Beside Maray, Jemin was fingering his collar back into place.
“Wrong?” Heck laughed out loud as if Maray had made a really good joke. “That’s the thing.” He folded his hands in his lap and leaned forward, elbows resting on his thighs. “There is nothing wrong with this—literally nothing.” He pointed at himself with one thumb without straightening. “Except for me.”
Maray was staring at Heck so intently that she felt her eyes were burning from lack of blinking. Even Jemin seemed petrified by Heck’s mysterious statement.
“Me,” Heck repeated with a laugh. “I am wrong in this scene.” He gave Maray a sideways glance before his eyes wandered to scrutinize Jemin’s face.
Maray followed his gaze and found Jemin devastated by Heck’s behavior.
“You don’t get it,” Heck assumed. “I am the last person to disapprove of the two of you getting it on. Just let me know next time you want to be alone together so I don’t need to burn my memory to cleanse it of the sight of Jem’s naked butt.”
Heck seemed to find himself amusing as he spoke. It rang in every syllable of his words, and Maray had a difficult time believing this was all he had to say to finding them in flagrante.
“Are you feeling all right, Heck?” Jemin asked, finally unfreezing. “Shouldn’t you be upset with us?”
Heck’s laugh caught in his throat. “You have no idea, Jem.”
Now Maray was confused beyond measure. Was there a storm brewing beneath the smiles which would consume all three of them?
Maray felt Jemin shift beside her, probably reaching for his sword in reflex as Heck jumped to his feet unexpectedly and grabbed both Jemin and Maray by the shoulder.
“You have no idea how relieved I am.” For the first time since Laura’s and Rhia’s funeral, Heck’s face was completely open, unprotected by grins, and for the first time since Gan Krai had returned, it was untroubled by concern and worry. “Finding the two of you together makes me feel less bad about myself.”
Maray scrutinized his face, trying to read meaning into his words, but there was nothing she could find except a completely different Heck. “I am sorry, Heck, but I don’t think I can follow…”
“Seri,” Heck explained in one word, and something seemed to click in Jemin’s head, for he broke into a laugh, his body shaking, almost hysterical.
“That explains a lot,” Jemin squeezed out between gasps, and he clasped Heck’s wrist with one hand, pulling him into a crushing hug.
Maray watched the two boys, wondering what to make of the development, when it dawned on her.
“You are in love with Seri?”
Heck glanced at her over Jemin’s shoulder and shrugged as best he could in his friend’s arms.
“When did that happen?”
“I’ve been waiting for the right moment to tell you, but with everything going on…” Heck pulled out of Jemin’s embrace and flung himself back into the chair.
“Especially with everything going on,” Maray gasped.
“Exactly.” Heck took Maray’s hand the way he sometimes did to console her. “There is never a good time.”
Maray was very much aware of how Jemin’s body tensed as he watched their hands linked together, and she carefully pulled out of his fingers, meeting his chocolate gaze with an apologetic look, more for Jemin’s benefit than her own.
“You could have told me yesterday,” she suggested.
Heck shrugged. “I could, but would that have made you feel any better?” A crease appeared on his forehead as he returned to that position of the surprisingly dutiful Heck. “But you gave no indication you were going to release me from our agreement, so why burden you with how I feel about it?”
The sun was slowly creeping to the west as Maray waited for Heck to continue, but it seemed he had nothing more to say. “But—why?” She lifted a hand as if hoping an answer would drop from thin air. “Why didn’t you tell me you are in love?”
“It doesn’t change anything,” Heck insisted.
“’Doesn’t change anything’, how?”
“You’re still the future queen in need of an alliance, and I will not let you down.”
“But you’ll stand by and let me have Jemin while you deny yourself your true feelings?” Maray swallowed air for lack of words as Heck shrugged again. “If you are really in love, you should be with her,” she eventually found her voice again.
“I know it’s usually Jem’s department to be noble,” Heck pointed out, “but I thought, for a change…”
“Heck!” Maray smacked his arm with her hand as he grinned broadly. “If you’re in love with someone else, I cannot ask you to marry me.”
