CHAPTER XVI.
Toad Allen's Elopement.
"Four days after that pinfeather person," remarked the Old Cattleman,while refilling his pipe, "four days after that pinfeather person gainsOld Man Enright's consent to make use of Wolfville as a pivotal p'intin a elopement, him an' his loved one comes bulgin' into camp. Theyfloats over in one of these yere mountain waggons, what some folkscalls a 'buckboard'; the pinfeather person's drivin'. Between him an'his intended--all three settin' on the one seat--perches a preachergent, who it's plain from the look in his eyes is held in a sort o'captivity that a-way. What nacherally bolsters up this theory is thatthe maiden's got a six-shooter in her lap.
"'Which if thar's a wearied hectored gent in Arizona,' observes thepinfeather party, as he descends outen the buckboard at the corral an'tosses the reins to a hoss-hustler, 'you-all can come weavin' up an'chance a yellow stack that I'm shore that gent.'
"The preacher sharp, who's about as young an' new as the pinfeatherparty, looks like he yoonites with him in them views. As they onloadthemse'fs, the pinfeather person waves his hand to where we-all'sgathered to welcome 'em, an' says by way of introduction:
"'Gents, yere's Abby; or as this Bible sport will say later in thecer'mony, Abigail Glegg.'
"Of course, we, who represents the Wolfville public, comports ourse'fsas becomes gents of dignity, an' after takin' off our sombreros, plumbp'lite, Enright su'gests the O.K. Restauraw as a base of op'rations.
"'Don't you-all reckon,' says Enright to the pinfeather party, 'thatpendin' hostilities, Abby had better go over to Missis Rucker's? Tharshe gets combs an' breshes an' goes over her make-up an' straightensout her game.'
"The pinfeather party allows this yere is a excellent notion, only himan' Abby don't seem cl'ar as to what oughter be done about the preachersharp.
"'You see, he don't want to come,' explains the pinfeather party, 'an'it's cost me an' Abby a heap of trouble to round him up. I ain't noneshore but he seizes on the first chance to go stampedin'; an' withouthim these rites we-all is bankin' on would cripple down.'
"'No, friends,' says the preacher sharp; 'I will promise to abide byyou an' embrace no openin' to escape. Since I'm here I will yooniteyou-all as you wish; the more readily because I trusts that as man an'wife you'll prove a mootual restraint one upon the other; an' also forthat I deems you both in your single-footed capac'ty as a threat to thecommoonity. Fear not; prepare yourse'fs an' I'll bring you together inthe happy bonds of matrimony at the drop of the hat.'
"'You notes, Dan,' says Texas Thompson, who's off to one side with DanBoggs, 'you notes he talks like his heart's resentful. Them culpritshas r'iled him up; an' now he allows that the short cut to play even isto marry 'em as they deserves. Which if you-all knows that former wifeof mine, Dan, you'll appreciate what I says.'
"Even after the preacher sharp gives his p'role, Abby acts plentydoobious. She ain't shore it's wise to throw him loose. It's DocPeets who reasshores her.
"'My dear young lady,' says Peets, at the same time bowin' to theground, 'you may trust this maverick with me. I'll pledge my word toprodooce him at the moment when he's called for to make these nuptialswin.'
"'Which I'm aheap obleeged to you, Mister,' says Abby to Peets, sizinghim up approvin'; 'an' now that I'm convinced thar's no chance of myfooture sufferin' from any absenteeism on the part of this pastor, Ireckons I better go over, like you-all hints, an' take a look or two inthe glass. It ain't goin' to consoome a moment, however,--this yeretitivation I plans; an' followin' said improvements we-all better pulloff this play some prompt. My paw,--old Ben Glegg,--is on our trailnot five miles behind; he'll land yere in half a hour an' I ain't noneconvinced he won't land shootin'.' An' with this bluff, an' confidin'the preacher sharp to Peets, Abby goes curvin' over to the O.K.Restauraw.
