by Diane Ezzard
“Oh, Dad knew, but I had him sworn to secrecy.”
“You told Dad and you couldn’t tell me? What, didn’t you believe I could keep it to myself?” I could feel my face becoming flushed. My speech went up a few decibels, and I knew the hurt I felt was evident in my tone.
“It’s not that, Sophie. If something went wrong, I didn’t want you getting in a mess.” Good old Steph, controlling to the end. She thought she was protecting me from having a relapse and drinking again if anything happened to the baby.
“I could have handled it, Steph. I mean, if you had a miscarriage, you’d have to tell me anyway or would you have kept that from me as well?” My voice whined as I questioned her.
“Oh, don’t go making it all about you, Sophie. Why can’t you be happy for me for once?” Her manner was abrupt, and her tone clipped.
“I am happy for you. It’s just that I wish you wouldn’t try to control me all the time.”
“I’m not controlling you, Sophie. Honestly, you’re impossible.” Her words were loud.
“Well, I’m glad you’ve been able to finally let me in on your secret. I’m going before my meal gets burnt.” I cut the call and slammed the phone down on the table before she had a chance to reply. My eyes filled with water. Why did Steph have this effect on me when we spoke? I was glad she lived over two hundred miles away in London, but she could still press my buttons.
I couldn’t sit with my feelings of discontent, so I phoned my AA sponsor, Joyce. She helped me get through so much in the past and I didn’t want the way I felt now to impact on my sobriety. I told her what had happened both with Steph and Jack. She suggested I looked at things from their perspective. She always gave me sound advice, and she was always right. I came off the phone and now could see what a selfish so and so I was, even it didn’t make the hurt go away. I couldn’t afford to pick up resentments. After speaking to Joyce, I felt slightly less wounded.
I glanced at the clock. It was time for me to fill my poor hungry belly. No sign of Jack so it was a meal for one. I shook my head and sighed. Get over it, girl. It’s no big deal. Sitting at the table with a mouth full of my tasty chilli, I thought about Steph’s news. I allowed myself to feel a smidgeon of excitement about becoming an auntie for the first time. I’d been so wounded by not being in on her news I’d forgotten to ask how she was and if she knew if it was a girl or boy. I sent a quick text.
Sorry for being a pain, Steph. You know what I’m like. How are you and your bump doing? Her reply came back immediately.
It’s okay, Sophie, I understand. You’ve got your life to live now. We don’t know the baby’s sex. I’m doing fine. Just had morning sickness early on.
I scrolled through baby sites on my phone whilst I ate. There were some lovely cute babygros. My mood lightened. I cleaned my plate away, rinsing it under the running hot water when I heard a key turn in the lock.
“Is that you Jack?” Daft question. There was only Jack with a key to my flat. Before he had time to answer, he was behind me and I felt him nuzzling my neck. His hands wrapped around my waist. My previous frosty mood melted in an instant at his touch. I turned towards him and we embraced.
“Ooh, you’re all wet,” I said as I weaved my hands around his neck. We stopped kissing, and he held me away from his body and looked me in the eye.
“Sorry, I’m late. Are we good?” I averted my eyes, but I knew I couldn’t be mad at him for long. I nodded, and he kissed my forehead.
“Are you hungry?” I asked.
“Famished.”
“Well, sit down and I’ll warm up this chilli. I couldn’t wait. I was too hungry. How did it go?”
“Hard to tell. Jade wasn’t showing much emotion. She tries to be a tough cookie but I’m sure underneath that hard exterior, she must be devastated. I know she won’t show it, but it was her mum for goodness sake. Jade wasn’t talkative, so I didn’t push her by asking too many questions. I don’t think she blames us for her mum’s death. I’ll go back tomorrow to see her to ask her some questions about Dom.” I raised my eyebrows.
“Blames us?”
“Weren’t you worried when you heard it was Carmen who’d been murdered? I was worried that it could be something to do with us going to see her?”
“No,” I frowned, “I never gave it a thought.”
