Officer Clements put his hand on my face. There was a little blood on it, but I closed my eyes and leant into it, crying harder by the moment.
“I knew you were worth so much more…” Clements whispered. I grabbed onto his hand with my own, and felt his grip get weaker and weaker by the second, until it slipped off my cheek, and into my own grasp.
“No…!” I cried, feeling my body start to heat up all over again. “No, no, no! No, come on! No!”
I heard the sound of sirens wailing off in the distance, and stood up. My vision was enveloping into the bright white hue again, but just before it overtook my view, I looked down at Clements one last time. He still had tears in his eyes, but they didn’t look at anything. They were… dead.
I burst through the front door, and took off into the sky. I didn’t know what to do, or where to go, so I just went up. Up and away from my problems, my mistakes, the blood literally on my hands and face over ridiculous mistake I’d just made that got two innocent people killed.
The only adult to ever give a damn about me– to really believe in me– and my arrogance just got him killed.
All that torment I put Giardino through, and I didn’t even get to apologize to him. I couldn’t even save him. I hardly even got to see him die. I was so wrapped up in my own mind, so certain I’d be able to settle the situation without a problem, that I failed in quite possibly the worst possible way.
I just felt so damn angry, so damn lost. I felt mach after mach break around me as I soared through the atmosphere. I only stopped once I’d exited the Earth’s exosphere– something totally lost on me in the moment– and I released all the gut-wrenching feelings I’d stored up, not only today, but the last couple weeks.
There was no sound to accompany it, but a massive ball of white, cosmic energy exploded from all around me. It wrapped me up in a massive blanket of destructive heat blasts, and I screamed sa hard as I could. Again though, hardly any noise, if any, escaped.
Then for a moment, I just sat there, floating idly in space. As the ball of energy faded, and retracted into my body where it could, I saw a figure sitting out just beyond me. It was Malek. I tried to hold my hand out to him– to ask for some kind of help– but I felt too weak to do even that.
He didn’t say a word, and he didn’t come any closer. And then, I just fell.
I careened back toward the planet, and had to try my best while half-passed out to redirect myself toward my house. I could hardly even keep my eyes open though, and in my stupor, I could only think of Alannah, and how badly she wanted me to be this hero that I could never hope to be.
I guess the suit took that as a signal, because it called her. The helmet came back on around my head, and it seemed to sort of guide me through the air as I dove closer and closer to the ground.
“Jason?” Alannah answered. “Jason, what happened? Did you do it?”
“Alannah… I’m…I didn’t…” I slurred, losing more and more consciousness by the second. “I didn’t…”
“Jason!? What’s wrong? Where are you right now?” she asked. “Are you alright? What’s going on!?”
“Dead… I… they’re dead…” I muttered.
“Who’s dead? Jason!? Jason!” Alannah yelled. She sounded terrified. I felt awful, but before I could say anything to calm her down, I passed out, and everything just went black.
7
Hot & Heavy
You ever just take a nice bath? A nice midweek, ice-cold, ice filled, in-someone-else’s-bathtub bath? Well, I guess I do, because here I was. Wherever here was, anyway.
I shivered, and looked all around. There were literally ice cubes inside this bathtub; an empty bag of ice served as a pretty quick explanation for how, not as much for why.
I was alone, and in what appeared to be a very familiar bathroom. I just couldn’t put my finger on who’s it was.
Lucky me, I didn’t have to wonder very long.
Alannah rushed back inside, slipping through as small a crack in the door as she could make, and pressing it shut behind her. She glanced over at me, and saw my tired and freezing eyes looking up at her.
“Jason!” she whispered. “Oh my God, thank God you’re awake!”
“Alannah…” I stammered. “W-Why am I in an ice b-b-bath?”
“Are you serious? You know why!” she said, still keeping her voice oddly quiet. “You slammed down into the woods behind my house and stumbled into my back yard, steaming! Jason, your eyes were white! Not white with some green in the middle, pure white.”
