“What are you grinning about?”
“You.” He tapped the schedule and grinned at my mother. “Jessie’s giving a talk with Maxine Carlisle this afternoon.”
“The Sex Scene Sourcebook lady?” Mother clapped in glee, and Wilson read the title.
“Sex Scenes 101: From Fizzling to Sizzling.”
Mother giggled. “Doesn’t that sound fascinating?”
***
Wilson set my Cupid next to the TV in our room. “At least I know where you get it from,” he said.
“Get what from?”
“This insane need to sleuth.” He emphasized that last word. “Like mother, like daughter.”
“Mother will be very helpful,” I said indignantly. “And we know she’ll be discreet.”
I walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth, Wilson followed me, and I handed him the toothpaste.
“How about Geez Louise?” he asked. “What possessed you to talk to her, Jessie?”
“I had to let her in. She was out in the hallway screaming my name.”
He frowned. “Real discreet.”
“Louise does have a big mouth,” I said as I finished rinsing. “But she also sincerely cares about her clients. There was no way we could keep her off the team.”
“I know I’ll regret this,” Wilson said. “But what team?”
“Our sleuthing team of course. Aren’t you glad we’ve made you captain?”
He groaned at his reflection and left me to freshen my lipstick for my seminar appearance. When I stepped out of the bathroom, he was using a few tissues to pick up our box of candy.
“Probably has fingerprints from everyone and his brother, but it pays to be careful.” He set the chocolates in the dresser and pointed to me. “No touching. And definitely no eating.”
“I can’t touch the candy, I can’t touch the Cupid. Luckily, I’ll be far too busy this afternoon to worry about either.” I grabbed my seminar notes and smirked. “Prepare to be fascinated.”
Chapter 15
“Where have you been?” Maxine Carlisle asked as I approached the front of the room. “Everyone missed you at lunch.”
I pushed aside the water pitcher and glasses on the table and handed her one of the bottles of water I was carrying. “I was hiding in my room,” I told her. “I’m upset about Penelope.”
“You and everyone else.” Maxine reported that the dining room had been abuzz with rumors. “The Glee Club kept flitting around, telling everyone to stay calm.”
“One assumes that didn’t work?”
“Heck no. Although most of us did manage to eat something.” She patted her ample tummy. “Do you really think she was poisoned?” Maxine’s focus dropped to the water I’d given her, and then out toward Wilson.
He’d taken up position at the back of the room. He wore no sunglasses, but otherwise was doing a fine impersonation of a Secret Service Agent, standing stock still, arms folded, and seemingly watching nothing in particular. Needless to say, he “blended in” not at all, and every woman who entered the room did a double take before sitting down.
“What’s he doing back there?” Maxine asked me.
“He wants to learn about sex.”
She grinned. “He looks like he knows enough already.”
I fluttered my eyelashes, all discreet-like, and began sorting through the handouts I’d prepared. I was responsible for the Fizzling portion of the program—a compilation of Adelé Nightingale’s earliest sex scenes. I’m happy to report I’ve gotten far better at it, but once upon a time, I was a novice.
I handed Maxine a copy of “Fizzling: Sex Scenes that Flounder and Flop,” and she scanned the pages. “It’s generous of you to show your weakest work,” she said.
I shrugged and reminded her everyone has to start somewhere. “Our before and after approach should be quite effective.”
I skimmed the contents of Maxine’s handout, “Sizzling: Sex Scenes that Sparkle and Seduce” and was surprised to see all six of her examples were also from Adelé Nightingale’s books. “Maxine,” I scolded. “I thought we agreed you’d present a variety of authors for your half of the lesson.”
“No need. Your last six books gave me plenty of variety. Plenty!” she sang.
“But,” I protested.
Okay, so my protest was a bit on the mild side, and Maxine suggested I dispense with the false modesty. “I compiled the best examples I could find,” she said. “I can’t help it if no one else is as good at it as you.”