“It must be just me then. I hope that scrote, Dom Duggan has nothing to do with it.”
“Oh, you don’t think…?”
“I don’t know what to think right now, but I’ll be checking it out, you can be sure.” I nodded.
“I almost forgot to tell you, I’ve had some exciting news.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, I’m going to be an auntie, Steph’s pregnant.” Jack raised his eyebrows and nodded.
“I take it they’re pleased?”
“Yeah, but I didn’t take the news so well. She’s twenty weeks, and she’s only just told me now.”
“Well, it could be worse. She could have waited until she was due to pop it out.” Jack had a way of looking at the positives in a situation.
“I suppose so,” I said, the corners of my mouth drooped. I placed the piping hot plate of freshly microwaved food down in front of him and he tucked in like he hadn’t eaten all week.
He chatted about his case and his strategy for finding Louie. He told me he would check out the Duggans’ places despite their warning. I shuddered. They were notorious criminals around this area and were bad news. I’d helped him watch their movements for some time. I didn’t like him interfering after the beating he had.
“You be careful, Jack.” I gave him one of my looks.
“I will.” Somewhere inside me, a feeling stirred that trouble was brewing.
Chapter 19
Jack
I didn’t sleep a wink last night, and I had to put off going to Sophie’s tonight, after speaking to my old friend DS Rick Western. I knew I could rely on him to help me out. We swapped stories when we could. He was my contact to access information I was no longer privy to. I gave him the two addresses from Marcus regarding the Duggans’ operation.
“You know I could get into bother looking this up for you, right?” I caught Rick on a bad day. The way I saw it, when it came to pulling favours, he still owed me for the last bit of stakeout work I did for him. Police resources didn’t run to excessive amounts of surveillance work, but my prices were cheap in return for favours.
“I know, Rick and I appreciate it.”
“Hold on a sec.” I heard the phone receiver hit the table. It was almost five minutes later that he returned. “You still there?”
“Yeah, I’m all ears.”
“The address in Radcliffe, there were reports of a disturbance there about twelve months ago. A party got out of hand. The neighbours complained about the noise. Nothing else. The property is registered to a Chanelle Ibbotson, a seventeen-year-old unmarried mother with a one-year-old son. That’s from the electoral roll. You could have looked it up yourself.”
“I know, but you can access this stuff so much quicker.” He didn’t reply to my comment but mumbled something. The address in Whitefield is classed as unoccupied. It has been for two years now. Mm, let me see here…, yeah, it’s not council anymore, the property is owned by none other than Mr Dominique Duggan.”
“Well, well, well, he’s slipping if he hasn’t rented his property out, that’s unless he’s been living in it. Somehow I think our Mr Duggan’s taste is more upmarket than that.”
“You bet, his main residence is down as a farmhouse in Helmshore, which we’ve raided a few times, but it’s always been clean.”
“Interesting, well thanks for that Rick and if you want to pass those addresses on to the drugs team. They may come in useful if they’re not already listed.”
“Cheers, I will. Now get off this line and let me do some real police work.”
“Sure, catch you later.” I ended the call. My eyes drooped. I made myself a coffee to stay awake then made the mis
take of moving over to the sofa to read through my notes.
I came to. It took a moment to realise where I was. I raised my eyebrows and checked my watch. I’d been asleep for three hours. My neck was stiff, and I slammed my fist down on the table out of annoyance with myself. I wouldn’t sleep tonight now. I must have slept heavily. There were two messages on the answerphone. They hadn’t woken me. One was from someone wanting to sell me insurance and the other was from Sasha. I deleted the first one but rang Sasha straight back.
“Marcus has disappeared.” This was all I needed right now.
“Why, what happened?”
“He’d been out all day. He returned looking a mess and smelled of skunk. I saw the look of fear in his eyes. He went to have a shower, and the doorbell rang. It was only my friend Tanya. I let her in then looked out the back window. I saw Marcus dressed already and running away. He might have thought the knock was the police or something worse, but he never came back last night.”
