Lianne pried her lips from mine and bent back, placing her hands on my shins, giving her leverage to thrust against me. With the added visual of my cock invading her pussy, I was done. I needed her to go over with me. “Rub yourself, baby,” I rasped, not stopping my pace. “Come with me.”
Her graceful fingers hovered over her pulsing clit, then she went to town. Circling and tugging herself, smearing her moisture everywhere. “Ahh, Ahh. Ahh.” She panted, grinding herself against my pubic bone. “Carter, go. Gooo!”
So I went, exploding inside her just as she shrieked out her own release. Mind-blowing.
Every. Single. Time.
I’d never get enough of her.
“I fucking love you, Lianne.” I flopped over, pulling her into the crook of my arm. “When we get signed, I’m gonna marry you.”
Lianne traced her finger around my nipple. “I love you too, Carter. I don’t care if you get signed or not, I’ll marry you in a heartbeat if you fuck me like that for the rest of my life.”
Oh, yeah. That can be arranged.
CHAPTER 3
LIANNE
Five months later
I sat in the dressing room, my head between my knees. Breathing in. Breathing out. Tonight was my debut as the Sugar Plum Fairy in the Nutcracker, PNB’s most hailed production of the year. Too bad I was sick as a dog. My nerves were shot. Clutching my belly, I was overwhelmed by a wave of nausea . I made it to the bathroom just in time to vomit everything I’d eaten all day into the toilet.
Crap.
I’d never had stage fright this bad before. Maybe Carter being here tonight was messing with my mind. Limelight just signed a significant record deal, and he was leaving for Los Angeles to record in the morning. Just like I’d planned, we were the “it” couple around the Seattle music scene, but none of that mattered to me anymore. It seemed so superficial.
I loved the man.
Everything about him.
We’d become inseparable. Sharing our hopes and dreams. Supporting each other in our creative goals. Planning our awesome life together. Having lots and lots of monkey sex. We were still so young, only nineteen. In a few years, we’d get married and when I turned thirty we’d start our family. I couldn’t wait to spend my life with Carter Pope.
Focus.
I had to focus.
Luckily, throwing up had relieved my nausea. I felt better. Ready to dance my ass off.
Grabbing my toe shoes, which I special-ordered from Freed of London, I methodically prepared for the show. First, I sewed a piece of elastic at the top of the vamp for more support. Next, I attached the ribbons. Then, after popping out the nail in the heel of each shoe, I stepped on the box to make sure they fit okay. Finally, I finished the process by dripping glue down the sides of the shank and on the front of the box.
Satisfied with my work, I finished up my stage makeup and unzipped the garment bag that held my costume. Gorgeous. I couldn’t wait to put it on. I’d already donned my sparkly pink-gold tights. My wardrobe assistant, Vivi helped me into the shimmery gold-and-plum embroidered satin bodice, which had been boned, shaped, and lined to my exact specifications.
“God, Lianne. Did you put on some weight?” Vivi was yanking on the zipper, which apparently wouldn’t close all the way.
“I’ve been throwing up all day, if anything I’ve lost weight. I’m so nervous for some reason.” I sucked in my gut. “Try again.”
She fussed with it some more before dashing off and returning with her sewing kit. “Hate to break it to you, but I’m going to have to sew you in. Maybe they got your measurements wrong.”
Curtain was in thirty minutes, luckily my performance didn’t come until the third movement, so I had a little bit of time. “Do what you need to do.” I shrugged.
Half an hour later, I was sewn in. The costume felt confining. Suffocating. The boning was digging uncomfortably into my ribs. I’d never had this happen before. The timing couldn’t have been worse. A knock on the door interrupted my distress.
When I opened the door, all I could see was about a million red roses. Carter peeked out from the side of the bouquet, his smile nearly exploding off his face. “You are the most stunning woman in the world.”
“How did you get back here?” I took the flowers and set them down on my dressing table. “No one is supposed to come backstage until after the show.”
“Babe, I know every stagehand in this town, did you really think I’d let you go on without a kiss from your man?”
