And I was on the edge of just not giving a damn anymore.
Chapter Nine
Jacob
I read Maria’s reply to my email and sighed to myself. I knew that it was not going to be well-received the moment I sent the invitation to her, but there was no harm in it as far as I could tell. And she hadn’t responded with anger or any hostility as far as I could tell. I took that as a great sign. I was working on her. The more familiar she became with me and with the idea that we could really just give in to our desires and do this thing, the closer it came to being.
She was so cute. I hated to see her stressing about this so much. I knew that she never imagined that she’d meet someone she clicked with as much as she clicked with me right from the get go when she started her new job, and the stress of this and what it could mean was tough to stand under, but I believed that sometimes rules are meant to be broken. There is a time and a place for following rules, but when they begin to interfere with real life and real people’s feelings and dreams, then those rules are no longer worth following.
I slumped back in my couch and looked up at the television. I was watching a football game and wishing that I was able to be playing. It had only been a few days and I was going nuts. I had been to every single practice to watch and give moral support to my team, to stay up on all the plays, and to just make my presence known, but watching everyone else playing was so tough. I felt like throwing caution to the wind and running out there to play amongst them, injured or not.
But the coach had my file that he’d received from Maria and the diagnosis. There was no way he was going to let me play. I was too valuable to the team to risk it. Maria was doing a good job of making sure I healed. She was also doing a good job of avoiding me, too.
I took a drink of my beer and tried to get into the game. I had been really depressed the past day or so, which was odd for me since I’m usually such an upbeat person. I hated this, just sitting around doing the mundane things. So much of my identity and self-esteem was tied to football. I was an athlete. If I wasn’t pursuing athletic endeavors, then I wasn’t really living as far as I was concerned. I just had to keep reminding myself that it was only a week.
And I couldn’t stop thinking about Maria. I’d tried to throw myself into schoolwork and take up a few hobbies—anything to keep my mind occupied. But I kept picturing her, thinking about her, and I could not keep my eyes off her when I saw her around the field house. She was the most stunning beauty I’d ever seen. I wanted her so badly. And when she looked at me I could see that same want reflected in her eyes.
I had masturbated to that fantasy, to that dream I’d had the other night repeatedly. The dream had been the most intensely erotic dream I’d ever had and every night when I went to sleep I hoped to have it again. But so far, I was only experiencing it during my waking hours. It was so real. I stayed awake pacing the floor for several hours the other night after I awoke from it. I was on edge, my whole body vibrating and sweating like crazy. I felt like I was losing my mind to not have the woman that I now knew I was meant to be with.
That idea had come into my head so clearly, so concise, without any trepidation at all. There was no hesitation—I knew that I was meant to be with Maria. I had never felt that way about any woman in my entire life, and I’d been with a lot of women the past few years. I couldn’t hardly think straight anymore about anything else. I’d never believed in any of that sappy love at first sight junk, but now I was a believer because I saw it happening right in front of me. I was captivated by this woman in every possible way.
But I had to keep my head on straight. I didn’t want to overplay my hand and come on too strong or overzealous; that would have the opposite effect. So, I’d let my intentions be known to Maria. Now I needed to pull back the reins a bit and just coast for a little while. I would speak to her casually when I saw her, and I would allow the connection between our eyes to flourish and foster the lust building between us. But I would have to stop everything else. I would not hint at wanting to take her out, or shamelessly flirt with her anymore. I would leave her guessing a bit. I hoped that she would miss it. If she cared about me as much as I cared about her, she would. Absolutely.
If this was truly meant to be then it would happen organically without any outside interference between the two of us. I knew this and while it was hard to accept, I really didn’t have a choice in the matter. That was the natural course of things, and I knew right then and there that it was time to get out of the way and allow nature to do its job.
I was just getting into the ballgame and was almost done feeling sorry for myself for five minutes when the knock at the door came. I groaned. I was not expecting company and I didn’t want to be around anyone right now.
I opened the door. I wished I hadn’t. Irene was standing there. Her face was soft and sweet looking, as if she was almost embarrassed to be there. After the way she’d behaved the last time I saw her, she should have been embarrassed. Ashamed was more like it. She was a devil. Underneath that sweet, calm, demeanor and beautiful smile was the heart of an evil devil. I had seen it and I would never trust her again in any way. She had no business being here. I’d made it very clear that I had in fact cut her out of my life.
“Hey,” she said. Her voice was meek and sweet, complete with a fake, charming smile that I had come to know and could now spot a mile away.
“What are you doing here?” I asked coldly. I was in no mood.
“Um, can we talk?” She asked.
“We have nothing to talk about. Please leave.”
“Please… just five minutes. I need to explain some things.”
I sighed. “I have nothing to really say to you. I don’t get why you won’t leave me alone. We are over. There is nothing else to say.”
“Please…?” She asked. Irene rolled her pretty eyes up at me and for a moment she looked like what the ten-year-old Irene might have looked like asking for something from her parents. The innocence was there, before whatever had happened to her to turn her into this twisted little she-demon.
