“So, tell me what you like to do in your free time. Do you bake?” Amanda asked as she sat the chair down.
“Bake? No.” Her mother didn’t have the time to waste teaching her anything. “I went to school, then into the Army for my two years. Then from there, I was recruited into the Mossad. I’ve never not had a job, so there is little free time.”
“Oh, well, we have bake days up at the main house on Tuesdays and Thursdays. You are welcome to come up and help or learn, or heck, just have a cup of coffee and visit. Sky and Keelee are usually there. Joy, Jillian, and Taty are employed with Guardian, so we don’t usually see them.” Amanda motioned to the chair and Shae sat down. The woman went on about baking and then talked about the ranch. Shae knew the woman’s dialogue was to keep her from feeling anxious. She learned about Amanda’s sons and daughters, about the ranch, and about everything and nothing. She held the edge of the seat of the chair tightly when the sound of the scissors cutting her hair became too close to the sounds she remembered of Maurice hacking off her hair. Amanda’s constant chatter helped, it really did, but she was getting close to losing it. Amanda must have sensed it. She stopped with the scissors and pulled a brush through her hair with long, soft strokes. “My girls used to love it when I brushed their hair. You have such beautiful hair. Thick and that natural wave, it must be a breeze to style.”
She drew a deep breath. “I usually pull it back and pin it up.”
“Oh, would you like me to give you a shorter cut? Something that you can just wash and let go?”
Shae turned around. “That would be nice, but maybe not today. Today just even it out?”
“I already have.” Amanda smiled at her and continued to pull the brush through her hair.
“You have?” Shae forced her hands off the sides of the chair.
“Yes ma’am. We’re done for today, but I’m being selfish and getting some quasi-mom time in.”
“Mom time?”
“Oh, heavens, yes. Doting on my children and my grandchildren is my joy, only most of them live in D.C. Keelee is independent as her dad and the others on the ranch can only put up with so much mothering,” Amanda laughed; it was a joyous sound. “Jasmine and her husband live on the next ranch over. Have you gone on a drive around the area? Have you been to the hills?”
Shae shook her head slightly, enjoying the soothing repetition of her hair being brushed. “No. John has offered, but I’m not ready yet.”
Amanda sighed the man’s name. “John. He has been such a help to my husband. The man works all day every day. He doesn’t socialize much, keeps to himself, rather a loner if you know what I mean, but we appreciate everything he does for us.”
Well, wasn’t that something? John was a loner? He didn’t strike her that way. He wasn’t overly gregarious, but he came over every night to get her to take her down to the barn and they visited about things that happened on the ranch. Safe topics that kept her focus away from the past… Although recently, she’d been talking to him about the questions Jeremiah had been asking her. She used him as a sounding board because… Because she trusted him. She blinked at the realization.
She trusted John.
Amanda left about a half-hour later. Shae thanked the woman and ran her hands through her hair, which felt lighter. She watched Amanda walk up to the big house and Jeremiah stop her to speak with her. Shae had refused to give him permission to speak to anyone about her treatment. She trusted him, too, so she assumed they were visiting as friends.
Jeremiah pulled the chair she had been sitting on around and straddled it, resting his forearms on the back of the chair. Shae leaned against the tree.
“What?” Shae threw the question at him, knowing he had something to say. He always did.
“I think it’s about time we start addressing exactly what happened to you.” Jeremiah dropped his chin to his forearms and tipped his head slightly to the side as he regarded her.
Her gut clenched so tight she couldn’t breathe. “What?”
“You’re doing great, Shae, but we both know there are questions that need to be answered about your time after you were taken. I think if we go slowly, we can work through it and answer questions in the process.”
Shae jerked her head up, locking gazes with him. Shae’s eyes bounced around the landscape as she tried to find a reason to rebuff his assertion. “You can’t let me have a few days of peace?”
Jeremiah chuckled, “No, but in my defense, I’m all about making you better. I knew Amanda was here today and that talking to a completely unfamiliar person was a big step, but it wasn’t, was it?”
“No, not really, but I’m so fucked up.” Shae ran her hands through her hair and gripped it tight when her hands reached the base by her skull.
“We’re all fucked up.” Jeremiah’s comment floated toward where she sat.
Shae released her hair and lifted her head. “Job security for you.”
“I never looked at it that way.” Jeremiah smiled at her. “You made progress today. What’s going through your mind?”
“Right, how about what isn’t?” Shae leaned back against the heavy bark of the cottonwood tree.
“Fair enough. Let’s shave away all the small things. What is the long pole in the tent for you? The one thing that is worrying you the most right now?”
“I don’t know how to get from where I’m stuck to where I was.”
“That is a simple answer, Shae. Trust yourself and take one small step at a time.” Jeremiah’s words echoed the phrase John had used on so many occasions during the last weeks.
Shae closed her eyes and whispered, “Take my hand.”
“What was that?” Jeremiah asked, although his voice was almost a whisper, too.
“It is what John says when I get stuck. ‘Trust yourself and trust me. Take my hand.’” Shae pushed her hair away from her face and glanced out at the pastures. The shadows were lengthening, which meant he would be coming back to get her soon. The trip to see Velvet every night was an escape from the lingering darkness in her mind.
