Raina shrank from his tone. “Why?”
“Because there seem to be some things you didn’t tell Liam, either.”
“Stop it, Alex,” Liam warned.
Inside, Raina jittered. Cop was written all over him, and his contempt was clear. She started to retreat—
No. No more running.
She faced him head-on. “Such as the fact that I was arrested once? Or that I’ve had a problem with drugs?”
His expression was stony. “Yeah. Liam doesn’t deserve any more trouble in his life.”
“I don’t need you to speak for me, Alex. If you can’t be civil to Raina, then get the hell back in the cabin or better yet, leave.”
Alex didn’t back down. “I’m going nowhere without you.”
Liam turned on his brother. “She hasn’t earned the third degree from you—”
Raina saw it then, in Alex’s expression, the determination to protect his own. No matter how he felt about her, she could forgive him that.
She grasped Liam’s arm. “No, Liam. He’s right. It’s part of why I left the hospital.”
Liam turned back to her. “I never meant for you to find out who I was that way.”
“How did you mean for it to happen? You had plenty of chances to tell me yourself—”
But then she remembered him bleeding, struggling to talk. Raina, something…have to tell…
“You tried, didn’t you?”
He glanced away. “Not hard enough.”
She let go. “It doesn’t matter.” She faced Charlie. “Would you like to come inside and rest before all of you leave?”
Charlie started to answer, but Liam clasped her shoulder first and turned her to face him. “I’m not going anywhere yet, not until we talk.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.” She shook off his hand and slipped past. She looked at his brother. “He should rest. Will you escort him inside while I make all of us breakfast? You’ll want a good meal before you hit the road.”
Alex nodded solemnly, but she thought she saw approval flit through his gaze.
“Raina—” Liam called.
The least she could do was what was best for him, so she pretended she hadn’t heard him and stepped inside.
All his life, Liam had been known for his sunny disposition, but he could find none of it now. With simmering impatience, he endured a largely silent meal, punctuated only by Charlie’s attempts at small talk and, astonishingly, Alex’s reciprocation.
Alex, the Sphinx of the Sullivan-Sandoval clan, the man who never used two words when one would do, except in his work.
At another time, Liam would have kicked back and enjoyed the sight. Savor every detail for sharing with the folks at home. But not today. It was all he could do to remain civil. When Alex had dragged out his antibiotic and tried to slip in a pain pill, Liam had nearly bitten his head off.
Raina fared little better, returned to the silent wraith he’d first met, her frame tense, face tight with strain.
He wanted to tell her to lie down and rest—she looked like hell. Wanted to snatch her into his arms and cuddle her until she relaxed.
But her manner made it very clear that she preferred him to keep his distance.
And to go.
Finally, Liam could stand no more. He slapped down his fork and rose. “I need to talk to you, Raina.” He glared at his brother and Charlie. “Alone.”
Her jaw spelled mutiny. “There’s nothing to say.”
“Fine. You can listen. I’ll talk.”
He straightened and headed for the door, prepared to drag her out if required.
Except that when he reached the door, he had to stop for breath. Damn it.
“You shouldn’t be up,” she said, hurrying to his side.
Hell, if he’d known all he had to do was fall prey to weakness to bring her close, he’d have collapsed when she’d first arrived. Liam gazed down into her worried eyes. “I’m fine. Come outside with me. I promise I’ll sit.”
“You sure about this, Raina?” Charlie asked.
“She’s safe with my brother,” Alex snapped.
Raina nodded at Charlie. “He’s right.”
She shouldn’t feel too safe, Liam thought. His thoughts were running on the primitive side at the moment. He might just grab her up and take off.
Then he turned too quickly and gasped as his wound made a liar of him.
“Come here,” Raina ordered, leading him to the rocking chair.
He dug in his heels. “No. I don’t want anyone listening. I can make it to the barn.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Liam, there’s not that much to talk about. You’ve said you’re sorry, and I am, too. End of story.”
