After their afternoon together, Kai had gotten busy with work and Jessie had gone a few days without seeing him. She talked with him on the phone often, him checking in on her at least once a day, almost like he needed the constant reassurance that they really were still okay. She also heard of him through April, who took every free moment she had to call him, since she wasn’t seeing him either. It annoyed April that their dates were being spaced so far apart, but he routinely told her that he didn’t have time for another date until the weekend. And lastly, Jessie heard about him through Grams, as he stopped by her place on the way home most nights, and Grams told Jessie about his visits.
Coming back to the present, Jessie watched her lively grandmother settle into her favorite chair, needing to sit down, even if she’d never admit it. A sad smile was on Jessie’s face as she watched the woman, her earlier laughs subsided.
A small sigh escaped her. While she talked to him once or twice a day, Jessie was starting to really miss Kai. She really missed the quiet moments that they used to share, back when it was just the two of them in their relationship and she felt really bad that she couldn’t let it go. She needed to let that go. She had to share him, she had no other choice. They couldn’t be anything more to each other than close family.
“My dear, you look troubled. Something wrong?” Jessie’s grandma gave her a concerned face as she settled her hip into a comfortable position. Jessie stopped another sigh and made herself smile and shake her head. Grams didn’t seem to buy it; she raised an eyebrow at her. “Boy trouble?”
Jessie rolled her eyes. Since Kai had started dating April, Grams had felt like she’d successfully placed one grandchild on the path to happiness, even though Jessie had done the actual placing, and she’d turned her aged eyes to Jessie, now anxious to see her paired off with some guy. “No, Grams, and stop trying to set me up with someone.” She sighed in exasperation, letting all of her frustrations about Kai and April seep into it. “Some guy named Simon called me last night? Said his mother was a friend of yours?”
Jessie’s grandmother smiled wider, her wrinkled face looking much more youthful with her glee. “Oh good, that’s Susan’s boy. You know, my nurse from the hospital. She said he might call you.”
Jessie sighed and sank down into a chair across from her. “Yeah, well he did…and no, I’m not going out with him.”
Grams looked about to protest but Jessie shot her a warning glare; she was not in the mood to be bugged about dating. Not when she had to endure thoughts of Kai’s mouth all over April’s. Having to listen to her exclaim how “freaking unbelievable” of a kisser he was, just about made Jessie ill.
Changing her line of questioning, Grams narrowed her eyes at Jessie. “So, do you and Kai still get to see each other a lot since he started seeing that girl?” Patting Jessie’s leg, she added, “I know you were worried about that.”
Jessie made herself smile, but it felt sad, even to her. Why did Grams always have to bring up Kai? Jessie almost wished she would bug her about Simon. She shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. I mean, just last weekend we went to the museum…but…I don’t know, he’s busy getting to know April…and busy with work.” She made herself chuckle; it sounded hollow. “I thought I wouldn’t lose him as much if I set him up with my roommate, but…” she unintentionally frowned while she shrugged again, “it’s just different now. There are three of us in the relationship, and it used to just be me and Kai.” She didn’t mention that that was sort of the point of him seeing April.
Jessie’s grandmother frowned and rested her hands on her lap. She adjusted her hip again and Jessie instinctually stood and got her a pillow to put under her body. Grams smiled at her and then her face turned serious. “But you still talk often?” Jessie nodded absently as she helped ease the woman’s pain. Grams was silent for a long moment, then asked, “Is he happy? With April? With work?”
Jessie paused in helping her get comfortable. She’d emphasized work more than April. Jessie thought back to meeting his boss, and Kai’s comment that he didn’t think the man liked him. Thinking about that, Jessie sat back down. “Well, I think he’s happy in general. And he and April…are just starting, so I don’t know about that…yet.” Nor did she really want to dwell on it. She brought a finger to her lip, tapping it while she thought. “But work…I don’t know. He said something strange once.”
Grams leaned forward, her eyes wide. “What?”
Her voice was so curious and worried that Jessie blinked at seeing it. More worried about her grandmother falling off the couch, Jessie shrugged and quickly answered with, “He just said he didn’t think his boss liked him. And when I met him, he did seem odd around Kai. I mean, I told him his eyes matched Kai’s and he practically ran away.”
Jessie shrugged again, concerned over her grandmother’s face. She got even more concerned when her face completely paled and she sat back on the couch, closing her eyes. Looking like she was tearing up, Jessie scrunched her brows and quietly asked, “Are you okay, Grams?”
Opening them, her grandmother looked back at her with aged, tired eyes. “Just feeling that pain now, Jessica Marie.” Reaching over, she patted her knee again. “Could you get some more pills for me, dear?” Jessie nodded and stood to go get them. Her grandmother grabbed her hand before she could walk away. “Don’t let Kai get so involved in a woman that he slips away from you. He needs you, Jessica. He needs his family too.”
Her eyes were intent on Jessie’s and Jessie swallowed and nodded, confused. She wasn’t sure that she could stay close to Kai, especially if things picked up with him and April. But Grams was right, he was family and if Grams said he needed her, then she had every intention of being there for him. She just had no idea what Grams meant by that, or why her face was so intensely serious when she said it.
