by Leyla Hunt
Before I can reply, he turns and makes a swift exit from the coffee shop. Leaving behind his uneaten pastry and his phone number.
My heart is in my throat but at least now I can breathe. I fill my lungs as I take the piece of paper and skim the number a few times. For a moment, I debate whether or not I’m going to put it in my phone. No, I don’t have time for this. I can’t entertain the idea of dating when I’ve got so many other things on my plate. I’ve got to focus on school and nothing else. I can’t let anything get in the way.
Not even a pants-meltingly-hot alpha with dark eyes and a voice that makes my cock hard.
Thirty-Eight
Flemming
Not for the first time, I question my sanity.
I stand on the sidewalk just outside of the coffee shop and look up at the overcast sky. The seasons are shifting. Soon the rain will come and chase away the last hints of summer. Right now, however, it’s just humid and uncomfortable.
I exhale and shove my hands in my pockets as I turn to walk up the street.
After reading Cyrus’s essay I knew I had to meet him in person. The things he said, the way he wrote them, it spoke to me in a way nothing else ever has. Maybe it’s because of the vulnerable state I’ve been in over the last few months, but I was moved to tears.
At first, I’d just wanted to use the contact information on his scholarship application to reach out to him. But I was afraid that meeting me like that would taint his opinion of me. I was the one responsible for handing out the scholarship he’d just been awarded. I’m sure he would’ve presented an alternate version of himself to me. Something a little more straight-laced and proper.
Not the real Cyrus.
So, I kinda maybe stalked him a little...not like, following him back to his house or anything. I didn’t pry into his personal life, peer into his window while he’s sleeping or anything like that. I just waited at the financial aid office at the school. I actually had reasons to be there anyway. Handing in the paperwork to finalize the scholarship fund and everything.
I knew Cyrus would probably be coming in at some point to speak with his adviser and find out exactly how much financial aid he’d need after his scholarships all came through. So I sort of...waited.
Honestly, I’m not sure how I planned to pick him out of the crowd of students thronging through the financial aid offices every single day. Something told me that I’d just know it when I saw him.
And I did.
It was like a tug in the pit of my stomach. It pulled me towards him the instant he entered the building. As soon as I caught sight of him, my heart rate skyrocketed. I knew it was him and I knew I wanted to get to know him more. No, that’s not quite true. I didn’t just want to get to know him. I wanted him. I wanted every part of him to be mine.
It took a feat of self-control that I didn’t know I was capable of, to keep myself from going up to him right then and there. I had to force myself to wait. To hold back just a little longer. I needed to think things through and choose the right moment to approach.
Following him from the school felt almost criminal. What sort of person was I? Following this omega who didn’t even know I existed. If he knew the lengths I’d gone to, he would probably have called the cops right then and there. I wish I could say that I had a good reason for everything I was doing, but I definitely don’t. Nothing that the cops would buy anyway.
When he finally stopped in at the coffee shop I saw my chance. I really have been there dozens of times. It’s my usual early morning haunt before I drag myself to the office. I hadn’t lied about that at least. Actually, nothing I told him was a lie. I just didn’t tell him the truth about who I really was or how I came to be there at the same time that he was.
It was fate, happenstance, serendipity. Something like that.
I’m still feeling a little guilty about following him all that way. Especially because it doesn’t seem like he feels the same pull that I’ve been struggling with all day. His rejection is immediate and he doesn’t look the least bit conflicted as he says it.
Despite my body telling me to stay, I force myself to leave. I’m not going to overstay my welcome and make him feel uncomfortable. Maybe if I get far enough away from him I can pretend none of this ever happened.
The only reason I left my number is because I wanted that hope, however faint, that he might reach out to me. That maybe, there’s still a chance for us to meet again. Perhaps...with time…
I take a deep breath and shake my head. I just have to accept the fact that I got my emotions tangled up with an omega that has nothing to do with my painful past. His essay moved me to the point where I started to conflate fantasy and reality. I’m the one that needs time, and distance...and a whole lot of gin.
Stopped on the street corner, waiting for the crosswalk light to change, I hear a voice calling out to me.
Great. Auditory hallucinations are a sure sign that I haven’t gotten enough sleep lately. I’ve been avoiding it, if I’m being honest. Sleep doesn’t appeal to me. There’s too much to do and too much time is lost while sleeping. That, and, sleep doesn’t bring me rest.
If I’m hallucinating then I can’t exactly avoid it any longer though. I guess I’ll have Marjorie make me some valerian root and chamomile tea when I get back home. I should probably call for a ride share or something. There’s no way I’m going to be able to walk all the way home.
I’m still ticking through the thoughts in my head when someone grabs my arm.
I turn, instantly on the defensive. Only to feel my defenses slip away when I see Cyrus standing there, panting for breath, his face red. He must’ve been running to catch up with me. I wasn’t hallucinating after all. He was calling out to me.
“I’m glad I caught you,” he says as he releases my arm and straightens slightly. His backpack and laptop are slung hastily over one shoulder. He’s carrying his coat in on arm and he’s got a small bag clutched in his hand. “I guess you couldn’t hear me over the traffic.”