"However does this yere virgin look? Son, I hes'tates to deescribe alady onless the facts flows fav'rable for her. Which I'll take chancesan' lie a lot to say that any lady's beautiful, if you-all will onlygive me so much as one good feacher to go on. But I'm powerless in theinstance of Abby. That's a blizzard effect to her face; an' the bestyou can say is that if she don't look lovely, at least she looksconvincin'. The gnurliest pineknot burns frequent the hottest, an' youcan take my word for it, this Abby girl has sperit. Speakin' of herappearance, personal, Missis Rucker--who's a fair jedge--allows laterto Enright that if Abby's a kyard in a faro game, she'd play her tolose.
"'Which she looks like a sick cat in the face, an' a greyhoun' in thewaist,' says Missis Rucker; 'an' I ain't got mortal use for no sechspindlin' trollops as this yere Abby girl is, nohow.'
"'I don't know,' says Enright, shakin' his head; 'I ain't been enrichedwith much practical experience with women, but I reckons now it's lovethat does it. Whoever is that gent, Peets, who says, "love is blind"?He knows his business, that sport does, an' about calls the turn.'
"'I ain't none so shore neither,' says Peets. 'Love may be blind, butsomehow, I don't sign up the play that way. Thar's plenty of people,same as this pinfeather party, who discerns beauties in theirsweethearts that's veiled to you an' me.'
"Of course, these yere discussions concernin' Abby's charms takes placeweeks later. On the weddin' day, Wolfville's too busy trackin' 'roundan' backin' Abby's game to go makin' remarks. In this connection,however, it's only right to Abby to say that her pinfeather beau don'tshare Missis Rucker's views. Although Abby done threatens him with agun-play to make him lead her to the altar that time her old pawcreases him, an' he begins to wax low-sperited about wedlock, still,the pinfeather party's enamoured of Abby an' wropped up in her.
"'Shore! says this pinfeather party to Texas Thompson, who, outen pityfor him, takes the bridegroom over to the Red Light, to be refreshed;'shore! while thar's no one that egreegious to go claimin' that myAbby's doo to grade as "cornfed," all the same she's one of the mostfascinatin' ladies,--that is, an' give her a gun,--in all the len'than' breadth of Arizona. I knows; for I've seen my Abby shoot.'
"'Excoose me, pard,' says Texas, after surveyin' the pinfeather partyplenty sympathetic; 'pardon my seemin' roodness, if I confers with thebarkeep aside. On the level! now,' goes on Texas to Black Jack as hepulls him off to a corner an' whispers so the pinfeather party don'thear; 'on the level, Jack! ain't it my dooty--me who saveys what he'sag'inst--to go warn this victim ag'in matrimony in all its horrors?'
"'Don't you do it!' remonstrates Black Jack, an' his voice trembleswith the emphasis he feels; 'don't you do it none! You-all stand pawsoff! Which you don't know what you'll be answerable for! If this yeremarriage gets broke off, who knows what new line of conduct this Abbymaiden will put out. She may rope onto Boggs, or Peets, or mebby evenme. As long as Abby ain't marryin' none of us, Wolfville's attitoodeoughter be one of dignified nootrality.'
"Texas sighs deep an' sad as he turns ag'in to the pinfeather party;but he sees the force of Black Jack's argyments an' yields without aeffort to combat 'em.
"'After all,' says Texas bitterly to himse'f, 'others has suffered;wherefore, then, should this jaybird gent escape?' An' with that,Texas hardens his heart an' gives up any notion of the pinfeatherperson's rescoo.
"Which Abby now issues forth of the O.K. Restauraw an' j'ines thepinfeather party when he emerges from the Red Light.
"'This sky pilot,' says Dan Boggs, approachin' the happy couple, 'sendsword by me that he's over in the New York store. In deefault of ashore-enough sanchooary, he allows he yootilises that depot of trade asa headquarters; an' he's now waitin', all keyed up an' ready to turnhis little game. Likewise, he's been complainin' 'round some querulousthat you folks is harsh with him, an' abducts him an' threatens hisskelp.'
