The fuel and the oxidizer can be hazardous to handle because if they come into contact an instant chemical reaction will occur, so they need to be kept in separate tanks, leading to transport complications. And to further complicate matters, because the chemical substances will require too large tanks in their gaseous form they are required to be stored as cryogenic liquids, meaning they are cooled to very low temperatures to ensure they remain as liquids. So liquid and hybrid engines are complicated machinery, but provide the greatest chance for high impulse – the force giving the rockets their speed ahead.
Liz looked over at Felicia and noticed her wide-open eyes, this was apparently new and exciting material. Felicia returned the gaze and smiled happily at Liz, “this is really cool right? Can you imagine that we are sitting at a NASA site learning about rockets in California now??” Liz smiled knowingly in return; she had to repeatedly pinch her arm daily to squelch the feeling that this was too good to be true.
◆◆◆
As Liz excited the lecture hall after two exhilarating hours, she couldn’t help feeling a little sad from not seeing Kris all morning. Kris had never missed a class so far. She wasn’t always paying much attention during class, busy writing emails on her iPad or Googling something the lecturer had just talked about, but she always showed up. She was one of those multitasking people and damn good at it. She seemed to have a million things going for her simultaneously – Liz understood this had to be a necessary personal trait for anyone who pursued the double doctoral research degree Kris was currently in the process of gaining. It was very impressive and Liz felt a flutter inside her stomach of pride as she thought of everything Kris was accomplishing. But the feeling of something being wrong wouldn’t go away, she still felt uneasy when she walked over the gravel next to Felicia and Katie.
Where is she? Liz wondered. And why am I caring this much? Liz was frustrated with herself. She had sworn not to let anyone get to her like this again. Liz closed her eyes to force away the painful memory of her first and last romantic endeavor with a girl ever. She had only known Kris for a couple of weeks, but Kris had already crept well under her skin, influencing her every sense and emotion. And all we did was kiss! Liz thought perhaps she needed to pull back and save her heart from another breaking, she wasn’t sure how many of these it could sustain without having trouble locating all the pieces to continue its function. She had really come here just for networking and learning the business side of the space industry, which she was hoping would further her career prospects back in Europe. Or maybe open up some new ones here in the US. Her family would be angry with her if she decided to stay overseas, but why shouldn’t she? She was young and single, recently graduated and had the world at her feet. She should make the most of every opportunity smiling at her. However, for now this was merely a faint option in case anything would show up. Her plan was to gain as much knowledge as she could possibly conceive in just a couple of summer months and then return to the job hunt and her apartment in The Hague.
Liz walked with Katie and Felicia back toward their bunkers and apartments for the summer. They had a free hour between classes and had opted to spend it studying on the material from Saturday’s lecture, knowing that the exam was coming up fast and neither of them were properly prepared. The three girls had decided to drill each other and wanted to begin making cue cards. Felicia had kindly offered her room for the exercise, stating she had some snacks in her fridge they could enjoy while waiting for lunch to open up.
As Liz glanced around she caught sight of someone in the shadow under the staircase at the corner of the building. Liz continued to walk on but couldn’t help but return her gaze to the shadow and the person hunkered down on the ground. Was that… No, it couldn’t’ be. What’s going on? “I think I forgot something back in the lecture hall, just go ahead and I’ll join you in a few” Liz said abruptly to the other girls before pretending to stride off in the direction they had just come from. As soon as the girls had rounded the corner she quickly shifted her stride in the direction of the staircase, feeling terrified of what she could expect to find in the darkness.
When Liz came close, she stopped at a complete halt and felt her heart jump up her throat while she swallowed heavily. Kris was sitting slumped against the wall underneath the stairs, sobbing uncontrollably. Liz was unsure what to do, Kris usually gave off a stern and strong appearance – she imagined she would be the one to lean on during a crisis situation. She did not quite suit the victim role and did not seem open for consolidation. But this was not the usual Kris sitting in front of her crying. This was a vulnerable and hurt version of Kris, and Liz decided to follow her gut this time.
