“Maybe we should try to grab some of the others and play some ball at the court? Or we can drive into town if you’d like?” Kris stroked her fingers up and down Liz’ spine, causing a tingle to develop for each stroke, spreading downwards, wading dangerous territory. Liz slid out of her embrace. “The playing ball idea sounds pretty great, let’s try that! But first, shower.” Liz maneuvered toward the bathroom, dancing flirtatiously on her way, enjoying the feel of Kris’ eyes fixated on her.
Chapter 18
“We now begin the formal examination period. You will have two days to finalize the exam tasks, and we strongly encourage you to spend these days wisely. Each one of you will be given tasks related to the specialization you have chosen. We recommend that you find other students who have chosen a similar specialization, and help each other complete the exam tasks. Please make best use of your time.” Dr. Hufgaart stood in front of them in a grey power suit with a dark blue shirt, and spoke in a stern voice while her eyes travelled the room to take in the summer dressed students. She saw to her content that the students seem to understand her message since they now nervously leaned in toward each other and whispered with worried looks in their eyes. She did not want to scare them, but she would like to see that they gave it their best instead of wandering around town or lying somewhere sunbathing, as some students were always prone to do. She put her hands in the pockets of her silk trousers and leaned on her hip. “Now we’ve prepared parallel exam sessions, where each of you can go to the room assigned to your selected summer study topic. Good luck!” She leaned back and watched the students pile out of the room slowly, hoping that she had prepared them well enough this year. It was always her goal that none of the students failed their exam, and that they could keep their good exam records.
Katie looked around her at the stressed students wandering off to each their corner of the grassy field. She spread out her towel and sat down in the afternoon sun, business topic book open in front of her. As she leaned over the first page and got her yellow marker ready to get down to work, she couldn’t help but notice her thoughts begin to wander off again, like they had been for every fifteen minutes today. I can’t study like this, I can’t even focus for five minutes! Katie was angry with herself. This was not the right time to be going through a personal crisis. But she couldn’t control it. Her mind was filled with him. And she knew she had to do something, or she would utterly fail this exam and this summer program, which had cost her a small fortune.
I’m in love with him. I can’t control it any longer. Katie thought of Bryan’s brown hair shifting in the wind, and that all she wanted to do was to stroke her hand through his short locks and ruffle them up. She wanted to pull him close and kiss him for as long as he would let her. But every time she thought about kissing Bryan, Roger’s face showed up in between of them, disrupting her flow of thoughts and causing her heart to ache with guilt. I can’t keep doing this. I have to break up with him, it’s the only fair thing to do, for all of us. Katie leaned her head down and looked at her fingers, trying to mull up the courage to pick up the phone.
Finally she shook her head and reached down into her pocket to pull up her cell phone. She quickly dialed the familiar number, afraid she would change her mind. The dial tone rang a few times, and she almost hung up, terrified of what would come and regretting the need to make this call. But just as she took the phone away from her ear, she heard a distant hello. “Roger? You there?” Katie swallowed heavily. “Sure, I’m here. What’s up?” Roger sounded distant, as if he was busy with something. “What are you doing?” Katie asked nervously, twirling her brown hair between her fingers. “Just having breakfast, is all. Did you want something?” Roger answered briefly, obviously eager to get off the phone and continue his daily business. “Actually yes. I think we need to talk. Do you have a minute?” Katie almost stuttered, but forced herself to stay calm.
◆◆◆
Kris settled down next to Liz on the green lawn. It was lunchtime. She was very happy Liz had suggested they have an outdoor picnic lunch together, away from the rest. She could hear the happy laughter and chatting of the others far away, but right here and now the two of them were completely alone, and the feeling was amazing. Kris leaned across and grasped Liz behind her neck. She pulled them together and kissed her long and fiercely. “I’m very happy you suggested we have lunch like this today. It’s perfect!” Kris grinned widely at Liz before leaning back into her seat and looking over at the picnic basket. Liz smiled in return before settling back on the blanket as well. Kris grabbed the loaf of bread and broke off a piece for herself. She pulled out the butter and stuck the knife into it, to begin making her spread. Liz meanwhile pulled up the juice cartoon and twisted the cap before setting two plastic cups down on the rug to fill them up.
