He saw Annie’s hurt. Alex’s snapping dark eyes wanting the same answer. “Give me a minute with Alex, please, Annie?”
Her shoulders were stiff, but she did as he asked.
He lifted his gaze to his brother’s. “I’m not talking about it with you, either, except to say that I wasn’t stupid.” But I sure wanted to be.
Alex’s censure drained away. He placed one hand on Liam’s shoulder. “And I won’t ask. But tell me you’re not still thinking you can save her.” His fingers squeezed to comfort. “You know addicts can only save themselves, little brother.”
Liam wasn’t sure what he knew anymore. With her valor, Raina Donovan had touched a place inside him that no one else had. “She’s trying to do it all by herself, Alex—working her heart out to make it. I understand now—she needs to prove she deserves to survive.” He glanced up. “I—she’s different. She’s not Kelly. If you met her, you’d see that.” New urgency struck him. She was out there alone, more so than ever now that she knew who he was and thought—
Liam groaned. “I was afraid to tell her because she was clinging to her pride, not asking for help from anyone, and she could see I had money because of that stupid car and it bothered her a lot. She didn’t want anyone’s pity.” He turned tortured eyes on his brother. “I can’t just walk away, Alex. Help me find her.”
Alex’s expression was grave. “And then what? You sweep her off to L.A. so she can be surrounded by all the temptation that did Kelly in?”
Oh, God. Liam faltered. How could Raina possibly fit into his world? What might it do to her?
He rubbed at his forehead, drained. “Find her, Alex, please. Once I know she’s safe, and—” Resignation settled into his heart like lead. Alex was right. He couldn’t be responsible, not again.
“For her sake,” he whispered. “I’ll stay away.”
Alex patted his shoulder and left.
Raina stared at the drink in front of her, its dark-honey color casting her back in time. She lowered her head and inhaled the too-sweet aroma that would always make Raina think of her mother.
One hundred proof alcohol, the perfume that scented so many lost nights and desperate days of her youth.
She hated this stuff, but once again the symmetry was nearly amusing. She’d spent years trying to escape becoming her mother, only to wind up no different.
Might as well complete the circle with her mother’s drink. She wasn’t up to hunting an unfamiliar town for what she really craved to smooth out the edges. To help her forget.
“You just gonna stare at it all night?” the old guy down the bar asked. “Oughta go sit in the back with Charlie.” He hitched a shoulder. “Preacher man in here nearly every night, wantin’ to save us all.”
Raina glanced in the direction he’d pointed. A slight man, middle-aged, stood beside a booth in earnest conversation, his hands filled with pamphlets. “Why would a preacher come here?”
“Says he used to be a drunk and saving others is his mission…” The old guy snickered into his glass. “Got to give him credit for tryin’, but he don’t drum up much business. Better drink up. He’ll smell fresh meat and be bendin’ your ear all night.”
Raina turned away. “I’m in no hurry.” Trembling fingers curved to surround the glass, not touching yet, only…guarding.
She didn’t have enough to pay for more. This one would have to last her until she figured out where she would go from here.
“When’s closing?” she asked.
“Two,” the bartender answered.
Raina nodded. “Good.” She had time.
Someone walked up right beside her. “Want to dance, honey?”
She shook her head, smelling sweat and beer. “No, thanks.”
“I’m a hell of a good dancer, and you’re here alone.” He pushed closer.
“I just want to sit, thanks.” She shifted to put space between them, still not looking.
“Hey, it’s not like you’re pretty or nuthin’” Anger-laced fumes assaulted her.
She hunched over and gripped the glass.
“Leave it, Bobby,” the bartender said. “The lady said no.”
“Bitch, don’t you ignore me—” One ham-handed fist clamped on her shoulder.
“Bobby, I told you—”
But Raina had had enough. She shoved to her feet and faced him. “I’m not ignoring you now, all right?” She forced herself to stand straight. “But I’m not dancing with you or anyone else in this whole godforsaken place, got that? I—” To her horror, her eyes began to burn. “I’ve had a really bad day, that’s all. It’s not a day to dance.”