I knew it was a mistake, but my heart is too big for my own good sometimes. “Ok. Three minutes. Make it fast.”
She smiled and walked into my dorm room behind me. I felt weird having her in my place, but I discreetly turned the recording feature on my phone which was in my pocket. There was no way she was going to make up some evil lie on me here. I had to protect myself. I didn’t trust Irene in any way and in fact, as I stood there in front of her, I had to wonder what in the hell I was doing. I should have just told her to leave and slammed the door in her face. Hell, I should have called the Resident Advisor and had her forcibly removed if necessary. We would call in security. The girl was unstable on a good day.
“I just wanted to apologize,” Irene said. “This is all my fault. I realize that now. I need some counseling. I have serious trust issues.”
“I know all of this. But that doesn’t change the history with you and I.”
“Well, I am seeing a therapist to work on my anger issues, and I am starting to see some progress already. She has helped me see that I have serious trust issues since my father walked out on me when I was ten years old.”
“I’m glad you are getting some help and I hope all that works out for you, but there is no hope for you and I again. I hope you don’t have that idea in your head. That ship has sailed.”
“Well, I was hoping we could take things slow and just start with talking, start out as friends. I know I’ve done and said some really unforgivable things, but we have too much history and too much love for each other to just throw all of that away, Jacob.”
“No. We don’t. There will never be us again. We are over. I’m sorry. But I’ve moved on in my life.”
“Moved on? You are dating?” Irene asked. Her eyes narrowed slightly and I could tell by her tone of voice that anger was lying underneath it. Yep, she was going to blow soon if she didn’t hear what she came to hear.
“It�
�s none of your business,” I said. “You and I are through. You need to come to terms with that. We will never be together again. But I wish you all the best of luck in the future.”
“You need to think this through,” Irene said. “We are obviously perfect for each other. No one is ever going to love you the way that I love you. Surely, you know that. You can sense it and feel it, as I do.”
I shook my head. “That isn’t your concern anymore, what happens with me and who loves me. I’m moving on. We are done. Irene, I can’t possibly make it any clearer, but you and I are not happening. I wish you all the best, though. I really do.”
Irene ran a hand through her hair. “You need to give me another chance. What can I do to prove to you that I am changing? We can still make this work.”
Nothing I was saying was getting through to her. Wow, she could be dense sometimes. “Irene, there is nothing for us. I don’t want this relationship. We are not a good fit. You need to respect my feelings on this. What we had was toxic.”
Irene glared at me. “Toxic? Well, it wouldn’t have been so toxic if I could have trusted you an inch. Do you have any idea what it’s like wondering if your significant other is laid up under some other girl every single second of the day? That is enough to drive anyone crazy.”
“What are you talking about? I never gave you any reason to not trust me—ever.”
She scoffed. “You bastard. Still the same old Jacob. I thought I would come here and give you a chance to redeem yourself. I’m trying to change, but looks like you never will. You are throwing away the best thing that has ever happened to you and that will ever be in your life. You are even more stupid than I thought. How dare you treat me this way! You are just going to cast me aside like I don’t matter? Do you have any idea who I am? The kind of enemy you are making? Well, I’ll tell you what—payback is a bitch. And I’m the worst kind of bitch. You are going to rue the day you decided to fuck me over and toss me out.”
I opened the door. “Irene, leave now.” My voice was calm and stern. I was not going to be riled up into some stupid argument with this woman. She was out of her mind.
Irene glared at me for several seconds before walking towards the door. “You bastard. You are going to pay like you never dreamed for this.”
I shut the door behind her and locked it, thankful for the new locks that had been installed. It had been stupid to even let that woman in my room, but it was over now. I felt my heart racing a bit. She had a way of stirring up the worst kind of anger in me. It was the kind of anger that bordered on rage and I didn’t like myself when I felt that way. I didn’t like the thoughts and impulses that went through my head when that happened.
I paced back and forth a few minutes to calm myself down and clear my head. It was something that I’d always done since I was really young when I was stressed about something, and after a few minutes I was calmed down enough to relax back into my football game and lounging about. I had studying I should have been doing, but with everything else going on, my brain was just not ready for the books. I wouldn’t have been able to focus anyway. Hell, I could barely focus on the game on television.
I was annoyed by Irene. Why wouldn’t she just give up already? I didn’t understand that woman and I wasn’t sure that any amount of trying would change that on my part. I wondered if she was really getting help as she claimed. She desperately needed it. But I doubted that she was really seeking any treatment. Narcissists like her never see anything wrong with themselves.
They are crazy psychos. She was one of them. The fact that I’d stayed with her as long as I had given me the creeps. I should have seen the warning signs so much sooner.
As I got back into the game, I had an incredible urge to email Maria. Or better yet, to go see her. She might still be at her office, or she might have gone home. I didn’t know where she lived, but it wouldn’t have been hard to find out. Although, that would have been very creepy on my part. I decided not to play that hand.
