Sarah placed her hand on Ruth Ann’s shoulders. She leaned forward, joining her sister’s image in the looking glass. “You’re stunning. Let’s go downstairs. Benjamin will be here any minute and won’t he be surprised when he doesn’t have to wait on you.”
Ruth Ann swatted her sister. “He doesn’t usually have to wait on me.”
Sarah cocked her head and placed her hands on her hips.
Ruth Ann smiled at her sister’s posturing. “Besides, Maggie says it’s good to make a man wait on you occasionally. She says it lets you know he thinks you’re worth waiting for.”
Sarah laughed. “Leave it to Maggie.”
As Ruth Ann entered the parlor, her mother looked up from her embroidery. “You are positively striking, Ruth.” Moisture glistened in the corner of Mama’s eye.
Unaccustomed to seeing even the hint of a tear from her mother, Ruth Ann furrowed her brows. “What’s wrong, Mama?”
“You have become such a lovely young woman. Your father would be so proud.” Mama pulled a handkerchief from her sleeve and dabbed her eyes. “I do not always say it, I suppose, but I want you to know that I am very proud of you.”
“Thank you, Mama.” She squeezed her mother’s shoulders then placed a kiss on top of her head.
Joseph slipped his arm around Sarah. “Seeing you dressed for a special evening with your beau has made us a bit nostalgic.”
Sarah smiled. “You are no longer the young girl who dug worms in Mama’s cutting garden to fish with Papa.”
Joseph laughed. “Or spied on your sister and me while I was sparkin’ her on the porch swing.”
Ruth Ann chuckled.
Mama looked up from her stitching. “Or refused to practice singing lessons, preferring instead to curl up with a book.” Mama sighed and laid the wooden embroidery hoop on her lap. “Well, you may still be that girl.”
“Mama, you’re teary again.”
Mama sniffled. “Nonsense.”
Ruth Ann stooped in front of the fire to pet her sleeping dog. What had gotten into everyone?
The clock in the foyer chimed—half past six. Benjamin should be here any minute. She stood and placed her hand to her stomach to calm her jittery nerves. Her eyes glanced to the hearth. Memories of Benjamin’s passionate kiss in front of a dilapidated fireplace a few weeks earlier spread through her like flames devouring dry kindling. She fanned her face and stepped away from the blaze, heat scorching through her veins.
Joseph reached for his pipe, resting on the mantel. “You’re flushed, Ruth Ann. Are you feeling all right?”
She nodded. “I just got a little too warm by the fire.”
~*~
Benjamin was running late. He had been looking forward to this evening with Ruth Ann the entire week. At least he had been before Tatem and the others had commented about her appearance. They’re all pretty, even the plumper one. The sound of the men guffawing echoed inside his head. Jest a little more to love.
He raked his fingers through his hair as he looked in the mirror above the washstand. Blast it all. Why did it bother him what those ruffians at the railroad camp thought anyway? He sighed, tilted his head to the right, and eased the straight razor downward against his neck. After running the blade through the last path of foamy cream, he rinsed the blade in the basin before laying it on the washstand.
He’d never met a woman better suited for him. Ruth Ann was pretty, smart, kind, humble, and she possessed just enough spunk to keep his prideful tendencies in line. Her quiet confidence and inner strength resulted from a deep abiding faith in God that made him a better man just by being with her.
“What the blue blazes is your problem, Coulter? It’s not as if she’s ready for the circus sideshow. She is everything you ever wanted except for one little, measly thing, and you can’t see past it.” Benjamin’s shoulders sagged as he wiped the remaining shaving cream from his face and neck. He hated to admit it, but her figure was becoming a problem. Although, he hadn’t fretted about it when she sat on his lap in the kitchen. Unbidden memories flooded his mind—her unbound curls, the taste of her lips, and the heady scent of lavender. She had roused his passion that night, and he had wanted her—fuller curves and all.