"'Now, see thar!' ejac'lates Abby, liftin' up her hands. 'Does mortaly'ears ever before listen to sech folly! I suppose he takes that gun Ihas as threats! I'm a onprotected young female, an' nacherally, when Iembarks on this yere elopement, I packs one of paw's guns. Besides,this sweetheart of mine might get cold feet
, an' try to jump the game,an' then I'd need said weepon to make good my p'sition. But it's nevermeant for that pastor! When I'm talkin' to him to prevail on him tocome along, an' that gun in my hand at the time, I does sort o' makereferences to him with the muzzle. But he needn't go gettin'birdheaded over it; thar's nothin' hostile meant!'
"'Enright explains to him satisfact'ry,' says Boggs. 'An' as youurges, it don't mean nothin'. Folks on the brink of bein' married thata-way gets so joyfully bewildered it comes mighty near the same asbein' locoed.'
"'Well,' says the pinfeather party, who's been stackin' up a dust-cloudwhere some one's gallopin' along about three miles over on the trail,'if I'm any dab at a guess that's your infuriated paw pirootin' alongover yonder, an' we better get these matrimonial hobbles on withoutfurther onreasonable delays. That old murderer would plug me; an' nomore hes'tation than if I'm a coyote! But once I'm moved up intop'sition as his son-in-law, a feelin' of nearness an' kinship mightylikely op'rates to stay his hand. Blood's thicker than water, an' I'min a hurry to get reelated to your paw.'
"But Enright has his notions of what's proper, an' he su'gests theservices be delayed ontil old Glegg gets in. Meanwhile he despatchesJack Moore an' Dan Boggs as a gyard of honor to lead old Glegg to ourtrystin' place in the New York store.
"'An' the first thing you-all do, Jack,' says Enright, as Jack an' Danrides away, 'you get that outcast's guns.'
"It ain't no more'n time for one drink when Jack an' Dan returns incompany of this Glegg. He's a fierce, gray old gent with a eye like awolf. Jest before he arrives, Enright advises the pinfeather personan' the bride Abby, to go camp in the r'ar room so the sudden sight of'em won't exasp'rate this parent Glegg to madness.
"'Whatever's the meanin' of this yere concourse?' demands old Glegg, ashe comes into the New York store, an' p'intin' to where Peets an' Texasan' Cherokee Hall, along with Enright, is standin' about; 'an' why doesthese hold-ups'--yere he indicates Dan an' Jack,--'denoode me of myhardware, I'd like to know?'
"'These gents,' says Enright, 'is a quorum of that respectable bodyknown as the Wolfville Stranglers, otherwise a Vig'lance Committee; an'your guns was took so as to redooce the chances of hangin' you--thesame bein' some abundant, nacheral,--to minimum. Now who be you? also,what's your little game?'
"'My name's Benjamin Glegg,' responds old Glegg. 'I owns the Sunflowerbrand an' ranch. As for my game: thar's a member of my fam'ly escapesthis mornin'--comes streamin' over yere, I onderstands--an' I'm in thesaddle tryin' to round her up. Gents,' concloods old Glegg, an' hedisplays emotion, 'I'm simply a harassed parent on the trail of hiserrant offspring.'
"Then Enright makes old Glegg a long, soft talk, an' seeks to imboo himwith ca'mness. He relates how Abby an' the pinfeather sport dotes oneach other; an' counsels old Glegg not to come pesterin' about withroode objections to the weddin'.
"'Which I says this as your friend,' remarks Enright.
"'It's as the scripter says,' replies old Glegg, who's mollified a lot,'it's as the good book says: A soft answer turneth away wrath; but morespeshully when the opp'sition's got your guns. I begins to see thingsdifferent. Still, I hates to lose my Abby that a-way. Since my oldwoman dies, Abby, gents, has been the world an' all to me.'
