“Don’t have to ask me permission Bunny, if it is about my job and I can’t answer, then I won’t. Anything else, nothing is off-limits to you.” As I reassured her, that inner voice laughed at me: another lie, another betrayal to Peyton.
“Why does Bastian sometimes call you Raphael?”
Stopping suddenly, which made Peyton stumble because we were holding hands, I stared at her, surprised.
“Um … yeah, I wasn’t expecting that. Um, he is just being a smart-arse. One time when we were in a jungle in South America, we were all dressed in green with big, huge packs on our backs. Anyway, Bastian decided that I looked like a teenage mutant ninja turtle. In his pea brain, he decided Rafferty wasn’t turtle enough, so …”
“So, he is the funny one, hey?” she laughed, catching onto the bad joke.
“He thinks he is, but actually, it is Deke and Cole who have the best sense of humour. Deke is outright in your face funny, where Cole has a dry sense of humour. He has a sarcastic streak a mile long with the timing of a stand-up comedian. He doesn’t talk much but when he does it is usually to pick on Ammo. Those two grew up together, along with Gabe. Cole lives to piss Bastian off, and Gabe is the one in the middle refereeing. It makes for good entertainment when you ain’t got a TV or a phone service.”
“You spend a lot of time together, don’t you?”
“Months at a time on some missions,” I affirmed with a nod. “The longest was a deployment to Somalia. Eight months in a war-torn country, the seven of us mostly just on our own. There is no room for disharmony or discord. That is why Gabe handpicked his own unit. Our skills, yes, but mostly because we gel as a team. No one is bigger than the other, and no one is better. We all have our strengths, and if we do have a weakness, one or all have your back.”
“You don’t have any weaknesses?” Peyton asked, not at all sounding rude or disbelieving. That was the thing about Peyton, she was genuinely interested.
“Not as a soldier, or on the battlefield, I don’t. As a man? I’ve got plenty.” Telling her the truth. My integrity as a man wearing the Australian Army uniform had never come into question in my mind. The man out of the uniform, that was another story.
“Is that a part of being in the commandos, confidence?”
“Have to be sure of yourself when other lives depend on you doing your job properly. What I do, and Grill does, is fundamentally what allows the team to go in and storm an enemy compound without worrying about the enemy they can’t see. If Grill or I aren’t on our game, then a man can lose his life and not go home to his family.”
In the back of my mind, I had to remember not to tell her too much, but talking to Peyton was so easy and pleasant. Her sincere interest in my life as a soldier was enchanting and ego-boosting. It felt good to share little bits of that part of my life with her.
“Do you know when you will have to leave next?” Her next question caught me off guard for a moment, Peyton asked so nonchalantly as she packed the umbrella under the outside stairs of the apartment building, but I could see she was nervous to hear my answer.
Letting the esky fall to the concrete, I pulled her against me, her bikini-clad body warm and soft on my bare chest. Cupping her face in between my hands, I bent at the knees, so we were at eye level.
“Baby, the truth is I never know when the call is going to come. Our duties are different from regular soldiers. We go where we are needed, for how long it takes to complete the objective. I’m not saying I am looking forward to a long deployment, being away from you for months at a time but it is going to happen, and I will go and leave you here to go on with the day to day. Contact will be patchy, or it could be good; I can’t promise you more than I will come home to you, Peyton.”
“I can assure you until I am blue in the face, but at the end of the day, it will be up to you, Bunny. Only you can decide if this is the life you want to lead. I can hope that you do because you mean more to me than I can say, but I won’t make you live something you don’t think you can handle.”
Please, baby, please say you can cope. Don’t leave me before we get to the end of our time on this planet. Don’t take everything that is you away from me. Silently, I implored her to take the risk while my eyes bored into hers. Seeing the wondrous ways her eyes changed with her emotions. Seconds ticked by, Peyton silent in her contemplation, and me sweating bullets waiting.