Benjamin pulled his freshly pressed white shirt off the hook behind the door, slipped it on, and proceeded to slide the tiny pearl faced buttons through their corresponding buttonholes. Leaning forward, palms against the washstand, he took a long look at himself in the mirror. It wasn’t about loving her or even desiring her. It was about what he really wanted—a woman on his arm who represented the culmination of all he’d labored to achieve. A woman so attractive, every man around would take notice of him, and for the first time in his life, he would be respected. Didn’t he deserve that? He’d worked his way to the top, no longer the son of a poor dirt farmer. He would soon be a surveyor—all his dreams within his grasp.
Lifting his collar, Benjamin wrapped the thin, black tie around his neck. With a jut to his chin, his nimble fingers made quick work of tying the silky fabric into a bow. He buttoned his charcoal gray vest then stuffed his arms into the sleeves of his matching sack suit jacket and took one last glimpse in the mirror. The cloth was the finest he’d ever owned. A splurge, he’d bought it when he first called on Ruth Ann.
Benjamin reached into his pocket and removed his grandmother’s pearl ring. His mother had given it to him during his visit home last year. He had no idea his mother possessed such a treasure. She relayed how his grandfather had won it in a poker game during the Mexican War. Benjamin remembered his mother pressing the ring into the palm of his hand.
This is the only inheritance I have fer ya. I’ve been hidin’ it from yer Pa so he wouldn’t hawk it fer whiskey money. When ya find the woman God has fer ya, a woman who loves ya second only to the Good Lord himself, ya give her this.
The ring should’ve gone to his sister since she was the only granddaughter, but ever-practical Alice had chosen a small cash dowry instead.
Benjamin closed the treasure in a tight fist. He’d planned to propose during dinner. However, after the ribbing he took earlier that afternoon, he would switch tracks and put the proposal in the stabling yard for now. Ruth Ann was entitled to a husband fully committed to her. One with no lingering doubts. He sighed and returned the ring to its green velvet bag. He cinched the golden strings closed and returned it to the top drawer of his bureau.
Oh, Ruthie, forgive me. I’m not the man you deserve—not yet anyway.
Plopping his bowler on his head, he grabbed his wool coat and headed for the front door. Stepping into the moonless night, he pulled the collar up to protect his neck from the cold, January wind. He contemplated his decision again as he walked. Just a bit more time. That was all he needed. Wasn’t it?
As he passed the front of the Hampton Hotel, he paused under the gas lamps and noted the time on his pocket watch—6:40. He needed to hurry or they would be late for their reservation. The thought did nothing to improve his sour mood. As he stuffed the watch back in his coat pocket, a familiar voice drifted his direction.
“Hello, Mr. Coulter.”
“Hello, Miss Martin, Mr. and Mrs. Martin.”
“It’s nice to see you again.” Smoldering cornflower eyes latched onto his own. “I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure of your company since the Twelfth Night party.”
Despite the chill in the air, Benjamin warmed. “I think you’re right.” He recalled the gathering at the Petersons’ boardinghouse and the numerous smiles she so willingly bestowed upon him.
The deep timbre of Mr. Martin’s voice interrupted his thoughts. “If you’re dining alone tonight, you’re welcome to join us for supper.”
“Oh, well I have other…” Benjamin paused and glanced at Rose. “Won’t Elias be joining your family tonight?”
Rose blinked. “Elias? No.”
“I was under the impression you were stepping out with him, Miss Martin.”
A delicate smile spread across her full lips
. “Elias calls on me occasionally, but there is no understanding between us.”
Benjamin rubbed the back of his neck. He should leave. Ruth Ann was expecting him. But lovely Rose was right here. Right now. Even though she wore a heavy wool coat, her trim feminine shape remained evident. With golden hair and bright blue eyes, she had a face and figure any man would desire.
“I’m afraid I must…” Tatem’s words replayed in his mind. Boss can do much better than her. He glanced at Rose. She was no consolation prize—she was the blue ribbon.
Benjamin pulled in a deep, fortifying breath then offered Rose his arm. “If that invitation is still open, sir, I’d be happy to join your family for supper.”
She arched a brow. “What about Ruth Ann?”
“I’m afraid Miss Sutton and I are to remain only friends.”
Rose fluttered her lashes then slipped her hand into the crook of his elbow.
