by Talya Andor
Now it was different. Now Lucas knew him, and the shy young man he'd always overlooked had a sudden depth that drew his notice.
The microwave dinged, and Lucas dunked a packet of English Breakfast into the mug, swirling it around by the string. He looked up when the front door opened and closed with a muted sound.
Alec Tse stumbled past the kitchen bar, grinning like an idiot, his hair spiked up and dusted with glitter. "Damn…how early is it, man, and why are you up?"
"Work," Lucas said, dumping his teabag and sipping at the hot tea. "Unlike some people who go out clubbing all night." Alec was another of his roommates, and totally hot. He too was what anyone would call 'pretty boy,' and those were the kind of men that Lucas was drawn to. Lucas's healthy ego said he and Alec would make a gorgeous couple, and he had entertained a few healthy fantasies shortly after moving in, but Alec was one hundred percent straight. That had been more a relief than anything, because Lucas didn't want to mess up their four-cornered apartment by screwing around with a roommate.
"Hey, you're usually right next to me no matter how early you gotta get up," Alec mumbled, and rubbed at his head. Glitter sifted through his fingers. "I gotta take a piss, then I have got to get some sleep."
Lucas gave him a flippant wave. "Have fun." How stupid was he to blow off a night of the usual—hitting the dance floor and losing himself in the rush—only to stay up on like some loser geek waiting for an online rendezvous. He experienced a surge of anger and threw the rest of his tea in the sink.
He rummaged for a muffin or bagel. He was getting worked up over nothing. In his mind's eye, he saw Soren's face, a fine pale oval of bones framed with a spill of dark hair. Soren didn't wear makeup, and kept his hair pulled back and his head down, but he was gorgeous—and didn't even seem to know it. There was something about his face that could draw Lucas's eye back to him again and again, now that he knew more than he thought he did about Soren.
Why was Lucas fighting this so hard?
Lucas folded his bagel in a napkin and grabbed his jacket, digging his keyring out of the pocket. Once he had made up his mind, he wasn't the type to sit on his ass and do nothing.
*~*~*
The morning passed in the bustle of a drawn-out rush, with customers winding a line through the crowded shop to get their Saturday morning lattes and mochas and whatever else. Soren got slammed on the bar, faced with a line of never-ending drinks, and at one point, he looked over to his right at the cups that edged onto the counter and almost lost it. Once Teri came in at seven, bringing their morning crew up to four, Lucas crowded in beside him and started steaming milk and prepping drinks, leaving Soren to finish them off and put them on the counter and call out. They worked side by side, elbow to elbow, as they progressed through the ever-cycling cups to make something manageable of the situation.
After the two-hour rush, Soren sagged, weak and grateful, against the back counter. If there had been a single Frappuccino order in the lot, he felt sure he would have snapped and hauled off. Moving between the bar and the blender was like trying to add a third hand while juggling. Thankfully, the cold snap seemed to have discouraged Frappuccino enthusiasts.
"Good job, everyone," Lucas said, flicking his eyes over all of them in turn. He reserved his smile for Soren and lifted a hand to gesture at him. "Take a break, you're past due."
"All right," Soren said.
In the back, he pulled out his Modern American Authors text and took his apron off. With steady fingers, he pulled out his hair-tie and finger-combed through the length of his hair, pulling it back and dividing it into neat sections to braid at his nape. His resolve, so firm last night as he talked with Sloane, was crumbling.
Now Lucas did seem to be looking at him.
"Might as well," Soren whispered to himself. After all, if friendship was Lucas's aim, Soren would be making a mistake if he tried to cut him off now. Truth be told, he had really missed their IM conversations even over so small a span as the past few nights.
Soren began to half-read his textbook until Lucas appeared from around the tangle of hung-up aprons. "Hey."
Soren shut his book. "Hi." He felt quiet inside.
"I'm supposed to relieve you and take my break, but do you have a minute to talk?" Lucas leaned against the corner edge of the wall opposite Soren. He crossed his arms, and his fingers were white where they gripped his biceps.