Finally, her lips turned up at the corners, and a lightness entered my chest when her smile split her face.
“I’m not going anywhere, I already told you that, Rafe. I only ask because I am yet to experience a long period of time without my boyfriend. As just my friend, you have already gone off, and while I missed you, we weren’t us then. I’m just nervous babe, you have become so important to me so quickly, I’m just … scared to be just me again.”
“But you will never be just you, Bunny because I’m always going to be yours. I am always going to be here.” Touching my hand to her chest, then back up to her temple, I pressed my forehead to hers.
“When I’m gone, I will be in there. Okay?”
“Okay, babe,” Peyton whispered, leaning her lips to mine and held them gently and still. “I like that.”
“Me too, Bunny, me too.” Opening my mouth, I licked the underside of her bottom lip. “Just promise me you won’t take you away from me.” I didn’t care if I sounded like a desperate twat. I needed her, needed her in my life, just the thought that my job might scare her had me thinking for the first time in my life of giving it all up. That scared the shit out of me, my whole childhood had been a preparation for joining the army. I never thought of doing anything else, and here I was seriously considering about throwing it away for Peyton.
What the hell had this woman done to me? A pint-sized, rainbow-haired, gorgeous and kind dream girl. She had me by the balls and didn’t I fucking love it.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
PEYTON
“Peyton, your mobile was just ringing,” Addy called out from the lunchroom. I was in the storeroom doing inventory in between patients, with only one other nurse/receptionist who was only part-time until she finished her schooling and myself, my duties had doubled three days a week.
“I will get it later. If they didn’t leave a message, then it must not have been important,” I called back, not worried about the missed call. I spoke to Rafe not ten minutes ago when he dropped in to bring me some lunch and kiss me senseless. He told me he was heading back to the compound to work out with some of the guys from his team, so I knew it would not have been him.
The team was all in Ballarat, including Cole, and had been for the past three weeks. To say that the partners were happy was an understatement. When we got back from our weekend at the beach, the first thing we did when we hit Ballarat was clean out his room at the compound and bring everything to my house. Moving Rafe in had been simple and easy, adjusting to having him in my room a transition that required no thought process or concern.
It was as if he belonged with me, and I with him.
Rafe took to being in my space full-time just as simply. He took over the maintenance duties around our home. He even took a leaf out of Grill’s book and bought us a bigger couch. At first I protested, liking the small love seat because I got to cuddle closely with him, but then we made love on the larger one and I saw his vision. Cuddling was good, but lying flat out on the wider cushions, with my legs spread and Rafe hunkered comfortably on his stomach eating me out was so much better. More room meant more comfort, which translated into not having to stop and head to the bedroom to finish.
“Peyton! It’s ringing again!” I heard Addy yell, this time sounding more annoyed. Sighing, I dropped the rolls of gauze I was counting back on the shelf.
“I swear if it’s telemarketers trying to sell me something …” I grumbled as I turned to get out of the storeroom and walked into a large wall of leather and muscle.
“Shit!” My high pitched squeal was followed up with the heal of my palm delivered as hard
as I could to the wall of muscle, knocking my assailant off balance just long enough to kick up my leg and knee him in the balls. Acting on instinct and using the tools of defence Rafe had taught me, I quickly jumped into a fighting stance, my fists in front of my face, my legs apart and ready to act again.
“Oomph, fuck Peyton, stop,” a familiar voice grunted.
“Thomas?” Oh crap, Thomas, I am so sorry,” I rushed out, reaching out to the man in front of me who was now doubled over and gasping for air while holding his hands protectively to his crotch.
“I didn’t mean it, Thomas, I swear, it’s just that you startled me when I turned around and I thought that—”
Thomas held one hand up in the air. “ It’s all good Peyton, I should have announced myself,” he panted, slowly rising to his full height, and I saw the resemblance in the brothers, but only the physical similarities. Thomas looked like Justin, but his eyes were not the same icy, evil blue as his younger brother. I remember looking into those eyes and pleading for mine and Addy’s lives and seeing nothing but hatred and disdain.
