by Joanna Shupe
Never had he felt so out of control, so wild to dive beneath a set of skirts. He knew it was the woman, this gorgeous and maddening creature he had loved for years. The one who had been a summertime playmate and friend, confidant and champion. He’d never felt lonely in those months. His family had treated him with disdain, but Maddie’s kindness and acceptance had mended his soul, even for a short amount of time.
And he was going to give her the world in return.
He’d been a fool to think he could ever forget her, that he could shed the memory of her from his blood. Nothing had worked, and the fever had only increased the instant he set eyes on her again.
Mine.
The word echoed through his skull like the toll of a bell. Chest heaving, he broke off from her mouth to run his lips over her jaw. He sank his teeth into her perfect skin, then soothed the sting with his tongue. A moan worked its way out of her throat, the most perfect sound he’d ever heard, and he kept going, down along the column of her neck, nipping and licking, until she yanked on his head, pulling him up to meet with her lips once again.
It wasn’t enough. He slid his hands to her hips, jerking her flush to his body as they kissed. She gasped and wrapped her arms around his neck, delicate fingers threading through his hair. If she was bothered by the erection digging into her stomach, she gave no sign of it. Instead, she wriggled closer, like she needed more contact, not less.
Just as he started to move them to the bench, the heavens opened up and water poured from the sky.
With a gasp, Maddie shoved away from Harrison, horrified. She was engaged and had kissed another man. Not only that, she had asked for it. Had enjoyed it. What did that say about her? Shame dulled the edges of her desire, much like the dark clouds that had rolled in with the storm.
Rain sluiced from the sky around them, an angry torrent of relentless water. She watched it fall outside the gazebo, half wishing to bathe herself in it, as if to somehow rid herself of this guilt. Pressing a hand to her mouth, she could still feel the delicious press of Harrison’s lips to her own.
My God, what had she done?
“Maddie,” he said gently, lifting her hand away from her face. “Stop berating yourself. You are not yet married.”
“That doesn’t matter, as we both know.” She took several steps back and his arm dropped to his side.
“You have broken no vow. We merely kissed.”
There was nothing mere about that kiss. It had shaken her to the core, with more passion and longing than she’d ever thought possible. Harrison’s kisses had been perfection, sin and salvation at once.
Still, it had been wrong. A betrayal. She had given a promise to marry Lockwood. She had been disloyal to the duke, dishonored him by kissing another man. If anyone found out, the scandal would ruin her.
Tears stung the backs of her lids. Engaged for not even two days and she’d failed. All her scheming and planning completely destroyed in a few short days. How could she ever face Lockwood again?
How could she ever face anyone again?
She wrapped her arms around her middle, her knees knocking in the cold. Or perhaps it was from the weight of her transgression. Harrison’s coat had fallen to the ground, pushed off her shoulders during their kiss, so he bent to retrieve it. When he tried to give her the coat again, she put up her hands. He frowned. “You’d rather freeze than accept my coat?”
“Yes.” His coat smelled like him, warm from where it had touched his body. Wearing it might drive her to kiss him again. Indeed, she deserved the misery.
He didn’t bother putting the garment on, merely held it in his hands. “You cannot marry him, Mads. Not after that kiss.”
Rubbing her temples, she tried to think clearly. Impossible, considering her lips still stung from the force of Harrison’s mouth, her fingers tingling from touching his soft hair. Blood coursed through her limbs, between her legs, in a demanding and distracting urge. She had to get away from him. Regain her equilibrium and decide how to handle this. “We should go in.”
Without waiting for a response, she stepped onto the lawn. Water hit her in fat drops, soaking her from head to toe within a few steps. She pushed onward, her shoes squelching in the mud.
Fingers wrapped around her wrist, pulling her to a halt. Harrison stood in the rain behind her, his white shirt quickly molding to his strong shoulders and arms in the downpour. His blue eyes blazed as he shouted over the storm. “Tell me you will break the engagement.”