I asked if she’d been talking to my mother, and she leaned over and pointed to the climactic scene from Seduction in the Shadows.
“I’m saving that haystack scene for last,” she said. “Willow LaSwann and Kipp Jupiter gave new meaning to the phrase ‘a roll in the hay.’”
I reread the passage. Dare I say, my first attempt at a western setting had been rather brilliant?
I looked up. “Do you happen to know anything about libido in the desert?”
“Your current book? Who was telling me about that?”
I had no idea but informed my colleague that Shimmering Silk was set in the Sahara. “I’m wondering if Conrad Montjoy is up to wooing Slipper Vervette in all that heat?”
“Hello?” Maxine shook her head at me. “Since when have any of your characters had trouble feeling frisky?” She again pointed to her handout and suggested I think back to A Deluge of Desire. “Devon Larkin and Chance Gable managed to muster up more than enough libido, and they were smack in the middle of Misty Springs Swamp. Snakes, slime, mud, moss—”
I tuned out whatever Maxine was saying as Charm Willowby entered the room. Like everyone else, she did a double take when she saw Wilson. In fact, she stood still and watched him for a full minute before finding a seat. Roslynn Mayweather arrived soon after, did the standard double take, and took the chair next to Charm.
I returned to Maxine and oh so casually asked how the emcee for the induction ceremony had been chosen. “To be honest, I expected you to have that honor.”
“To be honest, so did I.” She leaned in to whisper. “Scuttlebutt has it Roaring Tori pulled some strings to get Charm any role at all this year.”
“Oh?”
Maxine tilted her head in Charm’s direction. “Her writing career is all but over. I know you’re too polite and professional to do so, but you could have used any number of scenes from her latest books for your Fizzling examples.” I cringed, and Maxine continued, “Charm wasn’t asked to teach any of the seminars.”
I had noticed. And that truly was a slight. Hall of Famers are always invited to be part of the Happily Ever After faculty, especially in Hall of Fame years.
“Let’s hope she gets something out of our class,” Maxine kept whispering. “God knows her writing could use a jolt.”
***
Hatsy Glee rushed in, tapping her watch. “Two o’clock! Two o’clock!” She addressed the audience. “May I have your attention, please?”
The crowd was its usual boisterous self, but Hatsy was used to handling pink people. She quieted everyone down and introduced the seminar. She lavished well-earned praise on Maxine Carlisle, “the first and only person to enter the Romance Writers Hall of Fame for her groundbreaking work in nonfiction!”
The crowd applauded, and Hatsy extended a hand in my direction. “I also give you Adelé Nightingale, our newest member of the Hall of Fame.”
Charm Willowby’s hand shot up. “Not yet!”
I could see the blood drain from Hatsy’s face, and I assumed my own looked about the same. But professional that I am, I adopted a fake smile, and waited for it. And sure enough, Charm reminded everyone I had not been officially inducted that morning.
The audience hummed and buzzed, but good old Charm focused on yours truly. “I do hope you haven’t touched your Cupid, Adelé.” She grinned. “Beware the Cupid curse.”
Ho hum.
I registered the smoke emerging from my husband’s ears and suggested we get the show on the ro
ad.
***
“Class is over, ladies.” Wilson approached the front of the room, and the few remaining stragglers departed.
Maxine and I began sorting through our teaching materials. “They are allowed to talk to us,” I told him.
“They’re not allowed to harass you.”
“Okay fine, but they might have had some legitimate questions about sex scenes.”
“Ahem.” Maxine spoke loudly, and we looked up. “What’s going on?” she asked.
“We’re bickering.” I tilted my head. “You met Wilson last night.”
“How could I forget?”
He grinned at her and pointed to the white board we’d been using. “Thanks for the education.”
Maxine pursed her lips. “You’re avoiding my question, sir. What was that cop doing here?”
Indeed, Jo Keegan had visited our seminar. Or more accurately, she slipped in to talk to Wilson while I was busy explaining why Adelé’s earliest sex scenes had fizzled so fast. I’d been preoccupied, but clearly Maxine had paid attention.