“I was lost in thought, I guess,” I say, trying my best to resume my role as the sexy, desirable alpha that’s got his shit together. Not the mess of a human that I really am. “Is everything okay?”
“Y-yeah,” Cyrus says as he holds out the little paper bag. “You forgot your pastry.”
I stare, wide eyed, as I hesitantly take the bag from him. I’d forgotten about the pastry that I bought with my coffee. It wasn’t really important, after all.
“You ran all that way, for this?” I ask, as I look down at the bag in surprise. “You didn’t have to pack everything up for that.”
He frowns and I realize that I’m being incredibly rude.
“I’m grateful, of course. Thank you for bringing it to me,” I say, trying to recover as gracefully as possible. “I’m just surprised, that’s all.”
Cyrus drops his gaze and looks away for a moment. “I don’t know how to explain it,” he admits. “I don’t know what’s going on. I just...I knew that if I let you walk away like that I was going to regret it.”
He lifts his chin and meets my eyes with a determined frown. “I meant what I said earlier,” he continues. “School is important to me. Between that and work I don’t have time for dating. But...” he clutches his hand to his chest, “I felt like my heart was going to snap in two if I didn’t chase after you.”
So the pastry was just an excuse.
I can’t help the slight smile that touches my lips. “Well then,” I step towards him, closing the distance between us. “What do you say we skip the dating part?”
Thirty-Nine
Cyrus
My heart is pounding so fast that I’m sure I’m going to break a rib. Flemming towers over me, his eyes roving across my body. I know what he’s thinking. All of the dirty things he wants to do to me. Undressing me with his eyes. Wondering how my lips taste. I know what he’s thinking because I’m thinking it too.
My body is ready to submit. To give itself over to him and let him exp
erience me in a way that no one else ever has.
But my brain is still resisting. The logical part of my mind is still trying to push back against this need that’s surfaced inside me. I don’t have time for this. I can’t afford to get tangled up in a messy relationship with an alpha that I barely know. No matter how sexy he is, no matter how hard he’s making me, he’s still a stranger.
“I don’t...I don’t know if I can,” I tell him as I look away. “I’m sorry, Flemming.”
I start to back away, but he catches my arm in his hand. His grip is firm, but gentle.
“Please, Cyrus.” His tone is rough, there’s a need there that he’s struggling to contain. He doesn’t have the same obligations holding him down. He doesn’t have to resist the intensity of this pull between us. “Don’t walk away. Please...”
He releases my arm and averts his gaze. There’s shame in his eyes. He hates begging like this. I have the power in this situation. He could stop me from leaving, physically. He could grab me and toss me into his car. He could threaten me or use any number of manipulative phrases to force me into complying with him.
But he’s not.
He puts his hands in his pockets, stowing the pastry bag in his coat, and exhales a calming breath.
“I just want you to think before you walk away,” he says, not daring to look at me again. “I don’t know what this feeling is inside my chest, but now that I know you’re feeling it too...I don’t think I could walk away from you if I wanted to. If you want to leave, you’re free to do so. I won’t stop you. I can’t stop you. If you are capable of leaving, and you want to, then...go ahead.”
He closes his eyes for a moment and then lifts his head to look up at the sky.
“I just want you to know, before you leave, that I thought your essay was beautiful.”
His words pierce me like an arrow. My lips part as I look up at him. Thoughts tumble through my head as I try to make sense of what he’s telling me.
“How did you read...” my voice trails off and my shoulders tighten. “You’re the one behind the scholarship. Aren’t you?”
He lowers his gaze and looks back down at me. “Guilty as charged,” he says with a sad expression in his eyes. “Your words moved me beyond measure. I knew I had to meet you in person. To find out who you really were. The sort of person that could write something like that is special. When I first saw you, I instantly knew you had to be the one. The magnetic pull I felt drew me to you.”
“So you followed me?” my tone is accusatory. I step back defensively. That sort of crazed behavior is exactly why I don’t want to bother with dating. I can’t afford the drama. And he’s already proven that he’s got stalker-ish tendencies. How am I supposed to just go with him?
“I did,” he admits. “I know I shouldn’t have. I know that I should’ve just reached out to you another way. Something more official, I guess. But I didn’t want you to only see me as some corporate entity handing out a scholarship. I wanted...I wanted you to see me as I am.”
“I...” All sorts of words jump to my lips. Accusations that would be entirely valid. Stalker. Creep. Predator. But I don’t say any of them. Because that’s not what I see when I look at him. That’s not what my heart feels when I’m near him.
He followed me. Yes. But he didn’t violate me or my privacy. He didn’t go through my things, dig through my trash, or gossip with my friends. It’s...a little odd, but how is it any different than the omegas that see a hot alpha and arrange to “trip” just in his line of sight, or stumble into him, so that they’ve got an excuse to speak to one another.
Okay, it might be a little different. But not much.
I inhale deeply and look back that the pathetic alpha standing before me. He’s barely holding himself together right now, and I’m overwhelmed with the desire to pull him into my arms and soothe away all of his cares.