Benjamin’s muscles flinched. He stared at her slender arm entwined with his. What was he doing? He loved Ruth Ann, didn’t he? He’d never be able to forgive himself, but this was his chance. Maybe his last chance, and Rose was exactly the type of woman he wanted on his arm.
He led Rose up the stairs and held the door open for her and Mrs. Martin.
If only the men back at camp could see his dinner companion tonight—that would silence their laughter.
~*~
Ruth Ann attempted an air of confidence as she climbed the stairs to her room, but on the inside, her emotions roiled. More than an hour had passed since Benjamin said he would arrive to escort her to dinner. All the excitement and anticipation for their special evening had disappeared faster than the dogwood blossoms after a spring thunderstorm, leaving her physically and emotionally exhausted.
She slumped against her bed pillows. Sarah’s words echoed in her thoughts. If you love him as you say you do, then you owe it to him to believe only the best about him, and wait to hear his explanation.
“You’re right, Sarah.”
Perhaps reading would take her mind off her troubles. Flipping open Pride and Prejudice, her eyes landed on Mr. Darcy’s scathing pronouncement. ‘She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me.’ Ruth Ann flung the book toward the foot of the bed.
She didn’t want to read anyway.
Grabbing the afghan her grandmother Sutton had crocheted for her, she nestled herself in the window seat. Pulling her knees up to her chest, she rested her head against the window frame. The wind moaned outside, mimicking the mournful ache within. She sighed. Benjamin, where are you? Folding her arms against the top of her knees, she bowed her head and did the only thing she knew how to do—cry out to her Heavenly Father—the only one who could calm her anxious spirit.
O Lord, You know why Benjamin didn’t come tonight, even if I don’t. Please watch over him and keep him safe. If he is ill, heal him. If he is injured, bring someone along to help him. If he is having second thoughts about our courtship, then may Your perfect will be done in our lives. Amen.
Buddy’s incessant barking roused Ruth Ann from her slumber in the window seat. She yawned then kneaded her sore neck muscles. What in the world was he barking at this time of night? She opened the bedroom door and crept into the hall. Male voices drifted up the stairway.
“Do you have any idea what time it is, Benjamin? She’s gone to bed—the entire house has gone to bed.”
Ruth Ann lifted her skirts and made her way down the stairs. Her left hand trembled as it slid along the walnut banister.
Joseph raised the kerosene lamp. “You don’t look ill or injured.”
“No, sir. I’m fine.”
Joseph straightened his shoulders, his voice strained. “Then why might I ask—”
The creak of the step under Ruth Ann’s slippered foot gave Joseph pause.
“I’m awake, Joseph. I’d like to speak with Ben if you’ll allow it.”
He nodded, his green eyes boring into Benjamin. “Only briefly and you must remain in the parlor. Please keep your voices soft so you don’t wake the others.”
“Thank you,” she whispered.
Joseph kissed her cheek then lit the gas lamps in the parlor. He sent one last, steely glance in Benjamin’s direction. “I’ll be in the kitchen.”
Her eyes took his measure—no tender smile, no twinkling eyes. Despondency threatened to overwhelm her before she wrestled her emotions into submission. “Hello, Ben.”
Benjamin fidgeted with the hat he held in his hands. “You wore the dress.”
“As you requested.”
She waved her hand toward the settee, silently inviting him to sit. Taking the seat opposite him in her mother’s wing back chair, she noticed his gray suit, slicked hair and the scent of bay rum and spice. He appeared dressed and ready for their engagement. Why hadn’t he come? Her mouth dry as cotton, she licked her lips and swallowed. “Y-You’re all right?”
Benjamin nodded.
“I’m glad.” She pressed her palm to her chest. “I feared you had taken ill or become injured.”
“I’m fine.”
Her gaze drifted to Benjamin’s bouncing knee before wandering upward. Furrowed brows and lips pressed into a hard, thin line characterized his features, a look she was unaccustomed to seeing on his handsome face. She scanned her memory trying to recall the events of the afternoon. Had she said or done anything that would cause him to be upset with her?
“I apologize for not arriving to take you to dinner this evening.”
