Avenged

by Jay Crownover

  I also learned I could deep throat like a champ when I was inspired and that when a man with a beard and a talented tongue told you to sit on his face, you should never, ever refuse him. He made me see stars multiple times; even when I thought I was too tired, too sore, too spent for anything, he always managed to wring one last response out of me. It was like he was making up for all the forgettable sex I’d had in the past with men who would never matter. He was filling every single second of the moment we were in with experiences that would be impossible to top or outdo. No man was ever going to compare; he made sure of it and that twisted my heart into knots because when the sun came up in the morning and the doctor with the sexy voice showed up to take me back to town with him, our moment would be gone and I would spend the rest of my life searching for something that came slightly close to these stolen hours with a man I wasn’t supposed to know and couldn’t have.

  After a shower that was more just the two of us rubbing our wet, slippery selves against one another, Ben told me he was going to take that beater of a pickup truck that suited him about as well as the flannel, up to the road to make sure the doc could get in. If he hadn’t said the words quietly and thoughtfully, I would have assumed he was anxious to get rid of me. But he had been watching me all morning long and I could practically see the wheels turning in his handsome head. He couldn’t go and I couldn’t stay, which was a problem…and he was good at figuring out solutions to problems. I let him go without a fuss, figuring he needed the time to get his thoughts and feelings in order before our fantasy was shattered by the harsh light of reality.

  I believed if he really wanted to, he would figure out a way to get himself off of this mountain. But I was also used to disappointment and things not working out the way I wanted them to, so Ben was going to have to forgive me for stacking the deck in my favor. I crept over to the closet and dug around until my fingers landed on that ridiculously expensive watch he had stashed there. He might not want to claim me once I was out of his hair and out of sight, but there was no way he was going to let a watch that cost as much as single family home go without some effort to get it back.

  When he came back, it was the sound of two engines, not one, rumbling outside the small cabin. I peeked out the window as an attractive man, several years older than both me and Ben, was climbing out of a pickup truck. He was tall, broad shouldered with dark hair, and what looked like an easy smile. He was far better looking than most of the doctors I’d ever been under the care of. Much more rugged and capable looking. I doubted he played golf on the weekends. He said something to Ben which made him scowl and turned toward the house without waiting for Ben to respond.

  The doctor’s footsteps were heavy on the stairs leading up to the door and his knock was brisk as he pounded on the door mere seconds before walking in. “Echo, I’m Thomas MacKenzie. Let’s get you checked out and off this mountain before another storm moves in. I’m sure you’re ready to get back home.”

  I wasn’t ready, but I’d learned long ago that running away from the things I didn’t want to face didn’t lead to anywhere good. I reached out and shook the hand he offered, taking a moment to really look at him. “Thank you for going out of your way to come and get me. I’m sure you’re busy, being the only doctor around for miles.”

  I wondered if he could be the one. Was he the man my sister was so sure was the one meant for her? He was without question an extremely good looking man, and his smile was contagious, but there was something in his manner, an abruptness and dismissiveness that I couldn’t see Xanthe gravitating to. Faced with the potent MacKenzie charisma, it was easier for me to see why she had fallen and fallen hard.

  “No problem. We look after everyone who wanders into our neck of the woods. A lot of folks come up here not understanding how dangerous it can be. You’re far from the first stranded tourist I’ve had to rescue.” He looked over his shoulder as the door opened and Ben came into the room. His eyes landed on me and then skimmed over the man in front of me as his beard twitched when he frowned. “You’re lucky you crashed so close to Ben’s cabin. A little farther up the road and no one would have heard a thing. You would have been stuck out in the snow until the road crews came through with the plows. All in all, you were very lucky.”

  I lifted an eyebrow in Ben’s direction. “I am lucky.”

