Christmas morning she opened two gifts she had wrapped for herself. One was a painting she had found at the consignment store in town. She didn’t really understand why the landscape appealed to her so. Mikal had described the rugged beauty of his country, so perhaps the painting was her interpretation his words.
Her second gift was a small camera and photo album. She’d never had reason to have a camera before. No one had ever taken her picture other that the required yearly school picture. Of course she had never been able to purchase those, so there was not one photograph of her young life. She refused to accept that any longer.
It was time for her to stop moping about something she had no control over. She needed to start making her own memories. And she wanted to fill her new album up with pictures of things she wanted to remember years from now. Her house, and her students, and of the friends she had made. This was the life she had always dreamed of having, and she was determined to live it large.
She had invitations to Christmas dinner at several of her new friends’ homes, but she didn’t want to intrude on their family gatherings and, really, she was happy just spending the evening with a good book, curled up in a chair by her fake fire with the lights from her tree dancing off the pages.
She looked up from her book as a car drove by. Her neighbors were having company over. She watched as the car parked along the sidewalk. Her eyes focused on the man getting out of the car, and her heart skipped a beat. She closed her eyes and shook her head. It was happening again. She was seeing him again in her mind. Opening her eyes, the man walking towards her house was not the same confident and determined man she’d last seen. The troubled man walking towards her looked haggard and weary. His once immaculate suit was now wrinkled, his tie was missing, and the buttons on his once crisp, blue dress shirt were opened at the top.
The book fell from her hands as she ran to the door and threw it open. She was in Mikal’s arms with his lips crushing hers before any words were spoken.
“I…I have no right to be here. But I couldn’t stay away. I have nothing to offer you. I can’t make you any promises, but I need you. For tonight I need you.”
The hopeless desolation in his eyes was the only answer she needed. Her arms opened and welcomed him into her home and into her heart. What she had been denying all these months was the elusive emotion that she had no previous experience with. Whatever he could give her, she would take greedily and cherish.
Taking his hand, she led him into her bedroom and removed his clothes as she would have for a young child. He was devoid of emotion, but he followed her with his eyes as if trying to convince himself she was really there.
Once she had removed his clothes, she quickly removed hers and once again led him to bed. She tucked him under the covers and crawled in, surrounding his chilled body with her warmth. Whatever caused his shocked state couldn’t be good. If her body and her heart could give him any amount of relief from the anguish he was feeling, she would hold him tightly all night long.
How long she held him, she could not say. As warmth returned to his body, he began to relax. Finally she heard his even breathing as he slept. Soon after she followed him in sleep.
He reached for her in the middle of the night, and she went willingly into his arms. He brought her up and over the cliff with his lips before he joined their bodies and rode the wave once again until she was screaming his name. They both came together while locked in each other’s arms.
But he didn’t stop there. As if he was trying to make amends for their months apart, he had her crying out again begging him for more. With just his hands and mouth, he soon had her crashing through the atmosphere once more.
Sleep and exhaustion took them for a time, but before the morning, they had reached for each for each other again and again through the night. When she woke, she was once again alone. A search of her house left her weak and abandoned once more. He was gone. He came in silence, and he left in silence. His pain and despair, he left behind.
She had her own guilt to deal with. Whether he was married or still engaged didn’t matter. She had knowingly slept with someone that belonged to another. What made her guilt so unbearable was the fact that she would do it again, if he only asked.
On the news the next day she heard that the King of Tanistan had unexpectedly died. Tears filled her eyes. That was why he had come. His father had died. She tried to get a call through to him at the palace, but of course she wasn’t allowed access. The prince was in mourning, she was told. She left her name and number anyway, but she had no hope that her call would be returned.
All she wanted to do was to go to him, to help him through this tragedy. But if he wanted her near, he would have sent for her. All she could do was to wait until the next time he needed her.
The rest of her Christmas vacation was spent waiting for the phone to ring or watching for a car to stop in front of her house. She couldn’t sleep in the bed she had shared with him. The memories were simply too strong. She pulled the covers from her bed and curled up on the couch, but still sleep was rare and always tormented.
The turkey she had fixed for her holiday meal went untouched. Her appetite was gone. What she was able to eat usually returned and only caused her to become more upset. After a month her clothes hung from her body. But she no longer cared how she looked. Her students were the only bright spot in her life. When she was teaching, her wretched life was pushed to the side and her love and caring for her students came through.
She was actually excited when she was late that month. They had been so raw and emotional that night, protection hadn’t occurred to either one of them. Having his son or daughter growing inside of her pulled her out of the depression she had been in since he left.
She called to make an appointment with the doctor, but before the scheduled appointment time arrived, her period did. That Friday after class, she walked home, pulled all of the curtains closed, fell into bed, and cried the entire weekend.
By Sunday afternoon she was through. There would be no more tears, sadness, or grief. She read the article in the newspaper of the newly crowned King of Tanistan. There was no mention of his wife or his fiancée, but she was in the picture standing behind him in a perfectly tailored suit, smiling sweetly up at him.