Soren put away his textbook and stood. His first impulse was to say, I thought I said everything that needed to be said the other day, but that wasn't quite true. Ever since, they had been orbiting one another, two tilting planets out of synch. "All right," he said. It was time to head this one off, or at least, deal with it in a way they could both live with.
Something Sloane had said last night resurfaced. "Has anyone ever told you you're passive-aggressive?" It wasn't so much that as it was the fact that he was used to subsuming his own needs, his own complaints and problems, with his family. He was the responsible one. Maybe he had taken that to an extreme, and it had filtered into all aspects of his life.
Soren didn't get what he wanted, so why should this be any different?
"Look, I'm not used to doing this," Lucas said, pushing himself away from the wall.
"Meeting up with people you met online first?"
The corner of Lucas's mouth quirked. "Well, that too. I guess what I'm trying to say is—"
The door to the back banged open and shut. Lucas turned his head.
Soren's throat felt tight. He was relieved, but at the same time, the crowding nervousness was mingled with helpless admiration for Lucas's good looks, the line of his profile silhouetted under harsh white light.
"Can we talk later?" Soren asked, eyes sliding over to the clock. It would be Sloane coming into the back to punch in.
Lucas pressed himself back against the corner again. "Uh…I guess," he said, looking taken aback.
Soren brushed past him in the close confines of the narrow passage to the back room. Lucas made no move to make way for him.
Lucas caught Soren's wrist. "I mean it," he said softly. "Don't clock out without talking to me."
That close, Soren couldn't help but take in impressions of his nearness. A clean scent filled his nostrils, some kind of natural shampoo and the underlying spice of soap. "Y-Yes, sir," Soren said, shaking the sudden and absurd image of sidling closer, closing his eyes, reaching out and pressing his mouth blind against whatever part of Lucas came first. He pursed his lips and moved for the door.
He bumped into Sloane between the huge sinks and the walk-in refrigerator. Her expressive face screwed up into a comical grimace when she saw him, and she gripped him by the arms. Once again, he was struck by how pretty she was. They could have been compatible. Well, they were in every way but that way.
"Are you all right?" she stage-whispered. "Teri said that you were back here with Lucas, and I wondered…"
"I'm fine." Soren brushed her hands off and ignored the hurt look she gave him. "Don't worry, Sloane, I can take care of myself, you know?" He kept his head down, frowning.
"Right." Sloane turned. "Sorry for caring!"
Soren suffered a stab of penitence. Sloane was pretty much his only friend in real life. Besides her, he only had a handful of acquaintances from class and previous study groups. Still, he wasn't some helpless child. Everyone thought he was a pushover, even his own mother.
What was wrong with majoring in English, anyhow?
Soren pushed onto the floor and returned to the espresso bar. I'm sorry, he would tell Sloane later. I'm sorry and I'm edgy and you were right, he did want to say something to me. And I, coward, put him off again. That made it twice that he hadn't let Lucas finish what he was going to say. At least the first time, he had been fairly sure of what Lucas was going to say.
The rest of the shift went as fast as the first part of it. As shift super, Lucas could have easily arranged for the two of them to take their lunch at the same time, but he measured Soren with his eyes and
told him to take it first while Lucas replaced him on the bar.
By early afternoon, Soren was exhausted beyond the fatigue of waking early and having stayed up late with Sloane. It had been busy—busy enough to provide an excuse to avoid looking at his focus of concern, yet not so busy that he couldn't feel Lucas's eyes on him, watching. At times, it had made him want to turn and tell him to look somewhere else for a change.
Then he wondered.
Lucas managed to catch Soren's eye as the clock neared one. "Go ahead."
"Thanks," Soren mumbled. He ducked his head and moved for the back room. He was totally ready to go home or hit the library to at least force himself to study.
Sloane bumped him with her hip, nearly making him stumble, and he stopped.
