belt buckle jingle, his fly unzip.
I look over my shoulder as he slides his cock from inside his boxer briefs. “Jason,” I gasp.
“I’m going to fuck you right here, little Clara,” he whispers in my ear. “Right where anyone could come and catch us. Hear me, Clara?”
I groan, rolling my hips, wiggling my ass back toward him.
He grunts and presses his cock against me. I feel him slowly sink inside, causing my back to arch as pleasure floods me.
He presses me tighter against the wall and starts to fuck me deep. I groan, taking his cock inside.
I buck my hips, sliding back along him, taking him deep. I need it more and more, moans escaping my lips louder than I want, but I can’t control myself.
I think he knows it and wants me to lose myself. There’s nothing slow or tender about this moment. There’s nothing gentle or kind.
He’s fucking my pussy rough and from behind.
I take him deep and buck back, working my hips, using my ass. He groans, spanks me, grabs my hair, thrusts harder. We’re half dressed, out in the open. It’s the most exposed we’ve ever been.
And it’s so exciting.
He thrusts harder, working up into my pussy, fucking me rough. I push back against him, ass sliding along his length, moans escaping my lips.
He puts one hand over my mouth. “Not too loud, Clara,” he whispers. “Unless you want to get caught? Would that make you come hard, having someone walk in on us?”
I groan into his palm. “No,” I say, muffled by his hand. “Fuck me.”
He smirks, kisses me, fucks me harder. He keeps his hand over my mouth as he fills my pussy rough and deep, harder and harder, our bodies slamming against each other.
It’s rough, almost violent. It’s the most intense thing I’ve ever experienced.
This is fucking. There’s no other way to put it. We’re fucking in a frenzy, fucking fast, not waiting, not making it last forever.
He wants to make me come. I want to feel him fill me.
I work faster, harder. He slaps my ass with his free hand, pulls my hair, fucks me deep. I gasp and I can feel it, building up inside of me.
“That’s right, you filthy girl,” he whispers. “Come right here in this lab where you work all morning long. You can look at this spot and think about how your Daddy fucked your tight pussy.”
I gasp and he fucks me harder. I grip the wall hard, my fingers turning white, my body tense.
I come hard, releasing all in one swift motion. It rips through me, rolling like a wave, driving me absolutely wild with pleasure. He keeps his hand over my mouth, fucking me faster, going and going, pushing and thrusting.
I can feel him stiffen moments later. I feel him come inside my pussy, filling me, spurting deep inside.
“Shit,” he groans, whispering in my ear. “Fuck, Clara. You feel so fucking good.”
I kiss him over my shoulder and he releases me, sliding out from inside of me. I hesitate a second, not sure what to do with myself.
“Dress,” he says simply. “Go to class.”
“But
, you’ll… you know, your stuff will…”
He smirks. “Good. Let it wreck your panties. I want you to think about me in class.”
He dresses, straightens himself up, and grabs his things from the desk. I lean up against the wall, panting and flushed.
He gives me one last look. “Good work today,” he says.
“Thanks, Daddy.”
He grins and leaves the room.
I’m left trembling against the wall, a huge smile on my lips.
16
Jason
I hold off on telling Howard about what Clara discovered for a single day. I ask her to keep it to herself as well, and she agrees.
I use that time to try and salvage what we did. I don’t want to disappoint them, but in the end, there’s nothing else to do.
We have to scrap it all. We might be able to use snippets of code here and there, but mostly, we’re starting over.
It’s frustrating. I played it cool around Clara, but inside I’m pissed as hell.
I’m pissed at myself.
I should’ve seen this coming. I should’ve seen how the extra code would cause the system to hang up. It’s doing twice the work in the name of efficiency, which is the last efficient thing imaginable.
I should’ve seen it, but Howard was convincing.
No, I can’t blame him. At the end of the day, I’m the one with experience, I’m the one who knows better. It’s my fault, nobody else’s.
I’m just dreading telling the poor guy.
The next morning, the interns gather. As they sit down and get ready to work, I clear my throat.
“I need to talk to you all before we get started,” I say.
All their eyes are on me. All of them, except for Clara.
She knows what’s coming. She leans away from Howard, almost like she’s afraid of him.
I bet she is. I don’t fucking blame her.
I’ve done things like this before in business. I’ve had to fire people, tell them their work sucks, anything imaginable, I’ve done it. I never enjoy this sort of conversation and it’s always uncomfortable, no matter how you go about it.
The best thing in these situations is to be honest. I owe him that much, at least.
I keep a straight face. I don’t act like this is awkward. I don’t act like this hurts me. I give it to them straight.