“I . . .” She couldn’t bring herself to say the words. How could she act so selfishly? It wasn’t fair to Lockwood—or to her parents. They had enabled her tennis pursuits and shown remarkable patience during the last three years. A scandal would embarrass and horrify them, as well.
No, she needed to come up with a plan instead of rushing into a decision she might regret.
“I must have time,” she said.
The sharp angles of Harrison’s face twisted in displeasure. “Why? This is not a difficult decision.”
“I cannot beg off, not right now. This must be handled carefully and thoughtfully.”
“There is no reason to wait.” Water ran down his cheeks, his nose, over his gorgeous mouth. His wet hair lay in dark streaks of midnight against his forehead. “You are only prolonging the inevitable.”
Regret burned in her stomach. Watching all the scandals over the years, the girls who had been compromised or ruined, Maddie hadn’t understood. She’d played by the rules, had taken a chaperone everywhere in public after her debut. Charted her life so carefully. Temptation had seemed so absurd, so impossible.
And yet, a few days spent in Harrison’s company and she had done the unthinkable.
“Maddie,” he growled, his eyes narrowing on her. “You must break it off.”
“You must let me think!” she shouted. “Unlike you, I cannot make a rash decision. For God’s sake, you have turned my life upside down in a matter of days. I must catch my breath for a minute.”
“I won’t let you marry him.”
“It is not up to you. Stop being selfish.”
“Hardly selfish when I have your best interests in mind. He only wants your money. I only want you.”
Her heart soaked up the declaration, but this was not the time to let that traitorous organ rule her life. She had to remain logical about what came next. “I need time.”
“There is no time.”
“It cannot be helped. This is not a decision to be made lightly—”
“Wrong.” The word came out in a thick plume of brittle air. “Every minute you wait is another minute wasted. Lockwood won’t care, I promise you. The scandal will fade, and your mother will get over her disappointment.”
“You are so certain of that, but I am not.”
He stepped closer. “I am certain you are the only woman I want—now, tomorrow and ten years into the future. If you want me as well, then nothing else matters.”
Lord, her stupid heart again. It skipped in her chest as if this solved everything . . . but it wasn’t so simple.
Jerking away, she shook her head, water flying everywhere. “Do not push me for an answer tonight. I won’t give it.”
Water ran in rivulets down the planes of his face, droplets sticking to his long eyelashes. “Tomorrow, then.”
With a growl of frustration, she turned and started toward the terrace. Her clothing was soaked, making it hard to walk in the heavy skirts. She was going to make a mess inside the house, but it couldn’t be helped. He made no attempt to catch up or help her, but she felt his presence behind her keenly, as if he were still pressed against her.
There was no running from what had happened tonight. No pretending the kiss didn’t happen. She had instigated it, willingly participated, even enjoyed it.
And she would probably do it again, if given the chance.
That was the worst part. The knowledge that she was not strong enough to resist this. That whatever she felt for Harrison was more powerful than her sense o
f duty, her sense of right and wrong. All her plans, destroyed in an instant. She was a horrible daughter and an even worse fiancée.
She drew in a deep breath and tried to compose herself. Running through the house in tears, soaked to the bone, even at this hour, could attract unwanted attention. As soon as she was warm and changed, alone in her room, she could think about what happened tonight and what she would do.
Water ran down her back, into her bodice, and her skirts were caked with mud and grass. Her thin slippers sloshed with every step, and she wished she’d worn her short boots instead. Teeth chattering, she started up the stone steps toward the back entrance—and her foot slipped out from underneath her.
Before she could tumble on the stairs, strong arms pulled her upright. “Don’t worry,” he said in her ear. “I have you. I’ll always have you.”
The flat plane of his chest was warm and comforting against her, but she could not allow herself to enjoy it. “Let me go,” she said. He obeyed and she went up the stairs stiffly, holding on to the side to keep from falling again.