“If you believe that, you’re lying to yourself.” He grabbed her arm and marched down the steps, ignoring his body’s protests and leading her across the yard and into the barn.
She slipped from his grasp and put distance between them. “Sit down, will you? I won’t be responsible for putting you in the hospital again.”
“You weren’t responsible the first time, Raina. Frank was.” He realized she wouldn’t know. “You don’t have to worry about him anymore. He’s been arrested and charged with aggravated assault and attempted rape.”
Her eyes opened wide. “How did that happen?”
“Alex is an FBI agent. He worked with the local sheriff to get Frank brought in. He made sure Frank’s bail was set too high for him to be released before his trial.”
“Trial.” She stiffened visibly. “I—I’ll have to testify.” Panic crossed her features. “With my background, they’ll never believe me.”
He rose to his feet with less skill than he’d like. “They’d better. Your past isn’t the issue.”
She uttered a small laugh. “Oh, sure. Tell that to Noah. Or anyone else around here.”
“Raina, you’re not alone anymore.”
Blue eyes met his. “Yes, I am.” She touched his arm. “But it’s all right. I can handle it now, Liam. I’ve done a lot of thinking since—” She shrugged.
“Since you saved my life?”
She shook her head.
“You did. Give yourself credit. Frank would have killed me if you hadn’t been there. And you drove me to the hospital in time.”
“I’m no hero, Liam.” She smiled sadly. “That’s your role.”
“I’m not,” he said. “But you make me want to be one.” He stepped closer. “Raina, I want you to go to Texas with me. Meet my family.”
“Why? What would be the point?”
“It would be good for you.”
“There’s nothing positive that would result from any further involvement. Your reputation will surmount Kelly’s death, but it won’t survive involvement with me, not with my background.”
“I don’t care.” To his surprise, he actually meant that.
She faced him squarely. “I can’t live in that world, even if you wanted me. I’m an addict, Liam. I’ll always have to fight it. You said it yourself, people in your world take narcotics for a hangnail.”
“I don’t.”
Her smile was sad and soft. “But I’m not as strong as you. I have to be more cautious. Charlie says—”
“What does Charlie have to do with it?” he growled.
“After I left the hospital, I went to a bar. I wanted something stronger, but I had no connections in Asheville. No way to score.” She stared up at him. “Hear that? Score, Liam. That’s the reality of the past few years for me. I was married to a man who didn’t love me, and I didn’t mind because he was my ticket out of these mountains and out of my mother’s insane, alcoholic life.”
She gazed away. “I lost a baby,” she said softly. “My precious Elise.” She was silent for a long span. “I became an embarrassment to my husband, living on pills to ease the pain. I found a man who could provide something stronger, and I kept sliding down and down into the warm blanket of a life where I didn’t have to feel anymore, where everything had a nice, s
oft edge.”
Her eyes flashed then. “I took the easy way out, Liam, and I became no better than my mother, with her constant parade of men and booze. Then came the day that my dealer showed me how to feel really good.” Her voice twisted with bitterness.
“Raina, you don’t have to tell me this.”
“Yes,” she insisted. “You have to understand that you’re better off without me. I’m no different from your Kelly—in fact, I’m worse.” Her frame trembled. “I let him introduce me to heroin, Liam—got that? Only once, but—I loved it. It was the best feeling I’d ever had in my life until—”
Her eyes met his, and memory sparked. Both were silent for a long moment.
Raina broke the connection. “Then he showed me the price. I had no money, see, but he liked my looks. That night when I crashed from the high, I found myself in his bed and when I realized what I’d become—” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “I got a room in a fleabag motel, and I crawled into the tub with a razor blade.”
Liam grabbed her then and pulled her into his arms. “But you didn’t, Raina,” he murmured into her hair. “You didn’t die. You knew you wanted to live. That’s what you’ve been fighting to do ever since.”