“Are you okay? I didn’t … you know … damage anything important?” I stammered, feeling my cheeks heating up as I looked pointedly down to his lower area.
“Ha-ha, I don’t think so, honey, but later on tonight I will find out.” His smirk filled with good humour.
“Well, that’s too much information. I am sorry though, but I am pleased I got to use some of the skills Rafe has been teaching me.”
“Yeah, glad I could be of help,” he laughed, twisting his hips experimentally, then grimacing. “It’s me that should be apologising darlin’, you are on edge because of my idiot brother. The sooner Dad and the club get him off the streets, the sooner you can stop worrying and kicking guys in their family jewels.”
My smile died on my lips at the mention of Justin. He was yet to be found, and the club had lost their last lead on him a week ago. According to Ford and his intel, Justin was in Western Australia, somewhere up near Broome.
“Is there anything more on his whereabouts?”
“No darlin’, the trail has gone cold. If he knows someone over there, Dad doesn’t know about them. He is good at keeping under the radar, but don’t worry, he will make a mistake soon enough. One thing Justin isn’t is smart. He has too much rage driving him, and that will be his downfall.”
“You talk about him as if he is a lost cause. Why?” I asked, ignoring the sound of my phone ringing again in the distance. If it was Rafe calling and I didn’t answer, he would call the office landline, so whoever was ringing me could wait.
Thomas ran a hand down his face, a tired groan leaving his throat.
“Because he is Peyton. Mum and Dad knew there was something different about him when he was a small kid. We grew up in a house full of animals, and not one liked him. Kids at school steered clear of him in the playground. Even teachers shied away from helping him in class because of his cold and almost heartless personality.”
“Was he abusive to animals?”
“Not that we saw, I think he knew hurting them would hurt Mum. She was the only one he would let touch him and give him affection as a kid. Then he got older and everyone in our family noticed how different he was from the rest of us. We all loved growing up at the compound, whereas Justin resented it. He hated that the kids at school saw the MC as cool and wanted to be invited in. Justin went the other way and broke off from the rest of us kids, and it has been like that since our late primary school years. He hates everything the club represents and hasn’t really had much to do with me since I patched in.”
“He can’t hate Booth and Deck. They are his uncles, and those two men do anything they can for the kids and their spouses.”
“Especially Booth and Deck. He sees Uncle Deck as the reason our father joined the club in the first place. We grew up hearing the story of Dad and Zoe, Shiloh’s birth and how Deck took her and raised her at the compound. Justin doesn’t see the whole story, that Dad and Deck healed their relationship and kind of shared custody of Shiloh. All Justin sees is Deck convinced Dad to join the club and use his position as a police officer for the good of the club. How he came to that conclusion is beyond me, considering this all happened before we were born.” I heard the disgust and judgement in Thomas’ tone for his brother and my heart went out to the man.
“Maybe he is listening to the wrong story or has outside influences in his ear. But I don’t understand, why Booth?”
“Booth was the president for years before Shiloh took over, but he still has a say in what the club does as far as businesses go. Justin believes because he is a Johnston, he is entitled. Booth sees it differently. No one is automatically entitled just because they hold a patch or were born into the Souls. We earn our place here because that is what Booth believes makes a decent human being. Justin wants everything for nothing and Booth won’t let that happen.”
“I have to agree with Booth, money and respect are earned, not given.” I knew this better than anyone. My parents had money, but they used it for their own gain, splashing out cash for a full-time housekeeper just so I could be hidden away. God forbid their circle of rich, entitled friends knew about my shame of being a pregnant teen.
“So do I, and so do my parents. If Justin has a grudge about the way he was raised; then, he is the one with a problem. I was raised in the same house with the same parents and the same extended family. My cousin Shiloh is my family and my pres; I can separate the two, Justin can’t.”
We stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity, neither of us saying anything, both of us feeling guilt for very different reasons.