With her life once more back on track, the school year was winding down. She was even dating. Craig, one of the firemen that visited the school, asked her out, and she accepted. The evening was pleasant, but when he kissed her goodnight at the door, she knew she couldn’t see him anymore. It would not be fair to Craig to continue something she knew would never lead anywhere. Her heart had already been given away.
Then school was out, and to keep busy and to bring in some money to refurbish her nest egg, she took a part-time job at Better Plants and Landscaping. It was a dirty, back-breaking job, and she loved it. She was so tired and sore each night when she got home from work that she fell into bed too tired to even think his name, much less dream about him.
It was almost a year since she first saw Mikal…that he walked back into her life. She was walking home from work, tired and dirty. What little hair hadn’t escape the ponytail was hanging in her face. Her jeans and t-shirt were dirty and ripped. Her shoes, she was sure, smelled from the fertilizer she had been spreading that day on a lawn. Her nails were broken, and dirt was caked under them. She was far from the vision of beauty that he had once called her.
But when she saw him walking toward her, everything in her screamed for her to run, but she held still, just staring at him. She had barely survived his last visit. She didn’t know if she was strong enough to pull herself out of it again. Her head and hands started shaking trying to stop him from coming any closer, “No…Mikal. I can’t…I just can’t.”
Mikal froze at her words. “Please Janea, may we talk?”
“No, I’ve heard that before, and it didn’t work out well.”
He smiled at her words, “May I walk with you?”
“I’ve he
ard that too,” she wasn’t moving. “Mikal, being with you hurts too much. I…I don’t think I can survive any more of your…visits.”
He winced at her honesty and felt shame for what he had put her through. “Give me a chance. Please Janea,” he implored as he reached for her.
“No. Stop! If you touch me, I won’t be able to resist. Don’t you see? I love you Mikal and you have the power to make me bend to your will with just a touch. But when you leave, I can’t bear the loss. If you feel anything for me, leave me and go back to your wife. I can’t be what you want me to be.” Those words had cost her dearly to speak.
“What I want you to be, Janea, is my wife. I love you Janea. Only you.”
She shook her head to clear it. Had she heard him correctly, or was she only dreaming that he loved her. And did he just ask her to marry him? He was already married. How could he marry her? She fought down the excitement bubbling up inside of her, “I…I don’t understand.”
“The weekend we spent together was incredible. I fell so hard for you even before that first night. I knew I loved you. I know I hurt you when you found out about the woman my father demanded I marry. I wanted to run away with you that weekend and let the consequences fall where they may. But as my father reminded me, I had a duty to our people. My marriage to Karenia would have bound my country to a war torn country in the north. They badly needed our resources, and we needed their allegiance.” He moved slowly closer as he spoke.
“I was very upset with you that you left the way you did. I would have explained this to you that morning. I wanted to contact you many times during those first few months, but I felt it was…kinder to you to break all ties with me.” He didn’t understand why she wouldn’t look at him. He could always tell what she was thinking from what was mirrored in her eyes.
“Then, my father died. I received the news as I was flying home from the west coast. I knew it was selfish of me, but I had to see you. I had to hold you in my arms and feel your body pressed against mine. I needed your closeness to deal with the loss of my father. We had fought before I left. I didn’t want to marry Karenia. I wanted to marry you.” He now stood only a few inches away, yet she seemed so far. He had to make her understand.
“Upon my coronation, Karenia decided she wasn’t prepared to be Queen. It seemed her heart had already been given to another. So, here I am to ask you to marry me and be my queen.” He waited. He didn’t get the reaction he had been dreaming of since the morning Karenia had left him. Janea was much too quiet.
Silence grew as she tried to come to grips with what he had disclosed. Something about it rubbed her the wrong way. “But you would have married her.” She wanted to make sure she understood, “You would have chosen her.” Her words came out irritated and annoyed.
“Yes, that would have been my duty.” He didn’t understand her line of questioning. He had already explained that they were to marry.
He watched as her body tensed. “You would have chosen her…over me. You are only here because she chose not to marry you.” She had to walk away from him and put some distance between them. He had no idea how insulting his remarks were. And that only made her angrier.
“Yes, my love. I told you this. She is in love with Rajeh, her father’s second in command.” He began to step closer to her, but she stopped him with her eyes.
Here was everything she ever wanted and dreamed about standing right in front of her. She could reach out and grab it and live the rest of her life with the man she loved, have his children and a family of her own. All of her dreams could come true with just one little word.
What was stopping her from running to him and thanking him for coming back to her? He said he loved her. That was what she wanted to hear. Wasn’t it? He loved her, yet he had been about to marry someone else that he didn’t love, even if it was for the love of his country. How was that supposed to make her feel? Second or third best?
Finally, she faced the realization that he loved his position and his country, his duty to his people, more than he would ever love her. Could she live a life with him knowing she would always come second and that the only reason he married her was because his first choice reneged on the bargain? She shook her head trying to clear her thoughts.