“Does that work?”
“Hmmm?” Shae blinked back from her mental trip to the barn and the comfort she felt when she was with Velvet and John.
“When John asks you to take his hand, do you?”
Shae nodded. “He doesn’t try to hold onto me. I use him as a brace. I control the contact. He didn’t know me before, doesn’t expect me to be who I was, what I was. I don’t have to figure out how to make it right with him. He’s… safe?” She cocked her head at the doctor.
She heard John’s truck pull up the short drive and watched him move about his vehicle and listened to the sounds of him unloading whatever he had in the boxes installed in the bed of the truck.
“Before I go, I want you to think about something.”
“What’s that?”
“I want you to think about the fact that you were compromised beyond what most humans could endure. You are holding yourself back from people because of what transpired. The information Guardian provided to me indicated you said the bastards didn’t necessarily want information from you. They were hurting you with one goal in mind, and that goal was to break you.”
“Goal achieved.” Shae caught movement and pulled her attention from the conversation with the doctor to the sight of John walking across the small clearing to the cottage. She was beyond exhausted. The thought of the soft, sweet colt barely stirred through the miasma of lethargy that consumed her.
Jeremiah followed her gaze. “Going to see Velveeta?”
Shae chuffed out a huff and shook her head. “His name is Velvet, and maybe. I’m so tired right now.”
“It was an emotional afternoon. How about I head him off and let him know you need to rest?” Jeremiah stood and lifted the small chair as if it weighed nothing, twirling it around.
“No, I’ll talk to him.” Shae was fading; the emotional toll of the afternoon was pressing on her harder than she’d care to admit.
“Ro
ger that. You have my number. Use it if you need to.” Jeremiah gave her a two-finger salute and headed back up to the Guardian side of the ranch where she assumed he’d parked his truck. Shae watched as he met John a few feet from the door and shook the man’s hand. The exchange took seconds and John was beside her moments later.
“Hi.” Shae reached for the chair.
“Hey. You ready to go to the barn?” John’s soft, deep voice sent the question toward her.
“I’m not going to go tonight. I had…” Shae searched for a word to describe the emotional upheaval this afternoon had actually been. “It was a long day.” She didn’t know how else to describe it.
“Ah, the visit with Miss Amanda.” He nodded and handed her a brown paper bag. “For when you go tomorrow. Let me put this in the cottage for you.”
Shae reached for the bag. John was mindful not to put his hand in a position where she would have to touch his. The contents weren’t necessarily heavy, but whatever was inside contained more weight than she’d imagined. Shae pulled it back to her and unfolded the top to separate the sides of the bag. A twist of brown leather, some flat and weaved and some round and softer-looking, lay in a heap at the bottom. She reached in and pulled out a long rope with a huge industrial-sized snap on one end. The flat-weaved material she withdrew with absolutely no concept of what the hell it was. There were several silver hoops and longer and shorter lengths with one that had a collar-like closure. She held it up and glanced at him.
John laughed and took the blob of leather and shaped it, holding it out to her. “It is a halter for Velvet. His nose goes here.” His fingers moved at the smaller end of the opening. “And this goes up the side of his face and behind his ears.”
Shae suddenly saw the concept. “Oh! Like a collar?”
“Almost. It will allow you to walk with him. In the corral first and then later outside. I figured as you got better you could take longer walks together.”
Shae reached for the halter and caught it when he tossed it to her. She lifted it the way he had. “Thank you.”
“No problem. I’ll get out of your hair and let you rest. Do you want to skip dinner?”
Shae watched him closely. She got the feeling something was off, but she wasn’t sure what. It was almost as if he was relieved that she wasn’t going with him tonight. She couldn’t deal with subtext. Her life was so totally fucked as it was, she didn’t have room for guessing games. “What’s wrong?”
John snapped his eyes toward her and averted them just as quickly. “Nothing. Just realized I’ve been monopolizing your time. Should be working toward getting back to your old self and not spending the evenings with me.” He swallowed hard and shifted on his feet before shoving his fingers into the front pocket of his jeans.
“What? You are the reason I’m out of this house at all. You and Velvet. The meeting I had with Amanda this afternoon was… exhausting. At least for me, it was. I don’t understand. Did I do something wrong?”
John dropped his hands. His jaw was clenched, and he shook his head. “You’ve done nothing wrong. I was reminded today that I’m not the best person to be hanging around. I have enemies and a past.”
Shae leaned against the tree. “Who doesn’t?”
John chuckled, “Truth.” He reached out and put the halter and rope back in the sack. “Come on, you’re about to fall asleep standing up.”
She couldn’t argue that fact. Her eyes were so damn heavy. She closed them and dragged them open again.
His expression was warm, and he smiled at her. He walked with her to the door of her cottage. “Go to sleep. We’ll visit Velvet tomorrow.”
She turned to watch him cross the small field between them. “Tomorrow.” She turned and headed straight for the bed. Emotional exhaustion was every bit as consuming as physical exhaustion and she let it win tonight. She’d fight harder tomorrow.
