Resentments and Revenge

by Diane Ezzard

  “Why was that?”

  “They fought a lot. He was an evil bastard.” Jade’s eyes narrowed as she spoke.

  “Did he hit you?”

  “Course he did. All the time. He thought nothing of throwing me down the stairs or taking his belt off and whipping me with it.” I listened, giving nothing away in my expression but memories of my own dad’s behaviour came flooding back. My dad was a force to be reckoned with. He had a temper on him and could be violent, but he tended to throw things at me rather than attack me. The fear that evoked in me as a small boy was enough to send me into shivers. Goodness only knew what Jade felt. Glancing over at the shoppers walking past, she nodded to someone. I turned to see who it was. No one was close by.

  “Friend of yours?” I asked.

  “Not really,” she replied pulling her baseball cap further down over her eyes, as she leaned back and slunk down in her chair. She wasn’t forthcoming with any further details, so I didn’t push it. I swallowed another mouthful of food and washed it down with my tea. We continued to eat in silence. I finished and wiped my mouth with a serviette.

  “So, how do you feel now they’ve charged Billy with your mum’s murder?” She shrugged her shoulders, but her manner changed. Her posture stiffened and her fist clenched. She turned her head and stared at me. As our eyes made contact, I saw a coldness that disturbed me. “I know you must have been neglected by your mum growing up, but alcoholism is an illness.” I thought she would erupt with the scathing look she gave me. She ground her teeth and her chin jutted out.

  “You’ve no idea how bad that woman made my life. She was a miserable good-for-nothing. She was off her head all the time. You don’t know anything,” she spat out. Her face contorted. My stomach churned as I thought about the effect my own drinking must have had on my children. Was this how they felt about me?

  “She didn’t behave that way on purpose,” I said, defending Carmen. Jade rolled her eyes.

  “How would you know? I bet you didn’t come home from school and have to make your own tea every night, scavenging for morsels of food. Often, there wasn’t even a tin of beans in the house. I’d have to go down town and see what I could find in the waste of the restaurants. I once ate a piece of bread I found on the floor covered in ants, I was that hungry,” she cackled. “I was treated like a criminal for pinching an apple off a tree when all I was trying to do was survive. You’ve no idea, Jack.” She shook her head. I watched her. A hardness developed around her lips but no sign of sadness. I waited to see if she said any more. We sat in silence for some moments.

  “Did you get on with Billy?” Jade grimaced, turned to one side and spat on the floor.

  “That’s what I think of Billy, the lowlife scumbag. I never liked him and could never see why me mam put up with him. My dad, for all his faults could run rings around him. Billy was a waste of space and Mam could have done far better than him. I mean he was a loopy juice.” At that she put her forefinger up to her temple and twisted it, pulling faces.

  “What do you mean?”

  “He’s not a full shilling. You know, the lights are on but there’s no one home.”

  “So, do you believe he murdered your mum?”

  “He’s stupid enough and he could fight. They argued a lot, and he got dead jealous.”

  “Was she seeing anybody else?”

  “She was a trollop, a right slag. She put it about all over. I lost count of how many uncles I had,” she sneered. I frowned. “Look, if you don’t believe me, ask Barry, the barman.”

  “What the one with the ponytail?”

  “That’s right.”

  “He mentioned that she was a flirt.”

  “Bit of a flirt, that’s a laugh. Did he tell you he was giving her one?”

  “What? The barman?”

  “Yes, Barry was knocking her off on the QT.”

  “Are you sure, only he told me he didn’t like her.” Jade laughed.

  “He might not have liked her, but he liked what she put about and of course I’m bloody sure. He was at our house enough times and I know what humping sounds like. The lying, cheating scrote.” Jade pulled a face.

  “Erm, did you and he…?

  “It’s none of your business.” Jade’s lips thinned, and her cheeks glowed.

  “You were seeing him as well, weren’t you?”

  “It wasn’t like that.”

  “So, what was it like?” I grinned. Jade frowned.

  “Leave it will you, I don’t want to discuss it.” Jade folded her arms and looked away.

