by Vic Connor
During the single-player campaign, exiting to the Lobby will also pause the game. When you return, you will resume playing from the same point you left, no matter how long you stay in the Lobby or how much time you spend completely logged out.
In the MMO worlds, everything keeps moving, including players and NPCs, and by the time you return things will usually have changed, sometimes dramatically so. Leave your Avatar in a safe place when you exit the game.
Your current safewords are “Do your worst.” Say them aloud to choose your new safewords.
Do your worst.
Oookay.
“Do your worst.”
The wind stops blowing.
I’m suddenly aware that the birds have also stopped chirping.
A foul smell wafts out from behind me. A putrid, rancid stench, reeking of rot and fetid swamp, and an ominous sense of dread.
A twig cracks.
Then, I hear a low, guttural, hungry growl.
I turn around.
“Ooohh shit! No, no, NOOO!!!”
All I can see is red.
Then blue.
5
Bugs
Sveta chuckled, but I didn’t.
The massive wooden desk had turned into a huge flat screen, which seemed to function like some magic pond inside which you can glimpse things that will happen, or that are happening in a land far, far away.
Or, things that had just happened through a red portal. A forest of oaks and pine trees. A clearing. And what I could only guess might be the unholy offspring of a threesome between a giant tarantula, a gigantic bat, and some monstrous swamp thing—all fangs and hairy legs and mucilaginous wings, roaring and opening its jaws as it prepares to pounce onto a bony cripple in an oversized flying chair, wearing an expensive suit and tie and about to soil his pants while covering his face and wailing, “No, no, NOOO!!!”
“As safewords go, boss,” she teased, “I have to say, I’ve heard better.”
The image froze as the monstrous nightmare jumped at me. It was the last thing I’d seen before being pulled out of the tutorial and finding myself once again in the Lobby, with Sveta smirking in front of me.
“Yeah, right,” I grumbled. “What the hell is that thing, anyway?”
“It’s actually a she, I’m told. They call her ‘Tengu,’ and I’ve heard she has a 100% scare rate. One bad-ass girl.”
I could vouch for that, having confronted the thing myself and able now to look at it in gruesome detail.
“So, boss, to finish this bit of paperwork.” Her dark-rimmed glasses slipped to the tip of her nose. “Shall I confirm ‘OohhhshitnonoNOO’ as your safewords for exiting the game in a hurry to come gather your wits here at the Lobby?”
I looked down at the table, at that sorry version of me cowering before Tengu’s onslaught. It was not the look of a conquering hero who crushes everything that stands in his path to Victory.
Most definitely not.
“I don’t like the look of this,” I announced.
“To be fair, boss, don’t hate her because she’s ugly. They designed the poor thing this way on purpose, to make sure nobody would ever love her.”
“I mean as safewords,” I said, toying with my tie. “Be a dear, Svetty, and record this expression as my cue for extraction, will you? Whenever I am heard saying such phrase—which I shall always utter in a manly, nonchalant fashion; men of my position would never stoop to squealing like frightened mice—please reconvene with me in this boardroom as soon as possible, to analyze our potential strategies.”
“Right away, sir.” She waved at her screen. “‘I don’t like the look of this.’ Done deal.”
I glanced at one of the countdown clocks; four hours to go. “Remind me of my next appointment, Svetty dear?”
“According to your schedule, sir, you’re expected to return to the red room and continue your tête-à-tête with Mrs. Tengu.” She looked at the red portal, which was shimmering ominously.
“Continue?”
“Afraid so, boss. Pain Tutorial isn’t over yet.”
“I was planning to, you know, stay alive for a little longer. About 30 days, to be precise. To win the big prize and all?”
“It’s a tutorial, boss. You won’t die, trust me.”
I sighed. “All right. Do I have to go through the portal again, or is there some other way? Some reverse safewords, for example?”
“You can think yourself through,” she explained, tapping her temple. “With practice, you’ll learn to just think most in-game commands. But it takes some getting used to, so actions—verbalizing a phrase, walking through a portal—do the trick at first. But if you feel like trying, then just think yourself through the portal.”
I craned my neck to gape at the red portal and thought of myself crossing it…
… nothing.
“Well,” I growled, hovering toward it, “practice makes perfect.”
Reddish glow dissolves into a greenish-blue blur.
Tengu comes into focus just she seems to vanish—part exploding, part dissolving into a buzzing cloud of particles.
As the particles swirl out, swarming around me, I recognize them.
Bees.
Tengu has turned herself into a cloud of bees that spreads itself thin through the trees and into the clearing.
New Message!
FROM: System Message
Re: Pain Sliders Tutorial—Graduations
Your Pain Slider is set to “Barely Felt That,” but you can adjust it from “Nothing” to “Hardcore.”
Uncover your left forearm and pinch yourself to start the pain calibration.
Well, that’s new.
Not clicking “Okay,” or saying “I’m done” aloud, but pinching myself?
