by C. T. Phipps
“Yeah,” I said, biting my lip. “I won’t lie to you, though. I actually had a vision of us together when I was twenty-three.”
“Given that most of your visions are of horrible murders or the end of the world, that doesn’t bode well.”
“No, it’s not that,” I said, surprised at how quickly I corrected him. “It’s just that there were other things I saw too. I saw I was a deputy for the Sheriff’s Department. We weren’t married either. I also felt you were still on the road and this was like, I dunno, a casual hook-up or something.”
“Do you think that’s predestined?”
“No,” I said, thinking about earlier. “I mean, I saved your brother from being killed earlier. The future isn’t set. I think. Well, it’s sort of set, but it can be changed. I mean, well, I’m not very good at divining things.”
“Destiny is real,” Alex said, walking up and putting his arm around me. “We are all fated to die one day and nothing can prevent that. The particulars, however, are all up in the air.”
“That’s not as reassuring as you probably intended.”
“Do you want to be a sheriff’s deputy?”
This was the first time I’d gotten a chance to talk about it. “I dunno, law enforcement isn’t what I expected to do with my life.
“You wanted to be a writer,” Alex said.
“Yeah,” I said, thinking about the last time I wrote anything. “Truth be told, I haven’t touched pen to paper since last October.”
“You actually write short-hand?” Alex said, confused.
“What?” I said. “It’s not that rare.”
“Honestly, I’m surprised people still use paper,” Alex said, smirking. “All my writing is done on my laptop.”
I grumbled about stupid government expense accounts. “Anyway, I ended up becoming the shaman of the Cervid, or trying to be. Truth be told, nobody really treats me like it. She left some big shoes to fill.”
Actually, she’d been a size eight, but that was just another thing I hadn’t inherited from her.
“I know you like to help people, Jane,” Alex said. “You also have your entire life to figure out what to do with it.”
“Because you’ve lived so much, Mr. Twenty-Six Year Old.” I paused. “Actually, you’re an FBI agent and apparently used to be the wizard John Wick.”
Alex blinked. “Of all my regrets, that’s my greatest.”
“Did you save people?” I asked. “People who might have been killed by those people in the future?”
“Yes,” Alex said, sighing. “But I could have saved more if that was my primary concern.”
“Nobody’s perfect,” I said, sighing. “Besides, I know you, Alex, you’re the good one.”
“Versus whom?”
I’d actually been referring to Lucien but wasn’t about to bring that up. So, instead, I diverted the conversation in the stupidest manner possible. “So what did you think of that whole marriage thing? I mean, where our relationship was headed, wasn’t headed—oh Goddess almighty what have I done?”
I felt my face with both hands, covering my eyes with my palms. We were right beside Alex’s FBI provided black Cadillac SUV that looked exactly like the kind government agents used on TV. One thing I appreciated about President Justin Carver was that he didn’t scrimp on the FBI’s budget. I just hated everything else he’d been elected on, like making sure supernaturals were kept in their place.
“Do you want to be married by the time you’re twenty-three?” Alex asked. “Or earlier?”
“Goddess no,” I said, responding before thinking. “I don’t think anyone should get married before they’re twenty-five.”
Alex smirked. “I’m not in any rush, Jane. I just enjoy spending time with you. Whether on the phone or in person.”
“Thank you,” I said, feeling a little better about my situation. “My relationship experience is a bit miniscule.”
There had been Bobby Horne and apparently Lucien. I kind of regretted not dating more in my junior year, but I’d had the stupid idea of focusing on my studies. Stupid math and its alluring mysteries. Why did I have to be so good at it?
“I’ve had a couple before,” Alex said. “So don’t think I’m completely inexperienced myself.”
“Who are they so I can kill them?” I said, half-jokingly.
Alex stopped.
“Uh-oh,” I said, pausing. “I asked something I shouldn’t have, didn’t I?”
Alex paused and looked forward. “I was in a relationship with Diana at one point.”
I let that sink in. “Was this before or after we started internet dating?”
