Gwyneth cleared her throat, bringing Mariah back to the topic at hand.
“I am not human or hawk,” she argued with less ardor, finally meeting the golden eyes of her mentor. “I don’t know how I can be.”
“You’re both, Mariah. What’s keeping you from accepting that?”
“There is nothing to accept.” She turned her face away again.
A scenario that she was intimately familiar with played in her mind. It had nagged at her over the years since she had learned that Ceo San were not supposed to stay stuck in a half-human/half-animal form like she was. If she had been able to change back and forth like Gwyneth did so effortlessly, how would her life have been different?
When her father’s shoulder had gotten so bad, would she have been able to leave the smithy and work at the inn like her mother or apprentice for one of Eaglespire’s artisans? Would she have been able to travel? Sell the small hooks and decorative pieces that she made in the city or larger villages? Could she have earned enough to make up for what her father could no longer do? Would she have been free, instead of spending her life locked in the house or the smithy, afraid of being discovered and sent to Glenley, an unwilling servant in the king’s army?
It was almost too awful to think about. If she was inherently capable of transforming, if she was a true Ceo San … if her inability to transform was due to, as Gwyneth put it, some stubborn refusal to accept who she was, it was her fault that her father had dropped that molten sword on his leg. Her fault that Ashanya had been so desperate that she had sold her own daughter to the king’s men.
Tears formed hot and wet in Mariah’s eyes. Without another word, she rose, the stool’s feet scraping the floor beneath her. Feeling Gwyneth’s gaze on her back, she walked stiffly through the back door and out of the cottage. Once she was clear of the roofline, she lifted off into the sky, all thoughts of second helpings of rabbit gone.
CHAPTER 5
XAECOR
Once she had let her grief have its time, hunger brought Mariah back to Wellspring. There was still her promise. She had flown until her back muscles were sore, and her stomach would not be put off any longer. But no epiphany had come.
When she returned, Gwyn was out of the cottage, but she had left a bit of the rabbit for Mariah. The soup she had started still simmered away above the fire, filling the house with its lovely savory aroma, and Mariah knew it was intended for dinner.
Mariah hoped the cat had gone out hunting again, although perhaps it was really her turn, and she made an internal note to promise to do the next day’s hunting or at least go to the market if Zach couldn’t provide her with the proper weapon. It would go well with the apology she owed the other woman.
But first she needed to fulfill her promise to Zachariah to help him check the roofs on the buildings around the farm. He would be expecting her. Maybe she could also squeeze in some time to play with the kids and talk with Bria.
She walked out of Gwyneth’s yard once again, running a hand through her short hair. Its downy texture reminded her of the old woman’s comment and everything that had been said that morning.
The argument began all over again in her head, only this time it was with herself. If she were capable of such a transformation, wouldn’t she have already done it by now? Could all of the Ceo San really go back and forth between forms at will? She knew Gwyneth could, but she was the only Ceo San she had ever met. She had to rely on her mentor’s word on the rest.
Wait, there was Xaecor, although they hadn’t officially met. The man had apparently been too shy, or maybe too rude, to do more than croak before flying off. She wondered if he would do the same this time. The thought gave her an idea. If she snuck up on him while he was in human form, he wouldn’t be able to escape so easily.
She broke into a run and then launched herself into the air, a bit higher than she usually would have on such a short flight. If Xaecor was still in bird form, he would see her coming easily, but if he was in human form, helping Zachariah or otherwise occupied, she might be able to get a look at him before he noticed her. Her excellent eyesight was good for more than just hunting.
It took her only a few moments to reach the farm. She circled around at high altitude, searching the ground for signs of life. Levin and Lia were in the chicken coop. She couldn’t see them at first, but she could hear Lia’s giggle before the little girl came running out, her brother close on her heels, the birds squawking in protest at the disturbance. Bria was closer to the house, beating a rug that hung from a line that was strung between the house and the barn. There was a cloud of dust floating away downwind of her. Behind her, Larissa, a tiny dot, was sleeping on a blanket in the warm sunshine. Zach was in the field, walking in a straight line and dropping seeds into neatly tilled rows on either side of him.