  “Does Dom know about this?”

  “No, he doesn’t, and you mustn’t go blabbing your mouth off.” Jade’s voice became raised. Customers stared at us. “I’m sick of you asking me all these questions,” she shouted. She pushed her chair back and the sound of it scraping against concrete caused more eyes to turn our way. I watched as she rose and stormed out of the café, shrugging my shoulders for the benefit of the woman at the next table.

  “Well, well, well, I might have to have another word with Barry,” I whispered to myself.

  Chapter 23

  The wind howled through the gap in the window frame. Slowly the car moved forwards. Eyes watched, waiting. The tyres hissed and crunched as they hit the gravel below. The air coming through the filters smelt of the countryside. All around, through the tinted windows was the reflection of fields. The driver fiddled with the radio to fill his ears, not content, changing channels. Grunge, hip-hop, the bass was loud. A cigarette butt was thrown out. The tinted window went back up. A hunched form sat there with white knuckles from a clenched fist and gritted teeth.

  Sophie

  I checked the hallway mirror as a lock of hair cascaded onto my cheek. I gathered it up with a tortoiseshell clip. Too vain to leave the house make-up free, I applied two coats of mascara. It used to be the possibility of bumping into George Clooney that created an obsession with my appearance. Now he was married, but there was still a one in a million chance he might be in Bury, plus I didn’t want to frighten anyone. Mascara would be my item of choice if I were stranded on a desert island. I don’t know who else I expected to bump into but being in the girl guides taught me to be prepared. A quick glance at my pale skin and I was satisfied enough with my look to go out.

  Dark clouds loomed overhead. I looked up and every shade of grey was present from monochrome dull to silver slithers and stormy-looking dark patches. I shuddered, tapping my feet in my new Reeboks. Was this such a good idea? I doubted that wearing my loose lemon top and multi-coloured patterned lycra leggings could improve the lack-lustre day.

  Jack was working even though it was Sunday. His rule on keeping weekends free had long since been broken. The only time he didn’t work was if he was seeing his kids. I was rarely invited on their jaunts which suited me. I’d given up trying to play happy families and had no desire to become their evil step-mother.

  I filled my water bottle and stuffed it into the small lightweight backpack. I didn’t trust the weather enough to leave home without my waterproof jacket, so I slipped it on and gathered up my keys, phone and beanie hat. I was still impressed by this Christmas present off Jack, a Bluetooth hat with a wireless headphone headset. At first, I thought it was a gimmick, what all the best spies wore, but I loved it and the novelty hadn’t worn off. My ensemble might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but it was practical and felt comfortable.

  I opened the door and the wind hit me. It wouldn’t be long before I warmed up from running. My feet pounded along the pavement and I bolted down the road keen to escape my concrete surroundings and feel the freedom of the countryside. I jogged past a brick wall, shaking my head as the debris whipped into a vortex around me. A plastic bag rose into the air and drifted back down like a parachute in mid-flight.

  I thought about my life, work, Jack and his case. Was there something in the stars upsetting our equilibrium? Had Venus aligned with Jupiter and sent our world all to cock? I didn’t know if it was just bad luck,
misfortune or something of our own creation. I felt unsettled. I had lost my peace of mind and that wasn’t good.

  I was glad of my running routine even if the wind was hard and biting against my cheeks. I got into my rhythm and I wasn’t panting at all. Avoiding a cracked paving stone, I meandered across the road to where the surface became more uneven. Travelling along, I was soon by the river. I always felt at home here. The rough terrain suited my mood.

  I kept running forward listening to my music. My feet touched the ground in time with the beat. I breathed in the bark from the trees. Daffodils swayed in the breeze. My breathing was steady. I checked my watch. I made good time today, pushing forward at a gruelling pace as the music track quickened.

  The land became more rugged and in an instant, everything changed. I laboured uphill, my head throbbed. I wheezed and gasped for air as a burning sensation ripped through my lungs. As I meandered around the next corner, a bramble bush snarled at my leg. I slowed to a walk, aiming for the bench in the clearing ahead to take a break.