"Sorry," he said.
She linked arms with him. "You always apologize, even when it's not your fault." She reached around and slapped his butt. "That's one of the things I love about you, kid. Look—"
"I'll call you later," he said, disentangling himself. He offered a conciliatory smile.
"Fine. Who else is going to make sure I finish my dreary Calculus?"
Soren laughed. "That, I'm not sure I can help you with."
It was quiet in the deserted back room. Danice was out front finishing up the last of the new merchandising—they had gotten in a load of cheesy autumn-themed items. Soren untied his apron and stopped, staring at the schedule for the next day that had been tacked up on the bulletin. He would be working with Lucas. And the next day, and the next day, and… He lowered his head. He had never noticed how similar their schedules were before. He reached back and pulled the band off his hair, intending to unravel it.
Someone else's fingers combed through the loose hair at the bottom, carding through it, separating the woven strands higher and higher, tugging softly at his scalp. Soren started. "What—"
"Shh." Behind him, Lucas finished finger-combing his hair, separating tangled bits and smoothing it all down. "Just let me."
Soren closed his eyes.
When Lucas was done, he gave Soren's hair a last tug and put hands on his shoulders, turning him around. His hazel eyes were so close and so, so serious. There was no way for Soren to avoid the heat that even he could recognize. That look was focused on him.
"I want to try again," Lucas said, hands descending, making Soren nervous until Lucas took hold of his apron strings and began to untangle him. They had been crossed in front and tied at his waist. "I was an ass and…I can't believe it took me this long to notice you."
Soren shook his head fractionally, confused. "I don't…"
Lucas tilted his head, giving him an oblique look. "Give me another chance?" His fingers dropped Soren's apron strings and settled on the angles of his hips.
Soren felt as though he were being squeezed down to a single point. "Let's…" His throat closed. He was too scared to finish. He had never admitted anything so frightening in his life.
"Let's try it," Lucas whispered, moving so close, brushing against him. His eyes were the only thing Soren could see, his intent eyes and part of his face, his nose.
Soren managed a nod. He no longer wanted to disappear from Lucas's sight. He knew Lucas. He knew that Lucas was a good guy.
Instead of kissing him, Lucas reached out and pulled Soren's apron over his head, then tossed both his and Soren's onto the pile of dirty linen. "Okay?" he asked, cocking his head.
"Yeah." Soren took a deep breath. He was suddenly glad it was Saturday. "Let's do it. I want to."
"Want to what?" Lucas prompted, giving him a little smile.
Soren's own smile surged up in response, bright and pleased with Lucas and even with the world. "I want to try again."
Lucas's smile turned into a full-blown grin. "C'mon, Dawntreader. I'm going to take you out on a date."
Soren ducked his head and went to grab his things, before following Lucas out of the store.
Sloane gave Soren a thumbs-up on his way out. She had probably clued in when she'd seen the smile on his lips, the biggest that had crossed his face in a long time.
*~*~*
Lucas drove them to a corner café a few streets over, far enough away that it wasn't typical for one of their co-workers to drop in for lunch, but not so far that the silence in the car stretched long enough to be awkward. Lucas glanced over at Soren from time to time, and courted apprehension and elation by turns. Lucas could tell without asking that Soren had barely dated before this. He already knew from their online friendship that Soren had never been in a serious relationship.
Knowing objectively and experiencing it firsthand were two different things. Being Soren's first…that was a lot of responsibility for someone like Lucas.
"This okay?" Lucas asked as he turned the car off.
Soren shifted, brushing a tendril of loose dark hair behind his left ear. "It's fine." His clear blue eyes were questioning and wary, as if he expected Lucas to call the whole thing off.
Lucas smiled. "Come on, then."
It was warm inside, and Lucas shed his coat quickly, guiding Soren to a booth near the back. He gestured for Soren to precede him, and smiled at his startled look as he slid in beside him.