She stepped into the house, her body shaking, and he was right behind her. A puddle immediately formed on the parquet floor underneath her feet, so she hurried for the stairs. All she could think about was being dry and alone.
He grabbed her arm, bringing her to a halt. “Please, just a moment.”
“Harrison, I cannot talk about this. Not here, not now.”
A tempest swirled in his eyes, a whirlpool of emotion hidden underneath his calm exterior. He reached into his coat pocket and withdrew Lockwood’s betrothal ring. Maddie stared at the piece, stunned she’d forgotten about it. He pressed the ring into her hand. “Soon, Maddie. Good night.”
She wrapped her fingers around the emerald and diamonds, emotion lodged in her throat. Even if she’d been capable of speaking, there was nothing to say. She closed her eyes, unable to look at him just then, and she felt the soft brush of his mouth over hers and then he was gone.
What am I going to do?
Pressing two fingers to her lips, she took a step toward the main stairs—and abruptly stopped. Mrs. Lusk was in the entrance to the library, book in hand, her sharp gaze firmly locked on Maddie. The older woman said nothing, but her disapproving stare spoke volumes. How much had she seen?
Maddie’s stomach clenched while goose bumps raced along the nape of her neck. Still, though she quaked on the inside, she did not cower. She and Harrison had been quiet and he hadn’t lingered, so perhaps there was no need for panic.
Gesturing to her sopping wet form, she tried to make light of it. “I was out walking when it started to rain.”
“Yes, I can see that.” Cradling her book, Mrs. Lusk moved toward the stairs without another word, and Maddie was left with a burning sense of dread in her chest.
Chapter Fourteen
Sleep proved elusive for Maddie that night. Thoughts of Harrison, worries over her future and a sense of impending doom kept her pacing until dawn. She canceled her early-morning tennis practice, even though Nationals was just three weeks away. The idea of being around people right now terrified her.
Perhaps if she stayed in her room, she could avoid her problems.
Now you’re being childish.
Shaking her head, she flopped on her bed and stared at the ceiling. There was no way around it: she had to tell Lockwood about kissing Harrison.
It was the honorable thing to do, though the duke could very well call off the wedding as a result. Her mother would be devastated if that happened. Daddy, too. Maddie hated the idea of disappointing anyone.
Why had she gone to the gazebo last night?
Because you wanted to. Because you needed to see if these feelings for Harrison were real.
She’d gotten her answer, at least. Whatever was between her and Harrison was very real. The realization only compounded her problems, however.
A knock sounded, and she blinked into the bleary sunlight pouring through her windows. Had she fallen asleep? The clock on her nightstand read shortly after nine o’clock.
“Maddie, are you awake?”
That was Nellie’s voice. Maddie was instantly out of bed, throwing on a dressing gown and rushing to the door. “What happened?”
Nellie entered and shut the door behind her. “Alice’s mother asked to speak with your father this morning. Then they called for the duke. Something is going on. You need to get dressed.”
Oh, no. Mrs. Lusk was telling her father about last night. There was no other explanation. Dash it all.
“I have to hurry.”
“Yes, you do.” Nellie summoned Maddie’s maid while Maddie rushed into the washroom.
Nellie spoke through the door. “Would you like some advice? I do have a bit of experience with handling fathers, you know.”
There was no reason to keep it from Nellie. Her friend was no stranger to scandal, after all. “I kissed Harrison last night in the gazebo,” Maddie said. “We got caught in the rain and Mrs. Lusk may have seen us come in together.”
“Oh, shit.”
“Exactly.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I haven’t a clue.” The backs of Maddie’s eyelids began to burn and she blinked rapidly, hoping to stave off the tears.
“Look on the bright side,” Nellie said. “This may have happened for a reason. Remember, this is your life, Maddie, not anyone else’s. Do what makes you happy.”
“Will you still speak to me if I am ruined?”
“As if you need to ask me such a ridiculous question. And if you’re ruined from this, then I am the worst jezebel New York has ever seen.”