“You never had to ask.”
“I will not marry you.”
The room went silent, even their breaths were stuck for a moment.
As Maray realized what she had just said, she didn’t dare to look at either of the two boys for fear of what she would find in their eyes. In Heck’s, so chocolaty-warm, and Jemin’s, so bright and blue… Jemin had been oddly quiet for the better part of their conversation. What was going on in his mind?
“What will the people of Allinan say?” Heck asked only half-serious, “and the nobles?”
“You’re one of those nobles,” Maray reminded him sharply, unsure of what to make of his reaction.
In response, he comically lifted his hand, as if helplessly searching for a solution, then stopped mid-gesture. “I know. I don’t care.”
Maray frowned, remembering Jemin was still there when he cleared his throat.
“What’s wrong, Jem?” Heck asked, a sudden edge to his tone. “You shouldn’t care either. You have been creeping around the palace like a ghost ever since New Year’s Eve. You should be happy the one person who makes you happy will finally be available.”
Maray felt Jemin’s gaze heavy on her side. It was a weight that she couldn’t categorize, but there was something more to it than a usual glance. It was exciting and threatening at the same time, making her dread meeting his gaze and, at the same time, yearn to lay eyes on him and read from his face what was going on inside his mind.
“Jem?” Heck seemed alarmed by something, and when Maray looked up, giving in to the urge, she understood why.
Jemin’s frame was shaking slightly, his normally so bright eyes muddy, troubled waters, focused on her with an uncomfortable bewilderment, which made her wonder if he was still in possession of his own mind. He was about to transform.
“Are you all right?” Maray asked cautiously, knowing what Jemin had done last time he’d been upset with Heck and turned into a Yutu.
“Calm down, Buddy,” Heck encouraged, but Jemin didn’t react. His eyes were on Maray, locking her gaze to his with a compelling force she hadn’t known existed. It was as if the universe existed there, and there only. A thrill trickled down her spine like she was feeling adrenaline originating in Jemin rather than in herself.
She braced herself and inched her hand toward Jemin in slow motion.
But Jemin didn’t seem to notice her or Heck or the room around them. His trembling body was flaring out to all sides like a bonfire as his shape changed to that of an enormous, razor-toothed beast.
Maray shrank back, snapping out of her paralysis, and just in time, for Yutu-Jemin set one plate-sized paw after the other until his caramel-furred face was close enough for Maray to feel his breath on her face. His shoulders were the height of her own, forming a line with laid-back ears as he bit the air between them with a growl.
“Don’t get any closer to her.” Heck had drawn his weapon, ready to jump in-between Maray and the monstrous wolf-bear in front of her. But for some reason, she couldn’t find fear inside of her. All that she felt was a deep-running fascination, an almost hypnotic sensation that electrified the room as Jemin’s Yutu version approached her, disregarding Heck’s warning.
Then, with a movement so fast even Heck had no chance anticipating it, Jemin leapt around Heck, pushing him to the ground with an e
legant twist of his shoulder, before he landed in front of Maray again, this time, so close she could feel the heat of his body radiating from under his thick fur.
In the background, Heck’s violent complaints sounded past Maray. The world was no longer turning, caught between their eyes—Jemin’s and Maray’s. And as he lowered his head and gently touched his nose to her chest, a web of heat enveloped her. But she didn’t move as it seared over her skin and through her veins. She didn’t even realize she was screaming out in pain until Heck’s sword bit into Jemin’s shoulder and he stumbled to the side, breaking the connection, landing on the floor with a whimper.
Maray caught her breath. “Heck!” She stared at him disbelieving.
“He was hurting you,” Heck explained, guilt-stricken as he eyed Yutu-Jemin who was shaking again.