“What did Chief Keegan want?” she asked Wilson.
“A copy of your Sizzling worksheet, so I gave her mine. May I?” He reached down and took another handout from Maxine’s stack of leftovers.
“You’re not fooling me,” she said. “I saw you two exchanging notes.”
I squinted. “Did Jo give you something?” I asked, but of course he ignored my question. I snarled slightly and addressed Maxine. “Whenever he doesn’t want to answer a question, he ignores it. He is so annoying.”
“He is so cute.” She sighed dramatically. “I suppose I’ll just have to buy another dozen raffle tickets to get my answers.”
“Excuse me?” I asked, and Maxine informed me that she and Mia Madison were in a competition to see who could buy the most Paramour tickets.
“I intend to win that little contest, and I intend to win the grand prize.” She winked at Wilson. “And then you, sir, will have no choice but to answer my questions.” She pointed to her handout. “I have ways of making men talk.”
Chapter 16
“No!” Wilson pressed the button for the elevator, and we stepped in. “End of discussion.”
I waited until the doors closed and then asked why he suddenly had final say on everything. “How many times do I have to tell you? I don’t like being bossed around.”
“How many times do I have to tell you? I like keeping you alive.”
Yadda, yadda, yadda. We continued bickering all the way up to the fourth floor, while we wandered the hallways, and as we reached our room.
“We can eavesdrop among the crowd,” I said as he waved me into 422. “We can pick up on things.”
“What things?”
“If I knew that, we wouldn’t have to eavesdrop.”
“No.”
“We’ll invite Mother to join us and order a bottle of Korbel. I’m sure the bartender will let you pop the cork yourself.”
“People won’t think that’s a little heartless?” he asked.
I promised him the Happily Ever After crowd was fully cognizant of my beverage of choice. “We’ll say I’m upset and need some bubbly—which is no lie. And then we’ll discuss Mother’s findings.”
“Yeah, and if we’re lucky, the killer will overhear us while they’re slipping poison into your glass.”
Okay, so I gave up on Happily Ever After happy hour. I plopped onto the couch and Wilson took a seat beside me. And despite my irritation, I decided to snuggle back.
“Will you at least tell me what Jo Keegan had to say? She returned to the scene of the crime for some good reason, no?”
“No. She complained about poking around all afternoon at this stupid—her word—conference and getting nothing.”
“She got Maxine’s handout,” I said. He squeezed me a little tighter, but I pulled away and sat up. “And in exchange you got the lists of pen names versus real names.” I reached out a hand. “Let’s see.”
“How do you know that’s what she gave me?”
I reminded him of my stellar intuition and pointed to his breast pocket. “Let me see.”
“No.”
“What do you mean, no?”
He held a hand over his pocket to ward me off. “I mean, I want to check on a few things before discussing them with you.”
“You mean, you want Russell Densmore to check on a few things.”
“Guilty as charged.”
I huffed and puffed, but believe it or not, I didn’t argue.
Not only is Lieutenant Russell Densmore a close friend, he’s Captain Wilson Rye’s right-hand man on the Clarence police force. While Wilson excels at crime scene investigation and interrogating suspects, Russell excels at behind the scenes research. Armed with 3P’s and Double D’s list of authors, there was no telling what Russell Densmore might uncover.
“Did you notice something worthy of Russell’s attention?” I asked.
“Yep. You willing to wait until I talk to him?”
I shook my head. “Who are you trying to fool, Wilson Rye? You’ve already talked to him.”
“How do you know that?”
“Intuition, deductive reasoning, sheer genius.” I summarized what we both already knew—Wilson had called Russell with the news of Penelope’s death when he was out getting lunch. And he planned to call him again with information from those lists of names when he went out to fetch dinner.
“You’re no dummy,” I said. “Why wouldn’t you want the amazing Russell Densmore on your sleuthing team?”
“I hate that phrase.”