“Before,” Alex said.
I let out a breath I hadn’t been aware I was holding. “Wait, she was married.”
“I’m aware,” Alex said, blinking. “It shouldn’t be one of the things I’m most ashamed of, but it is.”
“Did she break it off or did you?” I asked, suddenly filled with a million questions. “Did you break it off or did Jones kill her before you could?”
“I broke it off,” Alex said, sighing. “We still tried to be friends afterward but it didn’t work out.”
Yeah, I could imagine. It was awkward as buck with Lucien after all. Wow, that was an all-purpose useful word substitution there. “I can imagine. Are you here to, like, avenge her or something?”
“I don’t know,” Alex said, staring down at his car. “I feel like I should be but I can’t help also feel like there’s a thousand other regrets standing in my way.”
“What kind of regrets?” I asked.
“Mixed ones,” Alex said, opening the driver’s side door. “Do you still want pie?”
“Now I want two pieces,” I said. “You’re still buying too.”
“Of course.”
Chapter Seventeen
Riding in Alex’s car was an experience. It was anything but standard issue with numerous computers that hummed with magic. I suspected could turn into a plane if he pushed the right buttons. I’d always known Alex was into some hush-hush government stuff but whenever I asked him about the Men in Black, he firmly insisted he wasn’t among them and considered them “the worst mages in government.” Which called into question just how many mages were in the government. Because, whoever they were, they weren’t doing a very good job of running it.
The drive to the Deerlightful Diner was about fifteen minutes through traffic, another reason to curse the tourists, and I noted the two buildings beside it had already been marked for condemning in order to build a shopping mall as well as a parking lot. The Deerlightful was a fifties-style restaurant with a ceramic deer on the roof next to the neon sign that advertised it at night. It had been founded by my grandfather and was passed down to his my parents before I’d hoped it would be passed down to me.
I kind of felt hypocritical about that, because I’d never actually wanted to be involved with the family business any more than Jeremy or Jeanine had been. My father loved being a short-order cook and my mother had loved managing the business, but I’d always thought I would end up a writer. Of course, first-time writers made diddly squat unless they were J.K. Rowling, so maybe I’d always been mentally depending on the Deerlightful. Maybe I just didn’t want to lose one more thing left from my childhood.
“Do you think I made the right decision pressuring my mother to testify against Marcus O’Henry?” I asked, watching him drive into one of the many vacant parking spots. I hadn’t been paying attention to the business end of things, but that wasn’t a good sign. Then again, the places whose employees usually came in here for lunch were now piles of concrete and debris.
“I don’t think there’s a right answer to that,” Alex said, parking the car.
“No, you’re supposed to say absolutely,” I said, correcting him.
“My mistake,” Alex said softly. “I think Marcus O’Henry’s trial is a pivotal moment in the integration of supernaturals into mundane society. If one of the leaders of supernatural society can
be made accountable for his actions, then it’s a giant step for an equal law for everyone. That those with superpowers can live alongside regular humans with the same protections as well as restrictions.”
“Except people with superpowers are different from regular humans,” I said, looking at him. “The reason the X-Men have their own academy is so they don’t eye-blast their fellow students over bullying or because Jean turns out not to like Scott. Vampires live forever, shapechangers have instincts, and mages alter reality by staring. Regular people have a right to be scared and we have a right to be scared of regular people, since they’re the ones with the nukes and numbers.”
Alex looked at me.
“Which is why you said there’s no right answer,” I said, taking a deep breath. “But assume, for a minute, I’m a selfish doe-eyed girl.”
“Of which you are, partially,” Alex said.
“Yes, I am selfish,” I said, smiling. “What if I didn’t care about any of that and only cared about the fact I love my parents as well as miss them. That I hate the fact that they’re missing and their business is falling into the hands of greedy developers, one of who is your brother, who offered to buy it for me.”
Alex frowned. “Lucien never does anything unless he expects something in return.”
I shook my head. “Ignore that and answer the question. I…need some comfort.”