The man’s gaze scanned her face, lingering on the bruise Frank had bestowed. Past the haze of all he’d had to drink, she saw something like understanding. “Yeah, okay.” He shrugged. “Maybe later.”
“Yeah,” she whispered as he lumbered away. Astonished at her own temerity, Raina didn’t move for a couple of minutes.
Then she resumed her spot on the barstool and stared once more at the glass.
She had all the time in the world. No use getting in a rush.
Chapter Thirteen
Liam took the cell phone from his brother. By the grin on Alex’s face, he could already guess where the call had initiated.
“Son,” his father boomed. “I want to hear you tell me yourself how you’re feeling. For your mother’s sake, of course. You know how she worries about her chicks.”
Liam’s smile was sincere for the first time since he’d awakened in the hospital. “Hi, Dad. I’m doing fine.” How good it felt to connect with home. “So…how are things around there?”
“Oh, that’s gonna work. You can’t dodge this. Your mother’s bags are still packed. Mine, too.”
“You don’t need to make the trip, seriously. Alex is glowering enough for everyone.”
“Good for him.” Hal’s voice went gruff. “You scared the hell out of us, son. And after our oldest boy nearly died…” He cleared his throat noisily.
Our oldest boy. That was his dad. Rafe and Alex might not share blood with him, but Hal Sullivan would defy the devil himself to claim them for his own.
Liam needed to clear his own throat. Damn, he missed them. “I love you, Dad.”
“Our children are everything to us. Someday you’ll understand how it is to be far away and know they’re in trouble.”
“I’m really going to be fine, I promise.” Liam winced as he shifted.
“We’ll make sure of it. Now your mama is tapping her toes wanting to talk to you.”
“Give Abuelita and Jilly a kiss for me, will you?”
“Come home and do it yourself.” His father paused. “Son, Alex says you’re worried about that woman.”
Liam didn’t like the impersonal term. “Her name is Raina, Dad. She’s—” He stared at the wall and wondered how to explain. “I want to be home, but I just can’t go until I’m sure she’s safe. The doctors say I have to stay at least two days, but Raina is so vulnerable up there. I don’t even know how she’s getting back, since she left my car here. I don’t like thinking of her out on the road alone.”
“Liam, don’t you rush things. Let Alex help—he said he’s willing.”
Liam shot his elder brother a glance. “You remember how Alex is in his G-man mode. He’ll scare the hell out of her.”
Alex stood across the room, dark eyes shuttered, arms crossed over his chest in full protective-big-brother pose.
“Son, this is Alex’s arena, not yours. This woman sounds like trouble—haven’t you had enough?”
“I don’t think she’s like Kelly.”
“What about her effect on your career if she’s got those problems?”
“Hang my career, Dad—this woman saved my life. Twice. She was barely hanging on by her fingernails, and now she’s in more danger than ever. I can’t just walk away.”
“All right, Liam. You have to decide what’s right, and I trust you. I just don’t want you to take any more chances. Wh
en I think about what could have happened if that knife had gone in a few inches higher—” Hal cleared his throat again. “Listen, I can be in North Carolina tomorrow, if you need me.”
Liam had no doubt he meant it. Anyone who knew Hal Sullivan understood that family was everything to him. “I lied to her. I wasn’t intending to hurt her, but I did and now I have to see her and explain. There was something between us, but—” He dropped his head back. “If she really does have a drug problem, my world is the last place she should be.” He sighed. “I wish I could bring her home with me and let her get to know Abuelita. Raina’s grandmother was what they call a wisewoman around here, something like Abuelita. I suspect her grandmother was the only person who ever made Raina feel truly loved.”
“Sounds like someone else has some pretty strong feelings for her, too.”
Liam stared at the ceiling. “It can’t go anywhere. And she’ll likely spit in my eye the next time she sees me, anyway.”
“A spirited woman is a treasure, son. I’ll testify to that.”