I stood up out of the tub, and stepped on the little mat on the floor. I was only in my boxer-briefs, much to my surprise.
“Alannah, why…?” I asked, looking up at her. She blushed a little, and kept looking up toward the ceiling. It was adorable.
“You burned your clothes off, you idiot!” she shouted through gritted teeth. “I had to get them off of you!”
“Okay,” I chuckled. “Weird that my underwear is fine though, huh?”
“Shut up.”
“You didn’t check under there, did you?”
“Shut up, Rhodes!”
“Because I mean, I get it, but Alannah we’re just not there–”
“Jason Rhodes shut your goddamn mouth!” she said, her voice getting a little too loud for her own comfort, as she jumped immediately after, and pressed her ear up against the door. When nothing happened a few moments later, she turned back around, and glared at me.
“Does your family not know I’m here right now?” I asked.
“No!” Alannah said. “You’re lucky they didn’t see you come stumbling into my backyard! I rushed you in here before they could notice.”
“Oh, well… thanks,” I said. “I’m gonna go now, though, if that’s–” I tried to move past her, but Alannah held her hand out, pressed against my chest. I stopped, and looked into her eyes.
I really wanted to get out of here and sulk, but I could tell from her look alone that she wasn’t going to let that fly without an explanation.
“Talk,” she said. “What the hell happened at Giardino’s, Rhodes?”
My face grew solemn, and I cocked my head to the side, looking away from her. I couldn’t really get the words to come out, even if I’d wanted them to. It was still so fresh in my mind, so raw.
“I…” I tried, shaking my head. “I failed, Ana. I failed.”
“Is everyone alright?” she asked. I shook my head, and she gasped, cupping her mouth in her hand. “Is…Is mister–”
“Officer Clements was there, too,” I said, still staring bullets into the tile floor. “He was trying to get the gunmen to step down. And then I stepped in, and… I don’t know, I just thought there was no way I could, you know– and Mr. Giardino, he was so scared; I mean he just wanted everyone out of his shop.”
“Jason,” Alannah whispered, trying to move her hand up to my shoulder. I stepped back, and took a stuttered breath.
“One of the gunmen shot at me, and Clements dove in the way. Then the other guy just shot Mr. Giardino out of fear, or impulse, I-I don’t know,” I continued. “I could’ve taken the shot, you know? He…He didn’t have to…!”
I ran my hand through my hair, trying to find the strength to go on, but Alannah could already tell I was done. She ran at me, and wrapped me up into a hug. I hesitated at first, but then I just fell into it, putting the side of my head up against hers. I closed my eyes, and let a couple tears roll treacherously past my face and onto Alannah’s shoulder.
“It’s okay,” she cooed into my ear. “It’s okay.
“I thought… I thought I could be the hero, you know? I really tried– I really wanted it– b-but… I can’t,” I said. “I’m not good enough.”
“Jason,” Alannah insisted.
She pulled away from me ever so slightly, and our faces were mere inches apart. She stared into my eyes with her big, brown beauties, and I gazed back down into them. I opened my mouth, just kind of on instinct, and she put her hand on my chest.
I still felt tears eeking their way down the side of my cheeks, but the heat rushing to my face seemed to nullify their own warmth.
She took an awkward half a step closer, and I just kept my hands by her sides; I didn’t know if we were still hugging or… you know. We just kind of stared at each other, and I tilted my head to the side. She tilted hers the other way, and then…
And then, because haha, my life is a joke, the bathroom door swung open. Like, no warning, no “hey is anyone in there?” Nothing.
It was Alannah’s Dad, and she and I were standing in the middle of the bathroom, about to do whatever it was we were about to do, while I was all but naked. Funny, right?
I flicked my head up, and looked her father right in the eyes.
“Jason,” he murmured.
“S-Sir,” I said, stepping away from the cute girl with the increasingly red face. And let me tell you, my hands have never returned to my sides quicker. Like bullets, they dropped.
