“I hate my ex-husband,” she says.
“I assume that was him on the phone?”
Carol nods then takes a bite of her food. She’s not full after all.
“Yeah, sorry we don’t have to talk about him.”
I put my hand on hers, “We can if it’ll help you. I can tell you’re all clenchy.”
Carol barks out a laugh. “Clenchy? What the hell does that mean?”
I make a face like I’m going to explode and she laughs again. “You know clenchy. Your feelings are all clenched up.”
She smiles, “Yes I guess I’m clenchy.”
I wait and give her some time to gather her thoughts.
Carol sighs and then opens up. “I guess I should start at the beginning…”
She tells me about how she and her husband met, fell in love and got married. Carol got pregnant with Rosie and all seemed well. But after Rosie was born and it became apparent something wasn’t right, they consulted a doctor. Upon hearing the diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy, Carol’s husband abandoned her and their daughter. He said he couldn’t handle having a child with a disability. Carol goes on to tell me how devastated she obviously was and how her brother stepped in to help her.
Thankfully Rosie was too young to remember him leaving.
“And once he found out I was moving here, he petitioned to have Rosie once a month. She’s seen him three times since he left us. I hate him for what he did.”
“Christ what an asshole. I couldn’t imagine leaving my daughter. Yeah, I know divorce happens but to leave your child I don’t get it. “
“And you want to know the kicker in all this?”
“What’s that?”
“Rosie doesn’t like spending time with him. She’s fiercely protective of me but I have to make her go because I never had him sign over his parental rights to her. If I ever thought he’d come back into her life I would’ve insisted on it.”
I place my hand on her back and rub her lightly. “Is that why he called? He wants to see her?”
Carol nods but doesn’t look up. “He wants to see her next weekend. He said he’s booked a hotel in town.”
“And there isn’t anything you can do to keep him from seeing her?”
“No. Even if I could, I don’t want Rosie to hate me when she gets older. I know she doesn’t like going to spend time with him but I hope it gets better. I guess I just don’t like sharing her with him I guess.”
Without thinking, I pull Carol into my arms. At first, I can feel her tense up but before I can move back from her, she relaxes in my arms.
“I’m sorry he did that to you and Rosie. He’s an asshole for not knowing what he had.”
God, I feel like the biggest hypocrite right now. I essentially made my wife go to another man because I was too busy at work. But I’d never intentionally leave my family.
“Von, I’m sorry,” she says as she pulls away.
What the hell is wrong with me? This woman is hurting and all I want to do is take her home with me, get her naked and bury myself deep inside her.
“Don’t apologize to me, Carol. Your ex is a fuck up who doesn’t deserve either you or Rosie in his life. He’s just lucky I haven’t met him yet.”
Carol giggles. “Oh yeah, and what would you do if you saw him?”
I take Carol’s face in my hands and she gasps.
“I tell him that he was an idiot to let you go and you deserve a man who’ll fight to be with you.”
I crash my mouth to hers.
Carol
What is happening right now? Von is kissing me and I’m kissing him back. My hands go to his head pulling him deeper.
Our tongues search each other seeking life. He bites my lower lip gently and it’s the sexiest thing any man has ever done to me.
Von takes over my body as if he’s owns it. I’m not so sure he doesn’t right now.
He moans.
I moan.
His hands go to my hips pulling them to meet his. Oh my God, he’s hard against me. I can’t help myself as I rub against him seeking some friction to my aching sex.
What are we doing?
Reality hits me and I pull away. We’re both panting as my hand goes to my lips.
“Jesus Christ, I’m sorry Carol. I shouldn’t have done that here at work.”
The heat in his eyes matches mine. I’m still breathless. I’ve never been so assertive with a man. But then again no man has ever made me feel so wanted before.
“It’s okay. I didn’t exactly hate it,” I say with a nervous giggle.
Von runs his hand across his lip then through his hair. I don’t think he’s blinked since we broke apart.
“No Carol. You don’t deserve to be mauled here in public.”
“Then where do I?”
Wait did that come out of my mouth? I sound like some kind of sex maniac.
He moves back to me.
My legs are like jelly. Is he going to kiss me again because I don’t know if my body can take it.
He doesn’t.
Instead, he rests his forehead against mine. “You deserve to be treated like the precious woman that you are Carol. Don’t ever forget that. Just make sure the man who’s lucky enough to be with you is worth it.”
With a gentle kiss to my lips, he leaves.
What the hell?
I’m left standing in the park after having the best almost-sex of my life, and the asshole left me.
I sit back down where the remnants of our lunch still lay.
Knowing I have to go back into work, I gather the trash, my pride and my aching heart and head back to my office.
An hour later, I’m still staring at my computer not getting anything done. Truthfully I don’t even remember the walk of shame back into the building.
I’m pissed.
How dare he think he can kiss me like that and walk away. I’m not mad he kissed me…no I’m mad he left me standing there like an idiot.
Slamming my keyboard back under my desk, I take off down the hall to Von’s office ready to give him a piece of my mind.
“Von!” I yell as I burst through his office door.