  The doctor shifted his gaze between the two of us and cleared his throat when the tension in the room became palpable. “Have a seat and let me look you over. Not much we can do for your shoulder other than put your arm in a sling. The upside of that is other travelers will feel bad for you because you only have one hand and offer to help you out.” He grinned at me and I couldn’t resist grinning back.

  I took a seat on the edge of the bed and let him poke and prod at me. I winced when he moved my hair to look at the wound on my head, tugging harder than Ben had been over the last few days. It was starting to heal but still sore. I also cringed when he tugged on my injured arm but none of it made my vision blur or my nerves fire off with unbearable pain. He listened to my heart with a stethoscope he pulled out of his coat pocket and shined a light in my eyes which made me sneeze. It was probably the quickest exam I’d ever been given but considering my injuries were a couple of days old and Ben had done his best to fix me up, there wasn’t much for Thomas to do.

  He ordered me to take a couple of Tylenol for my shoulder, cast one last look between me and Ben, and told me he would be waiting in the truck when I was ready to head down the mountain.

  Once Ben and I were alone, the air in the room around us felt like it got heavy. Every molecule was filled with all the things we wanted to say but couldn’t. We’d been racing toward this moment from the moment he saved me. I didn’t want to say goodbye but I couldn’t say until we meet again because that would give me hope when I didn’t really have any.

  I walked over to where he was leaning against the counter, hands braced in front of the sink. I put a hand on the center of his chest and looked up at him. I forced a lopsided grin and tapped my fingers on the front of his shirt to the erratic beat of his heart.

  “You have a problem, Ben.” I leaned into him so I could kiss that line on his throat that had nearly stolen his life away. “You met a girl in the wrong place, at the wrong time, but there is no arguing she is the right girl for you.” I pulled back and sighed as his hands lifted so he could pull my entire body into his. It was a hug that warmed me up from the top of my head to the tip of my toes. “She’s counting on you to figure out a way to make it work because she is very good at causing problems and you are very good at solving them.”

  I felt him brush a kiss across the crown of my head and his fingertips dug painfully into the curve of my hips.

  I wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled his head toward mine. It was a kiss that changed me. It was a kiss that shaped me into a woman that knew I could make the hard choices for the right reasons. It was a kiss that told me I could walk away from temptation and enticement when I had to. It was a kiss that had every right thing I’d ever done in it. It was a kiss that told me Ben was saved and let me know I was the one that had saved him.

  His lips were hard against mine, punishing. He didn’t like this any better than I did and it was killing him that there was nothing either of us could do about it. I wasn’t supposed to be here…and neither was he. He needed to find a way to get his life back, now that he had one worth living and now that he was a man trying to be worthy of living it.

  When I pulled back, we were both breathing hard and his jaw was locking in a line so tight I was worried his back teeth might crack. I rubbed my thumb along his now damp lower lip.

  “This girl…she’s going to miss you, Ben.” I took a step back and he let his hands fall. He exhaled long and low, his eyes sharp enough to slice through all my bravado and bluster. “She’s also a thief. I took something you’re going to want back, so even if you can’t figure out a way to come for me, you’re going to want to figure out a way to c
ome for what I stole.”

  His lips twitched in response but he didn’t make a move toward me until I bent to pick up my battered bag. I didn’t even have the handles in my hand when he was there hefting it up and putting a hand on my lower back so he could guide me out the door and down to the waiting truck. The engine was running and the doctor was behind the wheel tapping his fingers and looking at his cell phone. Ben walked me to the passenger door, stopping to pull it open so he could deposit the bag on the floorboard. I felt his fingers at the back of my neck, under my hair, and his lips touch the top of my ear.

  “You were never a problem, Echo. You have been nothing but a pleasure from the get go.” He squeezed my neck and stepped back as I turned around to look at him. “Take care of yourself, Pop-Tart.”

  I dipped my chin down and blinked away the sudden wash of tears that filled my eyes. “You too, and, Ben…” His eyes burned into mine, searing the last few days deep into my soul. “Keep the beard. That’s the one part of this life that does suit you.”