“Have you told the police?”
“Yeah, I’ve told them and the authorities but I’m not sure how interested anyone is about it. They’re not classing it as a priority, and I’m so upset.”
“I’m sorry, Sasha. I’ll see what I can do.” We ended the call. I was disappointed with myself for not pushing him for more information. Now I wouldn’t find out anything else from him. Either he had run away scared, or he had gone back to the Duggans. I put my money on the latter. The first thing I did was to contact Marcus’s real mother. I hadn’t spoken to her before and expected a junkie to come on the line, but she sounded bright and cheerful. She agreed to see me, so I went over to her home in Bury.
Justine didn’t look like your typical drug addict. Given Marcus’s age, she had to be in her thirties, but she looked younger with her makeup-free dark skin and hair tied back off her face.
“Come in,” she said, showing me through to the lounge. “I’m worried sick about Marcus. I’m sorry. I so wished I could have coped with him better.” She pulled a tissue out of the box that was perched on the coffee table. She blew her nose. It was Marcus who said his mother did drugs, and that was why he ran away. After chatting to Justine for ten minutes, I decided there was no point beating about the bush.
“Marcus told me you are an addict,” I said.
“I take stuff, but I’m not that bad,” she said shaking her head, “I don’t do drugs every day. I can’t afford it, for one. No, the reason I involved Social Services over Marcus was because I could no longer cope with his behaviour. When he got in with that crowd, he changed. He came home one evening a few months back. He took a packet of condoms out of his rucksack. I challenged him about it asking if he had a girlfriend. He told me that some guys had taken him to the clinic to get them. I asked him what for, but he didn’t reply. I asked him again, and he got upset. Within a few minutes, it became a full-blown argument, and he started throwing things around the room.”
“He said he was going to run away, that he couldn’t take anymore. I didn’t understand. I thought he was being bullied. It was much more than that. On that occasion, he was missing for three weeks. When he was picked up, he was in a terrible state. He looked like a tramp, covered in mud. It was obvious from his appearance hadn’t washed, eaten or slept. They don’t care about the boys they have working for them. All they care about is making money. Do you mind if I smoke?” She looked over at me with her eyebrows raised.
“It’s your house, be my guest,” I said, the palm of my left hand raised towards her. She lit up and drew in the smoke before blowing it out looking upwards.
“Before this started, we were close. He helped around the house, did things for the younger two. I always went to watch him at football. The difference in his behaviour in such a brief time was unbelievable. It didn’t help when my eldest Toby left home. Sadly, he was going down the same road as me, enjoying the odd spliff. If I’m honest, I was glad to get Toby out of my hair. He pinched money out of my purse. He robbed me blind.” She wiped a tear from her eye.
“Marcus looked up to Toby. He changed after Toby left. He became moody and sullen. Then he disappeared himself. Since he came back the last time, he’s attacked me. He was always in a rage and spoke to me like a piece of garbage. That’s when I got in touch with Social Services. I became afraid for my safety and the safety of his sister. I didn’t know Marcus anymore, and I wasn’t sure what he was capable of.”
As I listened, I wondered how honest she was being. It was common for addicts to lie about using and the authorities must have had reason to remove her other children. I didn’t delve. Justine told me that Marcus ran away on three occasions. The last time, she went to the police, but they didn’t seem interested. They told her he was probably with friends.
“Friends,” she said shaking her head, “More like animals. Those people aren’t fit to be walking the earth. I’m sorry, Jack but I get myself so worked up and annoyed about it.” Her lips narrowed.
“It’s okay, I understand.”
“Anyway, the police put me in touch with the Missing People charity. They knew about children being groomed to traffic drugs. Apparently, they’re working closely with the National Crime Agency. I’ve been speaking to everyone about this and it seems the problem is huge. I’ve spoken to the Youth Offending Team and the Children’s Services. Other than putting these vulnerable children in safe houses, there doesn’t seem a lot that can be done.”