The two of them ate in silence, just enjoying the peaceful scenery ahead of them, a horizon of quiet with only birds chirping on and off. It was a rare moment during the summer program, to have a whole grass lawn to themselves and to experience such a quiet moment with nature. They both relished in the rarity and beauty of it.
After the food was pretty much gone and both of them were completely full, Kris leaned back while taking a long sip of her juice cup. “Can I ask you something?” she peered over at Liz, who nodded smilingly in return. “Why did you cry when we were at the pier in San Francisco for 4th of July? Was it because that Julia girl was there with me? I’m so sorry about that by the way, she wouldn’t let me be. I didn’t want her to be there with me, I wanted you.” Kris looked tensely over at Liz, regret visible in her eyes. Liz felt her heart ache and she grasped Kris’ chin tenderly while looking deep into her eyes. “Thank you” she whispered before leaning in and kissing her slowly.
As Liz leaned back again she found Kris still looking curiously at her. “No, that wasn’t why I was crying. Although it hurt like hell to watch that girl possessively hold you like that.” Liz’ lips tightened to a sharp line. Her gaze wandered far off the horizon. “No, it was because of the memory of my first love. It reminded me of how painful it is to let someone into your heart.” Liz peered over at Kris, finding her attention still fixated toward her. Liz continued. “I discovered I was gay due to a bet actually.” Kris raised her eyebrows and twisted her head directly toward Liz. “I know, it sounds really stupid. But one of my friends dared me to walk over to a strange girl and kiss her, after we had been drinking a bit. And I just did it, suddenly very courageous for some odd reason. I guess the alcohol played its part. Anyway, the kiss opened up my mind, in a way I really hadn’t expected. It really sounds cheesy, but it was as if a lightbulb turned on over my mind, and suddenly I saw the world in a new light. Anyway, that was the beginning of a very crazy set of weeks, during which I was also simultaneously graduating from university. Everything in my life was changing all at once, and my brain was overwhelmed. But she made it all worth it, I thought. I was walking around every day smiling from head to toe, thoroughly enjoying life and thinking it would never be better.” Liz peered over at Kris, afraid she was revealing too much. But Kris merely sat there, patiently listening.
“As the weeks passed, my heart fell more and more in love with her. And one night we were in bed, making love as usual, I remember I stared up into her eyes and decided to tell her how much I had fallen in love with her. That’s when she broke my heart into pieces.” Liz looked down at the blanket before taking a sip of her juice. Kris gently stroked her arm, trying to comfort her as best as she could, knowing Liz simply had to endure telling this story, it was part of who she was.
“Just as I was opening up my inner feelings to her, she stopped me and looked angrily down at me. She told me that I shouldn’t develop such feelings for her, that we were only having a fling, and that I was just coming out and needed to discover all these feelings. But that she would not be the one to discover them with me, that she was merely enjoying the ride for a while.” Liz paused while collecting herself. “I remember the shock hurt the most. I r
emember begging her not to say it, to let herself feel as much as I was. But she was fiercely determined. We were only having a lengthy one-night stand, that was all. It would never be anything more than sex between us. I felt my whole body fall apart. I had never felt something so real before, and I was sure she was the one. It hurt so tremendously much that she dismissed me so easily. I couldn’t understand it.” Liz trembled and Kris pulled her tightly into her embrace. “Well, anyway, that was why I was crying. It was a tough lesson to learn, one I wasn’t ready for at the time. But now, looking back, I know it was for the best, and she was merely doing me a favor, however brutal it was. She wasn’t the right one for me, she was just the first one. And for that she will always hold a special place in my heart, unfortunately. I can’t completely shake her, but at least I can recognize her place, and that she only holds a tiny piece of me, a piece which belongs to my past.” Liz grasped Kris and pulled them tighter together. “I’m so happy to be here with you. This is right. It feels really right, it feels good. I’m happy now, truly happy.” Liz placed both her hands on Kris chins and pulled them closely for a tender kiss.