It also looks like I’m not stuck on Hardcore Pain mode, which is great news. I unbutton my left cuff and roll up my sleeve. The Gadium wrapped around my wrist gleams under the sun, and my little green-and-blue colibri seems about to fly off my arm in search of fresh flowers.
Right thumb pressed against index finger, I nip at the skin of my left forearm, right below the tip of the hummingbird’s beak.
I feel only a faint, numbed version of what I should have felt. As if someone has anesthetized my arm.
Seconds later, I hear a buzz approaching. A bee lands on the back of my left hand and stings me. I jolt, more from surprise than pain: I barely felt that.
New Message!
FROM: System Message
Re: Pain Sliders Tutorial—Graduations
You will notice that stings will grow progressively more painful; whenever you feel they reach uncomfortable levels, say “Pain Control Down” aloud to bring up the Pain Slider and set it to a lower level.
Hmm, okay.
A second bee lands on my left wrist. As it sinks its stinger into my skin, I stiffen, but it’s barely a prickle.
The third bee lands on my right thumb. This time, the sting sort of hurts, and it’s starting to feel uncomfortable.
“Pain Control Down.”
Menu Unavailable
What the heck?
A fourth bee lands on the back of my right hand. I try to wave it away, but it still stings me.
“Damn it!”
That hurt a lot.
“Pain Control Down!”
Menu Unavailable
“Hey, c’mon, what the heck? Pain Control!”
Menu Unavailable
This is not funny.
At all.
The fifth bee lands on the back of my neck. I try to swat it, too late.
Damn, that hurts. It burns like hell.
“Pain Control! Pain Control! Pain Control!”
Menu Unavailable
Menu Unavailable
Menu Unavailable
“I don’t like the look of this!”
Still, nothing happens. Another bee lands on my neck, this time right below my left ear.
Screaming, I swat madly and try to make the chair hover away—I don�
��t have a clue away from what, since the bees seem to come from everywhere—but another bee stings my left elbow.
“Help! Pain Control Down, for God’s sake!”
Menu Unavailable
New Message!
I reach the other end of the clearing and, in my haste, bump the chair against a tree. I swing my arms around, trying to keep the bees away. Every time I feel I’m about to get stung, I flinch. Nothing happens.
I pant, desperate for air. My heart is about to beat itself out of my ribcage.
Nothing happens.
The woods are quiet, save for the rustling sound of wind against leaves and the occasional bird chirping.
No buzzing bees.
The New Message pop-up keeps flaring.
FROM: Sveta
Re: Sorry!
Sorry about that, Jake. Finding out what’s going on.
Yeah, right.
About bloody time.
“I don’t like the look of this,” I repeat.
Nothing.
New Message!
FROM: Sveta
Re: It’s okay now!
I’ve got good news, and then I’ve got even more good news. Good news is, you’ve found a bug, congrats!
Yeah, ha-ha. A bug, right.
Like, a whole swarm.
Hilarious.
Even more good news is that GM says Engineering should have a workaround in a sec.
In case you want to try: you can just think your answers to write them, no need to type anywhere.
-Sveta
I massage my neck. Hurts like hell. So does my left forearm.
FROM: Hardcore Jake
Re: It’s okay now!
Yeah, right. Thanks, I guess.
That was not funny at all, in case you were wondering.
Let me know when it’s fixed.
And I’ve just noticed that my name in the system is “Hardcore Jake.” That was just a joke. I hope we can change it to just Jake?
New Message!
FROM: Sveta
Re: It’s okay now!
Sure thing, boss.
“Just Jake” it is, then! :P
Safewords should work now.
I facepalm.
All right. I’ll deal with her Russian sense of humor later. I’ve had enough Tengus and bees for today.
“I don’t like the look of this.”
Everything goes red, then blue.
6
Tough Bargain
Sveta had summoned a programmer into the Lobby boardroom. Across the massive wooden desk, I could see a second screen floating to her right, showing the face—and sometimes the hands—of somebody she called Maneesh from Engineering: A guy in his mid-thirties—probably from India by his looks and accent—with wavy dark hair, chocolate skin, and intelligent, if timid, black eyes behind round, rimless glasses.
Maneesh from Engineering spent several minutes apologizing for the Pain Slider incident, waving his hands in the air.
“This is one hard-to-kill bug,” he said between profuse expressions of regret. “This is the fourteenth time we thought we’d fixed it, then it crawls back again into the game. It’s one of those mutant bugs that won’t die. We squash it, it seems gone, then it shows up again.”
This time, they fixed it for good. He hoped.
From what I could gather from Maneesh’s explanations, there were about five hundred other players testing the “Hardcore” pain setting, like me. Thirteen of them had also experienced problems with the Pain Control Menu.
“You are the first for whom the safewords didn’t work, though,” Maneesh said.
“Will they work now?” I asked cautiously.
“Oh yes, oh yes indeed!” he said, smiling and pressing his hands together.
“Getting caught in there was not funny, let me tell you,” I reminded him. “Not funny at all.”