My anger deflated when I find he’s not there. Fine. I’ll just wait then.
Twenty minutes later, Jenny passes by the door. She steps in and takes the chair next to me.
“Hey Carol, are you waiting for Von?”
“Yeah, do you know where he is?”
My supervisor nods, “He went home about thirty minutes ago. Said he needed the rest of the day off. Is everything okay because he seemed kinda pissed.”
Damn him.
“I guess so,” I say with a shrug.
“Oh okay, I just thought after the way he kissed you at lunch, maybe you got into a fight or something?”
My hands go immediately to what I’m quite sure is a beet-red face.
“Hey,” Jenny says. “There aren’t any HR rules against dating co-workers here. I mean neither of you supervises the other. And for what it’s worth,” she says as she leans in closer, “You’re a lucky woman. I wish someone kissed me like that.”
With a wink, my boss gets up and leaves me to die of embarrassment right in the guilty party’s office.
Von
Other than working out, carpentry has been my go-to when I need some therapy. At least I’m trying not to stick a bottle in my face.
I’m not sure what came over me when I kissed Carol today. I mean I know why I kissed her. I wanted her. I still do but she doesn’t need a guy like me. A guy who works too much stays to himself and is a bit selfish.
Pound, pound, pound go the nails and my aching head.
Two hours of measuring, cutting, and nailing together boards haven’t even put a dent into my frustration. Hell, I don’t even know what I’m making. I just keep going. That is until I hear my name behind me.
“Von? Are you making a ramp?” Carol asks getting choked up.
I look at what I’m doing. Fuck! I just made a ramp.
Carol comes next to me and looks over my project. “Is that for Rosie?”
I throw my hammer down and turn away from her. What do I say? There’s too much I guess but I owe it to her.
“Yeah, it’s for Rosie. I don’t want her to struggle to get into my house.”
Carol moves up behind me while I busy myself with my tools. She’s close and I’m very close to saying fuck it and making her mine. I’m hanging on by a thread and it’s quickly unraveling.
“Von?” She whispers as she wraps her arms around me, laying her cheek against my back.
“Sorry I ran out on you today Carol. I’m an asshole,” I tell her moving away.
“Hey, you’re not an asshole. Look what you just did for my daughter. I’d bet an asshole wouldn’t do that.”
When I turn to face her, she’s smiling but it’s almost a sympathetic smile. I don’t want sympathy. I want to be punished for what I did to my wife. Being with Carol is not a punishment, it’s a gift-one I don’t deserve.
She moves closer.
“Can you tell me what’s going on with you? With us?”
I roll a chair over to her and take one for myself. She nods, sits and waits for the man she wants me to be to speak.
I’m not that man. Not anymore.
“When I kissed you, Carol, it was the best kiss I’d ever had. I won’t lie about that. But I’m not good enough for you at least in the sense of dating. Friendship is all I can offer you because a man like me is not what you need.”
Carol smirks. I can’t believe she smirks.
“I mean it, Carol. There are things about me you don’t know. No one knows in fact. You’d turn and run if you knew.”
“Then tell me. If you want me to run away from you then tell me what I need to know. And then let me be the judge of whether or not I want you in my life as more than a friend.”
Damn it. Her sass is making my dick hard.
“Come on Von. Whatever it is can’t be that bad. I mean short of killing someone I’m pretty understanding.”
My resolve breaks. If telling her my truth is the only way to make her leave then I guess I have no choice.
“I did kill someone Carol. I’m responsible for my wife’s death.”
Carol
“What do you mean you’re responsible?” I ask shaking my head. “My brother told me Mia was in a car accident and you weren’t with her.”
Von blows out a sigh and looks down at his hands. He fiddles with some tool, hell I don’t even know what it’s called.
“I wasn’t with her Carol. That’s just it. Mia was up visiting her parents or so I thought. I was busy with the team. I was always busy with work. I was traveling when I got the call. It was devastating Carol. Losing your wife in a car accident. Her dying alone is something that will always haunt me.”
I get up and start pacing in my garage. Carol’s eyes follow me. I can feel it.
“Telling Cassidy was the worst part I guess,” I say as I look down not wanting Carol to see me struggle.
“But you aren’t responsible for the accident Von. Chris told me Mia was driving on icy roads.”
I nod. “She was but what Chris doesn’t know, even my daughter doesn’t know is that Mia was on her way to see her boyfriend.”
Carol gasps much the way I did when I found out.
“I drove her into the arms of another man because I was too busy and selfish Carol. I had no idea she was having an affair until a year after her death,” I choke on the words coming out of my mouth.
Carol is out of her chair and hugging me before I can stop her. I don’t put my arms around her. I don’t deserve it.
“Von, you can’t hold onto this guilt. It won’t change what happened. It’ll only eat you up. Trust me I know.”
I move away from her gently as she wipes a tear I didn’t notice had fallen down her cheek.
“Carol you don’t know how I felt. The guilt I still feel.”
She moves in front of me, not letting me walk away from her.
“Von,” she says as she takes my face in my hands.