“He wasn’t—” Maray searched for something to put against Heck’s argument, but it wasn’t as if he hadn’t been right. “He wasn’t attacking me,” she insisted, her head clearing as the pain left her system. “I don’t know what it was, exactly, what he was doing…”
“Claiming you,” Jemin whispered from the floor, grasping his injured shoulder and hiding his face behind his disheveled hair.
“What?” Heck was first to react. There was some sort of understanding in his eyes that let Maray guess he knew more about what had just happened then he let on.
“I am sorry,” he squeezed out between clenched teeth. “I shouldn’t have…”
Maray crouched down next to Jemin, as much concerned about his wound as she was about what had just happened. “Would someone care to explain?” She gave both boys looks, and while Heck’s eyes met hers with a disgruntled look, Jemin’s remained hidden behind a curtain of caramel.
Jemin
Jemin’s fingers trembled as he lifted them from the clean cut on his biceps. He cursed under his breath. What had he done? The layers of skin were already knitting back together, but the cleft in his soul had opened that neither Heck nor anyone else had inflicted on him—he had given in to his Yutu-instincts. He had claimed Maray. Not in a physical way by sleeping with her and giving in to his carnal desires but on a more profound level where he had burnt her scent into his shifter-nose to stay with him forever—and in reverse, he had breathed himself onto her, to mark his territory.
Seri had explained the details when she had explained on one of their countless patrols, what it meant, how it worked. Some sort of chemical reaction, but had he known that it would hurt Maray, he wouldn’t have done it—or would he? However, the outcome remained the same. Maray was his now. And had he once thought he would do anything for her before, now it was actually true. He was going to kill for her, and he was going to die for her if that was what was needed. He was going to be her shield in the fierce wind of the council’s dismay. But there was one thing he wasn’t going to do—leave her side, ever again.
“I am sorry. I shouldn’t have.” He said the words, not to apologize for having done it, for nothing had ever felt better than allowing himself this existential need. He did it to appease Maray, in case she was furious for him taking the liberty.
He didn’t dare look up to meet Maray’s eyes when she crouched beside him, her scent, almost painfully present, reminding him of how good it had felt to breathe her in from up close. His shifter-senses, duller than when he was in his other shape, screamed for the full experience. It was like by claiming her, he had torn open a whole other wound in his heart that would now be aching forever if he as much as tried to resist her.
“Would someone care to explain?” Her voice filled his head like a cloud of chords and rang there without allowing him to grasp the meaning.
“What were you thinking?” Heck’s voice almost sounded as though it was in a different dimension as it pierced through the curtain that was Maray. Everything was Maray—the pinkish sunlight that touched his arm from the side, the dust particles in the stirring air as she lifted her hand to check his wound. He didn’t flinch as her fingers brushed away his hand and peeled the torn shirt aside. Had it been anything less than Thaotine, Heck would have cut off his arm, but this way, a bruise would be all that would be left once the cut had sealed under the small gap in the fabric.
“Does it hurt?” Maray asked, concern carrying her words out despite her confusion.
Another stabbing pain hit Jemin’s heart. Heck was right. What had he done? He had claimed Maray on such an existential level without even caring to ask if that was what she wanted. What if she would despise him for it? What if she would abandon him for it?
Had he not cringed at her touch before, he did now from his own inconsideration, and Maray’s fingers slipped from his arm as he withdrew from her, letting a quiet gasp escape her lips as she herself pulled back. It wasn’t much but was enough for Jemin not to be able to bear not knowing what was going on inside her mind for another second. He braced himself for the rejection in her eyes and looked up.
What he found was worse than what he had expected.
Maray’s face, pale and beautiful, her lips flushed as if from exertion, her eyes moist with tears and avoiding his gaze as he sought hers. A crease had formed between her brows, which could only let him guess the depths of fear she must be going through. She surely had felt something had happened, and now—what should he say? How could he explain that he was bound for life while she remained free? She wasn’t a Yutu. Her chemistry worked differently.
“Oh, Jem. What have you done now?” Heck stepped to Maray’s side and laid one arm around her, triggering the urge in Jemin to rip that arm off. “You made her cry.”