Liam found a smile. “Raina’s spirit got broken somehow. I intended to help, but I’m afraid I just made things worse for her. I have to try to fix that before I can leave.”
“I understand. You make me proud, Liam.”
“I love you, Dad.”
“You get home soon or I’ll be coming after you. Now, here’s your mother.”
Liam met his brother’s eyes. Alex’s warmed with sympathy.
“Sweetheart, I could be there in the morning if I leave for El Paso now and catch the last flight.”
“It’s okay, Mom. Alex’s already appointed himself my mother. He scares me almost as much as you.”
Celeste Sullivan laughed. “I’m sure he considers that a compliment. But I’m serious. I’m already packed.”
“I swear I’m in good hands. The nurses barely give me a chance to ask for anything before it appears, and Annie’s here to be my fire-breathing dragon. And then, of course, there’s my pain in the behind bodyguard who ought to be in La Paloma with the rest of you.”
“Be nice to your brother, Liam Harold. The willow tree is flourishing.”
“No, not the willow switch threat—” Liam rolled his eyes in mock horror.
Alex grinned.
“How long before they release you?”
“Maybe a day or so.”
“A day or so? That doesn’t sound nearly long enough. I’ll have Rafe call them. You could have died.”
“Mom, Mom—whoa. I didn’t come close to dying. I bled and my hard head got knocked around a little, but I’m fine, I swear.” He was making light of it, but what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. “I’m going after Raina. I have to.”
To her credit, his mother didn’t argue. Celeste Sullivan was a woman to admire—opinionated, yes, and fierce about her offspring, but eminently practical. Both strong and compassionate. They were incredibly lucky to have been raised by her.
Raina hadn’t been so fortunate.
“Bring her home, Liam. We’ll take care of her.”
He smiled. “Annie and Sal think I should ditch her the first second possible. Alex thinks I’m bad for her.”
Alex frowned.
“The way you speak of her and hearing about her courage in protecting you, at the very least this family owes her our heartfelt thanks. Bring her here, sweetheart. Let’s see what’s broken.”
“She’s strong in her own way, Mom, just…damaged.” He leaned back, exhausted. “Alex is probably right. My lifestyle would destroy her.”
“Then change it. I think you’re getting a little tired of playing around, anyway, honey. Don’t you?”
Liam hesitated. Was he? He had a life millions envied. Was he ready to give it up?
Especially for a junkie? questioned an inner voice. Remember Kelly. Are you so sure Raina is different? She tried to kill herself, too.
“I don’t know, Mom.” He stared into the distance. “I just don’t know.”
Raina lifted the glass to her lips. Did her best to avoid inhaling the sickly-sweet bouquet. Imagined the burn of it down her throat, then, in a few moments, the welcome warmth in her stomach spreading through her chest.
Into her frozen heart.
She was so tired of being afraid, drained by the constant edge. For too-brief instants, she’d been brave—turned aside a drunk, forced Frank away, gotten Liam to safety…
Opened herself to love.
You should be proud of yourself. Green eyes alight.
When had she last felt any scrap of pride? She’d done so much wrong. Harmed others. Hurt herself.
But where did one begin to create a new life? How did a person make it out of a deep, dark hole? Was she entitled to happiness in some distant future existence? When would she have paid enough?
What was it that those AA pamphlets said? She frowned. Just for today—that was it. Just for today, I will…what?
Raina stared at the drink in her hand.
Then set it down.
I won’t take this drink. I won’t escape.
Maybe tomorrow she’d feel weak and terrified again. Perhaps even later tonight.
But she’d been strong today, stronger than she’d realized she could be. It was a start.
There was a café not far away, frequented by truckers. If she was careful and patient, maybe she could find a safe ride.
And go home. She’d be alone again, but life had taught her that, in the end, everyone was alone.
She slipped from the barstool and left temptation behind.
A while later, Raina huddled in the corner of the booth at the café, struggling to stay awake now that she was warm. Across the way, she saw the preacher from the bar enter, head up to the counter and order. He glanced around, spotted her and smiled.