◆◆◆
Katie exhaled deeply. It was over with. She didn’t know quite how she felt yet. She was trembling lightly, but it was mostly from the heavy conversation she had just endured. It had lasted a full thirty minutes, but at least it was over now. He hadn’t really been very understanding, but she had a feeling he still knew it was for the best. At least he had seemed to quickly recover during their conversation. It even almost sounded as if he was happy with the decision. She knew she felt better for it, even if it hurt to have done it. But her heart had already moved on, so it was mostly a formality at this point. But… they had been together for a very long time, and he had been her best friend for some of those years, so it still hurt to end it like this. Katie leaned back on her arms and felt the straws of grass tickle her between her fingers. She stared up at the afternoon blue sky and let her mind pause for a minute. Am I okay with this? She let herself just feel for a while. Tears began streaming down her cheeks and she hugged herself tightly. She shook quietly while the tears of yesterday’s memories flowed through her. It hurt to close the door. But she knew deep inside that it meant another door would open. And that ultimately it was for the best, even if it hurt right here and now. She knew it was mostly the memories which hurt. And that was good, that meant they had lived life together, and their feelings had been genuin. Her heart had broken, but she already felt the warm sunlight and the vision of Bryan pull the pieces slowly together again. She knew deep inside that he would mend her completely. Just the brief thought of him made her chest swell with happiness and butterflies. He’s my future.
◆◆◆
Liz and Katie sat with the Italian students while eating their hamburgers for dinner. It was an especially warm late afternoon and they hoped for a breeze of a wind while they sat by the table in their spaghetti tops and thigh-high shorts. They were discussing the business class exam assignment. By tomorrow they had to generate a business plan for a new space business, which had to return a profit in only three years, so their stress level was a little bit high. The group argued back and forth on which product idea would be the better one to push forward as part of the business plan. They all understood that they would have to pull an all-nighter to complete the assignment in time to present it to the invited guest venture capitalists whom would show up tomorrow morning at nine, as part of the examination process. But somehow this kind of stress also gave an incredible high, and Liz could feel her adrenalin surging through her blood while they discussed fiercely the positives and negatives to each technology they were reviewing.
Suddenly Liz noticed a shadow to her right and she put her hand above her eyes to shield against the setting sun while she looked upwards at the person standing beside her. Marcus stuttered while hesitantly asking her, “would you perhaps like to work on the exam task together tomorrow afternoon?”. He fidgeted with something in his pocket and avoided eye contact with her while nervously moving about in one place. Liz appraised her shy neighbor with slight amusement, it certainly took courage to walk up to her in the midst of a group like this and ask such a thing. She wasn’t entirely sure how to handle this the right way. He looked hopeful and his eyes bore a youthful eagerness she couldn’t remember having seen since they were in high school.
Liz noticed a pair of eyes on her and glanced quickly in their direction. Kris raised her eyebrow while questioningly looking over at Liz and the guy standing next to her nervously moving about while he apparently was asking her something. Liz just shook her head slightly and smiled back at Kris, trying to show her that it was nothing to worry about. Kris returned the smile and refocused her attention to her own table’s conversation. Liz looked back up at Marcus. “We have already set up a study group for tomorrow afternoon, with Felicia and Bryan and Erik, but you are very welcome to join us. We’ll just meet on the grass next to the faculty building. Everyone brings one piece of snack and their own drinks, and then we work throughout the evening. Please feel free to join us.” She smiled politely up at him trying to calm his nerves a little bit, but holding back, afraid to give the wrong impression. Marcus nodded, seemingly having lost his ability to speak, and turned abruptly on his heel while he sped in the opposite direction.
“Poor guy” Felicia noted when she joined the group from the other side. “What did he want?”
