“Where on earth have you been? I’ve looked all over for you, and the other…girls…we…” Fenella’s eyes started flickering between Peter and me before they widened. Fenella practically bounced on the spot. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it so tightly I thought she might crack a few bones. “Freddie, I desperately need the loo, will you come with me?”
What? Now? No! I groaned. “Oh, Fenella, do we have—”
“Yes!” Fenella exclaimed. She gave me a look that I didn’t dare disagree with. “I need you to come right now. Okay?”
“Fine,” I said with a sigh. I twisted around to see Peter. “Sorry, I’ll just be a minute.”
He grinned and I think he knew exactly what was going on—that my friend was a complete nosey parker and she wanted every juicy detail of where I had been and who Peter was.
“Of course. I’ll wait for you inside. Look for me?” he asked.
“Of course,” I repeated.
Peter smiled, and I smiled back, and Fenella hauled me inside so hard I wondered how she didn’t pull my arm out of the socket. The dance was still going strong as we passed through at breakneck speed. Couples danced in tight embraces, friends formed their own circles and teachers kept watchful eyes over everything, making sure no one acted inappropriately.
I guessed they hadn’t looked too closely into those dark corners—there were plenty of inappropriate activities going on.
On our way to the bathroom, Fenella grabbed Athena and Annie and hauled them along also.
“What’s going on?” Athena asked once we were inside.
“Go on, tell them,” Fenella said with obvious delight.
The other girls’ eyes fell on me. “Tell us what?” Annie asked, lifting her eyebrows.
My cheeks flushed and I smiled shyly. “I met a boy.”
The girls all screeched with excitement and huddled closer around me.
“Who?”
“Where?”
“Have you been with him all this time?”
“What’s he like?”
“What does he look like?”
“Is he fit?”
“Did you get off with him?”
“Are you going to?”
Their questions were endless. I laughed and pulled a step away from them. “My God, you girls are endless.”
“Come on, Freddie, we want the details,” Athena said with a wide smile.
I released a breath and bit the corner of my lip. “Okay, I met him outside when I went for some air. We went for a walk in the woods and we’ve been talking ever since. He’s…well, he’s bloody gorgeous. Tall—taller than me! Golden brown hair, these intense, dreamy green eyes, really good body. And he’s really nice, like properly nice, and so polite. I didn’t get off with him—Fenella put an end to that.”
Annie and Athena turned to glare at Fenella.
“What?” she asked, throwing her hands up. “I didn’t realise she was about to snog his face off!”
Athena rolled her eyes. “You need to get back out there. There’s only five minutes before this thing is over and then your chance, and the moment, will be over. You need to have the last dance with him.”
Fenella and Annie squealed again—I swear I’d never met a more excitable bunch of girls in my life—and I let them pull me back out into the hall.
The opening bars of Killing Me Softly by the Fugees drifted out of the speakers to greet us. It could only mean one thing—the last dance had already begun.
Athena tugged on my hand, catching on to the sudden urgency flooding through me. This was it—if I didn’t find Peter right that very minute, whatever magical spell had woven around us in the woods would be extinguished forever.
A shift in the crowd of dancers revealed him to me. A wide smile stretched across my lips when I saw him from the side. I took a step towards him and he turned, revealing the girl in his arms.
At first I could only focus on the fact that he was dancing with another girl. A piercing hurt stabbed my chest, an ache I had never experienced before. That was my guy—my guy—and someone else was dancing with him! A hard lump formed in my throat that refused to be dislodged.
The longer that I stared at them, the more I noticed. The way his hands rested on her waist, so similarly to how he had touched me just minutes before. The soft smile that pulled at the corners of his mouth—the mouth I had almost kissed. The girl’s hands stroking the hair at the nape of his neck.
It was then that I let my eyes drift to her—to the girl he had abandoned me for, forgotten about me so quickly for. At first, it only distantly registered that she was familiar.