Chapter 12
He wasn’t going to lie—the sight of Jacob and Jason pulled forth an internal groan. There wasn’t any reason for them to be heading toward the stock pond he was working on this time of day. Unless it had to do with Lori. He stabbed the dirt with his shovel with too much force. Did he want to go on another wild goose chase? Yeah, he’d walk through the Sahara without water if it meant he’d be able to find out the why of what happened. Besides, Frank would have given him a heads-up if their visit pertained to his late sister, and he hadn’t. That meant they wanted to talk about Shae.
He’d sent Monty and Danny back to the machine shed for the backhoe. The dam had weakened and was starting to erode. They needed to shore up the south side. The pond, or rather small lake, was an ecological glory hole and he needed to make sure the ducks, geese, small critters, and yes, his cattle had access to the fresh water the pond provided.
He glanced up as he threw another shovelful of dirt onto the cement barrier that had been exposed by the weather. The backhoe wouldn’t be able to maneuver into this area because of the wet soil, so it was all mud and muck and manual labor. He’d never shied away from getting his hands dirty and he’d like to think it gained him some respect from the hands that worked beside him.
“Hey.”
He wasn’t sure which one of the men spoke, but John glanced up from his work and nodded toward the two shovels Monty and Danny had left.
“Hey yourself. If you’re down here, you’re working.” John stuck the shovel into the heavy, wet earth and pushed down, filling the spade. He braced and lifted, following through with a toss to the area needing shoring up in one smooth motion.
He heard the men move and saw dirt starting to fly. “What brings you down here?” John didn’t have time to play games and he was pretty damn sure Shae was the topic. His protective instincts fired like the bullets out of an M-60 machine gun—fast and searing. He drew a deep breath and worked through the irritating sensation. They weren’t his enemy. They wanted their answers and, damn it, he couldn’t blame them. Shae was making great progress. She’d met with Amanda twice more and from what she told him, the meetings were getting somewhat easier for her.
“We’ve caught a break in several cases but are limited in our knowledge, which is impeding the progress of mopping up Stratus. We need to know what Shae knows. Doctor Wheeler has indicated she could handle answering questions but has declined repeatedly,” Jacob spoke as he sent mud flying.
John stopped and leaned on the handle of his shovel. “And why are you telling me this?” John watched as dirt flew to the face of the dam.
“You are the only one besides Doc Wheeler that interacts consistently with her. Doc won’t say anything to break her patient confidentiality, and we get that, but you can talk to her, get her to see we need her to sit down with us and take us through her operation. We have a release from the Mossad, we’re cleared to ask questions.”
John huffed and shook his head, diving back into the work. He threw three large loads of wet dirt before he stopped. He’d needed the time to douse his irritations. He got that the men had questions that Shae had yet to answer, but… John wasn’t about to talk about Shae with anyone. It wasn’t fair to her. The woman had enough to deal with. She didn’t need to be pushed in a direction where she didn’t feel comfortable.
“While I appreciate where you are coming from, I’m not going to talk to her just so you can try to swoop in and start asking questions she may not ever be able to answer. You have no idea what she is dealing with.”
“Granted, but we need to talk to her about what she learned about Stratus. It is imperative that we learn everything we can about the organization and Shae may have information she doesn’t realize she has.” Jason jammed his shovel into the ground and heaved a huge spade of dirt onto the area John was filling.
“And that makes it okay to push?” John flung his own pile of dirt and immediately jabbed the earth for another.
“No, it doesn’t, but we wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t imperative. She’s going to have to talk to us. Tomorrow,” Jason spoke as he viciously sh
oved his spade into the quickly disappearing mound of dirt.
John stopped shoveling at that. He might not have been Guardian, but he’d proved his loyalty to the organization by training Joseph and fucking taking out the bastard that was going to kill Keelee. It was his shot that brought the motherfucker to his grave. He may have been a social architect, but he hadn’t always been one. “Don’t push her.” John growled the words. He wouldn’t win a fight between the two of them, but he’d be damned if he’d back down.
Jason looked up. Concern and confusion laced his expression. “Why? Tell us what’s going on here, John. Jeremiah thinks she’s ready to start answering questions.”
John scraped the now-level earth with his shovel and dusted the last of the dirt onto the now-solidly covered portion of embankment as he spoke.
“Look, I get that you two are trying to do what is best for her, but you don’t have a clue what she’s been through. Can’t you just leave her alone?”
“Fuck, we’d love to, but what she knows is important to us, to our operations. We aren’t going to hurt her, we’d never do that.” Jacob stressed the word in a way that made John take another look at the man.
“Good to know.” He grabbed his shovel and headed toward the ATV and small trailer they had used to pull the tools down to the pond.
“John, we’ve been trying to be polite here, but this is the bottom line. Get her to talk to us.”
John spun on his heels with his shovel in both hands. “And if I don’t?”
“I think that is about enough.” Frank Marshall’s voice rang out, drawing all three sets of eyes toward where he sat on horseback.
“Boys, you get back to the house. I’ll be speaking with you tonight after dinner.” John watched as the men in front of him physically bristled at Frank’s comment. Neither moved.
John (Guardian Defenders Book 3) Page 9