  He helped me up into the truck and closed the door with a soft click. I gave him a little wave and got a very masculine chin lift in response. I was trying to hold it together—after all, I’d lost so much more than a man I’d only had for a moment—but I couldn’t stop a couple of stray teardrops from rolling over my eyelashes and running down my too-hot cheeks. I swiped at the telltale sign of weakness with the back of my hand and let out a shuddering sigh.

  I could feel the man next to me looking at me out of the corner of his very blue eyes. I didn’t have the emotional reserves left to deal with his sympathy or his suspicion. Fortunately, he seemed pretty attuned to the fact that I was on the edge and ready to slip over, so all he offered up was a quiet, “Been an intense few days for you, hasn’t it?”

  I sighed again and leaned over so I could rest my forehead on the cool glass of the window. “You have no idea.”

  Everything was a white blur as he navigated away from the cabin on a road that wasn’t much of a road at all. Ben was literally hidden away from everything and everyone. I never would have found him if I hadn’t gone careening down that mountain on the worst night of my life.

  “Everything will settle down and seem less catastrophic once you’re back in familiar territory.” His voice was low and soothing. He might have been in a hurry but his impeccable bedside manner never wavered.

  “Maybe, but I tend to live in chaos. This was actually a nice break from the insanity I surround myself in.” Ben had been the shelter to my always raging storm. “But every fairy tale ends. Snow White has to wake up and face the music eventually.”

  He had no idea what I was talking about, which was fine by me. I wasn’t sure I could put into words the enormity of what I felt toward Ben and my time with him. Turning my head slightly, I asked, “Did any of your brothers ever mention a girl that worked at the airport in Denver paying a lot of unwanted attention to them, by any chance?”

  He gave me a questioning look and lifted a shoulder in a careless shrug. “No, but all of us usually have a layover in Denver when we travel out of state; why?”

  It was my turn to shrug. “My sister worked in the airport. She mentioned a MacKenzie that left quite an impression on her. That’s why I’m in Surrender. She talked about it all the time. She wanted to come here but she passed away recently.” I turned back to look at the trees passing by alarmingly close to the windows. “I came here for her, because she would never get the chance.”

  “I thought you were meeting friends? Isn’t that what Ben told Cooper?” Now there was suspicion in his tone, making it sharp and hard.

  “Ben lied. He told me I was chasing ghosts and he was right. He didn’t want the sheriff to think I was some crazy woman that had purposely driven off the side of the road because of her grief.” It was stretching the truth just a little. I couldn’t very well tell Thomas that Ben didn’t want me ruffling any MacKenzie feathers unjustly.

  “Ben likes to play fast and loose with the truth, doesn’t he?” My executive lumberjack was always going to be an outsider while he was stuck up here living a life that wasn’t his.

  “I think that’s a survival mechanism. Sometimes, you have to tell yourself so many lies that you can’t even recognize what the truth is anymore.” Right now, I was lying to myself and not doing a very good job of it.

  Over and over again, I silently chanted, everything is going to be fine, but I was having a hard time believing it. Nothing felt fine. It felt awful and empty.

  “I have a younger brother, Shane. He’s actually the youngest of all of us and he’s always been kind of a wildcard. He’s restless, has a knack for trouble, and lives for a good time. His life went a little sideways recently, but before that upset, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was the one that caught your sister’s eye. He’s a flirt and a charmer without trying to be either. Women tend to fall at his feet and he’s gotten used to maneuvering around them as delicately as he can.” There was pride and hard-won understanding throughout his tone.

  I thought having an idea, having a tangible person to hang all my grief and sorrow on would help. It didn’t. Ben was right. All I felt was understanding and the familiar thrum of pain that echoed inside of me when I thought about Xanthe. I was an older sibling with a wayward younger sibling, so I understood every ounce of emotion the doctor had in his voice. We loved, even when those we cared for made it really hard to do so. “I’m glad I got the chance to see the place she dreamed of. It was worth the trip.”

