Someone to Love

by Jenny Frame

  “What is it, Noah?” Wendy asked.

  “I can hear Ali having bad dreams. She’s scared.”

  “I’ll go,” Wendy said straight away and got up and gathered Noah into her arms. “Come on, poppet, let’s go back to bed.”

  * * *

  Trent finished dealing with her last email and shut her laptop. She rubbed her face and thanked God that there would now be some sanity back in her life. Wendy was a little different and not exactly who she had in mind as a nanny, but she did appear to have a natural affinity for Alice and Noah.

  Trent had now met all her obligations and done everything she was required to do. Now it was over to Wendy.

  She got up and put the wine glasses in the sink, then headed to her bedroom. She stopped as she approached Alice’s bedroom. The door was ajar and she could hear voices.

  Trent looked in. Wendy had Alice in her arms, rocking and trying to soothe her. Alice was crying and said, “I’m scared. I miss my dad, we have no one to love us any more. Trent hates us and doesn’t want us.”

  Those words hurt Trent. The emotion surprised her and she didn’t know what to do with it. Wendy looked around and saw her standing there. Trent gulped and hurried to her bedroom and slammed the door.

  She walked over to the mirrored wardrobe and started to undress quickly. A million thoughts raced around her mind, and then her gaze was drawn to the mirror, to a scar just above her eyebrow. It was a reminder of how much you could get hurt if you let yourself care and love.

  In her mind she heard her father’s voice. Shut the door. Hands out.

  Trent could still feel the fear of being sent to her father’s study as a child. He was a terrifying man, the only one of two people she had ever feared, the other being her nanny.

  Her mind wanted to play the movie of what happened next but she shook it off. “Don’t go there. Be strong,” Trent told herself.

  Why did the look in Alice’s eyes disturb her so much? Why did Noah’s need for affection scare her so much?

  Stop. She wouldn’t be reminded of the past by the children. They had a nanny now. She would go to work and dine out, and not have to worry about what she should say or do. She just didn’t have the skills for that. She shook her head. She might not have those skills, but she was very proficient in providing, and in having the wherewithal to pay others to make up for her own shortfalls.

  * * *

  “So? How is it with the dishy lawyer?”

  Wendy lay back on her back while talking to Kira on her mobile.

  “It’s weird. The kids are only with her because she’s their next of kin. I’ve never seen someone so distant and guarded towards children before.”

  “A total grouch, then?” Kira said.

  “That’s what’s strange. A couple of times I’ve seen something in her eyes, a need, a longing, when I’ve been hugging the kids…” Wendy sighed. “I don’t know, maybe I’m imagining it, but I think there’s something underneath trying to get out.”

  “And you’re the Mary Poppins to do it?” Kira joked.

  “Oh, stop it. Well, whatever it is, these children need love and help, especially Alice, the little girl. She saw everything when her dad was killed,” Wendy said.

  “Poor little thing.”

  Wendy sat up on her bed. “That’s what I wanted to ask you, Kira. Could you phone John and ask if he could recommend a private psychologist?”

  John was a friend of Kira’s who worked as a counsellor for local education.

  “Yes, I can do.”

  “Thanks, Kira.”

  Wendy said her goodbyes to Kira and then went out to the hall to check on the children one more time. Noah was fast asleep, but when she peeked in Alice’s bedroom, she was sitting on the floor, clutching her teddy bear tightly.

  She walked straight in and Alice jumped up to grasp onto her. “Bad dreams?”

  Alice just nodded.

  “Let’s get back into bed and I’ll sleep beside you, okay? I’ll chase those bad dreams away.”

  Alice slipped back under the covers and Wendy joined her. She opened the music app on her phone and pressed play on a lullaby playlist she had, then held Alice.

  “Listen to the music, Alice, and let your mind drift. I’m right here holding you,” Wendy whispered.

  Five minutes later Alice was fast asleep.