Raina didn’t respond, though it might be wise to capitalize on his interest. Maybe he knew someone, could help her find a ride.
She was so sick of needing assistance from others. She’d thought, before she ever left her old life, that if she just got to Gran’s cabin and hunkered down, she could manage alone.
“You want more coffee, hon?” The big blond waitress paused beside her.
Raina quickly straightened. “Please.” She couldn’t reveal that she was only killing time, though that was exactly what she was doing, trying to screw up her courage to hitchhike. After the price of that untasted drink, coffee was all she could afford.
Her stomach growled loudly.
“You ready to eat yet?”
“No, not quite.” Raina couldn’t meet the woman’s gaze.
“You in trouble, hon?” Concern laced the woman’s voice. “I don’t want to pry, but I couldn’t help noticing the bruise on your face. If you need help, I can get the police for you.”
Cops again. Raina caught her breath. “Thank you, but nothing’s wrong.”
“Have it your way, but if you change your mind—”
“Joanie, baby, your man’s back in town.” Raina was spared the need to continue when a big, burly trucker walked up and laid a big kiss on Joanie.
Joanie slapped one scarlet-tipped hand against his chest. “You seem to forget I’m married, Hank.”
“Naw.” His gap-toothed grin revealed tobacco-stained teeth. “I figure you’re just waitin’ on me to make enough money to cart you away to Bermuda.” His eyebrows waggled good-naturedly. “White sand, tiny bikini…”
Joanie’s robust laugh shook her ample frame. “If I wasn’t already too old for a tiny bikini, I’d sure be that way by the time you made that much money.” She turned back to Raina. “You can stay a bit, but the manager won’t like having people waiting too long for a table. I’ll be back and we’ll figure something out, all right?” Without lingering for Raina’s answer, she nodded toward a booth nearby. “Come on, cowboy. Let me pour you some coffee.”
Raina stared at the cup with regret, aware that she had to go now before Joanie returned. The burning told her that she couldn’t consume more str
ong coffee on an empty stomach, anyway.
She gathered her purse and emerged from the booth, pondering again her decision not to take Liam’s rental car. With it, she wouldn’t be reduced to hitchhiking back to the cabin. Wouldn’t feel so alone and exposed.
But she already owed him too much. She’d figure out where to send his money, once she got back to Gran’s cabin. He’d appreciate being shed of her, no matter how he’d been raised to behave.
He didn’t really need her measly funds, she understood now. Liam Sullivan might have hit a bump in his upward path, but he was basically rich, handsome, well-adjusted and on top of the world. Chivalry had forced him to stop and help her, but if he understood what a mess she’d made of her life, he’d be only too happy to have nothing else to do with her.
He’d deceived her, but that didn’t cancel her debt. Regardless of his motives, she would repay him if it took the rest of her days.
She put money on the table, including a tip for Joanie she couldn’t really afford, then headed toward the front door and the parking lot.
Just then, a state trooper walked inside, surveying the room. He stopped at the cashier’s stand and engaged in conversation.
The cashier nodded toward the booth where Raina had been sitting.
Raina ducked into the hallway leading to the rest rooms, starting to shake. Surely he wasn’t looking for her, but—
The police will want to talk to you. Eldred.
A very important man had been stabbed, and she was the only witness.
And she had a record.
Raina spotted an exit door that didn’t seem to have an alarm. She slipped down the hallway and through it. Once outside, she scanned the lot for eighteen-wheelers, wondering how she’d ever decide who to trust. She wished she had more time, but that cop might be looking for her.
She hadn’t a minute to waste.
She took a deep breath and crossed the endless expanse of asphalt, puddles of water gleaming oil-slick in the darkness.
A brisk wind sliced through her thin shirt, and Raina wrapped her arms around herself. She couldn’t have brought those bloodstained quilts with her; it would be like waving a flag, courting every predator in sight. But she mourned the loss of something that had come from Gran’s beloved hands. Perhaps Liam would be thoughtful enough to send them back to her one day.
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