“Comfort or truth?”
“Both if I can have it. Comfort if I can’t.”
Alex took a deep breath. “Your mother had a lot to atone for. It was something inside her she’d tried to suppress but I don’t think she ever successfully did. She could have kept running away from her actions but is doing her best to make amends. I think she did that so she could regain your respect.”
“So it is my fault,” I said, looking at the ground.
“No, it’s your mother’s and Marcus O’Henry’s. Mine, too, if you want to spread the blame around. After all, you never would have found out if I hadn’t become involved in your life.”
“You were investigating a murder my brother was framed for,” I said, sighing. “Not that he’s ever thanked me for getting him off.”
Alex put his arm on my shoulder then reached into his jacket pocket before handing me his cellphone. “Here.”
“If this is showing me your porn history, I have a suspicion you like adorable petite girls with magical powers.”
“I don’t keep that on my phone,” Alex said, scrunching up his face. “Also, you’ve made my attempt to give you your mother’s number really weird.”
“Oh,” I said, taking the phone. “You could have given me her number earlier. You gave it to Lucien.”
“Your mother wanted to talk to him,” Alex said, pausing. “Strangely, Lucien wanted to talk to her back.”
“Lucien wanted to talk to the woman who killed his parents?” I asked.
“And brothers,” Alex added. “Lucien was spared by your mother because he was a child, though.”
It was the ugliest, most confusing part of the whole ordeal for me. My mother had killed four of the Drake family, including his mother, Lucy Lyons, as part of a ritual sacrifice to appease an evil spirit. The rest of the Dragon Clan, all of Lucien’s cousins, aunts, and uncles, had been killed by the Darkwater PMC. Modern weaponry versus the breath of dragons.
My mother had been unable to kill the fourteen-year-old Lucien, though. It made the entire thing confusing, as she hadn’t been able to fully commit to either side of the battle and just ended up making it worse as a result. I was glad she hadn’t killed Lucien, obviously, but I wish she hadn’t involved herself at all.
“Do you know what they talked about?” I asked, taking a deep breath. “Aside from me?”
“You could ask her,” Alex said. “She’s in the contacts.”
I stared at the gun and opened my mouth then frowned before handing it back. “I can’t.”
“You can do anything you want,” Alex said.
“Says the guy who prays to Anakin Skywalker,” I said, half joking.
“He died for our sins,” Alex said, sounding completely serious. “Just in a more roundabout way than most messiahs. I also think he’s a Jungian representation of Lancelot while Luke is Galahad.”
“Neither of whom existed according to our gun,” I said, pulling the phone back.
“In this reality, yes.” Alex snorted as if that made sense.
I stared down at the cellphone then nodded. “Next time you’re going to have to explain how The Force Awakens fits into the cosmology.”
“Rey is hot,” Alex said, watching me as if the very act of searching through his contacts was adorable. “Kylo Ren reminds me of Lucien on a bad day. I got really mad when a certain character died at his hands.”
“They better redeem him in the third movie,” I said, passing by names as ANGELJOLIE, DARPA, FBIDIREC, POTUS, MIBHEAD, WSHATNER, and JRRTOLK, before skimming back up to JUDY. “You’re going to have to tell me about some of these names.”
“You’ll have to pay for dinner for that,” Alex said.
I tsked. “So sexist.”
I then hit SEND in order to dial my mother. “Should I be contacting someone in Witness Protection?”
“Not in the slightest,” Alex said, shrugging. “But I think we’re a little past the rules.”
“And I had you marked for Lawful Good,” I said, listening to the phone ring.
“I never understood why Neutral Good got no respect,” Alex said. “They should be the ones with all the cool special abilities.”
“If you’re not Chaotic Good then you’re not playing D&D right,” I said, thinking of people I could invite for my upcoming Pathfinder game. “Loot and plunder in the name of great justice. As several gods intended.”
That was when the phone line opened up. It was my mother. I could just by the sound of her breathing. “Hello?”