  * * *

  Trent awoke to sound blaring from outside her bedroom. For a second she forgot her flat wasn’t her own any more, and then it hit her and the feeling of anxiety and resentment began again to gather pace inside her.

  She sat up and looked at the time. It was six in the morning. Why would children be up and about at this time? Normally Trent would wander through to the kitchen, make a coffee, and sit on the balcony, browsing the morning newspapers on her iPad. It was her precious quiet time before meeting clients and attending court during the day.

  Trent scratched fingers through her hair in frustration. Last night she thought giving up her responsibilities would make her feel better, but the opposite happened, in fact. As she lay in bed last night, thoughts and fears circled in her mind, memories she had thought she had banished a long time ago.

  We have no one to love us any more. Trent hates us and doesn’t want us. Surprisingly Alice’s words affected her somewhere inside, unlocking thoughts and emotions she didn’t want to ever face again.

  “Go out there, get your coffee, then go to work early,” Trent said to herself.

  She put on her dressing gown and walked out into the new morning. The TV was showing a loud children’s show. Her breath caught when she turned her gaze to the kitchen. Wendy was by the cooker making something in a frying pan, dressed only in pyjama shorts and a matching T-shirt, and fluffy slippers. Her blond hair wasn’t held back by the headscarf she had on yesterday. It was soft, flowing, and a bit wild as it bounced around while Wendy sang and danced as she cooked.

  Trent felt that familiar tingle in her stomach she always got when she was attracted to someone, then a sense of panic because it was her nanny. Her employee. The children’s much younger nanny. Wendy’s résumé gave her age as twenty-six, and she was just about to turn forty. Far too young for her.

  Why did she have to pick someone so attractive? Of course, Wendy was very far from her usual type, so she could hardly be blamed.

  Alice and Noah were sitting at the kitchen island watching Wendy intently, with not a glance at the loud TV show behind them. Wendy turned around and gave her a huge smile.

  “Good morning, Trent. Come and join us. I’m making pancakes.”

  Noah quickly turned and jumped off his chair. “Trent!”

  Noah ran to her and threw his arms around her legs. “We’re having pancakes!”

  Trent froze and didn’t know what to do or say. Wendy rescued her by saying, “Come on, Noah, your pancakes are getting cold.”

  Thankfully he ran off with the promise of food. Trent didn’t know how to react to that kind of affection, and even if she did she wouldn’t want to encourage any kind of closeness or bond, because they would just expect more in return and she wasn’t capable.

  She would just get coffee and get back to the bedroom. First she hurried over to the fridge and got a bottle of water for herself.

  “Pull up a chair, Trent,” Wendy said. “There’s lots of pancakes for everyone.”

  “No, thank you. I’ll just have coffee,” Trent said.

  Wendy held up the plate piled high with pancakes. “You have to try these. They’re genuine American pancakes. I got the recipe from a diner cook while I was working in America.”

  Why did Wendy have to be so happy and smiley at this time in the morning? Were all teachers and childcare providers like this? Her nanny certainly wasn’t.

  “No, thank you,” Trent said again.

  Wendy put the plate of pancakes down and intercepted Trent, reaching for her coffee mug. She seemed determined to get Trent to take part in a family breakfast. “Well, I’ll make your coffee, then.
Sit down.”

  Trent gave her an incredulous look. “This is a professional coffee machine. You wouldn’t know how to use it.”

  Wendy brushed her aside and grabbed the cup. “Oh, please, I’ve worked as a barista as I travelled.”

  “Is there anything you didn’t do?” Trent snapped.

  “Not really. What kind do you want?”

  “Black Americano,” Trent replied.

  As Wendy busied herself with the machine she said, “Kids, let’s sing the song about pancakes we learned.” Wendy started to sing, “Mix a pancake, stir a pancake, pop it in the pan. Fry the pancake, toss the pancake, catch it if you can—”

  Wendy could only hear Noah’s voice joining in. Alice always seemed to go quiet in Trent’s company. That was something she had to work on. It didn’t matter if Trent thought she was getting rid of the children to boarding school. They would be back here in the holidays, with another nanny, no doubt, but Alice, Noah, and Trent had to have some understanding of each other, or it would hurt the children.