And that is one of the many reasons why I loved him. Carter was the sweetest, most thoughtful man. He lived to make me feel good. I threw myself in his arms. “Thank you, baby.”
Carter kissed me on the lips, getting gooey stage lipstick all over his face. “I’ll get outta your hair. I love you. You’re gonna kill it.”
Kill it I did. Nothing, and I mean nothing, matched the thrill of performing one of the most famous pieces in all of professional ballet in front of a sold-out, enthusiastic crowd. My heart was full. It was the best day of my entire life.
After all the parties and celebrations were done, Carter and I were driving back to my place on Capitol Hill. He lived with me now in my tiny apartment. I was grateful not to spend any more nights in the disgusting cesspool of the Junkyard. When we got home, a wave of nausea hit me again and I threw up in the toilet.
This was getting old.
“Are you okay?” Carter rapped on the door. “This is the third time this week you’ve thrown up. Are you sure you haven’t caught something?”
A distressing thought crossed my mind.
Actually, distressing was not a strong enough description.
“Babe?”
“I’ll be right out.” I swirled some mouthwash around in my mouth and spit it out. Took a deep breath and opened the door. Immediately nestling myself into Carter’s waiting arms.
He petted my head and kissed my cheek and then my lips. “Maybe we should get you to the doctor tomorrow.”
I sighed. “I think we need to go to the drugstore first.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. We might be pregnant.”
CHAPTER 4
CARTER
Three years later
Lianne was late.
My bandmates were parked in the back of RKCNDY, impatiently waiting with me. I couldn’t exactly leave on a three-month tour without saying goodbye to my girlfriend and baby son, could I?
“Where the fuck is she, Carter?” Frankie snarled. “We have to be in Vancouver in four hours, and who knows how long the border line will be.”
“I’m sorry.” I breathed in deeply. All of this was beginning to be too much. I wasn’t sure that I was cut out to be a dad and in a band. Lianne had bounced back quickly after giving birth to Zane. She’d returned to PNB and was preparing for Swan Lake. Her schedule was tightly controlled by her artistic director. There was nothing she could do.
Beau looked at me sympathetically. “We’ll be fine. You and I can drive up separately if need be.”
“Fuck that, we’re all going together,” Lucas weighed in. “We’re leaving in five minutes whether she shows or not.”
A minute later, Lianne’s white Toyota Corolla pulled into the parking lot. She rushed out of the car and opened the back door to get Zane out of his car seat and into his stroller. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I got stuck on Denny. Traffic was terrible.”
“Smile” Siggy had a super 8 video camera in hand and panned to film all of us. Lianne looked beautiful in her ballet workout gear, her hair was newly dyed dark red. Zane wore jeans, a little plaid shirt and tiny Doc Martins. His hair was a mass of curls that fell to his shoulders. My son was easily the most gorgeous child in the history of the world. And the best dressed.
Lucas motioned for us to load into the van. “We gotta go, fuckers.”
I took Zane from Lianne and tickled his tummy. Blew a zerbit on his little cheek. “I’ll miss you, little buddy.”
Lianne’s gray eyes shone wit
h tears when I handed him back to her. I took her in my arms. “I love you, babe. We’ll get through this.”
She nodded. “I know, I’ll just miss your face.”
“Me too.”
And then we were off.
A few weeks later, the van pulled into the parking lot at Coconut Teaszer, on the corner of Sunset and Crescent Heights in Hollywood. The final stop on our tour. I’d been on the road on and off for the past couple of years supporting our indy releases. Never for more than a month. This time, now that we were on a major label, we were supposed to at least have a tour bus. Instead, we were still driving ourselves. Loading our gear in and out. Playing shows every night.
I was exhausted.
We all were.
A line of coke helped.
Or three.
It was going on six days since I’d spoken to Lianne. Our schedules were completely out of whack. I missed her like crazy. I missed Zane too. All I could think about was getting home to my little family. I was sick of living in a stinky van with a bunch of overgrown children. Even if I was one of them myself.
“Yo, Carter,” Siggy yelled from the load-in door. “Lianne left a message with the bar manager for you to call her.”