Behind him walked a small man with shining black hair that seemed to stick out at all angles. She wasn’t surprised that it reflected blue and purple highlights in the sun. He was a raven, after all. He carried a large sack, stumbling awkwardly along. Mariah realized that it was filled with seed. As soon as Zach’s hands were empty, he would turn and scoop out more from the bag and continue seeding the rows. They didn’t seem to be doing much talking, only working.
She descended in a slow circle, making her approach obvious. Xae looked up first, and Mariah started slightly when she got a good look at his face. He was not a man after all. He was a teenage boy, no more than fifteen and not yet as tall as Zach. He was lanky and skinny like so many boys that age tended to be. His muscles would eventually grow and fill out his body, but he still had a few years before that. His angular face was pale and smooth. He probably didn’t even have to shave yet. His face remained solemn as he watched her flight. She landed softly in front of them, careful not to land on the seed rows. Xae’s knuckles whitened around his sack as if he wanted to run.
“Mari!” Zach smiled, emptying the rest of his handful of seed onto the ground before giving her a quick hug. “You’re back!”
“I promised I would come and help you check the roofs, although I imagine your guest here could probably do almost as good a job as I could.”
Xae’s expression didn’t change.
“Bria would skin me if I didn’t find some excuse to get you to the house every day you’re here. She likes having you around.” He turned to Xae. “And as for my guest, I guess you haven’t been formally introduced. Mariah, this is Xaecor. Xaecor, this is Mariah. I told you about her. She lives near the mountains to the north, between here and the Granite Sea.”
Something about that statement made the boy cringe, but he shifted the weight of the sack and extended a hand. “Hi.”
Mariah shook it. Xae’s hands were soft, so he wasn’t used to farm labor. He was old enough to be apprenticed to someone or to work with his parents. It made her curious. Her own hands were not nearly as calloused as they had been when she had worked for her father, but they weren’t as soft as his either. She did enough work cutting wood for her fire, creating makeshift tools, skinning, and tanning that they were still fairly roughened.
“Hello,” she said. She took a deep breath before broaching the subject that she knew must be on both of their minds. “You are Ceo San?”
Zach, remaining silent, took the seed bag from Xae and made his way down the row away from them, giving them space to talk.
The boy only stared.
“You’re the first I have met besides Gwyneth. Have you met her?”
He nodded.
“Where are you from? I mean, Bria said you were from Varidian, but she didn’t say exactly where. I used to live there, too.”
He watched her with calculating eyes for a moment, and she didn’t think he was going to answer. But his gaze went to Zach, who was already twenty yards down the row, and then returned to her. “Glenley. I come from Glenley.”
Her eyes widened, and terror fluttered in her chest. The capital, home of King Rothgar and his army. She pushed t
he fear down, but this time, she was the one who only nodded.
“She was wrong about you. There’s no way you can help.”
Mariah’s eyes widened, the question on her lips, but before she could figure out what he was talking about, Zach’s jovial voice boomed out from beside the boy. “Done for now.” He handed the sack back to Xae. “Why don’t you put that back in the shed? Then see if Bria has something for you to eat. Mari and I will see to the roofs.”
Xae’s eyes actually brightened and his lips became somewhat less grim when he heard Bria’s name. Or maybe it was the mention of food. He nodded and turned, ignoring Mariah, and quickly headed back toward the house.
Mariah and Zach both watched him walk away. When he disappeared into the shed, Zach laughed. “I do believe that lad has a crush on my wife.”
She was still thinking about what he’d said, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to know what he was talking about. She’d had enough talk about her failings to last her a lifetime. So, she took Zach’s lead. “I do believe you’re right. I was beginning to wonder if he was capable of any other expression.” She mocked the serious face the boy had been holding for the last few minutes, and Zach chuckled.