"'Is your wife dead?" asks Enright, like he sympathises.
"'Shore!' says old Glegg; 'been out an' gone these two years. She'swith them cherubim in glory. But folks, you oughter seen her toonderstand my loss. Five years ago we has a ranch over back of theTres Hermanas by the Mexico line. The Injuns used to go lopin' by ourranch, no'th an' south, all the time. You-all recalls when they paystwenty-five dollars for skelps in Tucson? My wife's that thrifty themdays that she buys all her own an' my child Abby's clothes with theInjuns she pots. Little Abby used to scout for her maw. "Yere comesanother!" little Abby would cry, as she stampedes up all breathless,her childish face aglow. With that, my wife would take her hands outenthe wash-tub, snag onto that savage with her little old Winchester, andquit winner twenty-five right thar.'
"'Which I don't marvel you-all mourns her loss,' says Enrightconsolin'ly.
"'She's shorely--Missis Glegg is--' says old Glegg, shakin' his grizzlyhead; 'she's shore the most meteoric married lady of which hist'ry saysa word. My girl Abby's like her.'
"'But whatever's your objection,' argues Enright, 'to this young an'trusty sport who's so eager to wed Abby?'
"'I objects to him because he gambles,' says old Glegg. 'I can see hegambles by him pickin' up the salt cellar between his thumb an' middlefinger with the forefinger over the top like it's a stack of chips, oneevenin' when he stays to supper an' I asks him to "pass the salt."Then ag'in, he don't drink; he tells me so himse'f when I invites himto libate. I ain't goin' to have no teetotal son-in-law around,over-powerin' me in a moral way; I'd feel criticised an' I couldn'tstand it, gents. Lastly, I don't like this yere felon's name none.'
"'Whatever is his name, then?' asks Enright. 'So far he don't confideno title to us.'
"'An' I don't wonder none!' says old Glegg. 'It shows he's decentenough to be ashamed. Thar's hopes of him yet. Gents, his name's ToadAllen. "Allen" goes, but, gents, I flies in the air at "Toad." Doyou-all blame me? I asks you, as onbiased sports, would you set ca'mlydown while a party named "Toad" puts himse'f in nom'nation to be yourson-in-law?'
"'None whatever!' says Jack Moore; an' Dan an' Cherokee an' Texasechoes the remark.
"'You-all camp down yere with a tumbler of Valley Tan,' says Enright,'an' make yourse'f comfortable with my colleagues, while I goes an'consults with our Gretna Green outfit in the r'ar room.'
"Enright returns after a bit, an' his face has that air ofse'f-satisfaction that goes with a gent who's playin' on velvet.
"'Your comin' son-in-law,' says Enright to old Glegg, 'defends himse'ffrom them charges as follows: He agrees to quit gamblin'; he says helies a whole lot when he tells you-all he don't drink none; an' lastly,deplorin' "Toad" as a cognomen, an' explainin' that he don't assoome itof free choice but sort o' has it sawed off on him in he'pless infancy,he offers--you consentin' to the weddin'--to reorganise onder the nameof "Benjamin Glegg Allen."'
"Son, this yere last proposal wins over old Glegg in a body. He notonly withdraws all objections to the nuptials, but allows he'll makethe pinfeather sport an' Abby full partners in the Sunflower. At thisp'int, Enright notifies the preacher sharp that all depends on him; an'that excellent teacher at once acquits himse'f so that in two minutesWolfville adds another successful weddin' to her list of triumphs.
"'It 'lustrates too,' says Enright, when two days later the weddin'party has returned to Tucson, an' Wolfville ag'in sinks to a normalstate of slumbrous ease, 'it sort o' 'lustrates how open to argyments agent is when once he's lost his weepons. Now if he isn't disarmed thattime, my eloquence wouldn't have had no more effect on old Glegg thanthrowin' water on a drowned rat.'"
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