“Jane?” Judy spoke, sounding shocked. “Is that you?”
“Me or my alternate universe doppelganger,” I said, trying not to cry. I would break if my mother rejected me.
Goddess, I felt like a little girl.
Judy paused and didn’t respond for a long moment.
“I have a goatee to prove I’m your daughter’s evil duplicate,” I said. “I’m committing crimes in Jane’s name and ruining her reputation.”
No response.
“Yeah, well, I guess it was good talking to you, Mom.” I was tearing up now.
“I’m so sorry, Jane,” Judy said. “I never meant to hurt you.”
“I don’t understand why you did what you did but that doesn’t mean I hate you,” I said, pausing.
“Thank you,” Judy said, pausing. “That means a lot to me. It will also mean a lot to your father. It wasn’t easy for him to love me after what I’d done.”
I wonder if she meant the murders or the fact she’d also been cheating on him during them. “Yeah, well, Dad is awesome. I hope he doesn’t hate me.”
“Your father could never hate you, Jane,” Judy said, her voice soft and reassuring. “You were and always will be his favorite. Mine too.”
I frowned before wiping away a tear. “You’re not supposed to pick a favorite kid.”
“Yeah, well, if the others ask I’ll tell them they’re my favorite but I’m telling you the truth. Probably.”
That actually made me laugh. “Are you okay?”
“It’s hard being away from you and dealing with the ghosts of the past,” Judy said. “Also, your siblings want to sell the Deerlightful, which makes me want to reach across the phone and throttle them.”
“I know, right!” I said, pausing. “Why did you give them permission?”
“Because it’s the only thing we could give them,” Judy said, sighing. “It’s not their dream and they deserve a chance at happiness. It wasn’t your dream either.”
“I’m nineteen,” I said, frowning. “My dreams are insane. I don’t know where I’m going or how.”
“Yo
u’ll get used to that as an adult,” Judy said. “But you’ve grown for a while now and I shouldn’t have hidden that from you. You’re a shaman now.”
“Sort of,” I said, frowning. “Technically, everyone turns to Aunt Jessica for that.”
Judy frowned. “That’s unfortunate. She’s never going to let me hear the end of that.”
“You can tell her off when you get back,” I said.
There was another awkward silence.
“You are coming back, right?” I asked.
“It won’t be the same in Bright Falls,” Judy said, her voice sad and tired. “The secrets I kept hidden are out of now. What I did was unforgivable.”
“Well, I forgive you,” I said, surprised by my sincerity.
“Thank you, Jane.” Judy’s voice cracked a bit. “Bright Falls is a place with many spiritual scars and I neglected to heal them. Instead, I focused on exploiting them for my own gain. I trust you to be able to do what you can to make it a better town.”
“Yeah, well, now I’m dealing with a bunch of moon-howling white-suited weirdoes led by an immortal conman plus another god,” I said, sighing. “But you probably have seen the news.”
“Not really, no.”
“Oh,” I said, pausing. “Listen, I don’t want to ask you about business.”
“You can, Jane.”
I grumbled and grit my teeth. “Mom, is it possible the Brotherhood of the Trees still exists? Because their goddess still does.”
My mother paused. “Yes, Jane, it’s possible, but only because the druids passed their faith on to us. Their rites became the rites of the Cervid Clan.”
“Did you know there was an ancient goddess in the forest?”
The secrets never ended.
“Yes,” Judy said. “There’s a lot more going on there than you could imagine. Shadow Pine Park is a lodestone.”
“A lodestone,” I repeated.
“A place where the spiritual veil between this world and the next is very weak. There’s several in town.”
“No kidding,” I said.
“Long ago, many of the Nunnehi and Manitou invited spirits fleeing from the Europeans to the Underwood in order to survive the coming of steel as well as iron. The Goddess of the Forest, what we called the Earthmother’s avatar, kept that realm free and pure. All she demanded in return was regular visits from men to renew their link from the land. This was often the sheriff or mayor or both. Sometimes it was Marcus O’Henry or the clan heads.”