I patted his chest and got comfortable again. “As long as I get pizza and champagne to tide me over, I suppose I can wait for Russell to do that magic he does. I’ll be my normal, reasonable, and patient self.”
“There’s a first time for everything. Pepperoni?”
Someone knocked. And before I could even think to react, Wilson was on his feet, gun in hand.
“What?” I hissed and also stood up. “I cannot believe you’re carrying that.”
“I can’t believe you can’t believe it.” He stepped toward the door. “Who’s there?” he demanded.
“It’s Tessie. May I come in?”
I folded my arms and glared, but he still refused to lose the stupid gun. “She might not be alone,” he said.
“Yes, and you might be paranoid.” I shoved him aside and opened the door.
***
“What have I missed?” Mother stopped short when she saw Wilson putting his stupid gun into a dresser drawer.
“Don’t ask,” I told her.
“I don’t have to. We can’t be too careful right now, can we?”
Wilson gave me an I-told-you-so look, and I settled my mother into the easy chair.
“Isn’t this a lovely room?” she said as she glanced around.
“It makes for a very comfortable jail cell,” I agreed and glared again at my jailer.
Mother studied us. “You’ve been quarreling.”
“She’s pouting because I won’t let her go to happy hour,” Wilson said.
“I do not like being bossed around.”
“Do you like being alive?” She spoke to Wilson. “I think Jessie would enjoy pizza tonight, don’t you? With pepperoni. She deserves a treat.”
Wilson scowled. “How do you do that?”
Mother suggested he pick up a cold bottle of Korbel while he was at it, and the poor guy shook his head.
“Care to join us, Tessie?”
She thanked him for his kind offer but said she was meeting Geez Louise for dinner downstairs. “You and Jessie can’t eat with the rest of the group, but Louise and I certainly can. We’ll be your eyes and ears.”
Wilson groaned.
“Since we’re part of your sleuthing team,” Mother clarified in case he hadn’t quite caught on. “Now then, what all did you learn this afternoon?”
“I learned how to turn fizzling sex into sizzling sex.”
“Wilson talked to Jo Keegan,” I said and made a point of staring at his shirt pocket.
“Chief Keegan stopped by Gavin’s seminar also,” Mother said. “She didn’t stay but a minute, though. How does she expect to get any sleuthing done that quickly?”
My husband didn’t attempt to answer but instead asked me about Maxine Carlisle. “I saw you two whispering before class,” he said. “She have anything interesting to say? Other than the Sizzling stuff?”
I shrugged. “Catty though it may sound, we discussed Charm Willowby’s fading career.”
“Talk about catty.” Wilson told Mother the string of rude remarks Charm had made regarding my Fizzling examples. “Jessie’s brave enough to put her early stuff out there for all to see, and Charm point-blank said it was garbage.”
“It was garbage,” I argued. “That was the whole point. Maxine and I were demonstrating how a poorly written sex scene can be improved.”
“Okay, but she sure shut up fast enough when it was Maxine’s turn.” He again turned to my mother. “Charm had nothing to say about Jessie’s—I mean, Adelé’s—best sex scenes.”
Mother, who is one of Adelé’s biggest fans, asked which particular scenes Maxine had used, and Wilson showed her his Sizzling handout.
“Oh, my!” she said as she skimmed the silly thing. “This is the best of the best, isn’t it? The swamp scene from Deluge of Desire, Sarina Bliss and Trey Barineau in the lavender fields of An Everlasting Encounter, Delta Touchette and Skylar Staggs at the Cradle Volcano in My South Pacific Paramour.” She stopped to fan herself, and Wilson took over.
“Don’t forget Alexis Wynsome and Rolfe Vanderhorn on top of that white horse in Temptation at Twilight.” He tapped the sheet. “Or my personal favorite, the haystack scene from Seduction in the Shadows.”
Mother giggled. “Willow LaSwann and Kipp Jupiter gave new meaning to the phrase ‘a roll in the hay,’ didn’t they?”
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