Katie responded evenly, “he seems to have a super crush on Liz here, so he was asking her if they could ‘study’ together on the exam tomorrow evening” Katie air quoted while speaking the words. “She invited him to join us instead, so let’s see if he shows tomorrow or not…” Katie shrugged before turning her attention to Liz. “Do you like him Liz?” she stared straight at Liz. Liz blushed and looked down. She still hadn’t come out to her summer friends, and she was unsure what would be the best way of doing it. All she really wanted was to walk straight up to Kris and kiss her openly in front of everyone. But this was space industry people, and she was not really sure if she would be working with some of them in the future. She had been told the space community was very small and that most likely the majority of the people she met here this summer would end up working in the same industry and be part of her future professional network. In that sense she was unsure if her orientation could possibly harm her career or not. She had noticed the same hesitation in Kris while she had been acting in groups all summer when the topic of love interests or anything on that personal note came up. They both just avoided the topic. “He’s not really my type. I just invited him cause I see he’s a bit lonely and I didn’t want to hurt him.”
Katie’s eyes lingered on hers for a few seconds, a secret inquiry on whether there was more to it visible in her expression, but Felicia accepted the reasoning and asked instead: “What business plan topic did you guys get for tomorrow? I cannot believe they expect us to work all night on this. I know it’s the exam, but still, this is crazy!” Felicia sighed loudly while she threw her hands frustratingly in the air, her curls shaking from side to side.
Liz decided to bring them all over to more pleasant topics. “You’re ready for skydiving this weekend? I think we need to shake off some of these exam nerves, right?” Bryan slipped next to them and padded Liz gently on her shoulder in agreement, stating his excitement over their plans for the weekend. “It should be really cool, I can’t wait!”.
“But first we have the barbeque tomorrow night, to celebrate the end of our exams” Liz grinned and looked around at the group. “Yeah, really looking forward to it!” Erik exclaimed. “Should we find a place where we can sit together, maybe a grassy field so we can play some games, throw a ball maybe?” Bryan nodded in agreement. “Sure, sounds like a good plan!”
Kris had snuck up to the group without Liz noticing. Liz swallowed short her surprised gasp at hearing the incredibly sexy low key voice murmur, “that actually sounds amazing, mind if I join ya?” Katie looked briefly over a
t Liz with a curious look before she grasped Kris’ shoulder and padded it lightly, “of course not, the more the merrier. I hope we can get even more people to join us!” Kris darted her eyes for a split second toward Liz before she averted them again, but no faster than that Liz caught her look and saw the flirtatious sparkle in them. She instantly felt her entire body tingle and fire racing across her skin. Liz blushed abruptly and looked down while nervously putting her hands in the pockets of her tight shorts, barely fitting her hands halfway down.
Kris noticed the nervous gesture, she’s so incredibly cute! Kris let her eyes graze down Liz’ figure, travelling slowly downwards while caressing every inch of her with a lingering gaze. Kris’ lips curled up while enjoying the sight, and she threw Liz a smoldering look. Liz felt the look pierce through her and her entire skin prickled in excitement. She grabbed hold of the table next to her hip feeling her legs weaken and slightly tremble. Kris smirked noticing the effect she had on Liz. She grinned widely.
Katie caught the brief exchange of heated looks passing between Kris and Liz, and felt herself blush from the obvious strong attraction she witnessed. She mentally noted down she should ask Liz more about it later when they were alone, and returned her attention to the guys while they continued to plan the upcoming exam celebration.
Chapter 19
Liz yawned and stretched her arms high above her shoulders wiggling her back free from some of the tension it had built up during the last couple of hours. She saw her yawn spread across the room as the other students one by one succumbed to their tiredness and blinked their eyes. The clock on the wall read 03:15 am.
Jeff was arguing with Patricia, or Patty as they had come to call her, about the design of their new product. Liz recognized the discussion as a never ending one, where personal opinions would butt heads until dawn arose. She decided to use her appointed group leader authority and provide the group with a few hours of much needed sleep. “Hey guys, how about we just come to a reasonable agreement on this? Time is passing and we don’t seem to be getting anywhere. I suggest we use Jeff’s plans for production, and we go with your front-end design suggestion Patty. Let’s quickly sketch it up and head over to the dorms for a few hours of sleep. Then we can reconvene here at 7am for a coffee and some last minute prepping before our pitch to the VCs.”
Courage to follow your heart Page 16