They started their own walk toward the barn. “Xae helped me bundle up the straw and cut and split the hazel yesterday. I just need you to find the weak spots, so we can lay in the new straw. I’ll probably lay on a whole new layer before winter if you’re around.”
He smiled brightly at her, and she took the hint.
“I’d be happy to help,” she laughed. “Before or after harvest?” How did Zach always manage to wheedle so many promises from her? Still, it was good to feel useful again.
“After, I think, but before the rains start in too bad.”
They were silent for another moment before he spoke again. “Is it hard?”
“Is what hard?”
“Seein’ someone like Xae after all this time. Someone like you?”
“He’s not like me!” The words were out before she could stop them, and Zach’s eyebrows rose. She forced herself to consider his words. Xae was just a boy. He must have had a family. Had they given him up to the king, too? She wasn’t sure hard was the right word. “Sorry. I don’t know. It’s strange. That’s certain.”
“He’s been through a lot from the little he’ll tell.” They arrived at the barn, and he went inside for the wheelbarrow, which was full of straw bundles with hazel spars laid across the top. “That boy keeps a lot to himself, but he’s been helpful around the farm. He seems like he’s waiting for something, but I’m not sure what. I doubt he’s plannin’ on staying, but he seems determined to earn his keep. He’s proud. Like someone else I know.”
She elbowed him sideways before she grabbed a bundle of straw. “My father taught me how to work, and I’m glad he did. He also taught me that if you’re going to do a job, you do it right.”
Although it was difficult at times, she was grateful to have Zach in her life because he reminded her of Magnus and kept his memory alive for her. That was probably why she was so eager to please him. It was hard to believe that she would ever forget her father, but when the routine of life took over, there were days that she didn’t think of him at all.
Zach’s size and warm manner reassured her that as long as he was around, she wouldn’t ever completely forget her father.
Magnus had given her life and then saved that life by giving her permission to run on her last day in Varidian. Without it, she might have given herself up to the king’s soldiers. Of course, she was sure her mother hadn’t received her reward for reporting her. Mariah still hoped that in fleeing, she hadn’t signed her father’s death warrant. How had they survived with her father’s injury? It ate at her that she would probably never know.
CHAPTER 6
THE HAWK & THE RAVEN
A week had passed, and nothing earth-shattering had happened. The roofs were all patched up on the Ansell farm, and Mariah had helped Zach with a few other chores. She had also managed to steel herself into going into town to purchase two new books along with paper, quills, salt, and a few small jars of basic ointments and potions that would serve if she were to take ill.
However, she had made no progress in becoming any more human or any more hawk. Gwyneth had promised—threatened really—that they would try again during the morning hunt.
But for now, she had the afternoon off and had decided to spend it with Bria. She had something special planned for Lia and Levin.
“You spoil those children,” Bria laughed as they approached the small market area in Wellspring. The village was smaller than Eaglespire had been. The shops all faced inward onto one small square. In the spring and summer, the merchants would often bring their wares outside in front of the shops, effectively turning the area into a market.
“I have no one else to spoil.” Her eyes darted from side to side, checking the crowd to see if anyone was watching her. Despite the warm weather and Bria’s insistence that it was unnecessary, she had worn her cloak. It made her look like a hunchback, but it was better than the alternative. Zach had mentioned that there had been more than the usual number of strangers coming through from the north. Had Xae been tracked here, or was his arrival part of something larger? During her time in town, Mariah had heard other rumors as well, about the Ceo San. The voices had been pitched low, but the villagers didn’t realize just how well she could really hear. Apparently, refugees like Xae and their families were becoming more and more common on the shores of Cillian. It was also rumored that Ceo San in Varidian were being enslaved by the dozens as those who had stayed hidden for years were ferreted out. Those who refused to submit were slaughtered. The rumors set her nerves on edge and made her itch to return to Firebend. Bria bumped her shoulder, deliberately bringing her back to the present and to her unfinished thought. “I’ll never have children of my own. So, I might as well spoil yours.”