“I better go see who is calling me.”
“Righto, Peyton, I have to take off for the bike shop, but Seb will be here in five minutes, so please don’t leave until he gets here.”
“I know the drill, Thomas. I understand the danger.” Giving him a small smile, I turned to walk away then stopped when he called out my name. Looking over my shoulder, Thomas gave me a wide and friendly grin.
“You are a good person, Peyton, don’t feel a single bit of compassion for my brother. His whole life, he has been fighting a war with himself, nothing you could have done would have changed that. He set his own course in life, and no one can take the blame for that but him.”
I stood there, gaping at Thomas as he walked slowly through the main door, setting the alarm on his way out. How hard was it for him and his parents to know that their own son and brother was also the enemy?
“Hello, someone from this number has been calling me. My name is Peyton Duncan.”
“Oh yes, Ms Duncan, we are actually looking for Rafferty Walsh. He gave this number as an emergency contact.”
“Oh, his mobile must be off, or he can’t hear it ring. I can give him a message if you like.”
“Okay, if you don’t mind, that will help me a lot. My name is Dr Ewins, and I am from Hospice and Care in Bendigo.”
“His friend, who is a coma there, right?”
“Yes, ma’am, his wife. Her family has decided to turn off her life support, and we were wondering if he would like to be here to say a final good-bye.”
A loud thundering began in my ears, and my world started to spin. Did I hear correctly? Surely the word wife did not just get said.
“Ms Duncan? Can you give Rafe that message for me? My patient’s family didn’t want him contacted, but considering how much time he spends here with his wife, I thought it only seemed fair he be here for her last moments on this earth.”
I don’t remember if I answered him, I don’t remember ending the call. The only thing that swirled and pounded in my head was that Rafe had a wife. A wife in a coma in Bendigo.
My boyfriend was another woman’s husband.
Bile rose in my throat, and my knees started to buckle as my new found happiness crumbled to the ground.
Here I was, waiting for Rafe to tell me he loves me when I should have been asking him to tell me the truth. I’d know
n from the beginning when he told me about his trips to Bendigo that something was missing from the story, but never in a million years did I ever think it was a wife.
Friend! What a crock of shit! All those haunted looks on his face when he didn’t realise I was watching him all suddenly made complete sense to me now. He wasn’t sad that his mate was lying in a hospital bed being kept alive by machines. No! He was figuring out how to keep both lives separate, so he could have his cake and eat it too. His wife wasn’t in any condition to confront or stop him, only his girlfriend who was tucked safely over a hundred kilometres away–both stupid and none the wiser of the existence of the other.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid!”
Whirling on my heels, I stormed out of the lunchroom, nearly bowling Addy over in the process.
“Peyton, what’s wrong?”
The sound of a Harley motorbike pulling into the front car park made me run to the door. I had to get to the compound and Rafe. I wanted to look into his eyes when he lied to me next.
“I have to go, Addy, sorry,” I yelled, pushing the code into the security pad and pushing open the door, running to catch Seb before he turned off the engine. Driving myself right now was not a good idea, not in the mood I was in.
Betrayal and hurt were just as bad as pain and loss, so I was finding out.
***
The ride to the Wounded Souls compound was slower than I guessed it would be. It took me a full five minutes to convince Seb to let me on the back of his bike. Then it took another ten to get him to give me his spare helmet, his protesting that I wasn’t allowed on the back without Rafe’s go ahead pissed me off more than I can say.
Seb argued that even though Rafe wasn’t a patched member, I was his, so the rules still applied. I informed Seb that I was most definitely not Rafe’s then promptly burst into a sobbing mess, and judging by the annoyed expression on the biker’s face, I could only assume he gave in because Rafe had fucked up. After some mumbling about crying women and men who didn’t have a clue, Seb helped me with the fitting of the helmet and got me to the compound. Slowly.
Rafe (The Wounded Sons Book 4) Page 13