“Thanks.”
I’d knew I’d have to beg the manager to make a long-distance call. On my way to the club’s office, Kevin Myers from our label interrupted me, “Didja hear the news? We went gold!”
Holy shit.
“That’s rad, give me a minute. I gotta make a phone call.”
Kevin took me by the shoulders and turned me around. “Not right now, we have to discuss something immediately with the entire band.”
Minutes later, we learned that our stay in Los Angeles would be extended because Limelight was supporting The Red Hot Chili Peppers on the next leg of their tour. Our state-of-the-art tour bus would be delivered in the morning. We’d have a week to retool our live show for the bigger venues, and we’d be off for another six months. By the time the band meeting was over, I was equally elated and devastated.
And nervous.
So I did a bump.
I trudged back to the nightclub’s office and dialed Lianne. “Hey, baby,” I cooed into the phone when she answered.
“Zane’s walking.” She sounded winded. “He’s like a tornado, I can’t keep up with him.”
“Whoa.” I couldn’t believe I’d missed another milestone. “That’s fantastic. Take video.”
“I am, baby.”
I didn’t know what to say. How to tell her. “So, I have to tell you some good news. Which is also, coincidentally, bad news.”
Lianne didn’t say anything. Just waited for me to continue.
“We went gold today.”
She screamed with joy into the phone. “Ohmygod! That’s the best news ever!”
“Well, the bad news is I’m not coming home right away.”
The phone went silent again.
“We’re opening for the Chili Peppers, getting a tour bus. We have rehearsals for the next week, then we’re off for a tour across the US. Maybe you and Zane can meet me on a couple of the dates?”
Silence.
“Lianne?”
I heard the phone click.
She’d hung up.
CHAPTER 5
LIANNE
One year later
“They are adorable.” Faye Reynolds and I sat sifting through five rolls of film, all pictures of our babies playing together. “I think we should officially consider this a prearranged rock-and-roll marriage.”
I looked over at Zane and Fiona. They were little angels sleeping side by side in the playpen, their tiny hands clasped together. His mop of dark hair already covered his eyes, her equally dark hair braided in two pigtails. Little grunge babies. Plaid rompers and all. “We really should do a charity calendar with these two, we’d rake it in.”
“Gus says that Limelight gets home tomorrow.” Faye sipped her Caffe Vita latte. “Are you still mad at Carter?”
Mad was too simple of an emotion to describe what I was feeling. It wasn’t his fault Limelight was exploding into the biggest band of the 90s. Well, I guess it was because he was so awesome, but their success didn’t bother me. Being away from him, trying to keep my ballet career going and being the sole caregiver to our child did bother me.
On paper, we had it all.
My real life was a logistical shit show.
If Faye hadn’t been able to watch Zane while I rehearsed and performed, my professional dancing days would be over. Not that Carter ever asked about it anymore. He was laser-focused on Limelight and all the opportunities that were headed his way now that he was double-Platinum. It bummed me out, the shift in our dynamic. Our relationship wasn’t about the two of us anymore, or even the three of us. It was about him and the band. We were much lower on the priority list.
Consequently, whenever he called, I couldn’t help but be a real bitch. So, he’d stopped calling regularly. Probably to avoid the fights. Which made me mad.
And so the cycle continued.
Glancing over at Zane, the joy of my life, I knew I’d never do anything differently. “I just want to get a new normal figured out. It’s tough when Carter’s been on the road for almost a year. He came home for two weeks. In between fucking, we fought all of the time. We never fought before Zane.”
“It’s not much better with Gus.” Faye lit up a cigarette. “He’s in town, but he spends all day and night at The Mission. When he’s home, he dotes on Fiona. She’s a daddy’s girl, through and through.”
“I’ve gotta run, thank you again for all your help with Zane.” I put a water bottle in my tote and made a move to the door. “I’ll know what role I’m in by tonight.”
“Break a leg!” Faye waved as I left for rehearsal.