“You should take one of the dogs back with you. At least you’d have a companion.”
“A dog could never keep up with me.” As they entered the square, she made a beeline straight for the shop of Wakely Clare, Bria at her side. “Besides, any single dog would be lonely without his pack mates on the mountain, and a pack of dogs would chase off my dinner. And I’m not alone. There are hawks on the mountain.”
Bria sighed, pushing her braid back over her shoulder and cooing to Larissa, who was tucked safely away in her sling. “You can’t talk to hawks. … Can you?” Mariah shook her head. “Anyway, I hate it that you’re so alone up there for so much of the year.”
“I like it, Bria. Solitude suits me.”
“Greetings, Miss Bria, Miss Mari. And how are you this fine afternoon?”
As she had expected, Wakely was outside his shop minding a stand with some everyday chairs and stools for sale. Wakely Clare was a woodworker. Mariah didn’t have a lot to compare him to, but he had a reputation as the best around. He made much of the furniture that could be found in the village, but he also did fine work when called upon. Wealthy people from villages and cities a hundred miles distant were known to travel to Wellspring just to purchase a custom piece from the craftsman. Mariah had heard rumors that he had received a commission from Queen Cenessa herself in the last year.
He occasionally came by Gwyneth’s cottage for a visit, and Mariah wondered if something was going on between them, but her mentor refused to talk about it. Her own visits were never long enough for her to tell for sure. Maybe they were just friends, but it really didn’t matter today. What mattered was that Wakely was very talented, not just with furniture but also with wood carving. He was never opposed to taking his scraps to create new things, and she had asked him to do just that shortly after she had arrived in the village.
“Miss Mari? Are you with us?” Wakely’s voice was raised a bit but still gentle. Mariah saw his gaze go to her cloak, questioning, but he didn’t mention it. He openly worshipped the Althamir, like Gwyn, but the re
verence he sometimes treated Mariah with made her want to hide in a corner.
Her eyes focused on him.
“Ah, you’re here.” He smiled.
“Sorry, I got a bit distracted. You said I could come by today.”
“Of course, of course. I have your order in the shop. I’ll be right back.” He lumbered up the stairs, one leg a little slower than the other. He was of an age with Gwyneth, maybe a tad younger, with dusky skin, white hair, and a matching beard. Although it had been more gray than white when they had met years before, there were only a few streaks of gray left in his hair and beard now. He had a long, bladelike nose and sharp cheekbones, but his manner was always soft, calm, and deliberate.
He returned a few moments later with a couple of small bundles wrapped in muslin. He set one on a chair and brought the other to her, opening it as he walked. His face brightened as he held it up to her.
It was magnificent. The carving of a hawk in flight was small enough to be held easily by a child’s hand. Mariah took it and examined it closely. She could make out the individual feathers and imagined she could see the gleam in the bird’s eye, even though the piece was unpainted. She had requested it that way because she already knew that the craftsman wasn’t charging her enough.
“Oh, my,” Bria murmured. “Wakely, you have outdone yourself this time. Mari, you should keep that for yourself. Nothing so exquisite should be given to children so young. It will end up buried in the dirt or lost up a tree somewhere.” Even Bria couldn’t resist it. She reached out and touched a finger to the tiny claws on the creature’s talons.
“That’s exactly why they should have it. Think of the adventures Lia will have. Let’s see the other.”
Wakely, his smile even brighter, brought over the other package. It had been a whim, but she still felt good about her decision, even if the boy had barely said two words to her in the past week. Inside the other bundle of cloth was a raven.
She took it and held it up to Bria. “This is for Levin.” Like the hawk’s, the raven’s wings were spread wide. “See, there is a little hole right here in the tail so he can wear it around his neck if he likes. I’ve seen the way he looks up to Xae. I thought it would be perfect.”
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