  I reached the seat, feeling unsteady and collapsed down on it rubbing my calves. They felt unusually sore. Perhaps, I had overdone it. Sometimes, I came unstuck with my competitive streak, each time trying to improve on my last run, putting all my effort into winning whatever the cost. Outdoing my best time came at a price because with it came stress and anxiety. I had to learn when there was nothing left in the tank. At that point, I had to accept defeat gracefully.

  Sitting there listening to the sound of the water trickling gave me a moment of peace. A great thirst came over me and I reached for my water bottle. I removed my hat and heard a blackbird coo from an overhead branch. It interrupted my thinking. With too much on my mind, it punched into my ears. Why was Karen so horrible to me at work? Was there anything I could do to change it? Would I be able to help Jack find Louie? Why had he really contacted Caroline? Did Billy murder Carmen? I shuddered.

  Taking a swig of water, I wiped my mouth. A shuffling noise close by caused me to sit up. I undid my hair, shaking it. My head felt itchy, so I gave it a good scratch and massage. There it was again, the noise. All my thoughts stopped as I listened. I held my breath without realising it. The only sound I could hear was of another distant bird chirruping away.

  The shuffling noise unnerved me. I wasn’t sure why. Pull yourself together girl, there’s no… There it was again, closer this time. Was it a bird? I looked up at the trees swaying. Closely checking their branches, I cocked my head to the side but saw nothing. A branch cracked, and I jumped. Now I was being silly.

  Memories of unpleasant times came flooding back. That was why I was afraid. This was a different time though. You have nothing to be afraid of. I repeated that several times. The dark sky looked ominous. I should set off again. Then, a burst of movement attracted my eyes and out from behind a bush came my stalker. I dropped my water bottle on the ground and gave a little yelp. The white tip of a tail peeked out of a sea of green grass. A fox turned its head towards me, watching me with its honey-coloured eyes. It prowled across my path and in a flash of copper, disappeared.

  “Thanks for that,” I called out, blaming the fox for my feelings of unease. Why was I so jumpy? I ran this way all the time. I wasn’t normally filled with fear like today. The dark clouds didn’t help. I stood up to leave and felt a drop of water on my face. I’d better get a move on. The clouds looked ominous. I held the side of the bench with one hand and pulled my foot up towards my back with the other. I repeated this with the other leg, stretching my tired muscles. Looking up towards the sky, I frowned then adjusted my hair. I was about to put my hat back on, but something made me hesitate. The sense of foreboding stayed with me. I wanted my wits about me and to be able to hear my surroundings.

  Making my way down the hill, my beanie hat in hand, I contorted my face. I was ready to place it back on my head when I heard a gentle humming sound close by. I frowned. What was that noise? I looked over towards the bushes to my right, slowing my pace back down. Breathing hard, my cheeks felt flushed. Something was wrong.

  I pulled back a branch and looked in the direction of the sound and gasped. Moving slowly towards me from the right side where a gravel road met the path was a shiny black four-by-four with blacked-out windows. The vehicle glided at a snail’s pace and eased forward until it was by my side.

  I froze to the spot.

  The vehicle looked sinister.

  The darkened windows created an air of mystery. I couldn’t make out anyone inside. A distinct feeling of discomfort worked its way through my body.

  I shook.

  I didn’t like the look of this but still, I walked forward to the clearing.

  Instinct told me to turn and run but my gaze was locked on the car, mesmerised. The gentle hum of the windows descending was the only sound to alter the peace of the chirping birds. Then, I heard the bass of a hip-hop beat. It wasn’t pleasant. It felt out of place here.

  The window stopped halfway down. Inside the vehicle only darkness loomed.

  Very slowly two white fingers appeared and pointed out at me.

  The rest of the hand followed.

  It mimicked a gun.

  My eyes locked on the sight.

  A man’s voice made an exploding sound. My pulse raced as I thought about its connotations. I heard laughter and the window gradually went back up.