Her shoulders slouched, eyes focused on the lace ruffle adorning her sleeve. “You didn’t forget?”
“No, I didn’t forget.”
~*~
Benjamin ran his fingers through his hair. “There is no easy way to say this, Ruthie, so I’m going to be direct.” He sucked in a breath and swallowed hard, the words sticking to the back of his throat. “I was on my way here when I happened upon Rose Martin. Her family invited me to join them for supper, and I accepted.”
The color drained from Ruth Ann’s face. “Y-You had dinner with Rose? Tonight? W-Why would you do that?”
What could he say to explain the situation to her when he still grappled himself to make sense of what he’d done? “I…I don’t know. I didn’t plan it, Ruthie. It just happened.”
Ruth Ann pushed herself from the chair and walked toward the window, her back to him. “Do you no longer love me, Ben?”
She got right to the point, as usual. Of course he loved her, but was that enough? He certainly couldn’t tell her about the comments the men had made about her figure. That would be too unkind. But wasn’t she better off without him anyway? He could never give her all that she was used to and certainly not what she deserved.
“I’m uncertain.”
Her spine stiffened. “And do you wish to call on Rose?”
He owed her an answer but his mouth, too cowardly to form the words, remained silent.
“I see.” She shifted to face him, steadying herself against the piano. “And Rose is agreeable?”
He nodded.
“Then there is nothing more to say.”
What was the matter with him? Why couldn’t he shut out the rest of the world and just love her the way he wanted to—the way she deserved to be loved? What he did know was that he alone was responsible for the woeful sadness that had replaced her usual joyful countenance. What could he do or say to ease her suffering?
“I enjoy your company enormously, Ruthie, and I hope you will allow me to remain your friend so we can discuss books and current events. And I still want to demonstrate the transit and other surveying equipment for you this spring.”
Her lips thinned, then without warning, the back of her hand pressed against her mouth, muffling her cries. She looked away from him, but he noticed the gentle quake of her shoulders.
Don’t cry, Ruthie. Please, don’t cry.
“Ruthie, did you hear me? I’m hoping we can remain good friends so we can enjoy each other’s company on occasion.”
She shook her head repeatedly. “While I appreciate the sentiment behind your offer, I don’t deem that appropriate under the circumstances.” Still avoiding his gaze, her voice faltered. “I will…always treasure…the time we spent together…and I wish you…only the best.” She brushed past him into the foyer and opened the door. “Good night, Mr. Coulter.”
Mr. Coulter. No longer Ben. His name sounded cold and distant on her lips. He followed her into the foyer and grasped her hand. “Please consider what I said—about remaining friends?”
~*~
Friends. She liked the sound of that. If only it were possible. Whatever his feelings for her, she still loved him. Her heart wouldn’t mend if Ben remained in her life even as a friend. She extracted her hand from his grip. “You need to leave.”
“I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you, Ruthie. I’ll never forgive myself.” He kissed her cheek. “Good-bye.”
Ruth Ann shut the door behind him. Shoulders heaving, her breath hitched as tears tumbled down her face. She pinched her eyes closed and clamped a hand over her mouth to squelch the aching sobs that wrenched from her lungs.
The floorboard in the foyer groaned. She blinked, clearing the moisture from her eyes. Joseph stood in the hallway, arms outstretched. Without hesitation, she flung herself against him and allowed the safety of his embrace to comfort her.
17
Puffy eyes and a swollen nose greeted Ruth Ann in the vanity looking glass. Despite her best efforts, she’d cried frequently throughout the day, finally seeking refuge in her room. It still didn’t make any sense. Ben had seemed happy to see her and as eager for their dinner engagement as she’d been. What had gone so horribly wrong? A chance meeting with Rose Martin? Was that all it took for Benjamin’s professed love to stray? Well if it was, then she was better off without him.
If she really believed that, then she wouldn’t be moping around her room. She stroked Buddy’s fur. At least he hadn’t abandoned her. Sighing, she wrapped herself in her grandmother’s afghan, its soft warmth providing comfort and strength.
A Love Restored Page 18