  As Wendy waited on the coffee dripping from the machine, she and Noah repeated the song. She turned her head and saw Trent looking extremely uncomfortable, staring at the floor, while Alice stared at her plate of pancakes. She had so much work to do.

  Wendy had been in many different kinds of families as she travelled the world. Some parents were extremely loving but had little time because they were working people, some were distant, and some tried their best to juggle their careers and parenthood.

  Trent was different. She thought at first Trent just wasn’t a kid person, and there was nothing wrong with that, but she had spotted some emotional looks and glances that suggested there was something deeper going on inside Trent. She had to give her best shot at finding out what that was.

  Wendy finished with the coffee and handed it to Trent. “Here you go. I hope you like it.”

  Trent sniffed the cup and then took a tentative sip. “Mmm, nice. You’ve obviously been to barista school.”

  Wendy was buoyed by an actual compliment from Trent. “I told you. I picked up lots of new skills as I travelled.” She ended with a wink.

  “I’m sure,” Trent replied suggestively.

  Cheeky, thought Wendy. She turned to Alice and Noah and said, “We’ll need to come up with a coffee song for Trent, won’t we.”

  “Yes, yes,” Noah said and clapped his hands.

  Trent rolled her eyes. “Please don’t. I’m going to get dressed. Thank you for the coffee.”

  Trent walked away to her bedroom and shut the door.

  About forty minutes later Trent emerged fully dressed with her briefcase in hand. She was walking straight to the door without saying goodbye. Noah scrambled down from the chair and ran after her. Wendy had to stop Trent before she hurt the children’s feelings.

  Wendy said, “Is there anything in particular you’d like for dinner tonight?”

  Trent stopped by the door and said, “I won’t be home this evening. I have a dinner date.”

  Wendy folded her arms in frustration. Trent needed to accept her life had changed, whether she liked it or not. These children needed love, a parental influence to make them feel safe. Wendy had her work cut out for her.

  Chapter Seven

  After a long morning at court with a client, Trent walked back into her law office. She ignored India, who was trying to get her attention, and walked past her and straight in her private office.

  India followed her in. “Trent, there’s messages for you on your desk. Can I order you something for lunch?”

  Trent only half heard her. Her mind was somewhere else, as it had been for most of the morning. The guilt that she had thought would be gone now that she was doing the right thing was back. Noah had run after her this morning but she’d walked out the door, and she kept repeating it over and over in her mind.

  “Trent? Do you want lunch?” India asked again.

  “What? No. I’m not hungry,” Trent replied.

  “Okay, your next appointment isn’t for another hour,” India said.

  “Thank you.”

  As soon as India left the office, Trent was on her feet pouring a drink. She didn’t often drink during the day, unless it was a celebratory bottle of champagne with a client, but today she felt the need for alcohol to quiet her mind. She had been distracted all through court this morning, and her client had noticed. It was unprofessional.

  She just couldn’t get the image of Noah running after her, desperate for some parental attention, out of her mind. Alice hadn’t even moved from her seat. She already knew that Trent was pushing them away. Trent even lied about a dinner date just so she didn’t have to go home.

  She sat down and rubbed her forehead. Her behaviour reminded her of how she used to ignore and sideline Jake, Becca and Dale’s son, but she had made great strides in opening up to him.

  Dale would never have walked away.

  “You are not their parent,” Trent told herself.

  She was trying to keep her distance and not get involved—she had to protect herself and her way of life. Trent had done her best, after all. They had a nanny, food, shelter. What more could they want?

  In her heart, she knew the answer to that question because it was what she had wanted as a child. When her thoughts started to drift back to her childhood, she finished the drink in one go and pulled out her iPhone.

  “No, I’m not going back there. I’m not letting myself go there.”