I sighed heavily as I relaxed back into the chair. It was odd. I felt such a longing for Maria, as if we’d been together for a long time and were now being forced to take time apart, when we’d never actually been together. I felt closer to her already than I’d ever really felt with Irene. This was different. Was this what actual love felt like? Was it possible to love someone you didn’t really know that well? Love at first sight—was it an actual thing?
All of these thoughts were clanging around inside my head and I just wished that I could silence them for a while. It made my head hurt, but it made my heart hurt worse. I picked up my phone and brought up the email app. I wanted to write out an email and declare how much I wanted Maria, to let her know exactly how I felt. I had made my interest known, but how was Maria to know that this was much more than just an attraction? And did I want her to know it at this stage?
I finished watching the game and went to bed feeling more depressed than I had ever really felt. The scene with Irene had really bummed me out. That was just additional stress that I did not need with my injured brain trying to heal from the concussion. I’d been told to avoid stress as much as I could. My injury could have been so much worse. As it was, my brain collided with my skull. I was concussed. Even a minor one is nothing to take lightly.
The last thought before I finally drifted off to sleep was Maria.
Chapter Ten
Maria
I was just walking towards my car after work when I noticed Jacob approaching me. I’d seen him at practice that day and he seemed to be in good spirits overall. We hadn’t actually spoken much since I’d taken him to the hospital and we hadn’t talked at all in person about the email or the fact that he’d asked me out to dinner. But I was glad to see him approaching. I wanted to talk to him and see how he was doing.
“Hey, Jacob,” I said as he arrived beside me.
“How’s it going?” He asked in his usual jovial spirit.
“Ok. What can I do for you?”
He paused a moment and looked down at me. I could see his eyes scanning my body, moving over the blouse I was wearing which from the right angle could show off just enough cleavage to be interesting. I was tempted to close it, but I didn’t. I loved the way he looked at me.
“I was wondering if you thought it was ok for me to return to practice tomorrow? I know it’s only been five days, but honestly I feel fine.”
I smiled. “No. You have to wait a full seven days. Then I’ll reexamine you and we can go from there.”
He was disappointed. “Ah, ok. I guess you’re the doc. So, how have you been?”
“Good,” I said. “I’m in a bit of a rush, though. I need to get home though.”
“Ok,” he replied. “You know, I would love to see your house.”
I smirked at him. “Oh, you would? Well, now why would you want to see that?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I’m just interested in learning about you.”
I shook my head. “You are incorrigible. This flirting thing we’ve got going needs to stop. Do you understand? We can’t have this going on anymore.”
“Ah, why not? It’s so much fun. You can’t tell me that you don’t like it.”
He was leaning in closely to me now. I could smell his cologne, feel his warmth, and practically sense his strength and virility through the air. I was lusting for him hard. My body was priming itself, ready to accept him inside of me. All I had to do was take that step and make that move. But not here. No, not here.
“I…um… well, we can’t,” I said. “It’s not…”
“It’s not what?” Jacob asked. His eyes were now rolling up and down my body taking me all in. I could see his bulging muscles beneath his tight t-shirt and tighter sweat pants. In fact, I couldn’t help myself from looking down at his bulge. It looked enormous. What would it feel like to have him inside of me? I was so tired of waiting, so tired of being good and doing the right thing. I just couldn’t take it anymore.
Within minutes we were at my house. I tol
d Jacob to get in making sure that no one was around to see us, and then I drove quickly to my place. We barely made it inside before we started kissing and making out hardcore. The door closed behind us and Jacob hoisted me up against it as I wrapped my legs around his torso tightly. He was between my legs now, pressing my skirt up higher as his mouth covered mine with sensuous kisses. His sweet breath was heavy in my mouth as his passion soared into me and back to him.
This was exactly the way that I had imagined it so many times before. And I was finally doing it. I was throwing caution aside and just going after what I wanted. I may have regretted it later, but I wasn’t sure. And I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything else at that moment other than having the most amazing sex of my life. I was ready for him.
His hands clung to my ass as he lifted my skirt higher and kept kissing me harder, his mouth moving from my lips to my chin, to my neck and then back to the lips. Our tongues strongly intertwined, dancing together. I could feel his bulging erection beckoning to me through the thin fabric of his sweatpants.
His strong hands were on my ass now, pushing my panties up and over my cheeks, his fingers starting to dig slightly into my flesh, echoing closer to the wetness that was mere inches away from him. I was wetter than I could ever remember being. I had no choice but to give in to my total desires here. I felt crazy.
Jacob pulled back and my feet dropped to the floor as he reached under my skirt and ripped my panties from my body. I enjoyed the tearing sound and the sensation that this impediment was out of the way. I was bare now, my smooth, glistening mound free for him to do his worst with. And he did not disappoint.
Without any hesitation, he jammed two of his thick, meaty fingers into my lustful pie, and spread the lips aside with the greatest of ease. His fingers were so long and skilled that they began to press into me to warm me up for his fleshy, tool that I was sure to experience very shortly. I wanted him inside of me so badly. I wanted to feel him fucking the life out of me until I had no choice to but to resign to the madness of the bliss.
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