Jessie thought about it all the way home. The look on Gram’s face, the tenor of her voice. She’d completely meant what she’d said, almost like she was anticipating a tragedy in Kai’s life. Jessie wondered what that could possibly be…right up until she pulled into her driveway. Then she forgot all about it. Staring at Kai’s bike on the curb, she forgot all about her grandmother’s odd statement and thought about another troubling one.
It was Saturday again and Kai and April had another date. Kai and April were going on their third date. And everyone knows what happens on the third date. Well, everyone who knows April, knows what happens on the third date, if not sooner. She knew from listening to April’s Kai-date breakdowns that it hadn’t happened yet, hadn’t gotten anywhere near happening yet. But April liked Kai and April liked sex, and she was determined to combine the two things she liked tonight.
She’d also mentioned that to Jessie over breakfast this morning. Jessie hadn’t been able to eat anything all day long.
Jessie hated it. Hated thinking about another woman’s hands on his body, the body that had last been touched and caressed by her. She hated that she would be erased from his body. Not that there was still actually any physical part of Jessie left on Kai, or Kai left in Jessie, but she liked to imagine that the last person we were with, somehow stayed with you. Like their essence stayed a part of you, until it was replaced with another. And Jessie was fairly certain that Kai hadn’t slept with anyone else yet. Not that he would probably mention that to Jessie, but with how close they were, and how he’d reacted to her asking about his coworker, and how slow he was going with April, Jessie just knew there was no one else.
But, although Jessie wasn’t sure what Kai felt about April, she knew that April would be persistent on this, and she knew that Kai was making an effort to move past Jessie. And sex was how guys…moved on.
Jessie hated thinking about it…and couldn’t stop. It still filled her with revulsion when she thought of her and Kai’s one night stand, but it gave her a warm feeling too. She knew on some level she had deep feelings for him, and she knew that she shouldn’t. So, as hard as it was to watch him be with April, as hard as it was going to be to listen to April talk about thei
r incredible sex life nonstop, Jessie had to endure it. It was the only way for the both of them to let go.
Pushing back the tears that had started to form with just the thought of it, Jessie tore her eyes from his bike and prepared herself to see her cousin again. Small butterflies tickled her stomach as she opened her front door. Wrong as it was, seeing him still affected her, even after all these weeks, even after seeing him less and less. Just the fact that the feeling hadn’t gone away yet, was further proof to Jessie that they were on the right course. She had to get to a point with him where just the thought of seeing his face, didn’t make her want to squeal like a schoolgirl.
Walking into her home, Jessie steeled herself to be okay with whatever she might see. Immediately looking into the living room, her eyes automatically imagining that it was where Kai and April were sucking face, she let out a soft exhale when she discovered the room empty. Thinking the two of them were in the kitchen, Jessie turned to go to her bedroom; she really didn’t want to see the two of them laughing and making small talk before they headed out to destinations unknown. She’d seen enough of that the last two Saturdays to last a lifetime.
Twisting her body away from where she thought they were, she ended up facing them. Not in the kitchen at all, Jessie stared in shock as Kai and April stood at the far end of the hallway, in front of Jessie’s bedroom door. As April’s room was directly across from hers, they were also standing in front of April’s bedroom door. Jessie’s heart started pounding. Oh, god, they were bypassing the date and headed straight to the finish line. Jessie wanted to run, but she couldn’t move.
April had him cornered at the end of the hall. She was leaning into Kai, pressing as much of her body as she could against him. She leaned up and touched her lips to his. He seemed a little uncomfortable with the contact and didn’t return the kiss. But he didn’t pull away either. Neither one seemed to notice Jessie standing at the other end of the hall.
April smiled, undaunted, and leaned up again, peppering him with light kisses. Kai relaxed noticeably, his lips beginning to partially move with hers. Jessie was horrified, watching their progressing connection. But still, she knew it was right for Kai to move on, to find a romance somewhere else since they couldn’t have one. As she stupidly continued watching, she noticed that Kai was tentative, not nearly as into it as April, who was starting to get far more aggressive.
Just as Jessie thought to leave them alone, her heart leadening, Kai paused, like he was contemplating something. Then, some silent decision reached, his hand came around to April’s waist and for the first time that Jessie had ever seen, he leaned down to her, initiating the contact. Jessie watched in horror as Kai’s mouth moved intently over her friend’s. Feeling a surge of the exact same betrayal that had flashed through her when she’d caught Jeremy screwing that other woman, she started moving down the hall.
Fire burned in Jessie’s belly. Seeing it, knowing where it was going to end up, turned out to be more than she could handle. Knowing she was out of line, out of place, and possibly deranged, she walked right up to the starting-to-make-out pair.
“Hey, you guys mind not doing that right in front of my bedroom.” Jessie wasn’t sure which person her comment was directed at. Both looked up at her – April looked annoyed at the intrusion, Kai looked like he’d just gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Jessie focused her question more intently on him. “Are you going to go on your date, or are you going to make out in the hall all night?”