Maray eyed Heck from the side, tears pouring down her cheeks, and gave him a freezing look. Then her eyes turned to finally meet Jemin’s, driving a dagger of ice into his chest.
“Out, both of you.” She slid out of Heck’s embrace and scrambled to her feet, appearing weak, shaken, unable to stand by herself, and Jemin felt a part of himself die as she held out one hand, gesturing for him to stop the second he leaned forward to support her. “If you’re not going to tell me what’s going on, you might as well disappear for the time being.” She shot another look at Jemin, making him wish he had a second heart to replace the aching lump inside his chest. “I have a council to face and a queendom to claim.”
Jemin’s lips involuntarily twitched at her choice of words. “Don’t forget the immortal warlock with the Shalleyn army,” he murmured.
“And the devil-children,” Heck added.
Maray was helping herself into a blue chair, bracing her arm on the coffee table as she sat down, not paying them any further attention. She looked miserable, lost.
It took a moment, a short glance between Jemin and Heck, to come to an understanding. Whatever had just happened, and it was clear Heck understood the profound and irreversible nature of it, now was not the time to quarrel about it. Now was the time to be there for Maray just as he knew he had to because, in his reality, there no longer was another option.
Jemin dragged himself to his feet, biting back a curse at Heck as the healing wound stung at every movement. Instead, he offered a ‘thank you’ and clapped Heck’s shoulder in a gesture of reconciliation.
It was wrong to be upset with Heck. Heck had done the only right thing: stop Jemin and take care of Maray’s needs—even if she had cut him loose from their engagement.
With a clearer mind, he stepped toward her and studied her face as she looked out the window, obviously no longer interested in seeing any of him.
“My love,” Jemin whispered inaudibly for the others. He simply had to say it just to get it off his chest before he took a seat beside her, bending forward to be level with her head the way he had as a Yutu, and also to seek her gaze, not at all ready to feel the daggers of ice from her again. “I’m ready to tell you whatever you need to know.”
Maray turned her head and bestowed on him a glance that reminded him of a glass doll. “What did you mean you ‘claimed me’?”
Jemin suppressed the sensation
of walking on thin ice and plunging into the glacial depths beneath it the way Gan Krai had done to him, instead, focusing on Maray’s blotchy eyes which didn’t lack to pierce right into his soul.
“You remember when I told you I would be ruined for anyone else?” His palms tingled as he thought back of that moment before the suitors' ball, when he had told her he agreed that Heck was a good choice, and forgotten about it all when they had kissed. How her skin had heated under his touch and how she had offered herself to him.
By the blush that was tinting Maray’s cheeks, he knew she did even when she didn’t answer.
“Yutu need a mate. And when they find one, they stick with them for life.” The words sounded stupid when spoken aloud to someone other than a shifter. Seri would have understood exactly what he was talking about. She herself had joked that it was dangerous for a shifter to fall in love, for once they did and acted on it, they were lost for anyone else. Now, Jemin realized that Seri must have been talking about herself and Heck. How cautious she had been not to let anyone notice how she felt about him. And Heck... Jemin glanced at his friend, who was standing where he had left him, apparently unsure whether or not to join the conversation.
Jemin returned his focus on Maray, whose eyes were inquisitive as her tears dried up.
“By doing what I did, I claimed you as mine.” Jemin paused, giving Maray a moment to comprehend, to object, scream, run, whatever she needed, but she remained perfectly still, waiting for something… an explanation perhaps. “I don’t know what got into me.” He shook his head at himself. “But when Heck was okay with us—” His hand waved back and forth between her and him, stirring the air and swirling her scent toward his nose afresh, “—I thought… I wasn’t thinking at all, to be honest. All I did was claim you… in a very selfish way, at the most inappropriate time, without even considering what you would want…” As he listened to himself, his hopes plunged into the depths of coldness under the icy surface he was inching across. He felt like a criminal. Worse. Like and animal. And to a certain degree, that was exactly what he was.
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