She trembled against him, and her hands clenched in his shirt.
Liam couldn’t help clasping her tighter.
Raina leaped back. Retreated to the other side of the barn.
Liam started after her.
“No—” She held out a hand, her eyes pleading. “Please, Liam. Don’t.”
He ignored the plea, desperate to surmount the distance between them somehow. “I don’t care what you did. I know who you really are, and I want to help you.”
Her laugh was bitter. “That gentleman your mother raised you to be, right? I don’t need your pity. I don’t want to be your charity project. I’m going to make it—I promise you that—but I have to do it by myself. You can’t imagine how badly I want to lean on you, but I have to prove that I can stand on my own two feet and beat this.”
“But—”
“You couldn’t save her, Liam. You can’t save me, either.”
He recoiled as if she’d slapped him.
“That’s not meant to hurt you. It’s simple fact. Don’t blame yourself for her and don’t chain yourself to my fate. Maybe one day—” She stopped.
He seized on that maybe. “One day what? How long do I have to wait for you, Raina?”
“Don’t wait.” Her eyes were merciless. “I can only think about one day at a time right now. If you want to help me, Liam, don’t expect anything of me and get on with your life. An addict’s battle is never over, and the outcome is always in doubt.”
Liam could only stand and stare at her, searching for the right combination of words, the facile argument at which he’d always excelled to get his own way.
But charm was useless, and debate moot. To think of leaving her tore his guts out, but her determination was clear, even if he didn’t like it. Experience told him that she was right. He couldn’t do this for her, no matter how badly he wished that wasn’t the case.
But to sever ties for good—
“How can you expect me to just walk away?” he asked her, voice hoarse. “And leave you in this place alone?”
Raina’s eyes glistened. Her hand stroked his face. “Because I have no doubt you’ll come in a heartbeat if I call.”
“Will you?” he asked, leaning into her hand. “Damn it, I hate this.” He glared at her, fury and sorrow battering hope. “I won’t ever stop worrying about you.”
“I know.” She rose to tiptoe and touched her lips to his.
“I’m going to wait for you.” Liam gathered her close again, tempted to sway her with passion and make her relent. She was tearing out his heart. “Call me, Raina. Soon.”
It was then that Liam was sure he truly loved her, because instead of sealing his mouth to hers and drawing her into the sensual spell he was certain he could weave—
He pressed one last, broken kiss to her lips—
And walked away.
While he still could.
Chapter Fifteen
By Christmas, Liam was losing hope.
Here in his parents’ home, beloved and familiar, fragrant with the scent of hot spiced cider and creamy eggnog, pungent evergreen garlands and sweet vanilla candles, alive with the colors of the Christmas tree and the chatter of a big family, he should have felt warmed and cherished as always.
But inside him was a emptiness he couldn’t seem to fill.
When he’d come back from North Carolina to recuperate, his family had hovered over him until he’d left for the film, then called him daily to show support.
He’d wrapped principal shooting on his latest film. His director, at first perplexed, had decided that Liam’s unaccustomed reserve brought a new and promising depth to the role that had begun as standard action, adventure and sex.
Sal had been less enthusiastic when Liam had announced that once his next commitment wrapped, he was taking a year off. Annie had groused and grumbled because Liam didn’t have the heart to hit the hot spots and keep his profile high.
But the only person Liam really wanted to hear from kept total silence.
He’d intervened with Noah, who, it turned out, had a grandson with a serious case of idol worship. With proper encouragement, Noah had been willing to thaw relations with Raina and lend a helping hand.
Charlie was in contact with Raina on a regular basis and, though maddeningly circumspect, would deign to take Liam’s constant calls and issue sketchy reports. She was attending meetings. She had enough to eat. Was staying warm.
Alex kept Frank’s case under surveillance and eased Liam’s mind that Frank would be no threat.
But the man who had everything couldn’t obtain the one thing he desired most.