She walked slowly up to Kris and sat herself down next to her underneath the staircase. She carefully put her hand on Kris’ dark blue polo shirt shoulder and slid it back at her neck to slowly caress it in a comforting gesture. Liz let her fingers move further up her neck and gently stroked in circular motion up her chin while she pushed Kris’ head carefully down on her shoulder. Liz swirled Kris’ hair while she comforted her, whispering into her ear “It’s going to be all right, don’t worry. It’s all going to be all right.”
She felt a light tremble underneath her touch while Kris’ crying calmed to a quiet sorrow. Liz wondered what on Earth could have happened to do this to her, Kris was the strongest person she had ever met – her whole persona signified a bold character, not someone who let herself be pushed into tears like this. But she knew Kris would not tell her until she was ready herself. Meanwhile, all she could do was offer a consolidating shoulder to a friend in need, and dismiss the rest of her feelings, push them deep down. For now she was simply happy Kris allowed her to sit here and comfort her.
They had been sitting down for an hour when Liz heard her stomach growl and she knew it was approaching lunch time. She looked gently down at Kris, cupped her chin with her hand and tilted her head upwards so she could look into her beautiful blue grief-stricken eyes. “Should I bring you some food from the cantina – you need to eat you know. You probably skipped breakfast right?” But Kris just shook her head, “I’m not hungry, sorry.” “Okay, don’t worry. I’ll just text the girls to grab me something I can have later, as there isn’t going to be any food served until dinner opens at seven tonight. I’ll ask them to grab a little extra so you can have some if you feel like it later, okay?” Kris didn’t look at her, just stared into the distance, her thoughts clearly elsewhere, and Liz looked down at her blond ruffled hair while she continued her comforting caressing of Kris’ chin.
“What happened…? Is it okay if I ask you this?” Liz whispered into Kris’ ear when the tears had momentarily stopped streaming down her face. Liz saw this as her opening and decided to boldly take a chance. “Are you ready to talk about it…? I understand if you’re not, but it’s just that I’m worried about you, okay?” Liz hugged Kris tighter in her embrace and looked down at her.
“I just got a call that my…” Kris’ voice broke off and she started crying again, sobbing against Liz’ chest and Liz just hugged her quietly, knowing this was the only comfort she could offer. She looked down at her cell phone while it buzzed in her hand. What’s going on? You’re going to miss the afternoon class, we’re building rockets today. Are you okay…? Katie was texting her back after Liz had asked her to grab some food for later. Sure, I’m fine. Just helping out a friend in need. I’ll join you guys as soon as I can, but I can’t promise when. If you can cover for me with the teacher, that would be great. I’ll meet up with you guys later, okay? She put the phone away and shifted her attention back to Kris, stroking her chin with her thumb, enjoying feeling this close to her and being allowed to see her at her most vulnerable state. “You feel ready to tell me what happened…?”
Kris leaned her head into Liz’ hand and looked up at her with tears brimming in her eyes. Liz’ heart almost shattered in pieces at the sight of Kris exposing herself so utterly undressed and unprotected. “I…” Kris swallowed hard while she
blinked furiously. “I just learned that my mother passed away today. Apparently she had an aneurism in her brain and it erupted suddenly, without warning. They tried everything, but it wasn’t enough.” A tear rolled slowly down her cheek and she stared out into the open parking lot. “I have to travel up to Canada tomorrow to help with the funeral arrangements. My brother is on his way as well, he was on vacation in Australia.”
“I’m so incredibly sorry to hear this Kris. Is there anything at all I can do, anything you need?” Liz continued to caress Kris while she tried to provide some hopeless comfort during an impossible situation. “If you could just help me get to my room that would be great. I need to pack my stuff and book a flight ticket. Could you also let the program manager know that I have to take off for a few days?” Kris seemed to be raising her shield and Liz noticed the intimacy had passed. It seemed to be a protective gesture for Kris, to safeguard herself from her surroundings. Liz only hoped she could one day warrant the eligibility to pass through that barrier and shelter her during the storms.