Except, that I don’t know what burdens he’s carrying. I don’t know what’s weighing him down, and I don’t know if I have the strength for the both of us. Can I really risk this? It’s like jumping off a cliff into a lake without knowing how deep the water is.
“If you’re going to leave, you should do it soon,” he says, his voice quiet against the background of city noises surrounding us. “The longer you stand here, the more my heart aches. I won’t force you to stay, but please don’t keep me in suspense.”
My throat tightens. I’ve never been a rash individual. I’ve always prided myself in making the best choices possible for the situation I’m in. Taking time to consider all sides of the coin before finally committing to a course of action. I’ve got a successful business because of that.
But now, I’m throwing it all to the wind. Because there are no rational choices for me here.
I take a moment to clear my thoughts as I seize upon a final course of action. Whatever lies ahead, at least I can say I followed my heart.
I hold out a hand to him. “Where do you want to go?”
Forty
Flemming
The entire time we’re in the cab I hailed, I’m unable to keep my eyes off him. Cyrus.
He holds my hand, almost sheepishly. Blushing from head to toe as he sits beside me. I don’t think he’s ever had an alpha lavish attention on him like this. I intend to make him feel like he’s the most precious thing in the world.
As soon as the cab drops us at the end of the long driveway leading up to the house, Cyrus gasps in surprise. I don’t think he fully knew what to expect when we arrived. He can gawk later. For now, I need to get him inside before I do something indecent.
“Just...just give me a second,” he says, hesitating at the foot of the driveway. He clutches his coat like a security blanket and takes in his surroundings with wide eyes.
The nervous expression on his face makes me tremble.
“I’m sorry for rushing you,” I say as I move back to his side. “I’ve been so wrapped up in everything that I’m feeling. I don’t want you to be afraid around me.”
“I’m not afraid,” he says as he looks up at me. “If I was afraid, I never would’ve gotten in the cab with you. I’m just...” His voice trails off and he looks off across the freshly mowed lawn that spreads across the estate. “I’ve never been with an alpha before,” he laughs dryly. “I’m over 30, and I’m still a virgin. Can you believe it? I’ve got to be the most pathetic omega that’s ever lived. Most omegas are lucky to make it to their 20s without having a kid. Why the hell would you want to bring someone like me to your fancy mansion?” He shakes his head in confusion. “I don’t know what you could possibly want from me. Because I have nothing to offer.”
“I want you.” I take his hands in mine. “Just you. All of you. Your strengths and your weaknesses. You’re the only one capable of soothing the ache in my heart. The only one that’s managed to break through the wall that I’ve erected around myself these last few months. I don’t care if you’re a virgin, Cyrus. The fact that you are isn’t a detriment. It’s just one more part of you that I get to have all to myself. If you’ll allow it.” I kiss his knuckles.
“I don’t deserve to be with someone like you,” he says before biting his lip. “You could have a movie star or a model. I’m sure there are hundreds of omegas that would kill to be with you.”
“And I would turn them all away, just as I have for years.” I shake my head and offer him my arm. He hesitantly accepts, and we begin walking up the driveway towards the house. “I lost everyone I ever cared about just a few months ago,” I explain as we walk. “My fathers, my siblings, and even a few family friends. They all went out for a weekend on the yacht and there was an accident. I was supposed to be with them, but I was feeling sick so I stayed home.”
I take a deep breath. The wound is still fresh and it hurts to talk about the loss so freely with anyone.
“I woke up Monday morning to a knock on my front door saying that their boat had sunk and no one had survived.” I bite my lip and force down the tears that are so very c
lose to the surface right now.
“I...I remember seeing that in the paper,” Cyrus says giving my arm a little squeeze. “They said there was a fishing boat without its lights on. The fisherman had fallen asleep or something.”
I nod. “They radioed for the coast guard, but by the time they got there they were too late. They recovered the bodies over the next few days. I still don’t know the whole story. Why didn’t they get to the life jackets? Why didn’t they grab the lifeboat? Wasn’t there any wreckage? I...I just don’t know and I never will.” I look down at Cyrus. To my surprise, he looks like he’s about to cry.
“I only told this story because I wanted you to understand,” I continue. “My papa was an incredible person. He came from nothing. Worked his way from the bottom. Educated himself and, eventually, found my dad. He was an inspiration to everyone that met him. My parents were pragmatic in that they already had their wills planned out in advance, just in case. My papa had a significant portion of his money put into a trust that was to be used to create a scholarship fund in the event of his death. Because he wanted to give omegas like himself the chance to move up in the world.
“So, when I read your essay, for a moment I felt like my papa was with me again. The determination to overcome everything that life has thrown your way. The drive to be more than what you currently are. You’re not satisfied with the hand that fate has dealt you and you’re not going to settle for living within the lines drawn for you by society…” my voice trails off as I stop and turn to face Cyrus. “I knew I had to meet you. I wasn’t prepared for what I felt when I saw you. Feelings that transcend any connection to the family I lost. It’s deeper than that. More intense, which is something I honestly didn’t think possible.”
To my surprise, Cyrus reaches up and caresses my cheek. “You should’ve just told me all of this from the beginning,” he says with a soft smile. “You would’ve sounded a lot less like a crazy stalker.”