  It was so worth it.

  Chapter 10

  Benny

  I spent the first week after Echo left moping and feeling sorry for myself.

  I spent the second week plotting and planning. I made myself dizzy trying to figure out a way off the mountain, but every direction I turned led to me dragging her into a mess she didn’t need to be in. The feds weren’t going to let me go, not when they thought they could still use me, and if I went off the reservation, they would stop at nothing until they found me. It would put Echo directly in the center of law enforcement crosshairs if I took off and they found her with me. It wasn’t like I could ask them for any favors either. They’d dropped me in the middle of nowhere Montana for a reason. I hadn’t earned my way out of prison based on good behavior. No one in their right mind was going to go out of their way to make my life a little easier and a whole lot more pleasurable by moving me to an actual city with a population of more than a couple thousand. To them, keeping me breathing and putting a roof over my head was good enough. This was all the consideration I deserved after the kind of life I’d lived and the things I had done.

  The third week I convinced myself it was all the intensity of the situation and emotions running high because of how long I’d been without a woman, or without any kind of company really. I told myself it was a fluke, that I couldn’t really be that twisted up and upside down over a girl I’d only known a couple of days. I blamed cabin fever and ordered myself to finally settle in and start appreciating the second chance I’d been given. I polished myself up, got back into the habit of taking care of myself, working out around the cabin and running when the weather cooperated. I slapped on the smile that used to get me whatever I wanted back home, and went on the prowl. These ski bunnies didn’t stand a chance. I was going to gorge myself, stuff myself full of sex and satisfaction so there was no room for the uneasy ache that now seemed to live around my heart.

  I quickly came to the conclusion that I was a fantastic liar, but there was no way I was going to buy in to my own bullshit. After dismissing the tenth or eleventh girl who made it clear she would be up for some no-strings vacation sex, for reasons that were ridiculous and reaching, I realized there was no way I was going to get over what I was feeling for Echo by getting inside someone else. It was fucking depressing, so I spent another week moping and feeling out of control because I couldn’t get a handle on how to make the situation any better. The only things in this life I’d ever been good at were figuring
out a way to fix things, and making people do what I wanted them to do so they were part of the solution, not part of the problem. There was no force to be used here, no knees to break or threats to throw around. There was no manipulation to be had and no strings to pull to get my way. I was stuck, dead in the water and the shore I wanted to reach seemed ridiculously out of my grasp.

  It was toward the end of week six and the emptiness and loneliness that surrounded me were now like old friends. I woke up with them, went to bed with them, and to change things up so I didn’t get totally bored, I gave them a rest and had breakfast and dinner with helplessness and self-loathing. I wondered if Echo was feeling as despondent and untethered as I was. I hated myself for being the kind of man that deserved being dumped in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do but think about every single thing he’d done in his life that led him there. She was better off without me. She deserved someone that could help her heal. She deserved someone that wouldn’t take anything more from her, considering all that she had already given.

  I was in the shower, spending time with my fist and memories, when it felt like the air in the cabin changed. It was like an electrical current was suddenly charging the tiny interior space. Every breath I took and exhaled felt alive as I slowly stopped what I was doing and moved to put a towel around my waist. It had been a hot minute since I’d been back home but there were some things that I would never forget about growing up and climbing my way to the top of the food chain in the Point. One of those things was the way that every sense seemed to sharpen and heighten when danger was close by. I could feel the prick of it against my skin. I could see the way the unknown made my skin pebble and the hair on my arms raise up. I could hear my heartbeat, fast and furious, between my ears, and I could taste the tang of fear and anticipation on my tongue. And the smell, well, the smell of danger in the Point came in a lot of different varieties but this was one that I knew all too well. It was the scent of expensive cologne and high-end products. It was the same scent that had clung to me when I used to be the danger the Point needed protection from.