“D-Dad!” Alannah yelled, turning around. Thank God she still covered my chestplate with her body. That would have been awkward. “I wasn’t– w-we weren’t–!” Her father held up his hand, and stepped outside.
“Just… tell me when you have company, next time,” he said. “And maybe use your bedroom, not a bathroom.”
“Dad, we weren’t…!” Alannah argued, giving up halfway through, and sighing. “Yeah, you got it.” He shut the door, and Alannah locked it, then turning around to face me again.
“Well… I mean, if that’s what he thought we were doing–”
“Jason,” Alannah said, getting me back on task. Probably for the best. “Alright, listen to me. You are not a bad guy for screwing up back there. I need you to get that.”
I really hated that she kept trying to talk about this. I wanted to just leave it alone and get out of here. Or do whatever we were about to do!
“Alannah, I am not–”
“The hell you aren’t,” she shut down. “You are one of the most caring, loyal, compassionate people I’ve ever met. You fight for the people in your life like you’ve got nothing to lose, and I’ve never once seen you back down. And now, you’ve got this!” She tapped my chestplate. “You have the potential to be a better version of what you already are! Don’t you tell me that’s not a hero.”
“Alannah, I’m a thief!” I said. “I steal when I’m anxious, I break the law instead of dealing with my issues, and I push away the closest people in my life when we have a stupid problem over a–!”
I stopped myself, and noticed how upset Alannah looked. I sighed, and shook my head again.
“I am not a hero, Alannah. I’m not even a good person. And this? I got all this by chance; Haltz told me there was nothing special about me. No reason for all this other than the fact that I was the closest living thing around. I wasn’t a hero before, and I’m sure as hell not about to be one now.”
Alannah crossed her arms, and still stood between me and the door. I stared her down, but I had to hand it to her, she had a better mean face than me.
“Then why don’t you make a goddamn decision to be better, for once?” she said. “I know you, Jason, don’t pretend like I don’t. Even if you think you’re that bad of a person, there’s no way you want to stay that way, so be better. Use these powers as a second chance!”
I knew we’d keep going in circles if I didn’t at least pretend to agree, so I just nodded, and Alannah finally gave in, uncrossing her arms.
“Alright,” she said, “I grabbed some of my brother’s clothes, they’re in my room. Go change, and then get out of here.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I muttered. “But seriously, next time, let’s just start in your room. Who knows what could happen?”
“Like what?” Alannah asked. “Oh, you want to cry in my room, is that what you mean?” She smirked, and I rolled my eyes.
“Funny,” I said, walking past her. She just scoffed, and let me by.
A few minutes later, I was changed and out of there, flying back out through town. I wish I could have left with a better goodbye, but I really needed to just get outside.
I get what Alannah wanted me to be, and it meant a lot to know that she thought I was capable of it, but I knew better than that. There was no getting out of the cyclical lifestyle I’d been running the last sixteen years.
The good life just wasn’t for me, and even with these powers, apparently nothing could change. Of course I wanted it to, but sometimes things just aren’t that simple. Sometimes you just have to take things for what they are and roll with it; I just wasn’t the hero type.
Anyway, I made it decently far into the deep blue depths of the sky, when wouldn’t you know it, I suddenly had company.
Malek burst from up above to right in front of me, and I kind of slammed into his chest. He hardly budged, and simply pushed me lightly off of him.
“Sorry about that…” I groaned, shaking off the pain. “Wait, weren’t you watching me earlier? When I flew out to space?”
“I was,” Malek said, nodding. “You emitted some form of cosmic energy from your body, correct?”
“I…I guess so, yeah.” He stared at me for a moment, I could have sworn I saw some serious intrigue creep across his face. An odd sense of curiosity, or excitement… something creepy.
“How? The previous Wanderers had no such ability.”
“I don’t know, it just sort of happened, after–”
“After you let those two humans die,” Malek said. “I see… It must be some kind of emotional additive– the Lanteeyns were an awfully stoic group– some form of mutation within the fabric of the Wanderer title, and your own essence.”