"I wanted to sit next to you," Lucas said innocently. Soren's thigh pressed against Lucas's for a moment before he scooted further into the booth. Soren turned his full attention to the menu.
Lucas smiled and picked something from the specials off-hand, tossing his menu down and waiting for the waitress. It was a small, independently-owned restaurant, crammed in close with heavy brown tables, and the décor was dark, punctuated by faded green slip-covers on the booths and aging green-and-brown checkered linoleum. The décor could be called atmospheric or tacky, but the food was good.
A waitress came up to their booth, pencil ready and an eyebrow raised as she looked them over, glanced to the empty side of the booth, and back to Lucas.
"Do you have English Breakfast tea?" Lucas asked.
"Sure thing. Are you ready to order?"
Soren set aside his menu and looked up. "The tuna melt and a Sprite."
"French dip for me," Lucas said.
Her eyes flicked over them, and returned to the empty booth across from the two of them. "Coming right up." She moved off, both eyebrows raised, mouth pursed.
"You don't drink coffee, do you?" Soren murmured.
Lucas shifted to look at him better. "You remembered."
Soren shook his head. "No, I don't think you ever mentioned it…I just noticed, that's all."
Lucas's breath caught. He almost didn't want to say it, because he was sure Soren would get flustered. "You've been watching me for a long time, haven't you?"
To Lucas's surprise, Soren met his eyes squarely. "Well, yes." He bit his lip, then shook his head slightly. "Come on, Lucas, who doesn't notice you? I…I mean, I've liked you since the first day I walked into that shop and we started working together. I just didn't think it would ever amount to anything." His voice was low and even. His mouth dipped in a wry smile before he continued. "After all, you were all over girls."
"That's fair," Lucas admitted, placing his hands flat on the table and rubbing his thumbs over the edge in an almost nervous gesture. "You know, believe it or not, I thought you and Sloane had started going together, at first."
Soren laughed, but stopped quickly. "My mother still thinks Sloane and I have something. She doesn't understand why I protest so hard."
"So…she doesn't know." Lucas smiled. "But I already knew that, didn't I?"
Soren ducked his head. "You know, this is going to take some getting used to. It's definitely not the same…"
"No. You're much more straightforward with me over IM."
"Gee, thanks." Soren pulled his hair tie off his wrist and gathered his hair back, avoiding eye contact.
The waitress brought their drinks, and they fell silent. Lucas stirred his tea bag around by the string while it steeped. For once, he was at a loss for what to say. The past two men he'd had,
the quick encounters at the end of a long night dancing, had been quick and easy. In, out, and done. He knew if he treated Soren like that, he could never forgive himself. From the moment he'd made the impulsive offer to Dawntreader to meet in person, Lucas had known he couldn't proceed with his typical methods.
Turning him down, or starting to, had seemed to be the right thing, at the time. He'd thought he couldn't be serious about Soren. When he'd sat across from him that morning, though, he'd really looked.
Lucas was serious now. The next move, though, was up to Soren.
"You were right," Soren said suddenly.
Lucas paused with his cup halfway to his lips. "I was?"
"Well, we do go to the same school." Soren chuckled. "You didn't realize we had a lot more in common than that, like the same workplace. Hey, aren't you missing your club today?"
Lucas looked at his watch. "I guess you're right," he said, and shrugged. If he leaned a little to the left, he could brush against Soren. "It doesn't matter. I'd rather be here with you."
"Why?"
Lucas turned his head. "What do you mean, why?"
Soren nudged him, the smallest smile on his lips. "What made you decide you wanted to notice me, after all?"
"Well…I…" The sudden flush that crept up his neck and face caught Lucas by surprise. He shook his head. Where was his cool when he really needed it? "You don't need to hear about my fantasies."
Surprise spread over Soren's features in a slow-breaking wave. He turned to his Sprite, the dark tail of his hair falling forward over his shoulder, and he brought a hand up to his face as though to shield himself from Lucas's view.
"I knew I shouldn't have said anything," Lucas muttered into his tea.