The next day, I made a special effort to welcome Carter back home by making dinner. Zane was spending the night at Gus and Faye’s, so it was just the two of us. He was in town for a few blessed months. I couldn’t wait to celebrate my twenty-third birthday and get our relationship back on track. When the key clicked in the lock, my heart went into overdrive. My man was finally home.
“What’s all this?” Carter dropped his duffle bag and surveyed the room, which was filled with lit candles.
I was reclining on the sofa wearing nothing but a pair of pink crotchless panties. “It’s your welcome-home gift.”
In the candlelight, Carter’s silhouette glowed with a golden aura. As he approached, his handsome face came into view. A few days stubble on his chin. Huge circles under his eyes. He looked wrecked. But turned on, if the bulge in his jeans was any indication. “You’re so beautiful, Lianne. Is this all for me?”
I spread my legs. “If you want it.”
“I want.”
Our sex, as always, was transcendent. Afterward, sated, we lay together on the couch. Feathering each other with kisses. Running our hands over each other’s bodies, reacquainting ourselves. “Are you hungry, rock star?”
“I could eat.”
We ate in silence, I was stumped. We’d never been at a loss for words. Carter was distracted, and avoided looking me in the eye. It made me regretful for being a bitch when he was gone all the time. It seemed there were a lot of things unspoken between us. After dinner, Carter went into the bathroom to shower while I cleaned up the dishes and put a load of laundry in. Methodically, I sorted his clothes into piles, and found a folded-up piece of paper in the front pocket of a pair of jeans.
I love your cock. Next time you’re in town, call me if you want a repeat 702-811-2020.
My heart seized. I crumpled the paper in my fist and started to hyperventilate. I mean, I knew we had been fighting. That our relationship wasn’t in the best shape. It never once occurred to me that Carter would cheat.
I was so stupid.
“Babe, where are you?” Carter wandered down the hall, clad only in a towel. “Ready for round two?”
I stepped out of the laundry room and thre
w the paper at him. He reached down to pick it up. Read it. His eyes grew wide with horror. He looked up at me.
Caught.
“You cheated on me.” I sank to the floor, sobbing.
“Lianne. Baby. It was only the one time. We’d had a big fight, I got super high. It didn’t mean anything.” Carter knelt beside me, reaching for my hand.
“It means everything.” I whipped my hand out of his reach. “Don’t touch me. You just fucked me bareback without protection, you bastard. You’re getting high? What the fuck is going on with you? Why would you do this to me? To us?”
He shut his eyes, almost to ward off the fury I was about to unleash. “I’m sorry. I promise…”
“No. Fuck you,” I screamed. “Get out!”
Carter stood, his face a portrait of hangdog remorse. Not at what he’d done. I was sure of it. He was a big rock star now, he probably thought fucking groupies was his God-given right.
No, he was sorry he’d been caught.
I deserved so much more than this.
So did Zane.
“What are you waiting for, get out!” I yelled, punctuating each word. “Now!”
So he went.
CHAPTER 6
CARTER
Nursing a well vodka at The Mission bar wasn’t exactly how I expected to be spending my night. I guess I deserved getting kicked out of my own home. It wasn’t like I meant to cheat on Lianne, it just kind of happened.
Even having these thoughts made me pissed at myself.
What a douche-bag.
Was I self-sabotaging?
Just like my dad?
I mean, he’d fucked around on my mom all the time. She always took him back, up until the day he died. I knew better than to start doing blow, I came from a long line of tribal addicts. An unfortunate, yet common issue for those of us growing up on the reservation. For years, I’d felt above it all. I’d been able to drink and indulge in a little recreational drug use over the years with seemingly no adverse effects.
Until this tour.
Even now, I craved a bump. Just to stay awake.
To stay coherent.
But, I drew the line there. No way would I move on to the harder stuff. In fact, after I finished what I had in my pocket, I’d stop cocaine too. Lianne would be pissed about my mistake, but eventually we’d move on from this. I hated hurting her. She was my everything. Even if I had done a terrible job of showing her since we’d been on tour.
RESTLESS: A Less Than Zero Rockstar Romance Prequel: Book 0.5 - Carter & Lianne Page 2