Her entire life she had never come first. She almost believed that she didn’t deserved to be the most important thing to someone. Anyone. Yes, he loved her. She truly believed he did, just not as much as she loved him. And that right there was her problem.
“No,” she answered softly, and then looked up at him.
“I don’t understand Janea?” His hands wanted to grab her and demand she explain why she was denying them what they both wanted.
“I know you don’t Mikal,” she answered hopelessly. “And that is why I won’t marry you.”
“Is there someone else?” The thought of her with another made him angry.
“No.”
“What do you want? I can give you anything you want,” he pleaded.
“If only that were true.” She looked down at the ground and sighed. “I’m sorry Mikal, go home. I…don’t want to see you again.”
Mikal watched as she walked by him and continued on her way as if she hadn’t just ripped out his heart. He saw tears and pain fill her eyes as she passed. Why was she doing this to them? He had thought to only make her happy, something that he had never been allowed to do, until now. So why then did she refuse his offer?
He watched helplessly as his future walked out of sight. But he would not give up. He refused to allow her to throw their future away. His driver pulled up beside him, and he reluctantly got in and slammed the door a little too harshly.
“So sire, things didn’t go as planned?”
“I don’t understand Alhem. She turned me down, and I know she loves me. She even looked hurt when I explained the circumstances of my being here. I thought she would be happy that I came here to marry her.”
“Women, my king, are a funny, fickle thing. I cannot imagine why she would not be happy to be the second woman you wished to marry.” Alhem’s all too knowing eyes stared into Mikal’s through the rear view mirror.
Mikal nodded in agreement and looked out the window at a car going by on the street. “That they are Alhem. That they are. But Janea is one that is worth…What did you say?” He cut his eyes back to the mirror. He would swear he could see amusement in Alhem’s eyes as he repeated himself.
“I said I can’t imagine why Ms. Smith didn’t wish to be your second choice to wed.” He paused and waited for his words to sink in.
Mikal scrubbed his hands down his face. That was it exactly. She thought she was his second choice. Why wouldn’t she think that? That was what he had so ineloquently explained to her. He knew her history, and he knew she had never had anyone in her life to put her first. He had been just as careless and thoughtless as everyone else. “Oh Alhem, your king is an idiot.”
“All men are, sire, with the woman they truly love.”
“How long have you been married?
“Twenty-five years sire.”
“Any tips on how to prove to my girl that she is and always will come first? Given her past it will have to be good. It will have to be very good.”
“I find honesty and groveling work equally well, sire. And, of course, flowers.”
“Take me to her house Alhem. Let’s get the groveling started. If I am correct, she is not going to make this easy.”
“No, sire, nothing in life worth having is easy to acquire.”
Just as he suspected, his knocks on her door went unanswered. He was left with no choice but to return to his hotel and try to call. He knew his calls would also go unanswered as well.
The next day he called the local florist and had dozens of roses delivered to her only to have the florist call back and say the flowers had been denied delivery. This left him scratching his head over how to get through to her.
His first big mistake was in not calling off his engagement to Karenia. He
never should have allowed his father and his advisors to insist they marry. He should have married Janea that first weekend. He should have loaded her on his plane, flown her home, and married her as soon as they stepped from the plane.
So…why didn’t he do that now? He could have her on a plane in under an hour. Surely during the twelve hour trip home he could make her see reason.
Chapter Seven
Mikal checked his watch. Four hours. He had endured four hours of her silence. That was not technically correct. The first hour she had spent demanding to be returned and had threatened to have him arrested for kidnapping. He shouldn’t have laughed when she said that, it had only made her angrier. He had diplomatic immunity in the States. Of course, in his country, he ruled. His word was law. So the thought of having him arrested was preposterous.
Perhaps if he took her to bed. They did some of their best talking afterwards tangled up in each other.
“Janea would you please listen to me?”
Her icy stare didn’t waver. Her arms and legs remained crossed.
“Please Janea. I know why you are angry. And you have every right to be. You think I didn’t choose you above all others. Had I been free to do so, you would always have been my first choice no matter how loudly my father and advisors warned against a union with you.”
She growled. She actually growled at him, and her foot started shaking back and forth, a sure measure of her irritation with him. “I love you Janea. Only you. It has always only been you I wanted for my wife and as queen of my country.”
His heart thrilled when she stood and then plummeted when she walked to the back of the plane and closed the bedroom door. When he heard the lock turn in the door, he lost all hope that she would ever forgive him.
Jane closed the bedroom door and finally let her emotions run amuck. She pressed her hand to her mouth to stifle the giggle that threatened to erupt. It wouldn’t do for him to hear. How much longer she could hold out, she didn’t know, but he needed to at least feel her wrath for a few more days. When his men had come to “kidnap” her, she had been silently thrilled and had gone along with their plan to see how far he was willing to take it.
Sweet Royal Beginnings: Jane & Mikal (A Royal Vow Novel Book 0) Page 4