A call from Raina.
He’d arrived home today, Christmas Eve, but Liam, usually the most enthusiastic of the clan, couldn’t dredge up any sincere interest in the holiday fuss. Even the traditional tamale dinner he’d always loved failed to stir his appetite. Tired and edgy, he dropped down on the overstuffed sofa beside Abuelita.
“Cielito, your heart is so troubled.” She patted his hand with hers. “You must come visit me. We will talk.”
Liam clasped her small hand in his and tried to relax into her soothing touch. “I don’t think there’s anything to say.”
She pressed back. “Then we will be silent and let love speak for us.” She met his gaze with her own boundless reserves of calm and acceptance.
“Thank you.” He closed his eyes and leaned his head against hers for a minute.
His sister, Jilly, long and leggy and seldom still, plopped down on the arm of his chair. “Just because you’re a loser with women is no reason to sulk.”
Liam saw Rafe shoot their sister a frown. Leave it to Jilly to drag out in the open what everyone else tiptoed around. “Smooth move, big mouth. Hit a man when he’s down,” Liam jeered affectionately. “Why don’t you go steal some kid’s Christmas toys while you’re at it?”
Jilly looked only slightly remorseful. “You’ve been moping around over her for almost four months. I don’t know why you don’t just go to North Carolina and bring her home.”
He’d wondered the same thing. Often. “It’s not that simple, brat. She asked me to give her time, and I’m trying to be fair.”
“Fair, schmair.” Jilly flapped one wrist. “What if she’s embarrassed? Or maybe she thinks you’ve gone on with your life and don’t need her.”
Need her. Thunderstruck, Liam could only stare. He’d never once told Raina that he needed her, only the ways in which she needed him.
“I—” He shook his head. “That never occurred to me.”
“Raina not only has her chemical dependency to deal with, but she’s also the child of an alcoholic, and they have other battles.” Jilly paused. “I’ve been reading up.”
“Go on.”
“Control is
a huge issue for children of alcoholics. They realize very early that being vulnerable is dangerous and always has negative results. They learn how not to want so that they won’t be disappointed—because the alcoholic parent has let them down over and over. They have had to be their own parents, so they possess a powerful hunger for nurturing.”
She tucked a strand of her hair behind one ear. “These children often suffer from depression, and they are terrified of trust. They feel safer being isolated and often have great difficulty believing they are worthy of love.” She sat down on the ottoman in front of Liam and took his hand.
“So I was just thinking that you’ve been trying to give Raina room to heal, but from what you report, she’s surviving on her own just fine.”
“And…? I told her I’d come the second she called. She begged me to stay away until she did.”
Jilly only looked at him with pity. “Don’t be dense. You’re Liam Sullivan. A woman far more secure than Raina would have trouble summoning the nerve to contact you. And I’d guess that the more time that elapses, the easier it is to imagine that you’ve moved on without her.”
Liam rested his head on his fist with a sigh. “I don’t think I’ll ever put her behind me, but the fact remains that my life in L.A. would be poison to her.”
“So change that. It’s not like you don’t have half the money on the planet.”
For the first time in months, hope stirred inside Liam, right alongside unaccustomed fear. He remembered the plea in Raina’s eyes, understood how hard her road had been. What if he’d waited too long? What if she’d come to prefer life alone?
“Man.” He rubbed the heel of his hand over his breastbone. “I think a woman’s got me scared.”
“About time, Mr. Irresistible.” Jilly kissed his cheek. “Go get her, big brother.”
Liam smiled at Jilly. “When did you get so smart?”
“I’ve always been smarter than my brothers.”
He snorted, but just then Alex poked in his head. “Dad just called you.”
“Son—” Hal Sullivan’s voice rang out from the front door. “Can you come here a minute?”
Liam rose, already planning what he’d pack. “I have to book a flight.” Driving would take too long. “Airlines fly on Christmas Day, right?”
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