Then, the longer I looked, that she was more than familiar.
That she was a girl I had seen, spoken to, almost every day for years.
That she was a girl I lived with.
That she was a girl I had got ready with for this very dance.
That she was one of my best friends.
That she was Jemima.
It was as though the air had been punched out of me. I sucked in a breath but it didn’t reach my lungs. For a brief second I imagined myself marching over to them and demanding he let her go right that very second. That Jemima back off, that he was mine and I had seen him first.
It was the smile on both of their faces that made me pause. I was unable to take that first step in approaching them and make a scene that girls, and Stonebridge boys alike, would titter over for weeks to come.
What if he was only being nice to me? What if, really, he had no romantic inclination towards me at all? What if I had created the entire flirtation in my head?
And Jemima was one of my closest friends, even if she had been acting differently this last year…the last thing I wanted was to create a divide between us. Fighting over a boy could ruin friendships, and I hadn’t I only a short while ago told Peter that I would love these girls for the rest of my life?
Besides, I had never seen Jemima wear that smile before—so open and friendly. There was every chance that she already knew him, and was seriously into him.
Tears pricked my eyes as I made my decision.
“Uh…what’s Jemima doing with your guy?” Fenella asked from behind me.
It felt as though I had been staring at them for hours, when in truth it would only have been a few short seconds. I whirled around and pinned Fenella with a sharp look. “My guy? Nah, he just looks a little like him. I can’t see my guy, maybe he had to leave early.”
Fenella frowned. “But—”
“Jemima looks happy, doesn’t she?” I asked, turning back around to look at them.
There was a pause before Fenella answered. “Yeah, Freddie,” she said quietly. “She does.”
I knew then that she got it, and that this would be the last time we ever spoke about the boy I had met at the school dance.
The song came to an end, and the lights were turned back up to their usual harsh, artificial brightness. Peter dropped his hold on Jemima and started to look around the room.
My cheeks flushed and I whipped around to face my friends. “I’m exhausted now, I’m going to go to bed.”
“Bed?” Annie exclaimed. “But we never go straight to bed after a dance! We always sneak out and keep the party going, or dissect every detail in someone’s room.”
“I know,” I said. “But I think I ate some bad Fruit Salads, I feel quite sick. And all this crap music has made my head pound.”
Athena studied me with her sharp eyes and I knew she more than likely smelled a rat. “As long as you’re sure. Come on, I’ll walk you up.”
“That’s okay, I’ll take her.” Fenella looped her arm through mine, keeping her lock iron tight so there was no chance for escape.
So much for the unspoken promise that we would never talk about Peter or Jemima, or Peter and Jemima, again. Perhaps Fenella needed to brush up on her silent conversational skills.
We pushed our way through the crowd of students and headed out into the cool night air. It was full dark now, the st
ars illuminating the heavens and the moon a swollen, glowing orb suspended in the sky.
Fenella didn’t push for information like I’d thought she would as we walked back to Masters. Gravel crunched under our feet, and was soon the only sound that could be heard.
Housemistress was sitting on a couch just inside the entry hall in Crosby House, waiting for all the girls to return. She placed the book she had been reading beside her as we came inside. “You two are back early. Everything okay?”
I nodded. “Just not feeling well.”
“Too many sweets,” Fenella supplied. “You know our Freddie.”
“Yes, I do,” Housemistress murmured. “Are you all right, Freddie, dear?”
“I’ll be fine,” I said, forcing a smile. “Nothing a good night’s sleep won’t sort out.”
Like Athena, Housemistress’s eyes seemed to see right through my cover, and know there was something deeper going on with me. “You know where I am if you need me, don’t you, Freddie?”
“Of course. I really am fine, just a bit of a bad tummy.”
“As long as you’re sure, dear.” Housemistress’s eyebrows pulled together in a frown, as though she wasn’t happy with herself letting me slip away.
I nodded and tugged Fenella upstairs.