Liz walked Kris to her room. She tried to offer to bring her some food or join her in helping to make the necessary arrangements, but Kris politely declined her offer. Kris told Liz to go to her lecture instead, so not both of them would risk being kicked out of the program for failing to meet the required mandatory attendance levels. Liz took a deep breath before she exited the dorm area, and straightened her white t-shirt, an unconscious move to straighten herself while she walked to join the others in the rocket construction exercise.
She spotted the big group over by the abandoned storage facilities at the far end of the government site. Rocket nozzles, tanks, parachutes and payloads lay sprawled out across the green grass while groups of students hovered over the pieces and discussed fiercely how to best assemble them to reach the highest altitude, one of the goals of the exercise. The secondary goal was to make the most inventive rocket design, and this led to the loudest discussions when subjective opinions were aired among strong peers.
Felicia waved at her with her one free hand while the other held tightly to a half-assembled rocket construction standing tall from the grass. She looked totally misplaced standing there with a pink breast-hugging top and a miniskirt. Liz laughed silently to herself at the rather absurd vision. Rocket construction made sexy! Bryan was down on all four fixing the fins to the first stage thruster engines. Some loose strands of his brown hair had escaped his cap and were fighting with his eyelashes when he blinked to try to free his eyes of the obstacle. His t-shirt was plastered onto his back from the sweat breaking in the afternoon sun. Katie was sitting on her butt in the grass studying intently what seemed like a manual on how to properly fold a parachute. Liz decided this was the safest spot to perch down and joined her; “Need any help with that?”. Katie smiled back at her and hugged her. “I’m glad you could join us. Yeah, I think some help would be appreciated. This isn’t as easy as it looks you know?” she winked at Liz. “Maybe a proper rocket scientist can show us how the experts do this?”
Liz laughed and immediately felt guilty for enjoying herself while Kris was in her room in utter devastation. She tried to work on folding the parachute with Katie, but her thoughts kept drifting back to Kris, wanting to run back to her, burst into her room and take her into her arms forever. Instead she benched herself on the grass and forced her focus to remain on the task at hand. At least their afternoon session involved handy work and not anything requiring her brain to function properly – she feared she would have failed that one miserably.
After a few hours of intense work the teams were nearing completion. Scattered across the lawn were various architectures of staged rockets with multiple booster engines attached to their sides, all in miniature size of course since they as students were only allowed enough engine power to bring the rockets up to a height of a few hundred meters. Excited but fatigued students were hunkering down on one side of the grassy field, getting ready for the launch sequences. The plan was to try and launch all the rockets separately, then head outside campus for dinner and some celebratory beers. Liz was happy she had managed to join, even if she still struggled to let go of her wary mood and her worry for Kris.
“3-2-1-ignition” the security officer shouted as the first team leader pushed the red button to fire up the engine of their proud teamwork. Hundred pairs of eyes stared intently at the piece of metal and plastic standing in the middle of the lawn. The milliseconds ticked by slowly. Liz was afraid to blink in case she would miss anything. But nothing happened, the rocket stood steady and held its ground, like a stubborn three-year old refusing to leave the toy store. After what seemed like an eternity of complete and utter silence, the security officer broke through and ordered a halt in the ignition sequence to run investigations. He asked that we clear the launch area of everyone except necessary personnel. Undetonated rockets could be dangerous if not handled properly. Everyone was told to take a break while the security people tried to safely disassemble the rocket before it could do any harm. Liz reluctantly followed the crowd to the other side of the street, which had been designated the safe zone. This was exciting and she hated to leave the action behind. Back in the Netherlands, when she had been part of the student rocket club, she had been down on the launch pad working with the safety crew trying to fix the problems if they occurred. She was an electronics specialist, and once it happened that a wire had come lose between the igniter and the propellant tank. All they had to do was remove the rocket from the launch tower, get the right tools and open up the side hatch to first safely disconnect the igniter and then fix the lose wire. She was used to being part of the know-it-all crew, so now having to stand at a safe distance with the other bystanders was frustrating. However, she was at US federal grounds, she had no other choice but to obey the rules laid down at this facility.