  Trent’s finger hovered over Becca’s contact details. Becca would know what to say—she understood her. Trent shook her head. Becca wasn’t her safe place any more, and she had to stop running to her.

  Then as she gazed at her phone a call came in from Lady Claudia. “Claudia? Sorry I haven’t returned your calls. Things have been hectic. Dinner? Tonight?”

  Should she? Claudia made her feel like an insect with a chameleon standing over her, ready to strike, but maybe this way would be better. She was scared of the emotions she had to face at home.

  “I’d love to. What time?”

  * * *

  Wendy and the children had had a productive day so far. After breakfast they did some reading, then went to the shops, and she found travelling in the lift easier than she expected with the help of the children and a good song for distraction.

  Once they were back home and had lunch, Wendy got out the drawing materials they had bought—pencils, crayons, pens, and paper—and encouraged Alice and Noah to do some drawing and artwork.

  Wendy joined in, sitting on the couch at the coffee table, and had an idea. If she got the children to draw a picture for Trent, it might tug at Trent’s heartstrings and at the very least encourage dialogue between them.

  When she asked the children to draw for Trent, Alice coloured the paper black and shouted, “I don’t want to draw anything for Trent. She doesn’t want us here.”

  “That’s not true, Alice. She just has difficulty showing it. She’s never lived with children before.”

  Wendy prayed that was true because if not, it was going to be so difficult for Alice to cope with her grief.

  “She hates us!” Alice shouted, then ripped up her paper and ran to her bedroom.

  Wendy let out a sigh and pulled Noah into a hug.

  “Trent wants us?” Noah said.

  “Let’s tidy up and maybe get a snack, okay?”

  Noah smiled. “Yeah!”

  He was easily distracted, but Alice would be far more difficult. Wendy knew what feeling unwanted was like. Her own parents made it clear from an early age that she was unexpected and inconvenient. Luckily, she had two fantastic grandparents who filled in the gaps in her heart.

  Alice and Noah had no one else.

  * * *

  Music played softly in the background of the elegant and exclusive restaurant. Trent and Lady Claudia had just started their first course, but the conversation had been limited.

  Claudia lifted her glass of wine to her lips and sipped. “Yo
u seem distracted, Trent. First you don’t return my calls, then pay me little attention when I finally see you.”

  “I’m sorry, Claudia. I have a lot on my mind.”

  Trent had been hoping for distraction, but the longer the day went on, the more her emotions and thoughts churned inside her.

  “Is it the sprogs that have been forced upon you?” Claudia asked.

  The term sprog jarred inside Trent. She had used the dismissive term herself to Becca at one time and she’d reacted angrily to it then. Now she was on the receiving end, and Trent could see why it annoyed Becca.

  “Things have been difficult, and the adjustment to living with me has been strained so far, so I am a little distracted,” Trent said.

  She refilled Claudia’s wine glass.

  Claudia said, “It was bad enough for me living with stepchildren for a year, but they were at least adults. My ex-husband adored them—I just saw them as a pack of spoiled brats. Young children would be even worse. Why not just pack them off to boarding school?”

  That was exactly what Trent was doing, but coming from Claudia’s mouth, it sounded so much harsher.

  “They are going to boarding school, but I can’t get them places for some months, so they have to stay with me.”

  “How awful,” Claudia said.

  Claudia was beginning to annoy Trent with her responses. “I have a nanny now, so it will be fine.”

  “Oh, dear.” Claudia slipped her hand over Trent’s and squeezed. “I hope not an attractive nanny who’s going to distract you from me?”

  Trent noted the slightly possessive connotation to Claudia’s reply and she didn’t like it.

  It had been a mistake to sleep with Claudia. She had been pursued relentlessly and let herself be caught. So unlike her, but her hurt, lonely feelings induced by Becca had made her ripe for the picking.

  “My rule is to never mix business with pleasure, Claudia. Besides, I’m sure your other lovers keep you well entertained.”