“So are we really not going to talk about the fact that you just totally let Jemima steal your guy?”
A sigh pushed past my lips. “He was never my guy, Fenella. I lost my chance with him, and Jemima didn’t. She’s my friend, I’m hardly going to pick a fight with her over a random boy. End of story.”
Fenella fidgeted with her fingers as we slowed to a stop outside my bedroom door. “Well, maybe this makes me an awful friend, but I have to say it—you do realise that if the situation were reversed, she would never have just done what you did? Jemima is a lot of things, but capable of bowing out gracefully, and letting her friend’s happiness come before her own, is not one of them. Sorry, two of them.”
The lump lodged in my throat again. I tried to swallow past it. “I know. But I believe in putting other people first. I just want people to be happy, Fenella.”
She nodded, and her chin quivered. Fenella threw her arms around me and hugged me so, so fiercely. “I love you, Freddie.”
I squeezed my eyes shut to stop the tears from escaping. “I know. I love you, too, Fenella.”
When she let me go, I slipped inside my bedroom and closed the door tightly. I scrubbed at my eyes until the tears no longer threatened to fall.
The dress that I had adored now chaffed. I pulled it off in a hurry, not caring if I snagged the fabric. I paced my small bedroom like a caged tiger and suddenly all I wanted was wide, open spaces.
I threw on a pair of pyjamas then eased my window open so I could creep out into the night. Somewhere in the distance was the sound of voices, the grumble of bus engines as they started to take all the boys back to their own school.
Taking care as I shimmied along the ledge to our usual spot, I then sat down and lit a cigarette. The tip glowed amber in the dark, almost matching the rear lights of the buses that trundled down the drive.
I wondered if Peter had left yet. What sort of car he would be in.
Stop it, Freddie…
This was ridiculous! I had only met him tonight. Yes, we had talked for hours but what did that mean? Absolutely nothing. He clearly preferred dancing with Jemima to talking with me.
She was the better girl in this situation, and I had lost.
There would be other boys. Other dances.
I stayed outside until I heard the sounds of the girls returning home—I didn’t want anyone to spot me up on the roof. Athena would keep everyone away from my room tonight, so I didn’t have to worry about being disturbed.
I crept back inside my room and climbed into bed. As I went to stretch my legs out, they met resistance.
Huffing my annoyance, I threw back the duvet and set about unmaking my apple pie bed.
I curled up in a tight ball once my bed was corrected, and tucked the covers up under my chin. My nose tickled and I wiggled it.
You will not cry, you will not cry, you will not cry!
I marvelled at how other people could make you feel. Could change you. Because Peter had changed me. Before him, I hadn’t taken much interest in boys. But he was different—interesting and funny and utterly charming.
Maybe I should look on this experience as a good one. Peter had opened my eyes where it came to boys. I should start giving more of them a chance. After all, he couldn’t be the only tall boy on the planet who made my heart flutter like a hummingbird.
It was late when I awoke the next morning. Sunlight streamed through the curtains, hinting at another beautiful day. For a moment, I considered pleading with Matron to let me stay in bed, to let me skip church in the Ville. But I decided against it, knowing I had to show my face sooner or later and it might as well be sooner. After all, someone only hid away if they had something to hide.
I approached the group of girls gathered in the entry hall, waiting to go to the church. I found my friends by the corner, all chatting over the top of one another.
“Freddie!” Cassandra exclaimed, her face lighting up when she saw me. “What on earth happened to you last night? You totally disappeared!”
“Sorry,” I said, smiling. “I ducked out early, I wasn’t feeling well. So, what’s the gossip? I must have missed tons!”
It turned out to be the perfect diversion. Soon, all my friends were speaking in a rush about who had danced with who, who’d got off with who, and who had seen whose parts that should have remained unseen.
“It’s a shame you disappeared, Freddie,” Jemima said. “You didn’t get the chance to see the fitty I pulled.”