“We’ll be ruined together, I suppose.”
“Stop talking nonsense and hurry up in there. No matter what happens we’ll always be friends.”
Fifteen minutes later, Maddie’s hair was in a simple knot at her nape, and she wore a light pink morning gown. A footman arrived just as Maddie put on her gloves. “Miss, your father would like to see you in his office.”
It felt like her stomach had suddenly lodged in her throat. “Thank you, Robbie. Please tell him I am on my way.” She exchanged a worried glance with Nellie. “Walk me down.”
They descended the staircase, their slippers whispering over the carpet, and Maddie tried to focus on not tripping as she hurried to her father’s office. Nellie squeezed Maddie’s hand, then let her go, and Maddie pushed on the heavy wooden door.
The room was quiet. Harrison stood at the window, staring out at the lawn, while Daddy and Lockwood were both seated at the desk. Mrs. Lusk wasn’t anywhere to be found.
“Madeline, close the door.”
Her lungs constricted at hearing her full name, but she approached the desk and tried to read their faces, looking for some hint as to what was to come, but there was nothing. Lockwood appeared perfectly put together and calm, as always, and Daddy seemed impatient but not angry. Harrison didn’t look her way, just continued to stare at the lawn.
“What is this about?”
“Sit, please.” Once she was seated, her father said, “I had an interesting visit this morning.”
“Oh?” She clasped her fingers together to stop her hands from trembling.
“Mrs. Lusk asked to speak with Lockwood and me this morning. Apparently, she was up late last night and noted some inappropriate activities in the house.”
She couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe. The air in the room was stifling, heavy with foreboding and thick with anxiety. Her father’s gaze narrowed when she remained silent, his brows dipping. “She claims to have seen you and Mr. Archer come through the terrace doors well after midnight, soaked to the bone.” He paused. “She also said that Mr. Archer returned your engagement ring and kissed you before he went upstairs.”
Maddie’s mouth had gone dry, so she licked her lips in a desperate attempt to unglue her tongue from the roof of her mouth. It was everything she had feared. “That is certainly a tale. Are we sure she hadn’t been drinking?”
<
br /> “Madeline Jane.” Her father’s voice was sharp with disapproval. “Were you outside with Mr. Archer last night?”
She glanced at Lockwood, who was watching her carefully, the flat set of his lips an indication of his unhappiness. She owed him the truth. “Yes.”
Lockwood frowned and let out the breath he’d apparently been holding, and her guilt compounded. A decent man, he had been so kind to her. He did not deserve to be humiliated like this.
Daddy rubbed his eyes vigorously, as if trying to make this all go away. “So it’s true?”
She didn’t dare look at Lockwood or Harrison. “It is.”
The disappointment in her father’s expression nearly cut her in two. It was so rare, so upsetting to see him anything but proud and supportive, that tears threatened once again. He sighed and regarded the duke. “Lockwood, I’ll write you a check with enough zeroes that perhaps we might keep this quiet for a bit.”
“Of course, Webster. I am sorry this didn’t work out.”
“I feel the same. You have my deepest apologies.”
They were so polite, as if they were discussing the weather. “What do you plan—”
“Not another word, young lady,” her father said, his voice low and harsh. “Sit and do not speak until I am ready for you.”
Her mouth fell open, the command so unlike him. Before she could argue, he swiveled his chair toward the window and addressed the silent man in the corner. “Well, Archer. Are you prepared to do the right thing?”
Harrison didn’t move. “Of course.”
“We need to make this right as quickly and quietly as possible.”
Harrison nodded once.
What was happening here? Panic caused her to blurt, “Wait, what does that mean?”
“It means you have been compromised, Madeline,” her father said, his jaw tight with anger. “It means you will marry Mr. Archer. Immediately.”
Oh, my God.
She flew to her feet and put her palms out, as if to calm everyone down. “That’s hardly necessary. I haven’t been compromised. I went for a walk last night and Mr. Archer found me and assisted me inside.”