  I hadn’t seen any faces. My focus was on the action of the hand. At least it wasn’t a real gun. Was it a joke?

  My body trembled.

  My throat felt dry.

  I gulped and spun around.

  There was no one else about.

  No one to come to my safety.

  The car didn’t move, but I did. This time my feet weren’t glued to the ground. I set off running, and I ran as fast as I could.

  Chapter 24

  Sophie

  I couldn’t lie, the incident whilst out running disturbed me. As harmless as it may have been, I believed it wasn’t random. Whoever it was knew me and wasn’t just some idiot messing about. I had the foresight to take down the car registration number. Jack organised a trace on the vehicle. For now, I had to put the matter behind me.

  I went into the storeroom at work. I pulled out some new files and walked back into the main office. The three other counsellors were there, Susan, Miriam and Pauline as well as Karen, the training officer. No one had clients in. There had been two cancellations, so they sat chatting. At least, I heard them chatting as I approached the room. As soon as I opened the door and walked over the threshold, there was silence.

  I hadn’t imagined it. This happened twice before. Once when Miriam and Karen were there and the other time when Pauline and Karen were present. There was a common denominator with these silences when I walked in, Karen. I didn’t know whether to say something or ignore it. I chose to be brave. My eyes narrowed.

  “That’s interesting, you were all talking away before I walked in and now it’s silent.” I pulled a sickly-looking smile at them. Were they ganging up against me? “It’s my birthday coming up, I’m sorry guys. I don’t want to spoil things if you’re planning a surprise for me.” Nobody spoke. Susan blushed. They looked at each other. Pauline looked as guilty as hell. Miriam turned away and Pauline carried on with what she was doing. Something was wrong. You could cut the atmosphere with a knife.

  “Okay, I won’t spoil the party.” I sat at my desk. My skin tingled, and my mind worked overtime. There was something afoot, and I didn’t think they’d been singing my praises. I bided my time and waited for an opportune moment to bring the incident up again.

  I got my chance that afternoon. Susan and I both had a counselling session, and we were in the kitchen tidying away our cups.

  “Can I have a quiet word, Susan?” She looked at me nervously.

  “Yes, of course.”

  “What’s going on?” I said in a whisper.

  “What do you mean?” I had worked with Susan longer than any of the others, so I trusted her the
most to tell me what was happening.

  “This morning when I walked in it felt uncomfortable and you all had guilty expressions on your faces.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I could feel my face redden as the anger built up inside me.

  “Oh, don’t give me that. I’m not an idiot, Susan. It was obvious you were discussing me.”

  “It…” she began

  “And don’t insult my intelligence by telling me I’m paranoid because I’m not stupid. It’s Karen, isn’t it? She’s saying things about me. I know she doesn’t like me, so you may as well tell me.”

  “To be honest, Sophie, I’d rather not get involved in your squabbles.”

  “What squabbles?” I glared at her with my lips narrowed.

  “Well it’s delicate, maybe you ought to speak to Karen.”

  “Look, I understand you not wanting to gossip but I genuinely haven’t got a clue what you mean.” My arms waved in the air. I realised my voice was getting louder, so I toned it down to a whisper.

  “Listen, Susan, I trust you. We have never had a fallout. There’s something going on in this office. For whatever reason, I am not privy to it. I’d just like you to throw some light on the matter.” She looked at me, then stroked her chin with her left hand and with her right hand touched my shoulder. She was constantly eyeing up the entrance.

  “Okay but I want you to know I’ve paid no part in the discussions.”

  “Go on,” I said breathing heavily. I crossed my arms.

  “Karen was asking us for advice. She said you have been picking on her. She doesn’t know whether to have a word with the boss.”

  “What!” I cried. I couldn’t keep my voice down any longer. “What is she talking about? When have I done anything to make her think that?” I frowned, and my nostrils flared.

  “Please don’t shoot the messenger.” She raised her arms up in a defensive pose. “I’m only passing on what she said. She feels you have been bullying her. You’ve changed her training material, I believe?”