“The guilt I felt over Rosie’s Cerebral Palsy is like nothing I’d ever felt before. I kept asking myself what did I do wrong? Why did a little girl deserve this? And then when my husband left me, well the guilt almost killed me. Was I responsible for her condition? Did I not take care of myself or her? I thought I had pushed him away Von. When in reality, he left me.”
I move away from Carol, still feeling shame for what happened with Mia. I stop at my workshop bench and lean against it.
Looking at Carol across the garage I see everything I want but shouldn’t have. Her eyes are sad. Perhaps she knows what guilt feels like. But hers is misplaced.
I shove my hands in my pocket. “It’s not the same Carol. You didn’t do anything to cause Rosie’s condition.”
Before I know it, I’m moving back to her. “You’d didn’t cause your husband to leave. You didn’t put work before your family. If anything you probably put Rosie and her health before yourself. Don’t you see Carol, you’re a selfless person and me? I’m a selfish person. I pushed my wife away.”
“I won’t pretend to know what happened in your marriage Von but Mia had a choice. Did she ever talk to you about spending more time with her?”
That’s the kicker. I shake my head. “No. I had no idea Mia felt the way she did until I read the emails between her and her lover.”
“Let me ask you something then. If she’d come to you and I don’t know asked you to not work so many hours, would you have done it?”
I rub the scruff on my chin.
“Hindsight is twenty-twenty Carol. I’d like to think I would’ve but I had to travel with the team.”
“You know Von, life’s too short to not live. I think if Mia were here she’d tell you that. People grow apart, life gets in the way sometimes. Does Cassidy blame you for her mother’s death?”
“She doesn’t know about the affair. Cassidy knows Mia was going to see her parents. I didn’t tell her she had a boyfriend. She has enough to deal with. I don’t want her image of her mom to change. And I don’t think I could take her blaming me too.”
Carol’s hand touches my cheek. It’s the most tender moment I’ve had since the day Cassidy was born. I know at this moment, I’m fucked.
For her own sanity, I put Carol first.
“This is why we can only be friends Carol. My lifestyle hasn’t changed and as much as I want you, I won’t put you through what Mia went through.”
I can see the resolve in Carol’s face wane.
“If that’s what you want Von then that’s what we’ll have. My brother would probably kill both us anyway,” she says with a sad laugh.
She glances at the half-constructed ramp. “Thanks for making this for Rosie. She really likes spending time with you.”
Jesus, she knows how to break my heart.
“Anyway, I better go. Rosie’s probably driving Brenda crazy wanting to mother Ellie.”
God, I don’t want her to leave. I want to throw her over my shoulder, make my way to my bed and make her mine…but I can’t.
“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
Carol nods as she turns away.
“Goodbye Von.”
I watch Carol as she makes her way down my driveway. Her hips sway in her tight black skirt. And I kick myself in the ass for letting her go.
Carol
The last few weeks of trying to be friends with Von has been a nightmare. The tension between us is off the charts but that man refuses to give in. He’s actually reverted back to being Coach Cranky.
I’ve never pursued a man in my life, but he may just be the first. I want Von to live his life and stop blaming himself for what happened to his wife. He’s got a lot of life left to live. It’d be a damn shame if he was so miserable for the rest of it.
“Hey, you,” Brenda s
ays as she rounds the bistro table where I’m sitting.
I desperately need to talk to someone about this so I invited her and Sophia to lunch.
“Sophia will be here in a few. What’s wrong?”
I laugh. “How do you know something is wrong. Can’t I just want to have some girl time?”
“Of course, but for the past few weeks you’ve kind of been cranky.”
Now my laughter is almost uncontrollable. Of course, I’m cranky. Coach Cranky is making me that way.
“Hi ladies,” Sophia says as she sits between me and Brenda.
“What’s going on?” She asks as she looks between me and my sister-in-law.
I blow out a sigh. “I need help.”
Brenda gives Sophia a look and they both nod.
“You’ve met a guy haven’t you?” Sophia asks.
My forehead hits the table and I groan thinking about what I’m going to tell them.
“Oh this is good isn’t it?” Brenda giggles as the waiter delivers our menus.
“Let’s order before I spill my guts to you both.”
The three of us order salads with an appetizer of southwest egg rolls to share.
I take a sip of my margarita while two pairs of eyes stare at me.
“Are you going to tell us what the hell is going on Carol?” Brenda asks.
“Okay, first you both have to swear to me that what I’m about to tell you will not get back to Chris or Leo.”
Brenda and Sophia exchange glances, nodding their acceptance of my terms.
“Okay, shit this is weird,” I confess.
The waiter places our appetizer in the middle of our table. Brenda takes one, never taking her eyes off me.
“Christ Carol just spit it out,” Brenda commands as she cuts into her food.
“I kissed Von,” I finally blurt out.
“Holy crap,” Sophia whispers as Brenda chokes on her eggroll.
I cringe. “Yeah, so I don’t know what to do about it.”
Brenda takes a drink to clear her throat.
With a finger in the air, my sister-in-law closes her eyes briefly then refocuses on me.
Through Rosie-Colored Glasses: Book Three in the Game Winner Series Page 6