Maneesh from Engineering hurled into another round of explanations and apologies. At this stage, I was beginning to suspect the mutant bug’s stern refusal to die was very close to costing somebody his well-paid job, and I suddenly realized I had issued the remark in my CEO-like tone, as if I really was in charge of things around here instead of being a lab mouse who had power over nothing.
I noticed I was caressing my tie, too.
“I’m sure,” Sveta said, drilling Maneesh through the screen and making him sweat visibly, “that Engineering has been made painfully aware of how unpleasant the whole ordeal was for you, Jake. And they will do their absolute best to avoid repeating such blunders in the future.”
Maneesh from Engineering nodded, clasped his hands, and stressed most emphatically how sorry they were and that they were triple-checking it all to make sure it would never, ever happen again. Then, he closed his screen, leaving Sveta and myself alone in the boardroom.
She inspected me carefully. “So, Jake,” she said after a while. “Are you all right?”
I checked the back of my hands; same as always, no pain, no swelling, not even a hint of a bee ever messing with me. “I’m fine.” Even the gooey resin stain on my suit’s lapel was gone. “But those stings did hurt. And being stuck in there was scary as hell.”
She nodded. “Part of my job here is to monitor your response to pain. If it gets out of hand, let me know, okay?”
“I thought I got stuck on Hardcore?”
“You are. But that’s what those locked in Hardcore, like you, are supposed to play-test: Where’s the line between high-stakes realism and ‘this ain’t funny anymore,’ as you’ve just pointed out to your new best friend Maneesh.”
“That was quite a grilling,” I said, a trace of a smirk on my lips. “Wasn’t it?”
“Indeed, it was.” She smiled.
“I shall let you know if I ever leave my comfort zone, Svetty dear,” I said. “But I think I can handle it for now.”
“I knew you would, boss!” She beamed, shifting back into her secretary persona. “Plus, I have something for you, to make such a nasty experience worthwhile.”
VPs earned!
+3 VPs
“Nice!” I said. “What for, though? Giving poor Maneesh from Engineering nightmares about having to update his CV?”
She laughed. “Bullying our programmers gives no VPs, I’m afraid. You only get VPs from defeating worthy opponents, remember? But you did find a bug, and finding bugs is worth 3 VPs per instance.”
I caressed my tie. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but the Pain Slider not coming up was a bug, correct? One that has been experienced by thirteen other players, according to Mr. Maneesh?”
“Yes…”
“But Mr. Maneesh mentioned I was also the first to report a dysfunctional safeword, did he not?”
She nodded again.
I raised my index and middle fingers, forming a V. “I think our boys from Accounting would tell you that those are two bugs, Svetty dear. Not just one.”
She smirked, then turned to her floating screen. I could see messages flashing as she chatted with somebody else, although from my angle I wasn’t able to read them.
I leaned back in my rocket chair, casually clasping my hands behind my head. According to the countdown on the wall, we still had two hours to go.
Sveta turned back to me.
VPs earned!
+3 VPs
“You drive a hard bargain, boss,” she said. “Engineering says that was two bugs, indeed.” Her appreciative smile and nod were an even better reward than the VPs I had just received.
I looked around the boardroom. “On a serious note, any chance we’ll find any more bugs in this room?”
“Nah,” she said. “It has been play-tested to death. It was the only Lobby during Alpha; there’s nothing to find here.”
“All right. So, how do I spend these VPs?”
“You’ll have to get into the actual game for that. Behind this blue portal. You’ll be able to spend your VPs here in the Lobby if you want to, but only after you start the game for real and unlock your character’s
Stat screen.”
I checked the countdown clock. “In two hours. Correct?”
“Let me see.” She consulted with her screen. “Yep, correct. Your mind is merging nicely, from what I can tell. Fingers crossed, you’ll be able to jump into the game in one hour and fifty-eight minutes.” She smiled as she read something else on her screen. “And your new best friend Maneesh says they’ve just finished triple-checking everything. They’re ready to test things again whenever you are, sir.”
“I’m not out of the woods yet, you mean? More Pain Tutorial to go?”
She shrugged.
I looked warily at the red portal. “Not sure I want to mess with those bees again…”
“Worry not, boss. We won’t.”
“We…?”
She wiggled her fingers in mid-air, as if entering a combination on an invisible keypad.
Dizziness overwhelmed me as the walls, table, and ceiling began to shift.
7
Alpha
The immense desk between us shrinks to the size of a small kitchen table as Sveta and I are pulled closer together until we are less than two feet apart, the shrunken desk still separating us.
The lights darken as the walls turn dull gray, closing in.
Music blares, making me cringe—some earsplitting descendant of Russian technobass and Japanese death metal.
I look around. We’re in a seedy, dim-lit bar, where the tables seem to be packed with what you’d get if you were to let retro-cyberpunk nerds rule the world, press fast-forward, and wait a few decades. Headjacks, implants, crude robotic arms and legs, and everybody looking tough as coffin nails, wearing oversized coats that do a poor job of concealing enough firepower to invade a small country.