Her face was a picture of exasperation. This was an unenviable task for someone to sort out and it wouldn’t be tackled easily. For now, my priority was trying to get Louie back and possibly Marcus as well, if I could. I felt responsible for him since I stumbled on him and got myself involved.
I asked Justine if she knew any further information. She got upset and rambled on about her other children being taken into care.
“It’s not right. They should be with me, their mother.” I nodded. She confirmed the Duggan brothers’ involvement with her sons. I came away knowing what I needed to do. I had to find a way to speak to Dom. I had to face my old school bully once more.
Chapter 20
Sophie
I stood in front of the mirror and brushed my hair. It was time for its bi-annual cut. No hairdresser would get rich doing my barnet. Being long, I could get away with not having it cut too often and I was blessed with a deep red colour that so far hadn’t needed altering. If I spotted the odd grey hair, I pulled them out. Today I found far too many. Thirty-one years old with grey hairs, ouch. This confirmed I worried too much. I worried about everything, even when I didn’t have to. If my life was ever stress-free, I worried that I wasn’t worrying enough. It was ironic that I ran stress management courses. I was more stressed than any of those women.
I stressed over my job. Somewhere inside me a little bird constantly said I wasn’t good enough. It was rubbish of course as I did a decent job. I’d been told so by my boss. I mean, I did make the odd mistake as we all do. If anything got filed in the wrong place, I took the blame but then I carried guilt around with me and I felt responsible for everything. The newbie, Karen was very good at pointing out my failings. She didn’t do it with anyone else. For some reason, she had taken an instant dislike to me.
Being with Jack also stressed me out. I created a lot of anxiety myself for wanting to help him, but I couldn’t stop myself. With our relationship, we had been together long enough for me to stop worrying. Anytime he was late or didn’t text me back straight away or at all, I got myself in such a state. It wasn’t healthy, but I didn’t know how to change it.
He was picking me up in ten minutes to take me out for a meal. That worried me. We rarely went out unless there was something to celebrate. I felt jumpy. It wasn’t either of our birthdays. Maybe he was ending the relationship.
I thought back for any clues, any changes in his behaviour. I’d been putting off looking at the biggest elephant in the room, the inevitable clue, Caroline. Because he saw her recently, she was constantly at the back of my
mind. Perhaps they’d been in touch more often than he admitted. I wanted to believe what he said but maybe he lied to pacify me.
I chewed on my fingernails and paced up and down the hall, looking outside to see if he was there. If he was ending things, I wanted it over as soon as possible. I wore a black floral top and black pants. Should I have worn something more seductive? Did I have time to get changed?
I raced into the bedroom and put my red dress on, his favourite. Luckily, it was clean and hung up. That made a change. Most of my clothes spent their time in my ironing basket. I squeezed into the dress just before the beep of his horn sounded outside. Oh bugger, now I wasn’t ready on time. I sent him a quick text saying two more minutes even though it would take me five to fish out some tights and find my black patent shoes. One last glance and a smooth down of my hair and I was out the door.
“Sorry, Jack,” I said, as I climbed into his vehicle. “I was ready and then I noticed a mark on my top so had to get changed.”
He looked over at me. “Oh, you’ve got my favourite dress on, I’m glad,” he smiled. That should have made me relax, but it didn’t. Was I over-reacting, worrying over nothing? I sighed.
We arrived at the Italian restaurant. Italian was Jack’s favourite, and I liked any food. I had a good appetite and would have been looking forward to the night ahead if I didn’t feel so perturbed.
The waiter passed the menus to us and I chose lasagne in less than a minute. Jack looked uncomfortable. He eyed the door. He kept fidgeting and watching me then he scratched the back of his neck and threw down the menu.
“I think I’ll have a pizza.” He raised his head to elongate his neck and scratched the front. Something wasn’t right. I tapped my fingers on the table, feeling nervous. I took a deep breath and was about to say something when the waitress came over to take our order. After she left us, I looked him in the eye.