I forced a smile and prayed it looked genuine. “Good on you, Jemima. Are you seeing him again?”
She gave a nonchalant shrug. “Maybe. I haven’t decided if I’m done with him or not yet.”
It took everything in me to not give Jemima a cold, hard look. For a brief second, fury tore through my body. How dare she be so cavalier when it came to Peter? Didn’t she realise just how special he was?
But on the other hand, if he was so quick to discard a girl in favour of a different one, maybe he wasn’t as special as I’d thought.
“Knowing you, Jemima, there will be one more broken heart out there with your name on it,” I said, throwing my arm around her shoulder as we headed outside.
Jemima frowned for a moment before she smoothed out her features.
“They ought to start a club for the poor boys, Jemima!” Athena called from behind us.
Jemima twisted around to stick her tongue out at Athena.
“Ladies, ladies, do I have to remind you all on the importance of decorum? Again?” Housemistress asked.
“No, Housemistress,” we chorused.
As soon as Housemistress moved away from us, Harriet clutched my other arm and started telling me all about the Stonebridge boy she had met the night before. They had sneaked away from the dance to be alone for hours. She was a welcome distraction, and I encouraged her to tell me every minute detail.
The halls were a flutter of activity as all the girls started to get their things packed. Usually I was one of the ones who left everything to the last minute and ended up forgetting something, but this time around I was organised and ready to go. Perhaps I was more than ready for the summer holidays, and the welcome break it would bring.
The school year ended and another year at Mapleton Manor was done. It was bittersweet as always, saying goodbye to my friends, but this year was especially so.
Fenella wouldn’t be returning to Mapleton Manor for Upper Sixth Form, and instead was going to day school. She would be closer to London, so we were already planning many visits and sneaking into the odd party!
“I’m going to miss you all so much!” Fenella said, tears streaming down her face.
“Not as much as we will miss you,” I said, hugging her fier
cely.
“Promise you will all call and write? And come and see me?” she asked, sniffling.
“We promise,” Annie and Athena said in unison.
“Oh, God, this is hard,” Fenella said. “Freddie, will you post me sweets when you get your hoard in?”
“Of course. I’ll get some extra Push Pops just for you, okay?”
Fenella nodded and sniffed again.
“Fenella, come along, darling, we must be on our way,” Fenella’s mother called from their car.
“Coming, Mummy!”
She gave us all one last hug and kiss on the cheek, then Fenella was gone. It wouldn’t be the same without her and I knew everyone would miss her terribly.
One by one, each of us departed with our trunks and tuck boxes.
Before I got into the car that would take me to the airport, I turned to look back at the school. Next year I would be returning for my last year at Mapleton Manor. Upper Sixth would be a true test of not only my academics, but also my character. It was the last year I had as a schoolgirl, before I stepped out into the big world.
Yes, next year would be a challenge, and I would see a lot of changes. But first there was summer, and all the fun it brought.
With a jaunty salute to my beloved school, I jumped into the car and sped off towards months of fun and mischief.
Crans-Montana, Switzerland, had been the setting for my summers for years. It was set on a sunny plateau above the vineyards of the Rhone Valley and was surrounded by sprawling pine forests and soaring mountains capped with pristine snow.
Every summer I spent two months in the Swiss mountains, enjoying a jam-packed schedule of horse riding, sports, swimming and discos twice a week. And this year was extra special, for the simple reason that it would be my last. Some of my best childhood memories had come from Camp Monte Leone and they would stay with me for a lifetime.
Like the year I’d won special awards for the best grass stains in camp and also for being a keen chocoholic. I still had those awards, and I probably always would. Not everyone can brag about having the best grass stains.
Augustus, Louisa and I stepped off the bus that had collected us, along with a dozen or so others who were attending the camp for the summer, from the airport. Camp Monte Leone was an international summer camp, with children coming from fifty different countries. Most of them were American, with lots of French and Brits, and a handful of other Europeans and some Australians.
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