April was the one that responded though. “Oh, hey, Jessie. Kai and I…were just getting ready to leave. I thought you were hanging out at your grandmother’s house tonight?”
“I changed my mind.” Jessie swung her eyes down to her suggestively smirking friend. “Don’t leave on my account, April. All you’ve talked about since you first saw Kai was getting into his pants. Why bother with the formality of an actual date, when you could just screw him right here on the floor?”
April bristled as she pulled away from him, Kai looked torn. “Wow, bitchy much? Why are you getting so bent out of shape? So what if we…want to get to know each other?” She shimmied her hips seductively, grinding her ass into Kai’s lap in the process. He took a short step back, seemingly unsure what he was supposed to do. Jessie wasn’t sure either, and her confusion only made her angrier.
“Don’t be whore, April, have some self respect,” she snapped at her friend.
April looked like she’d just physically assaulted her. “What? Seriously, you are gonna use that word on me? That’s interesting, coming from a girl who just a few weeks ago fucked a total stranger whose name she can’t even completely remember. At least I’ve gone on a couple of dates with him.” She jerked her thumb back at Kai. He closed his eyes.
Jessie sputtered, then said, “I wasn’t the one walking around with a condom in my pocket that night!”
April’s eyes narrowed as she stepped into Jessie. “That pervy dude slipped it to me! And I may have had it, but you’re the one that used it!” She poked her finger into Jessie’s chest. Jessie started a rebuttal, but April was riled up now and beat her to it. “Am I not good enough to screw your cousin? Is that it? You just don’t want me near your family?”
Jessie was hating this entire conversation, hating fighting with her friend and roommate, having her repeatedly pointing out Kai’s DNA. She didn’t want to think about that right now. Jessie had a scathing comment on her lips, but Kai stepped forward and grabbed her elbow. Bristling, she tried to pull away from him, but he firmly held her against him.
Looking back at April, he told her, “Jessie and I need to talk for a minute.”
Leaving an angry, sputtering April in the hall, he twisted Jessie and walked them into Jessie’s bedroom. Pushing Jessie through first, he walked in and closed the door behind them. Jessie’s chest was heaving as she watched him turn around to face her. He finally looked angry. “What are you doing? Do you want her to remember that it was me at the club? Do you want her to know about us?”
Knowing she was being jealous and irrational, she sputtered, “What were you doing? Were you going to sleep with her? Already?” She knew that sounded ridiculous, since April was right, and she’d slept with him much, much sooner.
He looked behind himself, at the closed door. Jessie could just make out April screeching to Harmony in the kitchen, then stalking off, most likely to complain to Harm about her. Bringing his head back around, his sea-green eyes looked incredulous. He pointed his thumb over his shoulder. “You think we were about to have sex, because we were kissing?”
Jessie stepped forward a couple of spaces, closing their distance considerably. Hurt and anger clouding her common sense, she spat, “You have your third date tonight. I know what happens on third dates, I know the rule.” Jessie pointed at April’s bedroom door. “I know what was about to happen.”
Kai closed his eyes and sighed. He seemed exhausted when he opened them again. Staring at her wistfully, he said. “That’s not my rule, Jessie. I had no plans…to do anything.”
Jessie stuck her chin out, not sure why she was picking a fight with him, when he really hadn’t done anything wrong. “No plans to do anything…but kiss her. I saw you grab her. I saw you lean down to her. I saw you…kiss her.” Jessie’s eyes started to water as she replayed the event that she knew she had no right to reprimand him for. They were nothing to each other, nothing more than cousins. “And I already know you don’t mind moving fast.” Jessie felt her cheeks heat with anger and embarrassment. She shouldn’t have said that; it was really hypocritical of her.
Kai sighed again, seeming to agree with her. Stepping forward, he flung his hands out to the side. Quietly, but heatedly, he said, “I’m doing what you asked. I’m trying to have a relationship with April, to stop…this.”
He indicated the space between them and Jessie felt her cheeks flush. He was right, he was so right; she had no room to be angry. Not finished, he took another step closer and added, “I can’t date April
and not ever kiss her. She’s not that type of girl, you knew that when you set me up with her.” Lowering his head, his eyes narrowed as he flicked his gaze between hers. “I’m trying to go slow with her, but April is…aggressive. I have to show her I’m somewhat interested, even if…”
He sighed and pulled back, throwing his hands up again. “I’m trying to move forward, Jessie. You said this was okay. I didn’t know you were here, I’m so sorry you had to see that, but I’m trying to do what you asked me to do!”
Jessie stepped forward until she was touching him. Just the slight act of their bodies brushing together sent fire through her body. She hated that, and loved it. Shaking her head, her eyes started stinging with pent-up tears of frustration. “I know, Kai. I know what I said. I know that I asked you to do something that you didn’t really want to do. I know that you’re doing it for us, so we can be more…like a family.”
Her voice broke on the word family and she had to swallow. Kai’s pained eyes tracked her movement. Just when he looked about to speak, she added, “But it’s too hard. I lied when I said it was okay. It’s not. I can’t stand the thought of you being with her. I hate hearing about you kissing her. And the thought of you sleeping with her…it makes me sick.”
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