“Yeah…” I said. “Is that all you wanted?”
Malek gazed at me, and even though my face was masked by the headpiece, I felt like he stared right through to my soul. It was incredibly unsettling.
“You are not a hero,” he said. Ouch, but… okay.
“Thanks?”
“I know that this is plaguing your mind. There was a time, once, when I felt the same. I questioned my place in the world, what side I fell on; hero, villain, they both seemed such fruitless titles for creatures who hoped to achieve a higher purpose.”
“Well, you gotta have dreams, right?”
“The truth is, Jason Rhodes, that there are no heroes, and no villains. There are only living beings, capable of instilling hope, and inflicting pain. No one being is more righteous than another.”
“Well, that’s not a terrible mindset, I guess,” I said. “You know, like we’re all equal, is what you’re saying?”
“All except us, the weavers,” he finished.
“Oh,” I said.
“And you, Jason Rhodes, have the potential to rise above the mediocrity of life as well. You already defeated three challengers with relative ease, and have the ability to manipulate cosmic energies. You’ve easily surpassed at least fifty percent of the prior Wanderers so far. That much closer to being my equal.”
“Malek, listen to me, I know you have this… odd relationship with the Wanderers, and I really have no clue why, but you need to understand that I want nothing to do with it. I don’t want to be your equal,” I explained. That seemed to put a bit of a damper on his mood, I’ll be honest. I think he could tell that I was being completely honest with him, and despite it bothering him, Malek seemed to have not given up on the dream.
“I suppose, then, we will have to do this the hard way,” he decided.
He turned to better face the planet below us, and scanned around the area for a while before locking his eyes on somewhere far below.
“Your best friend, Samuel Finn,” he said, “he lives near you, doesn’t he?”
“What?” I asked, curling my hands slowly into fists. “What are you talking about?”
“You’ve taken issue with him recently, but you seem to want that to end,” Malek went on. “Your quarrel with him, it holds you back from your true potential.”
“Male
k, what–?”
“My siblings and I have been here for eons, Wanderer. We look over life, and adjust it where necessary. I take no joy in taking the lives of other living creatures– it’s never a joyous experience, killing a beloved pet past its prime– but Samuel Finn causes you more trouble than I’m comfortable allowing. So, I’m going to end that for you.”
“What, no! No, don’t–!”
“Unless, that is, you can catch me. Prove me wrong; show me you’re ready.”
“I can’t catch you! You’re way faster than me!” I shouted. “Malek, do not do this!”
“No, Wanderer, I have to do this. And so do you.”
I tried to tackle him, but like that, he took off, and soared down toward Sam’s house.
I started freaking out, but in a weird way, I knew Malek was right. If I wanted to save Sam, I needed to play his game. I needed to push myself further, and beat him there– or at the very least try not be too late.
I couldn’t get my head to shut up, and I just started flying. I knew how to get back home, but I felt like I was about to drop like a ton of bricks under the pressure of my own mind. It felt like the whole world was falling apart, and crashing into my heart.
“Relax, Jason Rhodes. Focus. Clear your mind, and focus simply on flight,” someone said; they sounded old, regal, strong. And I’m at least eighty percent sure it was entirely in my head. “Breathe, and focus. Focus, and breathe.”
I’d have to do some serious digging around to figure out exactly how I’d lost my mind just there, but for the moment, I chose to simply listen to the voice. It’d never been very easy for me– both listening to others, and clearing my mind– but the severity of the situation seemed to really slow my thoughts to a halt.
I just thought about how it felt, up in the air. The muscles I didn’t even have, and flexing them, contracting them. Letting the air around me just… be. Just sway around, and know that if I needed to, it’s clear a path for me to cut through.
I thought of like, an orb. Like this orb of strength, somewhere inside of me; that was my power. I just needed it to stay lit, to stay in place, and not shake and shatter out of control.
The Wanderer (Book 1): The Wanderer Page 9