The security officers had cut the wires leading up to the rocket and carefully approached it now, disassembling it with special equipment wearing goggles and protective gear. They unhooked the payload bay with the nozzle on top and made their way to the second stage, carefully separating it from the bottom first stage. At least only half of the explosives would go off at once, if something went wrong. The two stages were separated with a large distance while the crew continued their work. The students paid full attention to their every move whilst jittering nervously in the background. For most of them this was their first meeting with real rocket fuel and the potential serious consequences of dealing with explosives like this. They were stoked and excited, and yet a tiny bit afraid in a communal way, this whole experience brought them together as a collective group and it brought Liz back to her early student days when she first joined the rocket club herself. It is something special to be working on something for two years, pour your soul and all your free time into it, and then have its whole faith be determined in a split second at a push of a red button. It was nerve wrecking and gut wrenching at the same time as being overwhelmingly exhilarating. She understood well why the students were standing glued to the pavement staring intently at the grass lawn.
The security personnel maneuvered carefully while their fingers separated electric wires from their connecting points, one by one. The quiet was electrifying and the adrenalin was buzzing in the air. Suddenly one of them held his index finger in the air, quietly asking the rest of the group to halt their movements. “I got something” he called out to the chief officer.
“This wire had disconnected. We can separate the igniter and reconnect the wire safely, before trying again.” Liz smiled to herself and recognized the typical failure occurring. Suddenly a spark shot up in her side view and she quickly twisted her head back toward the rocket. Her heart beat increased rapidly and she caught her breath. A bright flash followed loudly and the safety officers were blown backward onto the grass. “Everybody down” someone shouted and all the students, terrified looks in their faces, threw themselves to the asphalt.
Liz peered up despite the hurt in her neck from th
e strained maneuver. She heard sirens in the distant background and saw several campus personnel running in their direction. The security officers were lying still on the ground, so still that Liz got nervous. She saw blood trickle down the side of one of their faces and noticed a piece of torn plastic sticking out of his arm. Damn, the rocket tank exploded. The sirens grew louder and multiplied in numbers as both fire trucks and ambulances approached them in high speed. Emergency personnel ran out of the vehicles as soon as they had come to a somewhat safe stop, and approached the safety officers lying on the ground as fast as they could. All Liz could hear were several voices shouting orders in different directions while gurneys were brought out to the field. The students lay still and didn’t dare to move even an index finger while they watched the rescuers do their job efficiently.
Liz saw several bloody wounds on the men when the dispatchers lifted them onto the gurneys and brought them into the awaiting ambulances. She shivered. This was far more serious than any rocket launch she had witnessed before. Apparently something had gone awfully wrong with the propellant they had been told to use, as it managed to blow up the entire tank with such high pressure to blow all the pieces into the surrounding men. She had never seen anything like this before, it was frightening. There was orderly chaos in front of her, with emergency personnel running in all directions trying to work as fast as possible in collecting the wounded and transporting them safely away whilst still maintaining a safe distance to the remainders of the rocket engines. They seemed to have forgotten about the huge number of students lying flat with their faces buried in the asphalt, nervous and afraid with little to no information available. But finally one of the senior officers approached them and asked all the students to rise up. “There has been an accident, a very unfortunate incident. We are taking care of it and for the moment the best thing would be for all of you to leave the campus area. A bus will be set up at the gate to bring you to the city center. Some of the campus personnel will come with you and explain further what happened.” The students slowly dragged their feet in the direction he was pointing and walked toward the gate.
Courage to follow your heart Page 10